bury my love with your smile

The author has something to say:

I finished writing it in two times, and the 8th pass was written smoothly...

Yesterday's class was really exhausting, I don't know why I'm so tired all of a sudden, I don't know if it's the heart or the body...

Today is the most annoying sunny day again, I don’t know if I will fall asleep again during class, I can’t wake up no matter how I sleep recently, it’s uncomfortable-||| Sitting under the quilt holding a notebook, Bi Sen is staring at the non-stop blinking Staring at the screen saver in a daze.

"Bi Sen, haven't you slept yet?" Ye Chenxuan opened the door of Bi Sen's room and came over to sit by the bed.

"Ah... En." Because of Ye Chenxuan's voice, Bi Sen came back to his senses.

"Why, can't you sleep?"

Bi Sen smiled slightly and shook his head, turned off the computer, got out of bed and put it on the desk, walked to the balcony, the autumn wind was a bit cold, although Bi Sen was wearing thin pajamas, he didn't feel the chill, maybe he was used to it...

"Bi Sen, have you met Lian?"

"kindness……"

Ye Chenxuan walked to Bi Sen's side, put his hands on the balcony railing, looked at the starry sky and sighed, "It wouldn't be a good thing if someone could replace him."

Bisen didn't answer, he knew that the brother beside him who loved him the most and loved him the most was thinking of himself, but Bisen didn't have the courage, if someone called Bisen cowardly, he would definitely not talk back, just Just like when Lian wanted to say that she was a person without feelings, Bi Sen no longer wanted to involve any outsiders.

"Brother actually really hopes that such a person will appear. Although we all love you, there is still something missing."

"Maybe, but I haven't thought about it until now, maybe I don't want to think about it, or I don't dare to think about it."

"Just do what you think is good, but don't make yourself too tired, you know?"

"Well, I know, thank you brother for your concern."

"Why are you being polite to your brother? I just hope to see your happy smile, that's all."

"En..." Bi Sen leaned gently on Ye Chenxuan, only then did he realize that his hands and feet had become very cold, Ye Chenxuan seemed to have felt it too, and gently hugged Bi Sen and said, "Brother, It’s getting late, go back to your room and sleep, there’s class tomorrow.”

"It's okay, just let me lean on it."

The two of them just sat on the floor of the balcony, Ye Chenxuan smoked quietly, Bi Sen didn't say anything.

Ye Chenxuan turned his head to look at Bi Sen who was already asleep, feeling a little distressed.He knew that Bisen had endured many things alone, many things he shouldn't have to bear, no matter how strong he was, he still needed someone to rely on.Ye Chenxuan put out the cigarette butt, and hugged Bi Sen who had fallen into a deep sleep. At this moment, Ye Chenxuan only felt that the total amount of burden on his hands was smaller than ever before. Unexpectedly, Bi Sen lost weight again. He who doesn't like sports will become thinner and thinner if he continues like this.

He walked into the room and helped Bi Sen cover the quilt, turned off the light, and gently closed the door.

"How is Bi Sen?" Ye Hanyu, who had been standing outside the door, asked Ye Chenxuan worriedly.

"Han Yu, go and buy some more nutritious things tomorrow. Although Bi Sen is fine on the surface, in fact..." Ye Chenxuan paused and continued, "He's not good at taking care of himself. I'm really afraid that he will lose his spirit The body has already collapsed."

"I see."

Dawn came soon, and a new day was about to start again. Bi Sen opened his eyes dimly, and sometimes he really didn't understand the meaning of living like this.Get up and walk out of the room, Ye Chenxuan and Ye Hanyu have already gone out, there is a rich breakfast on the dining table, and there is a note left by Ye Hanyu: After Bisen wakes up, give me a good meal, if you let me know you didn't Let's see how I deal with you when I come back.Although the tone was relatively strong, Bisen knew that he really cared about him, and was afraid that if he didn't eat again, he would really cause trouble for many people.

After breakfast, he changed his clothes and went out. He walked to the subway station. It was the rush hour for school and work, and the subway station was very crowded. However, in Bisen's eyes, there was no difference between someone and no one. He I just listened to the music constantly coming out of my MP3 by myself. Music can often drive away loneliness. Bisen actually doesn’t like being alone, it’s very cold and quiet, but in Bisen’s world, apart from those I don't want to get close to anyone other than my family, only my family really loves me, and will always stand by my side and won't hurt myself.

