mayfly dream

At night, Shi Nanyun tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. He kept thinking about the sentence Shi Chanhe said this evening. I have something to do in the future. Come to me anytime. When I first heard this sentence, Shi Nanyun was very shocked. For a moment, Shi Nanyun I feel that I am not alone in this world, at least there is another person who cares about me and cares about me.Reminiscent of Zen and carefully covering himself with the quilt this afternoon, the corners of Shi Nanyun's mouth raised slightly unconsciously. After 19 years of wandering and helpless life, suddenly there was someone who cared about him. The straw drifting in the water suddenly has another support in the dark, and finally can no longer wander alone alone. I know.This is both warm and frightening to Shi Nanyun.If he had never experienced this kind of warmth, then Shi Nanyun might not have this kind of fear of losing, even if a person died silently, he would not feel anything, but now that he has experienced this kind of warmth, he will let Shi Nanyun wants to hold this warmth even more, for fear that one day he will lose this warmth, and lose it after experiencing it. This pain is worse than the loneliness of the past 19 years.

On the other hand, Shi Nanyun couldn't help thinking: "Perhaps, Chanhe just sympathized with me after hearing what happened to me, and what he said was just out of politeness to me, and it didn't mean anything at all." These, Shi Nanyun can't help but feel uncomfortable, and his heart becomes more and more bitter: "If he is really just out of sympathy for me, in fact...it's also normal, I have no right to ask him to treat me How about it, not to mention that I am still a dying person, how can I have the qualifications to ask for so much?"

On the other hand, Chanhe couldn't fall asleep tonight: when he saw Shi Nanyun for the first time, Chanhe could always feel an indescribably sad aura about him, which was so sad that it made people feel distressed.He was supposed to be a high-spirited young man, but it always made people feel that he was not as lively as the grass and trees outside.It's not that Zenhe has never thought about why he is what he is today. At first, Chanhe thought that he just gave up the idea of ​​living because of his illness, but he never thought that he spent the first half of his life like this. When listening to Shi Nanyun's personal experience, Chanhe was shocked. Although Shi Nanyun was only describing it in the most plain language, Chanhe couldn't imagine how he survived in that environment. Don't think too much I also know how much he has suffered since he was a child, no wonder he is always filled with a kind of sadness.And it is precisely because of this kind of sadness that Zen He seems to see the self who was ashamed three years ago. Because he has experienced that kind of pain and the feeling of being ashamed, Chan He can't help it. She wanted to help him heal this pain and took good care of him.

That night, Chanhe suffered from insomnia again, but this time it was because of another person.

Before dawn, the bell in the temple rang, and it was time to get up and start morning classes.Shi Nanyun lay on the bed without closing his eyes all night, when he heard the morning bell in the temple, he simply got up, put on his clothes, opened the window, only to find that it was raining lightly outside the window, the drizzle in early spring was like cow hair, the rain was fine Densely wet on the stone slabs in the yard.Standing in front of the window, Shi Nanyun looked at the thin and dense rain outside the house, as if a thousand threads of melancholy fell into his heart bit by bit. The sound of chanting sutras and the sound of wooden fish in the morning class in the front hall was faintly transmitted through the drizzle in the early spring morning. Come.Shi Nanyun stood like this, his eyes seemed to be looking at the rain outside the window. After an unknown amount of time, he accidentally left the room and walked aimlessly along the long corridor in the temple.In the morning of early spring, it was still drizzling, and the chill hit, Shi Nanyun couldn't help but sneezed, gathered up his clothes, and was about to go back to add another dress, when he looked back, he saw a The familiar figure, it turns out that Shi Nanyun walked to the lobby of the ancient temple unknowingly. At this time, the disciples in the temple were still having morning class in the lobby, and they were sitting densely on the ground. With just one glance, Shi Nanyun recognized the meaning of Zen and harmony among the many disciples. The figure, looking at the straight back sitting on the futon, obviously all the disciples are in the same gray and white monk clothes, but Shi Nanyun felt that the back was extraordinarily warm, so he stared blankly at the back, inexplicably, Shi Nanyun suddenly Feeling very nervous, his heart was beating non-stop, "Will he turn around, will he see me?" A thought suddenly popped up in Shi Nanyun's mind.

"Boom...boom..." The bell recalled that the disciples in the hall had finished their morning class and were preparing to eat breakfast. Chanhe also stood up, and when he turned around, he saw Shi Nanyun standing at the door frowning, staring at him closely. , Chanhe showed him a questioning look, Shi Nanyun suppressed the nervousness in his heart, and nodded towards Chanhe.

Chanhe stepped forward to look at him and said, "Master Shi, why are you here?"

Shi Nanyun avoided Chan He's gaze, and said: "I couldn't sleep, so I got up and walked around, but I didn't expect to reach... ahhhh".Before he finished speaking, he sneezed.

Chanhe frowned and said, "The weather is still cold, why don't you come out wearing more clothes?"

Shi Nanyun smiled and said, "I'm about to go back to add some clothes, so I'll go first."

Back in the room, put on a new dress, sitting at the table recalling the inexplicable tension in my heart when I saw Zen He just now, just thinking about it, I was awakened by the knock on the door, Shi Nanyun opened the door, it was Chanhe, with some porridge, side dishes and medicine in one hand, and an umbrella in the other, and the monk's robe on his shoulder was also slightly wet by the drizzle.

Shi Nanyun looked at the breakfast in his hand in surprise, and said, "Come in, it's cold outside." He took Zen and the breakfast and medicine in his hand.

Zen He looked at Shi Nanyun's just changed clothes calmly, nodded, went in and put the umbrella away, and said, "It's still raining outside, it's not convenient for you to go out, so I'll bring you breakfast along the way .”

Shi Nanyun felt warm in his heart, and said: "Thank you." After a pause, he asked again: "Then have you eaten?"

Chanhe nodded and said, "Well, I've eaten."

After breakfast, Chan He left, and Shi Nanyun's heart suddenly felt empty. He could feel that something was quietly growing in his heart that had gone through vicissitudes.