I am him [Comprehensive]

Kongphop has known M since he can remember, and even once thought he knew him well.

But looking back now, M actually made him feel an indescribable strangeness.

Probably since I was a child, I have never really understood him, so I didn't even realize that I fell into a trap, and wasted for so long.

That being said, Kongphop still doesn’t even have to guess where M can go.

Recently, I have been worrying about Arthit, and Kongphop has not been home for two or three weeks.

Unexpectedly, as night approached, they crossed more than half of the city.

But his purpose was not to go home, but to enter a nearby swimming pool that looked a bit dilapidated.

This swimming pool has been open for many years. M likes to swim. When they were young, they would often come here to swim back and forth a few times, betting on who will pay for the Internet fee at night and who will buy the breakfast the next day. Speaking of it, These are warm and happy memories.

But in a blink of an eye, it has been many years ago, and this swimming pool has lost the prosperity of yesterday and has become much more depressed.

Thousands of angers are surging in Kongphop's heart, no matter how warm the past is, he has no time to recall it now.

After getting off the taxi, he rushed to the venue in one breath, only to find that there were almost no one in the swimming pool.

There was only one familiar figure in the blue pool water, paddling like desperately.

Kongphop stood by the pool, watching his figure quietly, and for a moment couldn't tell whether the emotion in his heart was more anger or pity.

Watching M swim like crazy for two laps, Kongphop finally said, "Okay, stop swimming."

M finally stopped amidst his shouts, grabbed the escalator next to the pool wall, and raised his head to look at him.

Kongphop turned around and walked to the stand beside him, and sat down low.

M's eyes lost focus, and suddenly he looked a lot more confused, looking a little pitiful.

After hesitating for a while, he jumped up from the water, walked slowly to Kongphop and sat down, watching the calm water surface, and after a long silence, he said slowly: "Since you were young, you always knew Where to find me."

Kongphop is not in the mood to chat with him about the old relationship now.

He looked ahead coldly, and said in a deep voice, "Explain."

M smiled bitterly, his eyes were a little red, so he quickly turned his head aside: "Since I was a child, every time I was scolded, I would come here early and wait, and you will definitely come to take me back soon. The first time I saw you, I was very happy, because no matter what mistakes I made, you would tell me, 'Don't be afraid, there is me.' Finally one day, even you will not forgive the mistakes I made. "

His words made Kongphop feel a slight pain in his heart.

It is true that Kongphop has never had any love for M, but for so many years, he has always regarded him as a brother sincerely, just like M said, no matter what mistakes he made in the past, Kongphop would find a way to bear it with him , but this time, Kongphop didn't know how to stand with him unconditionally.

Kongphop clenched his fists tightly, and his voice sounded a little hoarse: "I'll let you explain."

M looked at the water quietly, and still answered irrelevant questions: "I don't know why I have come here to wait for you. Maybe it's because I'm used to it. In fact, I was very timid from the beginning, and I never dared to change places easily. , because I'm afraid you won't have the patience to find me in the next place."

M bent her lips again, with a bit of self-mockery in her smile: "Probably because, I have always understood that you treat me, and I treat you, have never been the same, I have liked you for so long, so long I don't even remember the exact time...but he only met you once, and took you away from me."

"M!" Kongphop cut him off sharply.

M's tears rolled down the corners of his eyes: "I, who is not liked, even confess my love, you will find it annoying, won't you?"

He finally turned his face away and met Kongphop's eyes.

M's eyes are big and bright, and when he smiles, he looks like a shining crescent moon, but it is the first time for Kongphop to see the light in them so dim, so dim, as if he has no understanding of this world. What nostalgia.

Kongphop didn't look away, and looked directly at him: "M, is your feeling for me really love? But why don't I feel loved by you at all?"

Finally, a trace of excitement flashed across M's calm eyes.

"I know you don't like me, but how can you doubt my feelings for you?"

