Solitary

In a blink of an eye, it is the end of the year.Two days before the end of the training course, Li Hua returned to Dongshan ahead of schedule.There are many New Year customs in southern Fujian, and there are many things to prepare.

Before leaving, Li Hua said to Lin Shu: "You can rest assured that you are going to class, don't think about what you have. Without your father, we will have a more lively life this year."

After her emotions calmed down, she finally calmed down and was no longer hysterical.But her calmness was unfamiliar to Lin Shu. He didn't have time to think about it, but he felt uneasy.

He has more important things waiting for him to think about and do, he wants to go to Tibet with He Jiqing.

In the last training session, Lin Shu took pictures of the final draft of the strategy and sent it to He Jiqing, and added more than ten pages of pictures and texts. He also colored the first few pages with colored pencils, which was the result of He Jiqing's constant advice to him. .

He Jiqing gave him the details of the strategy, such as route planning, what clothes and shoes to wear, what you might see in the scenic spots, and the characteristics of different scenic spots.He even made a storyboard script for him, and he drew a lot of four frames according to the script he gave.

Zhao Hai saw it and kept shouting: "Why are you taking the civil servant exam? You can draw comics like this, and you can be popular on any platform."

Lin Shu felt that he was just talking casually.

He Jiqing got the final draft and sent it to the editor for review.

The editor said: "Your boyfriend is very delicate! If the material is richer, the content is more, and you, He Dashen, recommend it immediately, there will be no problem in producing a picture book, and it will definitely sell well."

He Jiqing thought, and then talk to Lin Shu about this issue when they meet.

The training course is finally over, and the bald teacher sincerely wishes everyone a successful entrance into civil servants.

Only two classmates responded to him: "Thank you, teacher." The others acted as if they had nothing to do with them.Most people don't want to be civil servants themselves.

The next day was New Year's Eve, and people from other places in Xiamen hurriedly went home.In addition to Lin Shu and Zhao Hai, there is also Xiao Yi, a Quanzhou girl who is going to marry the rich second generation.

Three young men roam the empty street.

Zhao Hai said: "I don't want to go home. My parents have to think about my civil service exam when I go home."

Xiaoyi didn't say why she didn't want to go home, she followed the two boys silently, her eyes were blank and she had no direction.

Lin Shu was holding a drawing book in his arms, in which there were more than 20 pages of Tibet Raiders and more than 20 pages of He Jiqing.If he could, he wished he could fly to He Jiqing's side right now, it was the only place that made him feel safe and happy.He was afraid of going home, afraid of facing his incomplete home, afraid of facing Li Hua.Even more afraid, facing the future without light.

Why not Zhao Hai and Xiaoyi?People's life is not short, they are just in their early 20s.There is no bright future, just thinking about it makes people feel terrible.

Zhao Hai said to Xiaoyi: "When I am admitted as a civil servant, my family will arrange blind dates for me. Many children of my classmates will be able to walk."

The thin Xiaoyi looked at the side of the road and smiled weakly: "Many of my classmates from other places don't understand me and think I'm cowardly."

Lin Shu smiled wryly, if he confessed like He Jiqing, he would probably think him cowardly and cowardly.

"My parents were very kind to me. They arranged everything for me, and they also wanted me to live a good life in the future. I had a junior high school classmate who married to another place, and her parents really severed ties with her. I I don't want to make it like that." Xiao Yi sighed.Zhao Hai followed with a sigh.

Parental laissez-faire is love, and control is also love.Lin Shu recalled a time when he was sick and had a fever when he was a child. The doctor said that it might cause meningitis and affect his intelligence.In the hospital, Li Hua hugged him and cried all night.When he recovered from his illness, he was always worried about his intellectual problems, and enrolled him in many interest classes, for fear that his intelligence would be impaired and he would not be as good as other children.

When he first entered kindergarten, Lin Jian spent an hour outside the classroom almost every day, and only left secretly when he stopped crying.When he was taking the college entrance examination, Li Hua went to Wuyi Mountain to find royal jelly for him, because it was said to nourish the brain.But he didn't know that he was allergic to royal jelly.

Whether it's Li Hua or Lin Jian, they all love him.Just their love, and not all the love he wanted.Some love is nourishment and some love is bondage.They won't know, and Xiaoyi and Zhao Hai's parents won't understand either.

"Sometimes I think about it, most of the people around me are like that, why do I have to be different from them?" There is no way to change her parents, Xiao Yi can only change herself, and she has slowly accepted the reality.

Lin Shu used to have similar thoughts, he never wanted to be that special one.However, he is indeed different from most people. He likes men, and this is destined to be irreversible.Whether he accepts reality or not, the pain will follow him everywhere.Rather than dragging parents to suffer together, it is better to bear everything alone.

The three of them happened to walk to the shore of Yundang Lake, with Bailuzhou in the distance, and red clouds floating in the sky in the afternoon, like blood.There is a flock of white birds flying across the sky.The three of them stopped at the same time and stopped to watch.When the bird flew away, Zhao Hai said: "This lake really stinks!"