It didn't take long for the subway to arrive at the station, and Bisen walked out of the subway station following the flow of people. Many times when he came out of the subway, he always felt a sense of confusion, as if he couldn't feel where the road ahead was.

"Sen!" Bisen walked alone, completely oblivious to Xingdi who appeared behind him at some point.

"Ah, Di." Bi Sen took off his earphones.

"It's very early."

"You too, but Di, don't you have to go to the record company today?"

"It's not time yet, so come to class first, and go after class."

"What a good boy."

"Of course, you can't lose your studies anyway."

"Well, Dee, I still have to go to the library to find some materials, so let's go first."

"Okay." Xing Di smiled and watched Bi Sen leave.

Bisen came to the library alone. It was still very early at this time, and there were no people in the quiet library, which made it even quieter.Walking to the bookshelf, Bisen saw the book "KIDALIDA" (waiting) he was looking for at a glance.I don’t know why, but when I accidentally saw the introduction of this book on the Internet yesterday, I really wanted to read it, so I planned to go to the library to look for it early this morning, but I found it easily. Bisen has always been a A fatalist, he believes that everything is fate.

Bisen took out the book from the shelf, put it on the table and sat down.

There are no pictures on the cover of the book, it is all black, only the title of the book "KIDALIDA" is printed on the cover, and the color of the words is a very sad blue-gray, even sadness will turn gray, what else is there to miss?Bi Sen suddenly wanted to cry, as if talking about himself.

The author's signature on the back of the book is "SAMNAMU". Bi Sen suddenly felt that there was something in this name, but he didn't pay much attention to it.Open the first page of the book, "To the person I love the most forever".Bi Sen suddenly felt that this person was the same as himself, and his pictures and words were also being given to someone.

"Please forgive me for leaving, but please believe in my love for you, no matter where in the world I will love you, protect you, and wait for you..." When Bisen then turned to the next page When I saw this sentence, I was suddenly shocked. I don’t know why my heartbeat became so fast. I really didn’t want to understand it. It’s just such an unreasonable feeling.

Bi Sen closed the book tightly, looked at the clock hanging on the wall, and realized that he had been sitting here for a long time, and it was almost time for class.I went through the book-borrowing procedures, picked up the book and walked to the classroom.

"Sen is here?" Xing Di saw Bi Sen entering the classroom and beckoned him over.

"En." Bisen sat down beside Xingdi and put down the book he was holding.

Xingdi saw the black-covered "KIDALIDA" at first glance, pulled it out from the stack of books that Bisen had put down, carefully looked at the cover and said, "The book you just borrowed?"

"kindness."

"'SAMNAMU'? Sen?" Bi Sen was shocked when he heard Xingdi's words and turned to look at Xingdi. "Sen?" Xing Di looked at Bi Sen with some doubts.

"Why... why didn't I find out?!"

"what?"

"NAMU... means 'tree', that is..."

"Lin?! 'SAMNAMU' is Senna..."

Bi Sen hastily pulled out the "KIDALIDA" from Xingdi's hand and turned to the last page, but there was nothing.Bi Sen put down the book a little disappointed.

"Maybe it's not what we imagined, it's just a coincidence."

"En..." Looking at the disappointed Bi Sen, Xingdi didn't say much.

During class time, Bisen didn't think about anything, and listened carefully to the teacher's lecture.

After class, Bisen put away the books on the table and walked out of the school together with Xingdi. Xingdi saw Lian standing not far away and looking at her from afar.

"Ah! I saw it again!" As long as Xingdi saw Lianqi, he would not call.

"Oh, it's okay, I called him." Bi Sen said, looking in the direction Xingdi pointed.

"What?! Bisen, what the hell are you doing, why did you call that dead man out for nothing!"

"Apologize, don't worry, I will bring you your favorite KyoChon fried chicken." Bisen gave Xingdi a comforting smile.

"Okay! Then you 'blackmail' more points to come back, otherwise hehe..."

"I get it, I get it, it's fine for Di to 'blackmail' others, but don't 'blackmail' me."

"Hahaha, then I'll go first, the time is almost up."

