【Liba】Residual thoughts

"Hans, let's go for a walk—"

The golden retriever lying on the porch heard the boy calling and ran towards him and his master excitedly.It threw itself on the boy who bent over to meet it, and licked the boy's cheek with his tongue, making him laugh out loud.

"Okay Hans, it's itchy."

"It really likes you, it's only been together for a week."

Liddy couldn't help laughing at the golden retriever wagging its tail desperately at the boy.Banagher smiled sheepishly when he heard that.He patted Hans to get off him, stood up and met Liddy's eyes.

"Come on, Mr. Liddy."

The smile in the boy's eyes stunned him for a second, then he looked at Banagher who ran a few steps forward and Hans who was chasing him, and showed a wry smile.

Regardless of whether he lost his memory or not, the qualities that belonged to Banagher Links would not disappear.Being able to make others trust in a short period of time, and trusting others, he has such a special and powerful trait.

He hasn't changed since I met him, he is such a simple and strong boy.There is no suspense that he will trust himself as much as he does now.

Leave it all behind.Including his past betrayal, hatred, entanglements over Minerva, and the killing of Marida Cruz.Only in this way, Liddy could walk with him on the green grassland in summer, breathing the moist air of the southern continent.After coming to the earth, he took good care of the boy who lost his memory, had meals with him, took him for a walk near his home, stepped on the meadow where wild flowers bloom quietly, and looked for canaries and woodpeckers in the woods.Smile at him, chat with him, let him stroke his beloved horse, and even take out his dusty model airplane and take him to the wild to release the airplane.

Such a peaceful life, as if nothing had ever happened.Just like he was just an ordinary boy named Banerjee Links, and he was just Liddy Marcenas, an ordinary boy who liked equestrianism and model airplanes, and was his friend.

But that wasn't what their relationship was, and Liddy knew it.

Their relationship should have been more negative and embarrassing.Nothing good has happened since we met, and the grievances and grievances passed down from generation to generation in the family are simply enemies like fate.Although Banagher would not mind it, he couldn't easily discard it as if it never existed.

"I am your comrade in arms".After telling a lie that wasn't a lie, he used it to draw closer to Banagher who had lost all his memories.Comrades?He tortured himself.How can their relationship be summed up by such a simple and crude term as "comrades in arms".Indeed, they once fought side by side, but that was still built on the basis of many contradictions.Later, he was driven by the hatred and sense of responsibility in his heart, and committed an irreparable mistake.The young man endured great pain and forgave himself in exchange for the final cooperation.

No language in the world can describe such a cruel and sad relationship.From this point of view, he really told a big lie at that time, in order not to let this sadness continue.He wanted to redeem everything, to clear everything from the past and start over.Banagher's amnesia fulfilled his wish to a certain extent.

Although he was very sorry for Minerva, he had to admit that he was relieved when he learned that Banagher lost his memory.In this way, he doesn't have to face his questioning and accusations, as well as the heartbreaking sadness of a teenager who lost a loved one.

But what followed was overwhelming pain.

Why, why can this person forget everything, but he has to bear everything?Rather than facing his anger directly, Riddhe couldn't accept the strong sense of loss as if he had been left alone.

However, when he met the young man's dazed and empty amber eyes, an indescribable emotion stronger than pain shook his body and mind.

——Ah, let him become like himself, and he will definitely not be able to escape in this life.

Minerva refused to admit such a result, but facing Banagher who was staring at her like a stranger, she still felt broken.She didn't know how to get along with the doctor who didn't allow them to reveal and recall things with him, so as not to tell the whole story about their past.She sat on the edge of his bed, watching him sleeping, always feeling extremely hopeless.

Such days did not last long.After asking the doctor's opinion, Liddy shared his thoughts with Minerva.

Want to bring Banagher to Earth?

Well, the doctor said this is more suitable for his recovery. ...Do you want to go together?

Are you going to your house?

After hesitating for a while, Liddy nodded and looked at the pair of emerald eyes drooping down. Finally, as if he had made up his mind, Minerva shook hands and said: No, I can't go.I...wouldn't be going to that place again.

