【Liba】Residual thoughts

(Scars that can't go away)

Never in my life have I been confused about giving others what they need.But no one has ever treated me like this.No one touches me, no one comes near me.Now you've touched me so damn deep I can't believe it and I can't treat you like that.Because I can't find you anywhere.

—— "4.48 Mental Breakdown"

"Please, I'd like a chocolate banana flavor."

"Okay, a chocolate banana flavor. Has the lady over there decided?"

Following the clerk's sweet voice, he shifted his gaze to the girl beside him.She bent over and stared at the various ice creams in the freezer, and her usual serious expression looked interesting at this moment.

"Miss Marida?"

"It's so hard to decide..." She propped her chin and muttered earnestly.

"Hurry up and decide, Audrey is still waiting for us over there." He took the ice cream handed to him by the clerk, and Marida seemed to have made up her mind, she raised her head and said imposingly:

"I'd like a strawberry and vanilla one."

"OK, just a second."

Seeing the girl let out a sigh of relief as if she had completed the task, he smiled involuntarily.

"It's just ice cream, you can buy it anytime you want."

"That being said..."

Marida was startled, as if thinking of something happy, a smile appeared on her lips.

"Yeah, it's over."

"Yeah, that's why we can eat ice cream together."

"I don't need to point a gun at you anymore and tell you to surrender." The girl joked.He smiled helplessly.

"I told you..."

"Hey, Banagher."

"Ok?"

"Is it really all over?"

The cold question without warning made him stay in place.The dazzling light slid past his feet inch by inch, and he saw that half of his hands and feet were buried in the dark shadow, unable to move.He turned his head and saw the tall and straight figure standing on the other side of him.He was like a huge shadow, covering most of the daylight.

The man turned his head slowly, and he was able to see his face clearly.He spoke, his deep voice seemed to announce the end of the world.

"------"

He opened his eyes suddenly, dripping with sweat.For some reason, today's morning light is more dazzling than any other day.He put his hands on his eyes, thinking that he was still in a dream.

"Banajeer~ wake up~ Banagher~ wake up~"

The mechanical and lively electronic sound suddenly sounded in his ears, and he grabbed the spherical robot rolling around the bed.

"Hello..."

"are you awake."

A deep voice sounded without warning.Banagher turned his head and saw the man sitting beside the bed for an unknown how long, he folded his hands and looked at him.He met his gaze and found that there was no light in those blue eyes.

"Mr. Liddy..."

The man stood up suddenly, and the chair clicked.He turned his back, said in a low voice, "I'll call the doctor," and walked out without looking at the boy again.

Same reaction as the day before.Banagher, who was lying on the bed, watched his leaving back, faintly feeling the disappearance of some important things.

"Do you feel any discomfort? Especially in the head."

Banagher shook his head.The doctor turned off the flashlight used to examine the eyelids and smiled reassuringly.

"It seems that all the memories have been restored. Fortunately, it did not cause much impact on the body. However, to be on the safe side, it is best to observe for a few more days. If nothing happens, you can live normally."

Normal life?Wasn't I living a normal life before?

Silently asked in the bottom of his heart, but he didn't say it out loud, he just secretly glanced at Liddy who was standing beside him.The latter listened to the doctor's orders with a blank face, and responded from time to time.

——Looking like this, I look like a burden to him.

Banagher felt a pang of sadness, and retracted his gaze.Memory restored.Everything is back to the way it was.But it came at the cost of a certain secure and peaceful relationship between the two of them.

The little things we got along with each other day and night in just two weeks are as fleeting as the spring in April.

Please take good care of your body.Finally, he left a word of advice, and the doctor left.Du Yayong glanced at the two of them, and left the room with the excuse of sending the doctor.The door slammed shut, and then the room fell silent.

Neither looked at each other.Time passed silently between them.The atmosphere was so stiff that it was hard to breathe, and Banagher's whole body was stiff, as if that person would jump up and break his neck in the next second.But he didn't after all.After a long time, he turned his head back, the hoarse voice made the boy's hand that was clutching the quilt tremble.

"Don't come near me again."

The words that seemed to be a sentence made Banagher look up at the other party.He stood by the floor-to-ceiling windows, the bright sunlight poured down on him without hesitation, and the light and shadow were clearly cut on his face.For a moment, he couldn't tell whether the man in front of him said these words with relief or sadness.

"It doesn't matter if you hate me or you can't forgive me... I have nothing to say. But no matter what, I will only hurt you. So, don't get close to me."

He hung his head in defeat like a wounded lion.The teenager read his pain, but couldn't get any closer.He lacks the real sense he should have.As if being suddenly awakened from a dream, jumping off a cliff.Stopping on the side will collapse sooner or later, it just depends on which posture you use to jump down.

