Time flies, eyebrows become books

【11】

I once suspected that my youth was a meaningless secret war. When I first entered college, I once imagined whether our relationship would undergo a qualitative change during college, but in fact nothing happened. It's too familiar, but that's all.

My senior year came quietly amidst my expectations and disappointment. I was busy looking for a job, writing my graduation thesis, etc. He started a trainee, and my life and study were very busy. We only sent text messages or made phone calls occasionally, but We still understand the progress of each other's lives.One night I called his cell phone a few times but no one answered. I suddenly felt very uneasy, so I called his dormitory again, and his roommate answered, "He has been coming back late recently, maybe I went for a walk with my girlfriend..." I didn't hear what he said after that, I just felt sweaty palms, something stirred in my stomach, and I felt nauseous for a moment.It took a while for me to come back to my senses, and after a few perfunctory chats, I hung up.The word girlfriend has been swirling in my mind, like a nightmare, lingering.

I went to the playground to run again, laps and laps. I remembered that the day I bought my mobile phone, I ran laps and laps until I was exhausted, but I knew he would not come to me today.Later, I was really tired, so I just lay on the playground, letting the cold wind blow away, blowing away the boredom.Suddenly the phone rang, I resisted the urge to hang up and answered, "Hello..."

"I was in the study room just now, and the phone was on silent. I was busy in the laboratory this afternoon, so I forgot to call it back." He didn't say it in a hurry, but it reminded me of the word "explanation", and I couldn't help laughing at myself for being sentimental. Why should he explain to me.

"I'm fine. I wanted to ask you if you have time on weekends to accompany me to buy a dress, but your roommate said that you are busy with beautiful women recently. Why are you so low-key? You are so low-key." I admit that I am a bit despicable , obviously having a lot of emotions and doubts, but he behaved calmly and deliberately probed the words.

"Listen to them talking nonsense. They've been teasing me a lot lately. I'm so tired of it."

"Who is chasing after you so hard? Don't take advantage of it and act like a good boy, hehe..."

"You also booed, there is nothing at all, you have been busy recently. How is your work?" He really didn't want to talk about this topic, so he asked me about my recent situation. I said a few words and said that I wanted to see it on the weekend Look at the clothes, buy something more formal, and wear it when you are looking for a job.He said that he took time to accompany me to see it, and asked me to go to him on Saturday.

On Saturday, I got up early and took the school bus to his campus. When I arrived, he was already waiting for me in the parking lot.We just strolled out to go shopping, saying it was shopping, but in fact we went straight to the goal, and soon I chose the clothes.We are very similar in this point, but we don’t like to wander around aimlessly. Shopping is very targeted and quick.We finished shopping and it was still early before we had dinner. He suggested to go to a cafe. He said that he had been there once before and the environment was very nice.I teased him, when did he become so petty bourgeois and more and more integrated into the local life.He ignored it, we ordered coffee and chatted about everything.He said that he had a project recently and he was doing it with a few friends, so he was quite busy.Later, when we talked about my work, I suddenly had a bad idea and wanted to try it out.

"There is a good unit, but it's a bit far away. What do you think of being in XX?" The XX I'm talking about is a northern city. If I go there, it will be difficult for us to meet in the future.

"What do you do specifically? How will you be promoted in the future? How about the salary?" I said some details, and I talked about it in a hype. In fact, it is not that good at all, but it is not bad, and I have already decided not to go there, but I am still not reconciled and want to explore him. the opinion of.He listened carefully, occasionally asking for details.I really couldn't figure out his thoughts. He seemed to be really thinking about me and seriously considered the specific conditions of the job, but I was extremely disappointed.

"The conditions are very good, do you want to go?" He stared at me seriously, which made me feel uncomfortable.

"I haven't figured it out yet, what do you think?" I was still unwilling, so I asked again.

"Have you told grandma? Will it be too far from home?"

"Not yet, I'm still hesitating about grandma's question, but if it becomes stable there in the future, I want to take grandma over." I got further and further away.

"Okay, if you think it's good, go for it. After all, it's not easy to find a unit with such good conditions."

Suddenly my heart became cold, but I didn't know how to make it up.

"I want to go there in the future, anyway, it's pretty much the same wherever I work in my line of work." He suddenly said this, which made me confused, and I really wanted to curse, what the hell do you mean, don't talk to a saint every time Same, I will add another sentence later.But I knew I was wrong, so I could only say vaguely and perfunctorily, "This matter is still uncertain, I haven't thought it through yet, let's talk about it."

