double autumn

The main entrance of Rose Hall is locked.When he stood in the middle of the square and looked, there was an old soldier standing on the short steps in front of the door, leaning against the bronze door, with a child sitting at his feet.The child can't tell the gender, the hair is short, and the appearance is plump and watery, and the padded jacket is sold in the shop in the alley. The clothes are colorful, and the child is sucking his thumb, shining brightly. His saliva was dripping all over his chin.The veteran bent down, took off a military green sneaker with mud spots on his foot, took out a pack of cigarettes from the sole and put it in his pocket.One old and one young, all silent, staring blankly at passers-by, like a combination of dementia and dementia in children.

The wind was cold, blowing over his head, brushing his hair up into his collar, and he felt a clammy chill.Lin Zhiqiu had a hat, but it was not in his hands. The hat fell to his brother.When he came to the square, he found that the floor tiles were several large tangent circles, and the center of one of them happened to fall in the center of the square.He was very happy and stood up.There was no one around him, and there was no package on his body, and the coat obviously belonged to someone else.He saw the old and the young when he was observing the crowd.But those two people, even if Lin Zhiqiu didn't pay attention, they could easily attract other people's attention.Lin Zhiqiu saw them because he wanted to go to the gate.In fact, he didn't realize that he looked like a "youth dementia" by observing the crowd blankly.

Ten minutes before twelve noon, someone grabbed his shoulders.His body couldn't help leaning forward, his center of gravity leaned to his side, and he turned his head away. "Hat," he said.A whitish cowboy hat was draped over his head by his brother. "Don't wear it, go to church." Lin Dao took off his hat, folded it flat and stuffed it into a shoulder bag.Then he raised his arm, put his palm on the top of Lin Zhiqiu's head and rubbed it, then hung down to clasp his younger brother's five fingers, and took a step forward.Lin Zhiqiu's head hurt a little from the wind, but after being warmed by Lin Daoyi's palm, it seemed to be much better.

I don't know what day of the week it was—it wasn't Sunday anyway, because the main door was closed and the side door was opened a crack.The two entered through the side door hand in hand.The road is very narrow, and the walls on both sides are bright yellow. The midday sun shines through a hollow window and shines on a decorative green shutter on the wall, casting a matrix of bright yellow spots.The walls looked very clean under the sunlight, but they were actually stained with a lot of dust. The further you walked in, the less magnificent and bright they were as imagined.Presumably the nuns here seldom take care of the concubine.I don't remember how long the path was. Lin Zhiqiu walked to the ear door while looking at the ashes in the corner.

When passing through the ear door, Lin Zhiqiu was still asking: "Why did you come here alone? Where's dad? Aunt? You shouldn't let the two old people go by themselves." Come. Later, they will call us when they find a place to eat." Lin Daoyi didn't look at him, his voice was low, as if he was thrown from a high altitude.Lin Zhiqiu felt that when his elder brother stood beside him, he became shorter—so short that he fell on the ground.He held Lin Daoyi's hand to be raised slightly, like a child being held by an adult; and his elder brother's tall body was leaning beside him, Lin Zhiqiu always felt a shadow covering his head, he couldn't tell Is it □□ or haze.

The decoration of the main hall of the church is quite different from that of the side rooms. As far as the eye can see, it is brilliant golden, and the colorful windows on both sides are particularly eye-catching.The paintings on the vault must have been painted recently, and the colors are extremely bright. Groups of rich and naked men, women, and children are huddled together, covered with light veils, with a pair of strong or strong shoulder blades. Elegant, or immature white wings.On the altar, the tall statue made people have to look up: the statue of the Lord Jesus seemed to be carved out of a huge piece of white jade, delicate and beautiful, lifelike.Lin Zhiqiu took a quick look at his face, then quickly lowered his head and didn't dare to look again, but he remembered the loving smile on his face clearly and carefully.Lin Daoyi looked at His face without hesitation, but Lin Zhiqiu didn't dare. As an unbaptized "prepared believer" who respected and loved God, he didn't dare to take a second look at his heavenly father.