They fell into the abyss together, and each other was already scarred.

As for how to face each other, at least for now, as clumsy as they are, they can't figure it out anyway.

Banagher opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but before "Mr. Liddy" could speak, the other party turned and left.The words choked in his throat, but they seemed to weigh a thousand catties.He still has a lot of things he wants to ask him, including the status quo of the world, where Audrey is going, everyone——Takuya, Micott, and the people in Nelson Akama, as well as what he will face in the future, as well as himself. home.

But he suddenly felt that these seemed not so important.

He really felt the pain coming from Riddhe.But how to communicate with the other party, now he has no better way.leave me alone.The leaving figure gave him such an obvious message.

Refuse all communication.Even telepathy can't save him now.As before, he chose to escape.

"When you hurt others, you hurt yourself..."

──He is also in pain, you should understand.

An ethereal and gentle voice rang in his ears.I understand, Miss Marida.But what to do.What to do to relieve his pain, and mine.

——Let’s find it little by little.Don't worry, you will always find it.

Just trust the possibility in your heart.There was a smile in her voice, and she didn't sound like she was in a hurry.

Looking at the emptiness covering the back of his hands, as if trying to cheer him up, a smile appeared on the boy's face.

"I'm back, Miss Marida."

It's a pity that I can't take you to eat ice cream with me.

>>>

After closing the door, Liddy found Duyon waiting outside the door.The old butler cast an inquiring look at his master, "Master, breakfast is ready, do you think you should invite Master Banagher to eat together or..."

"No need." He interrupted him, "I don't need to make special preparations in the future."

"Master?"

"... Already, we won't have breakfast together anymore." He lowered his eyes and said with a complicated expression.Du Yayong hesitated to speak, but the always gentle young master just said "take good care of him" and left sadly.It made him stay where he didn't know why.

What happened at the banquet last night?Why did Master Liddy rush into the room with the unconscious Banagher in his arms and tell him to call the doctor right away.During this period, Miss Cynthia came once, and when she saw this situation, she immediately called Master Liddy to the next room to talk.Naturally, he didn't know what the two talked about, but Master Liddy who came out of the house was very depressed.And the atmosphere this morning was chillingly cold.According to the doctor's words, the teenager has recovered all his memories.It's not hard to see that the young master's attitude towards him turned 180 degrees because of this.

If that's the case, maybe it's a good thing that his memory never came back.Duyon laughed at his strange idea, knocked on the door, but got no answer, so he said "I'm sorry" and pushed the door in without authorization.

The boy sat on the bed, looking out of the window, the morning sun enveloped him, and his whole body seemed to melt in the brilliant morning light.Du Yayong thought he was presbyopic, and for a moment he seemed to see white wings sprouting from the boy's back. If he didn't catch it in time, he would go back to the sky.

"Monsieur . . . Monsieur Duyon?"

The old butler came back to his senses, and the youth's clear eyes were staring at him, more calm and stronger than before.

He finally understood: this boy has completely recovered himself.He was the previous Banagher, but not him.In other words, the two personalities have merged into one.That is the current Banagher.

"Master Banagher, do you want to eat now?"

He withdrew his attention and asked respectfully.In any case, he still had to obey the young master's orders.

Meal... Banagher muttered, and looked away with a complicated expression.

"You won't have breakfast with me again, Mr. Liddy."

He looks downcast.But Duyan knows that the depression is no longer like a wild cat abandoned by its owner before, but the involuntary sadness that realizes that the relationship between the two is difficult to bridge.

"Nothing like that, I believe the young master just had difficulty getting used to it for a while. Although I don't know what happened to the two of you before, but as long as you treat it with your heart, the young master will definitely understand. He just needs time, can you wait for him Will it be a while?"

Hearing this, the brown-haired boy looked at him for a while, and then showed a clean smile like a white dove.

Only this smile has not changed at all.

>>>

Despite what should be a fairly warm early summer, the southern coast is still cold.The sea breeze has a thin and sharp coldness, and it hits the face mercilessly.Standing in the sea breeze, Liddy, who was only wearing a shirt, shivered uncontrollably.And the man next to him gave him a mocking look, which made him uncontrollably irritable.But compared to the guy next to him, what annoyed him more was himself who had called the other party out.

"Thanks to the young master, it's rare for me to have such a long vacation. Since I boarded [La Kailam], I only have one vacation a year. And that day is because the whole ship is resting."

There was an uncomfortable smile on the corner of the man's mouth, which seemed to Riddhe to be mocking him.But now, he couldn't think of a better person to confide in.