In the end, the purposeless wandering trip of the three ended with a phone call from Xiaoyi's father.Xiaoyi's father said, "Did you not get a ticket to go home? I'll pick you up by car."

Xiaoyi said no, and bought a high-speed rail station ticket for the evening to go home.As for Zhao Hai, his parents also found him an acquaintance in Xiamen, and he took a ride home with the acquaintance at night.

Lin Shu bought a bus ticket to go home alone.When we returned to Dongshan, it was already past eight o'clock in the evening.The house was tidy and clean, and there were fresh fruit offerings on Guan Gong's altar.In front of the tablet of grandparents on the side, there are also the same fresh fruits, and a pot of narcissus, which is blooming, and the whole room is filled with the heart-warming fragrance of flowers.

Li Hua left him food, steamed white pomfret, and his favorite beef with kale.Li Hua heated it up for him, served him another big bowl of rice, and sat at the table watching him eat.

She asked him: "Is this training course rewarding?"

With a guilty conscience, he replied ambiguously: "It's okay."

"What do you mean is okay?" Li Hua was dissatisfied with this answer: "Have you listened to the class well? There are many students that the teacher taught, and many of them passed the exam."

He buried himself in his meal.

Li Hua said again: "Call your dad tomorrow morning and tell him to come back."

"Can't it just be the two of us?" he asked her back.

Without Lin Jian, this year can barely go on.When Lin Jian came back, he was afraid that the world would be turned upside down.Lin Shu was already frightened, he had no choice but to stand up.

Li Hua snorted coldly and didn't continue to force him. In fact, she didn't have any hope.

Lin Shu heaved a sigh of relief, stuffed the fish into his mouth, and swallowed it without chewing. As a result, a fishbone got stuck in his throat, and he couldn't even swallow two mouthfuls of rice.

Li Hua quickly poured half a bottle of mature vinegar into him. A large bowl of vinegar went down his throat, and the fishbone finally left.He also grinned from the sourness.

Li Hua poured warm water for him again, and scolded him: "You're so stupid, you can't even eat a fish. Tell me, what else can you do?!"

Lin Shu drank warm water to wash away the sour taste in his mouth.He didn't know what he could do well either.

On New Year's Eve, Lin Jian did not go home.Lin Shu called him and asked him, "Are you there, is that woman's house?"

Lin Jian didn't answer, he asked Lin Shu instead: "Are you okay?"

Lin Shu thought, what he wanted to ask was if Li Hua was okay."It's all good," he said.

Lin Jian said: "When your mother is in a good mood, you can persuade her. Divorce is good for everyone."

Lin Shu thought of what He Jiqing said, and he said that it was their business and had nothing to do with him.He didn't make a sound, and Lin Jian seemed to understand his position, and didn't continue to press.

He said to him: "Happy New Year, I hope you can be admitted to the civil service next year."

Lin Shu also wished him a happy new year, and asked him in a low voice, "Dad, are you happy now?"

Lin Jian smiled, it was a smile Lin Shu had never heard before, very relaxed.He said: "I can't talk about how happy I am, anyway, I feel a lot more comfortable."

It's all true.Lin Shu found out that his father had changed.If he had asked him the same question in the past, he would have been like Li Hua, not answering him directly, but scolding him for thinking something or not.

Lin Shu said: "Actually, I am quite envious of you, Dad, for finally being able to do what you like."

These words seemed to make Lin Jian very astonished, he was silent for a long time, and then said: "I have no choice but to."

After talking with Lin Jian, Lin Shu stood on the balcony, blowing the chilly sea breeze, thinking that he could be like Lin Jian anytime, so he had no choice but to do so.

Even if there are only two of them, Li Hua still has a table of meals.She is not a good cook, but she cooks Lin Shu's favorite dishes very well.There are also Lin Jian's favorite dishes, which she also cooks very well.

Before dinner, Li Hua took the initiative to ask Lin Shu: "Do you want to drink?"

She hates drinking, and she hates Lin Jian drinking even more.Lin Jian would get drunk every time he drank, and there was never a time when he was not restless.Mr. Li Hua quarreled with him because of drinking.She once strictly ordered Lin Shu not to drink at all.

Lin Shu was surprised and didn't know how to react.

Li Hua said: "Come and drink with me." With a little request.

The special festival makes people feel peaceful and soft, Lin Shu nodded and said yes.

While taking wine from the wine cabinet, Li Hua asked him, "Did you drink wine while you were studying?"

"Drink a little at the class reunion." Lin Shu answered honestly.

Li Hua took Taiwan Kinmen Platinum Dragon, 58% sorghum wine that Lin Jian hid.

"Have you ever been drunk?" She asked him with hanging eyes.

It was the familiar Li Hua again, Lin Shu quickly shook his head.Li Hua smiled in satisfaction. Disgusted that ordinary white wine glasses are neither good-looking nor grand, he took two red wine glasses, poured half a glass for Lin Shu, and half a glass for himself.

