【Liba】Residual thoughts

, wandering every day, not knowing where I really belong.Every day, every day, every day, every day—

If we simply destroy all of this, will there be any change?

—Banaji.Your name is Banerjee Links.

——Is he going to go on like this... can't remember anything?

Banerjee.

—Do you want to go to Earth with me?

Banerjee.

——If I lied to you, can you still say that?

Banerjee...

——But...you who can say "even so", I think it's good...

Banagher... Can you hear me?

——Without you, things wouldn't be like this...!

Can you feel me, Banagher?

——You don't understand anything, Banagher.

He keeps calling his name.The gentle and sad voice that once appeared in the dream.At the same time, he felt a warm and sweet fragrance surrounding him.More and more voices hit him overwhelmingly, chasing him like a shadow.Cold, rough, lively, steady, angry, twisted, loving, tender, sad, longing, painful—

No... don't don't don't don't I'm done I'm wrong don't do this to me don't come over don't look at me don't touch me-

He was deep in hell, the fragments of his heart and memory were tugging at each other, he heard the sound of nerves breaking in his head, and he was insanely colic.Breathing starts to get out of hand.He groaned, knelt on the ground and grabbed his neck.

"Banaji!"

The familiar call permeated the already blurred brain.He is a person who is about to drown at the bottom of the sea, and that voice is the light floating tens of thousands of meters above.Those arms firmly grasped him and lifted him up from the ground, but his limbs were numb, and he could only collapse into the opponent's arms weakly.

Needless to say, only one person will come after him.

Only he will come to find himself.

The boy limp in his arms was trembling all over.He was gasping for breath, and it seemed that there was only air in and no air out.Liddy understood the current situation almost immediately.

"Did you breathe..."

There was no bag or anything like that, and it was too late to find it.Calm down, Banagher, breathe slowly.He gave instructions sharply, but Banagher couldn't hear it, and he was still panting for no reason.There is no time to hesitate.In the next second, Riddhe cupped Banagher's face without thinking, and sealed his mouth with his own.

Take the breath from his mouth, and calm his overly violent breathing for him.The boy reacted to this, like a dying plant yearning for the man in front of him.Riddhe opened his eyes, and saw Banagher's face close at hand, the corners of his eyes were wet, and there were fine teardrops on his eyelashes, trembling uncontrollably.It was more like a passionate kiss between lovers than artificial respiration.Riddhe, who noticed this, felt his body warm up with the kiss.While secretly screaming that something was wrong, he felt that the other person's breathing was gradually calming down, so he stopped in time.

Pulled a little distance away from Banagher, but still didn't let him go.Liddy watched as he covered his mouth and slowly recovered his normal breathing rate, his suspended heart finally fell down.

"Mr. Liddy..."

He heard the boy's almost silent murmur.An unexplained urge made him hug him tightly.Feeling the slight stiffness and gasping sound, Liddy tightened his arms, taking the last shiver away into his bosom.

"It's okay, it's okay..." he repeated in his ear.The sound of summer insects came and went, and the air with the fragrance of grass and leaves outside surrounded them.He tried his best to appease the frightened boy, just hoping to return to that ordinary life again——

"It's not all right, Mr. Liddy...I understand, the matter is not over yet..."

A weak voice sounded in his chest, like a harbinger of waking up from a dream.

"I don't recover my memory for a day, and this pain will continue... Whether it's you or me. Please tell me what happened in the past. I will accept whatever it is."

He was startled, watching the young man slowly raise his head and stare at him.What a firm look in his eyes, it made him return to the time when they first met in a trance.

"Ah, sorry."

"It's okay...this is so delicately done."

An unprecedented sense of suffocation seized him.

"This kind of thing... wait until your body recovers..." He heard the strange trembling in his voice.

"But when will that wait?!" The boy's anxious voice interrupted him.He was startled, only to realize what he had just said.

Do I—do I not want him to recover his memory?

No, it's impossible.I've been in so much pain, pain from hiding the truth, pain from taking it all on my own.If I can tell him everything, if I can end this false superficial relationship, I am willing to let him restore his memory.

But, can this be the end?

You can't get rid of it.A female voice spoke softly to him in his mind.Ah yes, I can't get rid of it for the life of me.Marida, I won't get rid of it either.This is my payment for the crime of killing you.

But, only those eyes, I don't want to see those eyes darken again——

"Mr. Liddy, please don't run away. I will never run away from my true self. If I really did something unforgivable to you, I will face it, so—"

"It's not what you think!" he roared, the corners of his eyes slightly red.Rage-like emotions surged in his chest, and he couldn't hold back.Why do you keep fighting against me?Why can't you accept all this obediently?Why do you always push me like this?Obviously don't know anything, obviously can live more easily than me——

"It's not what you think... After you recover your memory, you will absolutely hate me!"