"Enough Nigel, it's all you want to laugh at me, but that's not what I came to see you today."

"Then in return for giving me a rare vacation—I'm all ears."

As he spoke, he folded his chest and made a look of being well-organized.

"Do you remember Banagher Links? It's that... the driver of the unicorn."

"Oh, that boy who doesn't kill?" Nigel raised his eyebrows, "I haven't met him yet. It is said that you brought him to Earth?"

Was it Captain Otto who leaked the news... Riddhe sighed inwardly.

"That's right, I came today to tell you something... If I don't tell anyone, maybe these things will go to the grave with me."

The blond young man with a good family background should be successful, showing a wry smile. Nigel looked at the wry smile, and listened quietly to him talking about the century-long hatred that he had never told anyone about, and what happened after he met that boy. story.

>>>

"Hans, I'm sorry, I haven't played with you these few days."

As soon as I came to the courtyard, the golden retriever who was lying in the courtyard basking in the sun rushed over and fell to the ground.Petting the big dog's ears and head, Banagher said apologetically.As if he understood his words and accepted the apology, the big dog licked the boy's face with his tongue.

"It's itchy hahaha... come down, let's go play together."

Hans got off him, wriggling his nose, turning his head away and whimpering.Seeing this, Banagher smiled wryly and patted its neck.

"Your master is not at home today. So play with me first."

The movement of stroking the fur gradually slowed down.

"...When can we go for a walk together again?"

As if smelling the boy's depression, Hans looked at him with moist eyes, and gently arched his nose with his hand.Banagher came back to his senses, forced himself to smile at it.

"Okay, let's go. See if the fawn is still there."

He walked on the summer prairie, stepped on the weeds up to his calves, let the sun burn his skin, and breathed the air full of the fragrance of grass leaves.This is the first time he walked out of the gate after recovering his memory.The cells of the body are accepting everything the world gives them in an unprecedented breadth, and he feels that the memories engraved in every corner of the body are gradually revived in a new way.Compared with the original empty body, it is now replaced by emotions that are so full that they are about to overflow.It's unbelievable that it is clearly the same body, but what it feels is completely different.

This is me.I'm back.Standing in the middle of the grassland with his head up, he sighed in his heart.At the same time, there was another voice spreading in my heart.The echoes that remained from the dream had been turned into fragments of Banagher Links, becoming a part of him.

The dog barking caught Banagher's attention, Hans seemed to have noticed something, and excitedly wagged his tail and barked at him.

"What's the matter, Hans, have you found anything?"

He walked over and found something lying in the grass.Startled, he knelt down and picked up the thing in the grass.It was a wooden airplane model with exquisite handwork, but the propeller seemed to be broken.It probably fell when it fell to the ground.

He looked at the model with complicated eyes, and the scene at that time naturally appeared in his mind.It was not long after arriving on Earth a week ago, and Liddy took him here to release the plane.It is a model airplane that he collected when he was a child.He took it out of the cupboard cherishingly, swept off the dust on it, and said that when he was a child, he liked watching the planes fly in the sky the most, and later became a pilot as he wished.

- One, two, three... Fly!

—Wow, flying so high!

——Is that right, flying as high as before.Worthy of the Trier.

At that time, the side face against the blue sky looked so bright, as if pushing away all the haze.He likes to see him smile, but he never said it.

Then the plane, after a not-so-long flight, disappeared from their field of vision.

"Did it fall here..."

After the "Triller" disappeared, he and Liddy searched for it in the grass for a long time, but they couldn't find it until the sunset.Hearing the sound of worms rippling around, Liddy reluctantly gave up.

—Forget it, Banagher, just forget it if you can’t find it.

— But Mr. Liddy... Isn't that very important?

——Hmm...but if you can't find it, there's nothing you can do about it, isn't it?

The setting sun painted the man's side face with a dry orange color, the fire clouds were burning thickly, and the sky was so beautiful that it almost made people cry.Banagher looked at his figure gradually shrouded in twilight, looking really lonely.

And now the plane was found by himself.Looking at the somewhat mutilated "Triller" in his hand, he couldn't help but smile.

"Although I was injured a little bit, it's good to be able to get it back."

Mr. Liddy must be happy too.he murmured.The face with complicated expression appeared in front of his eyes, and his heart clenched without warning.

——Don't come near me.

Once the memory is recovered, the hidden memories will come up like a tide.Liddy fired a shot at Marida, and the image of Kshatriya disappearing into the universe was engraved in his mind like a scar.Unforgivable, unforgivable.The hatred that boiled in his blood at that time still remained in his body.But for some reason, it feels very far away when I think about it now, like a glass of diluted salt water.