Getting such an answer seems to be expected.After all, the earth only left her with bad memories.Liddy just nodded and said nothing more.Then the girl said that she was going to leave with Zinnerman and the others, after all, the Federation battleships were not the long-term place for the Zeons to stay.

Banagher will leave it to you, Second Lieutenant Liddy, I believe you can take good care of him.

The girl's tears floated in the weightless air, saying goodbye to Banagher before he recognized her must have been a very cruel thing for her.But Liddy didn't keep her.He felt he would never see her again.And just when she made this decision, she had already given up the chance to be with Banagher.

When he asked the boy if he would go to Earth with him, those amber eyes stared at him, as if they could see into his own heart.Those were hesitant and clean, childlike eyes.He was shocked and subconsciously looked away.

If he hadn't lost his memory, would he still be looking at me like this?

In the end, Banagher agreed to his invitation, and he was really relieved.But he soon discovered that this young man had more of a feeling of dependence on himself.Like a newborn chick, what it sees when it opens its eyes is like a parent.The almost unconditional reliance also shows the reality that he has nowhere to go.

This made Liddy feel unbearable.However, now he is the only person he can rely on.Liddy could read such a message from his eyes.Now no one can protect this scarred teenager except him.

It's okay, that's fine.It's enough for me to bear everything about him.

After secretly making up his mind, Liddy almost twitched the corners of his mouth in a self-deprecating manner.

Back on the land of gravity, the journey of redemption unfolded in front of him like a jigsaw puzzle.

When Riddhe asked his father to take Banagher home with him, Ronan Macenas did not refuse.Facing the legacy of the family who had been hostile for a hundred years, he chose to accept it.Perhaps as long as his son can return safely, he will no longer have any extravagant hopes.

After returning, the father and son had a long-lost conversation, but the atmosphere was not as tense as the previous conversation.After being told the whole story and the truth about Banagher's amnesia, Ronan was shocked for a moment, and then let out a long sigh.

Is it... I lost my memory.There was a rare look of regret on that unsmiling face.After being familiar with the expression of political need on that face, Riddhe felt shaken when he saw such a true father.

Yes.The doctor said it was best not to provoke him, and not to let him know what happened to him for a while, otherwise it may lead to unpredictable situations.It is currently planned to let him rest for a period of time for observation.

His father's sigh made him hang his head, and Liddy swallowed with difficulty as a heavy stone fell into his stomach.

It's such a pity... I would have liked to thank him very much.Regardless of whether he is the blood of the Vist Foundation or not, he is still the benefactor who saved my son.It's useless for us self-righteous adults to have a 16-year-old save us in the end.

dad……

He had mixed feelings.The remorse that was originally hidden was magnified by his father's words, and it was accompanied by a sense of closeness to his father that had been missing for more than ten years.Ronan Marcenas, who sensed his son's mood, showed a slightly wry smile that belonged to his father.

I don't know... I don't know if this is the right way to do it.

Riddhe clenched his fist and whispered.He pulled the boy back from the other side of the rainbow, because he couldn't admit that this was the end of the new human being, and he didn't want to admit that this was the end of the boy as a "human".At that time, his majestic posture was like a god.That is the form of carefree, neither happiness nor sadness.Is this really what he wants?Is it his wish to become something that is not even human?Riddhe questioned himself from the bottom of his heart, and made a decision for him without authorization.You can't disappear like this.You are not allowed to disappear like this.There are still many unfinished things waiting for us to do, and there are still many things I want to say to you.

We didn't even have a good talk once.

Embracing all kinds of unwillingness, Liddy exhausted his greatest strength in this life to turn his emotions into words and shouted out his name hoarsely.

If you let him go here, he will disappear completely, just drifting in this universe with nothing as a soul.Isn't this too lonely?Liddy, sitting in the banshee, felt an unprecedentedly intense sadness, and was on the verge of tears.Not wanting to let him go just like that, so he called him as hard as he could, until the unicorn, exhausted of all his mental strength, grabbed his hand and brought him back.