We went to some small scenic spots in the afternoon. Although we have been here for almost four years, there are still many places we haven’t been to. He answered the phone halfway, and it was obvious that he was a little impatient. He hung up after saying a few words , I was worried that he still had something to do at school, so I went back to school with him without dinner.

I was shocked when I first entered the dormitory. A pretty girl was sitting in his place.I don't know this girl, but she looks familiar.

"Why haven't you left yet?" He blurted out, and I thought of the phone call in the afternoon, it should be from this girl.

"I've been here for so long, and I haven't even had a sip of water, so you're just asking me this?" Her tone was a little angry, but with a smile on her face, she completely ignored Ziqi's attitude and let things take their course. I went to pick up the things in Ziqi's hand, "What did you buy? Is there any gift from me?" To be honest, I was shocked that she would say these words, and I couldn't figure out what they were related to.

"Miss, you're never finished." I obviously felt Ziqi's boredom, but her unaware attitude made me believe that this girl must have super strong psychological quality, and her skin is not usually thick.Her appearance and temperament are completely inconsistent with her behavior. She looks very delicate, her figure is not hot, but she is slender and well-proportioned.

Ziqi didn't intend to introduce us to each other, so I can only report my family name. "Hi, my name is Yu Sheng, and He Ziqi is a child, are you?"

"My name is Nuo Cheng, you can call me Cheng Cheng, we are schoolmates." She smiled and looked a little cute.

"You are also from M University, which major?" I thought she was an alumnus of our university.

"No, I mean high school. I also graduated from S middle school, one class lower than you."

I was quite surprised, I didn't expect that we were fellow villagers, "It's such a coincidence, why didn't our fellow villagers see you coming? By the way, which school are you from?"

"I'm your neighbor, from C University, not far from your headquarters." She had a pretty smile, but my heart tightened, and I suddenly remembered who she was.In high school, there used to be a group of girls who were obsessed with Ziqi, watching him in the corridor or giving him some small gifts. Ziqi has always been indifferent to these things. I only have a vague impression of those girls, but she really looks like one of them. One, because she is taller and more beautiful, she stands out.I didn't expect such a persevering girl to always exist around us, but I didn't realize it, and I had to admire Ziqi's hidden skills. He really can handle things that he doesn't want to make public, and he can handle them in a low-key and reserved manner. Even if we are so close, he will Never said a word.

"Let's go eat together, we came back without eating."

"Okay, what do you want to eat?" She looked excited.

We went to a restaurant near the school and ordered some stir-fried dishes.During this period, Ziqi didn't talk too much, but Chengcheng and I chatted very high, not because I like her so much, but because I couldn't bear to see a girl being left out in the cold.She also keeps finding topics to get close to me, maybe she wants to get along with me, after all I am very close to Ziqi, she must understand.

After dinner, Chengcheng and I took the car back to school, and she was also very happy in the car, talking about her college all the time.I'm curious about her relationship with Ziqi, but it's inconvenient to ask abruptly, and I want to talk about it later when I have a chance.After arriving at my school, she said she would go back by herself, but I saw that it was getting late, and I thought it was not good for a girl to go back, so I said I would send her off.She was a little surprised, and quickly said no, saying that she often walked back like this.I was thinking about the word "often", and suddenly felt a little sad, and I couldn't help feeling pity, so I insisted on sending her, and she didn't shirk it anymore.

We chatted a lot along the way, and she was very curious about how my relationship with Ziqi was so good, so I told her about our strange acquaintance process.She was envious of how close our relationship was, and I took the opportunity to ask her, "Are you guys dating?"

She was startled for a moment, then showed a sad expression, and said in a completely different tone from before, "No, you are his good friend, haven't you heard him say it?"

I don't know what to say. Say no. It feels quite hurtful, so I can only say vaguely, "Um, I didn't ask him too much, I don't know very well."

"Does he not want to mention me?" A trace of sadness flashed in her eyes.

"How come? He said you're a nice person." I've already been overwhelmed by my ability to talk nonsense. I have a weakness, that is, I can't bear to see other people pitiful, especially girls.

"Hehe, you don't have to fool me. He doesn't think I'm good. I know he doesn't like me, but I really like him for many years." Having the courage to admit your feelings is great, at least stronger than mine.

"Then why are you so persistent?"

"I don't know, it's become a habit. At first I really thought I had a chance, but I didn't expect it to become like this now." She was very disappointed, and I felt that the story was not so simple. I wanted to ask more questions, but it was her time. The dormitory is downstairs, and we left each other's phone calls. Anyway, we are fellow villagers, and they are so close. We said that we will get together when we have time.I understand that we are all selfish, I still want to find out something, she wants to get close to Ziqi through me.