"Well, go, come on!"

"En!" Bi Sen watched Xing Di get into the car.Then, holding the book tightly in his hand, he took a deep breath and walked towards Lian.

"Beeson, get out of class is over."

"En..." Bi Sen suddenly couldn't figure out why he agreed to this person's invitation yesterday, was it just because he looked like a person?But obviously the two of them don't feel too similar, they must have been too tired yesterday, too lazy to think about the relationship.

"Can we go?"

"En." Why did you talk to him so much yesterday?It's just a stranger who doesn't like it.

Lian was driving the car, and Bi Sen took out the "KIDALIDA" and began to read it.

"Don't read while riding in the car, your eyesight will get worse."

Bi Sen didn't respond, and continued to turn the pages of the book on his own.It's not easy for Lian to say anything, after all, their relationship does not allow her to preach to Bi Sen, which will only make Bi Sen hate him more.

"Beeson, what book are you reading?"

""KIDAKIDA"."

"Oh, the 'SAMNAMU' book?"

"Well, you know?"

"Of course, his series of books were published by our publishing house at that time, so of course I knew."

"Then you've seen him?"

"What? Want his autograph?"

"answer me!"

"..." Lian was startled.

"Sorry, can you tell me?"

"He, actually, I haven't met him. I just discussed the book with him on the phone, but I heard that he has passed away."

"Then do you know his age?"

"He seems to have never disclosed his real life, but his voice should be very young from the phone."

"..." Bi Sen was silent again, and his attention continued to return to the book.

I have been playing the song written for you repeatedly, and I feel more and more far away from us.

I have been thinking about it all the time, I am afraid that there will be no day of reunion in this life.

Always afraid that the remaining reincarnation time is not enough, even if we meet in this life, we are still doomed to miss each other.

It was only when I was about to leave that I realized that I was still afraid that I would not be able to see you in the next life.

Guarding each other's hearts with such heartache, waiting for reincarnation.

I seldom put your name on my lips, just because my heart is by your side and never leaves.

Every day is suffering, why am I destined to lose your world prematurely.

Even if it's going to hell, I don't want to leave.

I am always used to looking back at the far-reaching road outside the window, very quiet, very quiet, and my eyes see endless darkness.

I don't want to sink like this, our separation is getting closer and closer, and our longing is getting stronger and stronger.

I always dream that one day, I can go back to you regardless.

But who can help me realize it?No one, only my own heart is left.

Is it really getting farther and farther like this?Or will my thoughts of you last forever?

This is a passage in the book. Once again, Bi Sen suddenly wanted to cry because of this passage, but there was no way, his tears seemed to have dried up.

"What's the matter?" Lian looked at Bi Sen holding the "KIDALIDA" tightly, although she lowered her head, she could feel the painful expression on his face.

Bi Sen just kept shaking his head.

"Beeson you like the 'SAMNAMU' book?"

"En..." In fact, from the moment I got the book, I have fallen in love with this person's book. It is very close to my heart, very similar, as if it can vent the pain in my heart.

"The publishing house has a collection of his works, do you want it?"

Bi Sen suddenly looked up at Lian and nodded. Lian was frightened by Bi Sen's almost begging expression, but immediately returned to thinking.

"I'll take you to the publishing house to get it after dinner."

"En!" Once again, Lian saw Bisen's smile, and Lian always felt that Bisen's smile was the last ray of light when Bisen fell into the darkness. Sometimes it is so sunny, but sometimes it is so depressing and painful.

Lian found a place to park the car, not far away was the KyoChon fried chicken restaurant that Bi Sen wanted to go to and Xingdi's favorite.

The store is actually not big, but it is small but has a unique feeling of being small, very warm, and does not feel empty and lonely.

"Bi Sen, do you just eat this?"

"No, I bought it for Di."

"Oh, you two have a great relationship."

"Well, my family is the most important people to me."

"Ah, I'm so envious."

Bi Sen didn't say anything further, picked up the packaged fried chicken and walked out of the fried chicken shop.

"Go to the publishing house."

"Now?"

"Correct."

"The meal?"

"I just want to get the book now. I'll go get the book when I eat. I'm not very hungry."

Lian nodded, "Alright then, let's go to the publishing house."