Bringing him back was probably just wishful thinking.Maybe he didn't want to come back then.

Staring at his son for a long time, Ronan sighed and smiled.

No, what you are doing is correct.

He just lacked a reason to come back then, and you gave him one.It's that simple.

Being old as a person - I don't know if it's just a way of life that should be discarded in the eyes of the new humans, but we are only the old humans, and we can't just watch such a child lose his home prematurely.Perhaps this is our wishful thinking, but this is human beings.

You just want this child to return to the place where he should go back and feel the warmth of the body again.

Take good care of him.He needs you by his side right now.

Ronan patted his son's back, and Liddy suddenly felt the weight of something falling on his shoulders.The innocent face that seemed to be ignorant of the world appeared in front of his eyes, as if an invisible hand had erased from his mind the pair of amber eyes that had stared at him firmly.In hallucinations he heard the boy calling for his return from the void, and his breath was choked.

—Let's go together, Lieutenant Riddhe.

"Mr. Liddy?"

The inquiring sound that was close at hand interrupted his deep thoughts, and when he came back to his senses, the young man in front of him was watching him worriedly.He managed to pull a smile.

"Sorry, just lost my mind. What's wrong?"

"Over there, there's a deer."

Banagher stretched out his finger to the forest directly ahead without hesitation.Behind the bushes loomed the graceful head of the fawn.They watched intently as the forest elf blinked and then looked in their direction.

"It found us."

The boy let out a soft admiration, and couldn't help but tugged at the corner of the man's clothes.Liddy smiled bitterly at his childish little action, and teased, "Do you want to catch it?" but received a dissatisfied look from the other party.

"Stop kidding, Mr. Liddy."

"However, do you want to get closer?"

"……Um."

He nodded obediently, and Liddy smiled and said "quietly, then," and the two of them approached the deer with minimal footsteps.

Originally, he thought that he would run away before they got close to the deer, but to Liddy's surprise, Banagher, who was walking in front, never took his eyes off, and walked towards the deer step by step.The latter watched him approaching, but just stood there motionless, showing no intention of leaving.

Until the boy finally stood in front of it, tentatively stretching out the grass in its hand, it stared at him for a while, and then slowly ate the grass he handed over.

The boy turned his head in surprise, and smiled triumphantly at the blond youth behind him.Relieved, Liddy stood by watching him mingle with a wild fawn.As if infected by the harmonious atmosphere, the golden retriever also lay down on the grass and took a nap.

This is also a kind of talent.Liddy simply lay down with Hans.The boy's innocent side face was reflected in his eyes, and the spots of light leaked from the treetops sprinkled on his body.There is no war here, and there is no box, Neo Zeon or Federation.As if those things were a light-year away from them.

That's fine.He didn't have to think about it.This may be a kind of happiness to him.

As soon as you close your eyes, you will see the nightmare that happened when you sat on the banshee, the acceleration that seemed to throw yourself away, the unbelievable cry of the boy, the hatred that swallowed everything, the flames of the explosion, and the senseless , The trembling hands that killed people.Lions and unicorns are in pairs to maintain balance.The gentle voice that was wrongly killed by himself said so.If only one of them remains, it may destroy the world.

Every day, Liddy Marcenas was tormented by such nightmares.He was deep in the mud, feeling like he was being sucked in by that negative emotion.The icy stiffness of the cockpit surrounds you, lifeless cold.Someone is calling me, from far away...

That was, the voice extracted from the dream——

"Mr. Liddy? Are you all right?"

In the blurred field of vision, a pair of clear amber eyes appeared.Soft brown forehead hair and sideburns, with a slightly confused expression, like a cub born from pure whiteness.

"Banaji...it's you."

"It's me. I'm sweating a lot, Liddy-san, did you have a nightmare?"

"Um...I'm fine."

The young man put his hand on his forehead, and awkwardly wiped away the sweat that oozed out for himself.Feeling bad for a while, Liddy grabbed his hand in good time and sat up.But the other party just let him hold his hand in a daze, without any intention of dodging.It's a sign of complete confidence in yourself.Like the deer trusted him.

He—knows nothing.