Hate me, never forgive me for the rest of my life.Liddy's leaving back was like a piece of cold pig iron, deeply imprinted in his eyes.The bits and pieces of the daily life with him in the past flashed through his mind, and the stark contrast between the past and the present made Banagher feel a familiar sense of emptiness and disconnection.It was the same pain that Audrey felt when she refused to say "no need".

That's right... I'm probably unnecessary to Mr. Riddhe.

In order to ignore the strong sense of loss in his heart, he tried his best to recall the hatred for him at that time.It might be easier to hate him.But no matter how hard he tried, the hatred was still a cup of light salt water.It's just that something more complicated has been mixed in unknowingly.

>>>

"..."

Nigel fell into a long silence as Liddy told the story in detail.He has served in [La Kailum] for a long time, and he thinks he has seen a lot of absurd things in this world, but the truth still makes him speechless.

"...So, you are raising a family enemy at home now?"

There is still a strong sense of mockery in the words.

"It's said to be family enemies... But the incident caused by the 'Laplace Box' has come to an end, and this relationship is also..."

It seemed that this statement was inappropriate, but he didn't know how to refute it, so Liddie closed his mouth.

"If you continue to entangle this matter, you will really live up to your previous code name. Romeo 008." He joked meaningfully, watching the face of his former colleagues darken a little bit.

"Nigel..."

"Okay, okay, let's get down to business, that boy doesn't know about it, right?"

"Although I didn't have time to tell him the whole thing, I think he probably guessed it."

——You and I are suitable as sacrifices.The Marcenas family who left the curse, and the Vist family who hid the curse.As long as we who each inherit blood disappear, the grievances and grievances of the past century will also disappear.

Liddy's tone was sad.Although he yelled these words when he was almost swallowed by the Banshee, he knew that with Banagher's sensitivity, he should be aware of this.What would he think of them, who were the blood of a family that had feuded for generations, and himself who cared so much about this curse.

But so what.The worst outcome would be to hate yourself even more.

"Let's put aside the family grievances - after all, even your father has accepted him, so there is nothing to talk about. The problem is between you and him." Nigel's eyes were sharp stabbed at him.

Liddy felt his heart sinking suddenly.

"That's right. I killed someone. And it was someone very important to him. That's enough to make him hate me."

"Hey, wait a minute." Nigel stopped him. "Did you hear him say he hates you?"

Liddy was startled, "...No."

"You obviously didn't hear him say that, why are you so sure that he hates you?"

Nigel's questioning made him stunned. He slowly clenched his fists and raised his brows fiercely: "Does it need to be said...!"

——I can’t spare you, you should disappear too.

"That guy...has hated me, isn't that a matter of course! I didn't keep the promise to protect Audrey, and I foolishly betrayed them, and finally killed his important person...making him miserable The culprit is me. He has no reason not to hate me!"

He lowered his head, a painful growl escaped from his throat.The innocent and clear eyes of the boy flashed in his mind.

Ah, hate me, Banagher.I, who have been blackened by sins, can no longer be washed away.I have no intention of running away.

So, hate me.

"That's nothing more than your own wishful thinking," said Nigel coldly. "It's rude to decide for someone else. How can you be sure that he has nothing else to think but hates you?"

"That's because... I..."

"Look, you can't even convince yourself." Nigel raised the corner of his mouth, "Second Lieutenant Liddy, aren't you too cunning."

"Cunning..." He chewed the word with difficulty.

"You always presumptuously speculate on other people's psychology, and self-righteously think that what you are doing is right. But have you ever thought about whether he can accept it completely?"

"..."

"In the final analysis, you let him hate himself. It seems that you are thinking of him, but in fact it is just a kind of self-satisfaction. Do you think this is atonement?"

Nigel's words hit Liddy's ears like a thunderbolt, and he trembled, his fists clenched unconsciously.

"Do you think that escaping will solve the problem? You just put the undead you accidentally shot on the balance of your relationship. This is not a noble atonement, it's just your cowardice and withdrawal."

The stern-faced man pointed out sharply, Liddhe gritted his teeth, but he couldn't refute him.

"I thought you'd learned to be good after going through so many things, Master Liddy. Instead of blindly avoiding it, it's better to face up to the mistakes you made, and focus on how to atone for your sins in the future."

──A mind that does not know how to adapt, hurts others and hurts itself.

Marida Cruz's words resounded without warning.He clutched his forehead and suddenly felt a splitting headache.

"This kind of thing..."