The next weekend I asked her out for dinner, and I also found two other fellow villagers, in the name of communicating more.Those two fellow villagers were very excited. After all, they are beauties. Everyone is giving face. They all know that it is not my girlfriend, so they are very courteous. I am a little mean and happy. Boys are also good, she is not so painful.Everyone ate happily and talked about a lot of interesting things. They originally planned to go to sing K at night, but Cheng Cheng said that there was still something to do in the evening, so we gave up.Then, she asked me to see her off, and the other two villagers looked at me meaningfully and said "Oh..." in unison, which made me speechless for a while, so embarrassed.

"Don't make a fuss, I asked him to work as a coolie." They all said in unison, "Oh..." and gave a knowing look, I didn't bother to pay attention, and everyone said goodbye.

"Do you want me to help move things?" I remembered what she said just now.

"No, I just want to walk with you."

"Uh, what you said, Xiaosheng Sansheng is lucky." I started to smile.

"Don't be poor, I just want to hear your analysis. Do you think I have something to do with Ziqi?" She said it so frankly that I didn't know what to say.

"I don't even know your specific situation and how to analyze it." I thought of what she said last time, and felt that there was a story.

"The reason why I was admitted to this city was because of Ziqi. I thought we had hope." She began to talk, telling the story of her and Ziqi. I was really shocked, and I didn't know many things.For example, she is the girl who gave Ziqi a scarf in high school and made a big fuss. After she gave the scarf, they had a meal. Ziqi wanted to return the scarf to her, but she said it was already woven and it was too long. , Girls can't wear it, so he must accept it.And when she was in her third year of high school, Ziqi asked her to work hard and gave her review guidance.When she was just a freshman, Ziqi changed the campus, and it was relatively far away, but she still visited him often and bought him some delicious food. He didn't refuse at the beginning, and even took her for a walk to get familiar with the environment.

Listening to her narration, I became more and more confused. I always thought that Ziqi was not a sloppy person. He always had clear goals. As for the relationship, I don't know his attitude.

"Then you guys were fine at the beginning? Then how do you confirm that he doesn't like you." I wondered if something happened to them later.

"I can't figure out what he's thinking at all. Every moment I'm with him, I'm afraid of making him unhappy. I'll do what he likes, and I'll never do what he doesn't like. I know I'm stupid. But I can't help it." I understand her feelings, I have never experienced this kind of feeling, the feeling of loving each other carefully is very distressing.

She said that she was very satisfied with their situation when they first entered college. Although Ziqi seldom contacted her, she basically took the initiative, but he would still respond at that time, and occasionally had dinner together, and introduced her to The roommate met.They maintained an on-again, off-again relationship, but she was already content.

"I thought his personality was just so slow, he didn't talk much, he didn't like to laugh very much, and he didn't take the initiative. I thought it didn't matter. I thought that if I worked hard slowly, he would like me one day, but I don't know why later The situation is getting worse and worse, I said I want to see him, but he always shirks that he is busy, and I bring him some food, but he doesn’t want it, and asks me not to. Another time, I took advantage of his absence , put a gift on his table, and wanted to surprise him, but he sent it back to me and quarreled with me about it." She couldn't help crying as she spoke, I was really sad I feel sorry for her, a pretty good girl, but because of emotional problems, she made herself so humble.

From her description, I can conclude that she really doesn't understand Ziqi, and Ziqi is really not interested in her.But I am [-]% sure of Ziqi's character. He is kind-hearted and will not easily hurt others, let alone a girl. He would act so unfeelingly, probably because he was really annoyed, and he didn't want to give her hope anymore. .

Chengcheng whimpered and cried for a while, her eyes were red like rabbits, she also felt embarrassed, "I'm sorry, I haven't found anyone to tell, I've been holding back in my heart for too long."

"It's okay, just cry." I can only comfort her with such vulgar words.

"You have such a good relationship with him, have you never heard of him?" She looked at me expectantly.

"Ziqi is really nice, but if he does this, he really doesn't want you to care about him anymore." I tried to put it mildly, and at the same time, I wanted her to understand that she doesn't have to be in a cocoon.It could be seen that she was very disappointed, and she seemed hesitant to speak.

"Do you know Wen Ling?" I was surprised when she mentioned Wen Ling suddenly.

Wen Ling is a girl from the same department as me. We usually call her Lingzi. She has a big personality and a straightforward personality. She met Ziqi when we first entered university. I rarely communicate with Lingzi, but I know that Ziqi has a good relationship with her. In my junior year, I went on a trip with Ziqi, Lingzi and Lingzi’s boyfriend. We all have a good relationship, but I never felt that Lingzi and Ziqi would have any more special relationship. .