A sense of guilt that came without warning squeezed his heart.

"Hi, Banagher."

"Ok?"

"Why... would you trust me?"

Yeah, that's totally unreasonable.Could it be that if you lose your memory, your body will also eliminate the fear of those who pointed guns at you in the past?It shouldn't be like this.He should have waved his hand away.

Frightened by the other party's overly heavy expression, Banagher looked at him in bewilderment.

"Why... I don't know... But, I feel very at ease with Mr. Liddy..."

The man raised his eyes to look at him, and the young man lowered his eyes and smiled embarrassedly.

"Mr. Liddy is a very reliable person. I don't know why, but I always feel that if it is you, I can completely trust him."

A shaken look appeared on the face of the blond-haired youth.

"...Is this a compliment?"

Banagher has no habit of lying, he knows this very well.It is precisely because it is clear that——

"How come, I really think so. Mr. Liddy, you are really very gentle."

Stop talking.

Gentleness or something, should this kind of words be said to people like me who want to kill you and your important people over and over again?

Please, don't do this again, look at me with this expression, speak to me with this tone——

"What if I lied to you?"

"……Eh?"

"If I lied to you, can you still say that?"

The strong wind blew, and the branches swayed and whimpered.He looked at the boy's sluggish face, and finally moved his eyes away as if he couldn't bear to look directly.

Liddy Marcenas, what are you doing.

You are the one who wants to protect him, and you are the one who wants to destroy it all.What exactly are you trying to do?Are you willing to completely destroy this person?Didn't you bring him here because you wanted him to live like an ordinary person?Don't you know, he who doesn't know the truth may be the happiest.

You can't destroy it all, you don't have the qualifications to—

"I... trust Mr. Liddy."

The young man looked at him as if he had made up his mind.

"If it wasn't for Mr. Liddy, I wouldn't have survived, and I wouldn't be here now. I want to believe in you more than doubt."

It was really like something he would say.Easily bind people's hearts with words, interpret people's intentions as good intentions, and subconsciously trust and understand others.However, the more he believed in himself, the more guilt Liddy felt accumulated in his heart.

"Banaji...do you... want to recover your memory?"

He murmured, finally speaking the words he had suppressed for a long time.Banagher's expression froze instantly, and then he gently withdrew his hand.

"...I want to recover. But I'm scared."

"why?"

"Because Mr. Liddy, Ms. Minerva, or everyone on the ship doesn't want to tell me about my past. It must be a very bad memory. Did I hurt everyone? Or did I break into it? What trouble? I may have killed someone, perhaps committed an irreparable mistake... I feel very frightened when I think about it."

No, not like that.In fact, you don't have to blame yourself at all.It was me who really hurt everyone and made irreparable mistakes.

Liddy felt heartbroken, as if he had fallen into hell.However, he couldn't say these words.At least right now he can't.

"What the hell did I do? I'm terrified just thinking about it... But if I don't restore my memory, if I don't restore it... I can't move forward, and I can't make amends—"

The pupils dilated suddenly, and some sporadic fragments rushed through his mind.

Maiden's tears.The weightlessness of falling thousands of meters above the ground.The blue sea under the clouds.The burning pain of sand hitting the skin.Tapestry of lions and unicorns.Said to have ten children.Who caresses his hair.Unchanged vibrations, flashes, explosions.The rays of the rainbow.gentle voice.Scream.The voice called—

"Banaji!"

The young man holding his head and screaming screamed curled up on the ground in pain, Liddhe grabbed his shoulders, saw the bead of sweat dripping from his forehead, and his heart twitched suddenly.

"Stop thinking about it! Banagher, stop torturing your mind! Banagher Links!"

The boy struggled to open his eyes, and tears rolled down from the corners of his eyes uncontrollably.The man was calling his name, just like he heard in a dream.But why does he look so painful, as if he is about to disappear from his eyes.

Obviously, even if he disappears from this world, nothing will change.But this kind of me, you still want to hold on.

——As expected, you are a very gentle person, Mr. Riddhe.

That was the last thought of the teenager before he passed out.