Lin Zhiqiu gently let go of his brother's hand, but his arms were still tightly pressed together.The two walked through rows of wooden chairs and walked to the last row.When he got close to the main entrance, Lin Zhiqiu discovered that he had to bypass a barrier to enter from the main entrance, similar to the screens in ancient China.But it didn't matter what he saw, because his eyes were already filled with dark gold, and he didn't know much about the rest of the decoration.Lin Dao bent down and leaned closer to his ear, and commented in a low voice on the ingenuity of Rose Hall's architecture.Lin Zhiqiu's mind was not on observation and thinking, so he couldn't quite understand it. He knew that Lin Daoyi, as an architect, must be interested in these things.Walking around in his brother's footsteps, he thought of one thing:

He didn't remember the scene of going to church for the first time.A Catholic church is located across the street from his home—Nancheng's home.When he was young, Lin Zhiqiu would sneak in there to play, and the church yard was his playground.It was so dilapidated, there was only one copper door, the walls were gray-blue, with picture frames hanging on both sides, and all the wooden chairs had been eaten away by termites.There is a picture of "The Last Supper" hanging above the altar, which is only decorated briefly every Christmas.Lin Zhiqiu used to think that it was a university for the elderly, and that everyone would go there to take classes when they were old, and they would be buried there after death. This impression was created by those old people who went to and from the church. On Christmas Eve when he was 15 years old, he and Lin Daoyi accidentally picked up a dilapidated prayer book from the church, and took it home and kept it.Lin Zhiqiu goes to church almost every Christmas, but he just joins in the fun and never has the idea of ​​religious belief.Later, when Lin Zhiqiu moved to Yongshi, he seemed to have lost that prayer book, or it seemed that Lin Dao had taken it away when he left the country, but he couldn’t find it all of a sudden.After arriving in Yongshi, Lin Zhiqiu was busy attending classes, reading books, and finding part-time jobs to make money. He never paid attention to whether there was a church—if there was, there was no need to go alone.

The two sat down in the corner by the window in the last row.At the feet, under the front seats, there is a row of soft cushions.There were very few tourists in the lobby, and everyone held up their mobile phones, firing flashes on the dazzling details.It was after noon. Although the wind in the square was cold, the sun was clean and bright. Through the colored windows, it enveloped the two of them gently and softly, which made people feel a sense of indistinctness. warmth.The time was still sufficient and long enough for them to sit quietly in the corner without saying a word, cuddling each other.The wood grain of the bench is beautiful, and Lin Zhiqiu suddenly thought of Miss Xiaoliang who was accompanying her father and aunt at this time.Miss Xiaoliang, Liang Qingsu, this is a name he has known since high school.Nancheng is really too small, several neighbors and relatives introduced each other, and finally the blind date introduced to the eldest son of the Lin family was a high school classmate of the younger son.

Miss Xiaoliang, Lin Zhiqiu wanted her, but she was also unwilling, and she was also forced.Except for her, who else knew about the entanglements between him and his brother in high school?Similarly, apart from the two brothers, only she knows the unacknowledged but true feelings hidden in it. "But you can't be like this forever. It's impossible for a man, the eldest son, not to be married," she said.After reuniting with her, Lin Zhiqiu found that she had long kept silent about the past.Lin Zhiqiu thought that she was also persuaded by something.Something—that was some rule, some morality that not even a merciful Father would forgive him.Love can span entire continents, oceans, and any substantial thing, big or small, made up of tiny particles in the universe. However, it cannot cross a human thought.An idea that has persisted from ancient times, it declares this love to be wrong.Is there a right or wrong in love?Maybe there is, but right and wrong are just rules made by human beings; there is no doubt that love has only pros and cons.Lin Zhiqiu and Lin Daoyi may be the few "bad" parts in love.

The golden sunlight, accompanied by the colorful windows, the colors dance on the back of Lin Zhiqiu's hands, the hard color blocks are interlaced and intertwined, and the soft color blocks are blended and blurred.Colors mix together regardless of boundaries, and finally can only be attributed to the darkness of chaos, and the world becomes dark. "Take a break." A familiar voice came from beside the ears, and the eyes were covered with a silky cloth.The splendor of the hall had already made him want to cry. Lin Zhiqiu only noticed the discomfort in his eyes after being covered by his brother's tie.He thought that sooner or later he would become blind.Will you still take care of me after I become blind? ——He likes to ask Lin Daoyi such childish questions, and he also knows that no matter when, his brother's answer is only one word "yes".However, when Miss Xiaoliang came into the house, how would my brother lie to deal with it and take time to look after him?