She raised her glass to clink with Lin Shu: "Happy New Year, Lin Shu."

"Happy New Years, Mom."

Lin Shu looked at Li Hua and drank half of it in one gulp.He reminded her: "You drink slowly."

Li Hua didn't answer him, and urged him: "You drink too, you drink too!"

Lin Shu took a half sip, the heat was so hot that his face deformed.

Seeing his appearance, Li Hua was amused, and even scolded him.

Lin Shu frowned and looked at her. The corners of his mouth were raised, and his laughter was pleasant, but it didn't get into his eyes.She was forcing a smile on her face, and in order to get a good fortune in the Spring Festival, she had no choice but to hide her unbearable and sad feelings.

He felt uncomfortable watching, picked up the wine glass and took another half sip, the wine was spicy, but it couldn't compare to the soreness in his heart.

Li Hua picked up vegetables for him, beef with kale, cuttlefish balls, big red sturgeon...all of his favorite foods filled a bowl.Li Hua likes to bring him food and watch him eat.She always disliked him for being thin and dry, and said that when a typhoon came, he would just roll away.

He wanted to bring food to Li Hua, but suddenly realized that he didn't know what she liked to eat.He caught her half a crab.

Li Hua looked at the crabs that fell into the bowl, and was a little stunned.

He raised his glass and called to her, "Cheers, Eminem."

Li Hua toasted him, raised his head and drank half of the glass again, and drank it all.She put down the glass and called Lin Shu, "Pour the wine, pour the wine."

Lin Shu poured her half a glass.

Li Hua's eye circles are red from drinking, she doesn't drink often.She talked about Lin Shu's childhood.

"You are a premature baby. You were born half a month earlier. You weighed less than 5 catties when you were born. Your palm was so big and wrinkled, and your hands and feet were transparent. I was so afraid that you would not be able to survive. I begged the doctor desperately. I must save you."

"Your grandma quarreled with me every day, and she even quarreled with me the day you were born. When she saw you, she was so frightened that she ran to Guandi Temple and knelt down for several days."

"Your father, too, was so frightened. He couldn't speak clearly to the doctor. He's always been like that, limp and not like a man."

"Do you remember that you were sick when you were nine years old? Well, you have been sick since you were a child, and you ran to the hospital every three days. They said, premature babies are like this. You were sick and almost died that year, and now I don't know what you are Sickness. Later, I really couldn’t think of a solution, so I went to Aojiao to find a witch, and I’ll show you. It’s also strange, maybe it’s really bewitched.”

This was the first time Lin Shu had heard of these things.Before, Li Hua never told him these things.Everything can be seen from a different angle.The difference is the truth.In this world, how many people can really see the truth?

Li Hua said, "Raising you is really not easy!"

Lin Shu drank a big gulp of baijiu alone, and the baijiu entered his throat, burning his throat sorely.He couldn't help but shed tears, and Li Hua laughed at him again: "Look at you, you still love to cry just like when you were a child, like a girl."

He defended: "It's because of the spicy wine."

Li Hua also drank half a cup and said, "You see, I don't know how to do it."

Lin Shu shook his head.

Li Huahong continued to say with eyes wide open: "I know, Lin Shu, you and your father think that I am a bad person and have a bad temper. What can I do? Your grandma sees that I always have miscarriages. Encouraging your father to divorce me every day. After finally having you, she disliked that I couldn’t have another one. What can I do? I have to work hard to make money. If your father can’t make money, then I will make money. You will be bullied. With money, I am not afraid of you going to the hospital every day."

"But no matter how much money you make, so what? Your dad just left!"

Li Hua picked up the wine glass and drank another half glass of white wine.

Lin Shu peeled two shrimps and put them in her bowl.He called her: "Em, eat something, don't just drink."

Li Hua supported his face with one hand, and ate the shrimp meat.

"Lin Shu, you won't be like your father, just leave as soon as you say?" Li Hua stared straight at Lin Shu with eyes red from drinking.

Her eyes were full of anticipation and longing.At this moment, she needs affirmation.Lin Shu gritted her teeth and shook her head with difficulty: "I——I won't."

"That's good." Li Hua seemed relieved, and drank the remaining half glass of white wine in one gulp.After drinking, she asked Lin Shu to pour it for her again.

Li Hua drank half of the bottle of Platinum Dragon. She was so drunk that she didn't cry or make noise.When Lin Shu carried her to the bedroom, he realized that she was frighteningly light.She was obviously not thin before, at least she was plump in appearance.He could easily pick her up.

He wiped her face and hands, and found that the thick calluses in her hands were hard to the touch, and the back of her hands were covered with wrinkled orange peel.She is not even 50 years old.She has suffered so much for this family and for him.It is widely rumored that southern Hokkien women are good, hardworking and hardworking.But they don't know that their hard work and hard work are all forced out.

Lin Shu lay beside Li Hua's bed and couldn't help crying.