Yes, I understand everything you've said.But that heart is not so easy to accept.Before the mind chooses to face it, the heart has already betrayed itself and fell to a deeper bottom.

"If it can be done so easily, I'd like to try it!"

Everyone is saying nice things because these things didn't happen to them.Would you be able to say these words without hesitation if you ever tasted hell befalling you?Do not make jokes.I—what on earth did I become like this? !

Nigel looked at the blond young man with a distorted expression, showing an almost indifferent look of pity.

"If you think it's better to go on like this, that's up to you. But is it really good for you? Is it good for that boy? Maybe you think no one can understand your feelings, but now you You can't find anyone to solve this, and you don't need someone else's solution. There is no one else who can really give you relief except yourself and him. You better understand this."

As if feeling very bored, he let out a sneer, crossed his chest and turned his gaze to the blue sea again.

"Master, why did you bring that boy here? Is it really just to make him regain his memory and hate you? Do you really have no feelings for him other than guilt?"

——It was you who saved me, and you who gave Banagher Links a new life.I can exist because of you.For you like this, I can't hate you no matter what.

The boy's earnest face and voice grabbed his heart, Riddhe grabbed the cloth on his chest, and the amulet pendant on his wrist slipped off quietly.

What is this feeling that makes my chest ache?

It wasn't guilt, it was a more indescribable and complicated mood.

It was similar to the feeling I had when I faced the girl with strong eyes, but it was different.

"I... to Banagher..."

Falling into hesitation and loss, he questioned himself over and over again, but he couldn't get a satisfactory answer no matter what.

>>>

"Master, you are back."

Duyon respectfully saluted Liddy, and took the luggage in his hand.Liddy walked through the porch with only the night lights on, and asked the old housekeeper who was following him:

"Is he asleep?"

Knowing that the "he" mentioned by the young master refers to the young man, Du Yayong nodded slightly.

"Probably still awake at this hour."

"yes."

Looking at Liddy's back in front of him, the old butler showed a wry smile.

"If you care, why didn't the young master go and have a look? During the two days you were away, Master Banagher has been waiting for you."

Hearing this, Liddy's footsteps froze.

"He asked me at dinner today when you will be back."

The kind old butler paused for a moment, then turned around and left after saying that he was rude.Then he heard hurried footsteps on the marble floor, walking towards the guest room.

"Hello, Banagher, hello, Banagher"

The mechanical electronic voice called out regularly, and the green Hello was waiting in the owner's hand, its eyes flickering.Banagher leaned against the head of the bed, and raised it to make his gaze parallel to it.

"Hey, call me by another name."

"Hello, hello"

"Don't use your own name to fool you." He sighed, and the spherical robot he raised was against the light, casting a gray shadow on his face.He stared blankly at it for a long time, and finally said tentatively:

"Mr Liddy?"

"Banaji, Banagher"

"...it's 'Mr. Liddy'."

"Mr. Liddy, Hello, Mr. Liddy"

"It can't be done."

Banagher smiled as if relieved.Harrow seemed to sense the master's praise, and flapped his ears happily.

"Banaji, are you alright, Banagher?"

"I'm fine."

A cheerful voice answered.But soon, the boy hugged Harrow like a shellfish wrapped in sand, curled up in unbearable pain.

"Banaji, are you alright, Banagher?"

"...well, I'm fine."

Harrow's quietly blinking eyes, the brown head buried between his knees, and the dim yellow light projected on the lonely figure.All this seen through the crack of the door gradually turned into phantoms in Liddy's eyes.

A knife stabbed gently into the heart.

——The child believes in you, why can't you believe in yourself?

——Why did you bring that boy here?

—I hope you can stay by Banagher's side.

"Liddy... sir..."

At that moment, Banagher's call to himself sounded in his mind, his voice was as lonely as a seabird that had lost its destination.Riddhe suppressed the impulse with all his strength and turned his back.If he continued to stay here, he was afraid that he would not be able to help but open the door and hug the boy desperately.

"hateful……!"

A barely audible growl came from his throat, and he slammed his fist against the wall.A light in the corridor flickered on and off several times, and then went out suddenly.

It's like a heart that keeps going up and down over and over again throughout life.

They meet at a depth of 3000 meters, and they are both drowning people, and they don't even know how to show their hearts.In the past was the blue and silent sea, softly choking her neck until she suffocated and lost her will.He bares his heart, passes by him, and this is their meeting.

He watched helplessly as the fingertips of the other party slipped quietly from his hand.powerless.They hurt each other, but never found a way for both of them to be happy.

At the same time, the boy lying on the bed raised his head as if sensing something, and looked at the door that was not closed tightly.

"Mr. Liddy...?"