Lin Zhiqiu didn't dislike Miss Xiaoliang.He doesn't hate any women.He can find the shadow of his mother from women, more or less.Although his mother was not perfect, she was bitter and mean, she was arrogant, but at least she held a little bit of talent and self-cultivation, and gave Lin Zhiqiu all the tenderness.Among the women he has come into contact with, he can find his mother's empathy, openness and tolerance from Xiaoliang girl, his mother's stubbornness and paranoia from one of his girlfriends, and many other people.Anyway, he wouldn't be disgusted with her because someone was going to be his sister-in-law.But he wouldn't like them either.

Sometimes Lin Zhiqiu thought, if mother and Lin Daoyi could get along like a normal mother and son, even for a few months, would it and what things would be affected?He thought it was not worth it to exchange Lin Daoyi with his mother's death.It is not a physical disease that takes away a mother, but a spiritual disease.Heavenly Father may be able to cure that disease, but Mother doesn't know it.Before she died, she only knew that her eldest son had returned, but he was not by her side.

Lin Zhiqiu thought, until now, the only people who truly love him are his mother and Lin Daoyi.Besides, I used to have a girlfriend, so she must have loved me during the love period, right?I love my tenderness, I love my stubbornness in love, I love my perseverance and tolerance for her, I love my image of a perfect boyfriend, in short, I love what anyone can give her, not Lin Zhiqiu this person.The timing is perfect, she needs love and he shows up, that's all.She doesn't love Lin Zhiqiu's heart, Lin Zhiqiu's cowardice and tenderness, his bad, dirty and despicable places, she doesn't love, she doesn't want to hear, and doesn't want to see.But Lin Zhiqiu loves her, her hysterical madness and paranoia, the deep black pain as deep as the bottom of the abyss, Lin Zhiqiu loves everything.She said "I love you" like an oath, but people's hearts are separated, how can just one sentence prove her feelings?If you don't give away your most precious thing, how can you call it deep love?She gave Lin Zhiqiu the blood dripping from her wrist and forehead, is that enough proof?No, Lin Zhiqiu thought, not enough, a person like her... The same Lin Zhiqiu also gave her many scars and a whole bottle of sleeping pills, a suffocation and a fall into the water, but what's the use of it?The competition usually hurts oneself in exchange for a stronger love from the other party, and in the end it is either life or death or both sides suffer.

Lin Daoyi was not there at that time, otherwise nothing would have happened.Lin Daoyi knew what happened around Lin Zhiqiu, but he was not there.Strange to say, as the eldest son of the Lin family, he only returned to this home for the first time at the age of 15, and left Nancheng to go abroad. He only got along with Lin Zhiqiu for only three years, but this younger brother can become the obsession in his heart. read.Maybe it was destiny.During these three years, Lin Daoyi loved him, kissed him, fell asleep with his arms in his arms, and had a taste of love with him for the first time, all of which were not done in the name of his brother - he was a lover.Lin Zhiqiu agreed to him, they are lovers.A pair of lovers composed of brothers.However, after that, the relationship between the lovers ceased, and Lin Zhiqiu's side was replaced by his girlfriend.He knew Lin Zhiqiu's experience, he wanted to go back to China to take care of his younger brother, but if he could go back, why didn't he leave immediately?If Lin Zhiqiu allowed him to stay by his side, he wouldn't have left at all.But things never went as he wished, Lin Zhiqiu's love came and went quickly, and he stayed on the surface of the floating sand to give Lin Dao a few kisses, and then was wiped away by the river - tears are like rivers, reality Difficulties are like rivers.

15-year-old "in love", broke up, 21-year-old Lin Zhiqiu met his girlfriend, 23-year-old Lin Zhiqiu was on the verge of self-destruction.