"I'm not doubting, I'm really wondering, M, you know? For this year, I've been living with guilt for you almost every day, because I know I can't fall in love with you no matter what, but I I never doubted that what you said was false, because in my heart, I never felt that you would lie to me. I don’t remember arthit, I don’t remember who the person I loved, in this world, except my Family, the closest person to me is you, no, in fact... I have always felt that you are my family. And when I found out that I have been living in the lies you made up this year... You understand that What kind of mood is it?" Kongphop stared into his eyes, "I think you are scary."

M's pupils constricted, and his already bloodless face seemed to turn paler again.

Kongphop's chest felt oppressed for a while.

"Haven't you ever wondered what to do when a lie is exposed?"

M smiled wryly, and finally spoke again under his gaze: "Haven't you experienced it too? That kind of despair of not being able to love, when you thought that Arthit only hated you, didn't you also fail to leave him Is it far away?"

Kongphop was taken aback by what he said, and then defended: "How can this be the same."

"Yeah, it's different! I'm different from him. I love you more than I love myself. As long as I can be with you, I'm willing to do anything. But what about him? Between the two of you, you've always been there Run after him, his love for you is not even one-tenth of mine! Don’t you want to know the truth? Okay, I’ll tell you!” M’s eyes were red, obviously, even now , he still didn't really realize his mistake.

When Kongphop heard his words, his heart beat faster again.

M laughed coldly: "The truth is, you don't even have the confidence that he really loves you. You dare not even tell him about your illness, and he doesn't care about your feelings at all."

"I don't believe it." Kongphop retorted subconsciously.

M ignored his words and looked at him with a little more provocation.

"Whether you believe it or not, the truth will not change." The corner of M's mouth raised a strange arc, "Before the disease was diagnosed, you never dared to say dizziness in front of him. After the test results came out, you came to me drunk. It was the first time I saw you cry after I grew up. Do you know how distressed I am? Then you asked me if you were really paralyzed and couldn’t take care of you. What should he do? Heh, what should I do? I can’t wait to hold the person I love so dearly in my hands, how to take care of another person after worrying about being paralyzed! You said at the time, if I am really paralyzed, I will never I can’t pester him with shamelessness anymore, I’m fine, he doesn’t even like me much, what if he doesn’t want me anymore if I become a useless person? Do you know Kongphop? At that time, I thought, if you can be so cautious in your whole life Love me for a second, even for a second, let me be paralyzed for you, I am willing."

M's tears slid down disobediently, one drop, two drops, and then they formed a string.

He wiped it vigorously on his face, but it didn't seem to help.

"Yes, you later decided to hide it from him because I persuaded you. But if he really gave you confidence, how could you be easily persuaded by me? That weekend, you didn't go to him for tutoring because of your illness. , I admit, I called him over specially, and saw the two of us disheveled in the same room—fist clenched so tightly, do you want to hit me?" M sneered again, "Unfortunately, even if you Even if I beat you up, it is impossible to change the fact. You just vomited at that time, and your face was ugly. Even if he cared a little more for you, he would not be completely blinded by his anger. Even I never thought that a little The little lies would go so smoothly, I was also afraid at the time, you know what Kongphop, I even thought, if he would come back to check on your situation, if he would let go of his superior posture for you, I would I can say anything, I really can tell him everything, I know that at that time, what you want most is that he can be by your side. Seeing you lying on the hospital bed without saying a word every day, I also feel distressed. "

M shed another string of crystal tears: "But what did he do? He didn't do anything except let that Gant come and fight with you! If he really loves you, why did he even come back to confirm the situation with you No? He just enjoys the feeling that you are chasing him desperately! Why should I hand over the person I regard as a treasure to someone who doesn't cherish at all? Where is he worthy? Where is he worthy!"

At the end, M almost yelled out, until his voice was a little hoarse.

He slowed down, then bent the corners of his mouth towards Kongphop again: "Also, you sent him the last message of apology yourself, because you also gave up, and you knew he didn't love you that much, so you just made the mistake. I just played a role in fueling the flames, and the reason why you separated is just because you don't love each other that much, that's all."