Ahhh.

--I see.You just don't want him to hate you, and you want to write off all the past entanglements with him.Isn't this too cunning?You want to gain his trust, but you don't want to hurt yourself. There is no such thing as the best of both worlds.

The ghost let out a small sigh.He faced her, feeling ashamed.

Yes, I am cunning.But I don't want him to hate me, I don't want this hatred to continue, is it wrong?

——No, you are just afraid, you have no self-confidence, you just shrink back when you think about what you may face later.You coward.

say no more--!

"No, Mr. Liddy. You saved me, you gave Banagher Links a new life. I can exist because of you. For you like this, I can't hate you anyway. so--"

"Impossible!!!" he yelled in despair.He didn't dare to look up into the young man's eyes—clear eyes that could see through everything, he was afraid that those unreserved gazes towards him would immediately turn into guard and hatred.However, what was more surging than that was the sense of guilt that swelled in his chest, like a rising tide, gradually submerging his head.

This is already the limit.

At that time, in their respective cockpits, they raised their guns at each other who had agreed to protect the girl.The universe is too bleak, and the world is merciless.The entanglement that lasted for four generations ended only after an unrelated woman was sacrificed.At that time, the boy's heart-wrenching crying reached his heart and moistened his long-dried heart.He couldn't bear to let history repeat itself, so he guarded it carefully until the day when it fell apart again——

"That's right... everything is contrary to what you think. In order to end everything, I rode on the Banshee to fight against you, trying to kill you, and even pulled the trigger on Nahel Argama. But I couldn't do it because Marida...Marida Cruz protected you. She died instead of you."

He said it with a kind of cruel glee, with a sad smile on his lips.That's it.Seeing the boy's face turn pale with every word he said, he felt relieved while tightening his heart.

If a person wakes up one day and finds that he has lost all confidence and ability to believe in this world, does this mean that he is approaching death?

This is how he woke up from a century-old dream and lost everything.And now, he wants to shake him out of this dream full of lies.

Even if that lie is the support for his survival.

fair enough.Let's fall together, Banagher.

If the two fall into hell together, at least you will accompany me.

"This is... what... Marida is..."

Banagher covered his head, chaotic emotions rushed towards him along with countless fragments.Her face flashed across the ocean of memories.She stood in his memory like an old person, standing silently for a long time.Seeing him coming, she stretched out her hand to him, her long arse-colored hair swaying in the wind.

—Banagher, I have been waiting for you for a long time.

——Miss Marida...

I am sorry.

I'm so sorry for forgetting you.

Tears welled up from his eyes, and he cried like a child in her arms.She hugged him without hesitation, stroked his hair like a sister, and said, it doesn't matter, everything will come back.

return……?

There is no turning back in time.However, there is still a chance of salvation.

The choice is yours.She took his hand pointingly and placed it on his left chest.She smiled at him, then faded away.

Miss Marida...!do not go!I still have a lot to say to you!

I'm always by your side.So don't be sad.

The clenched fingertips flew away like gravel, and the gentle voice gradually faded, more solemn and distant than a disappearing star.

Everything disappears in an instant.

The wonderful sense of loss disappeared, but what was replaced was an unstoppable pain in his chest.Feeling the pain, the boy dived into the endless sea of ​​memories.

A century of hatred.family.dead father.A pure white beast.A girl with emerald green eyes.Tapestry of unicorns and lions.Fresh roses on a colony.model airplane.cross.Light.The voice of a child.A corpse that isn't even air.mother's hand.explode.roar.explode.Hot soup in the desert.Like a battlefield of massacres.Dark-skinned girl candid smile.An indifferent killing machine.wrong kill.Black unicorn.The hatred that hits the face.The truth about the box.red comet.The other side of the rainbow.

At the end of every dream, the voice of that person can always be heard.

This time he remembered.That was the man who would smile at him at first, make an appointment with each other, and later become an enemy at some point.

He habitually stretched out his hands for help, but this time he didn't come to hold him, he just let himself fall blindly.

Fell into this absurd and merciless world.

"Second Lieutenant Liddy..."

The title let Liddy know that he had remembered everything.He looked at the faltering light in the boy's eyes in dismay, but he knew that he no longer had the strength to hold him.

What was broken can never be put back together again.He knew it in his heart.

He has fallen with him into the abyss of darkness.

"God, please end this."