Chengcheng has a grudge against Lingzi. She doesn't know that Lingzi has a boyfriend, but she knows that Lingzi and Ziqi are close, so she wonders whether it is because of Lingzi that Ziqi is alienated from her.

"I think you're thinking too much, Reiko has a boyfriend, and I know Reiko, they are good friends." I said firmly, she was a little suspicious.

"But..." She seemed to be hesitating how to word it, "Actually, our relationship took a step closer last semester." Hearing what she said, I was really shocked, and a lot of messy things flashed in my mind.She was embarrassed, but she mustered up the courage to speak up.She refers to the second semester of junior year, Ziqi's attitude towards her has eased a lot, and he is willing to meet her, and once went shopping with her, and it was too late to return by car, so he helped her find a hotel outside the school, Although Ziqi didn't stay overnight at that time, to her, their relationship had reached another level, because Ziqi kissed her at that time.

To be honest, listening to her narration, I feel dizzy, a little angry, and a little want to laugh.I think this should be Ziqi's first kiss, but my experience as a man tells me that Ziqi's desire for her is not enough.

She said that she doubted Reiko because of this. She thought their relationship was almost settled, but then she met Reiko when she went to find Ziqi, and Ziqi was obviously more enthusiastic about Reiko, and began to avoid her even more.

I think Ziqi still had a good impression of her at the beginning, and maybe wanted to try to date her, but later she still felt that it was not suitable, so she gradually gave up.The child period she narrated made me feel strange. I didn't expect him to be so indecisive in terms of feelings.Later, I tried my best to comfort Chengcheng, hoping that this lovely girl would reduce her sadness. After all, I also have a deep understanding of her feelings.I sent her back to the dormitory, and then walked back slowly by myself.

There were a lot of thoughts along the way, and the child period she described made me feel very strange. The sunny and warm man became cold and silent in her mouth, uncertain.I can roughly imagine the side she said, because I also vaguely feel that Ziqi has an unknown side, but I never delve into it, after all, he has always been sunny in my life.I got a call from him before I got to the dormitory.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"I just came back from C University. I had lunch with Chengcheng and two fellow villagers at noon. Later, I sent Chengcheng back and chatted for a while." I told him the truth frankly, hoping to see his reaction.

"Oh, who are the other two fellows? Xiaoxiong and Lin Jian?" He mentioned two fellows who were in the same class as us.

"Yeah, you're so far away, or we'll be together."

"I've been soaking in the laboratory today, and my head is dizzy. Now I come out to get some air."

"I don't dare to compare with you, a top student. I'm so idle now, I have a lot of time."

"Don't be shy, how is your opening report doing?"

"That's it, I made a little bit of it, but it's not done yet."

We chatted for a while, and he never asked me what we talked about with Chengcheng, and he didn't even mention Chengcheng's name, so he suddenly felt sorry for her.

In the days that followed, I was still looking for jobs, working on papers, and getting together with Chengcheng when I had time.Not to mention that we have a lot of common language, the more we get in touch, the more I find that this girl is nice, delicate, considerate and gentle, completely different from the first time we met, she is actually quite sensitive and shy, pretending to be carefree in front of Ziqi It's to encourage myself. If I don't pretend to be stupid, how can I have the courage to continue acting.We got very close, and there were some rumors and gossips. My roommate also thought I was in love, and asked me to set up a dormitory friendship. At that time, only one boy had a girlfriend in our dormitory, and everyone was single, so they were very active. Her roommates are also pretty, and they're literally drooling.

At first I had the heart to defend myself, but it seemed to others that I was acting like a good boy, so I didn't bother to explain.I like Chengcheng very much, and I appreciate it as a female friend, so I don't bother to pay attention to the rumors, and I still get close to her.I have been alone since I was a child, and then I gradually integrated into life under the guidance of Ziqi. Many friends are mutual friends of me and Ziqi, and I have no familiar female friends.Chengcheng's arrival is like opening another world, not a world of emotions, but a world of thinking. We can communicate on many things. I can understand women's views on certain issues, and I can also feel the aura of gentleness from women. It's like making up for the missing parts of my life.

But then things developed beyond my imagination. One day before the winter vacation, Reiko suddenly called me and asked me to have dinner together.It was just the two of us, and she looked serious.

"Miss, what's the matter with you today? You didn't say a word." I thought she had broken up with her boyfriend, but I think even so she would complain to Ziqi instead of me.

"Are you and Ziqi still friends?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you know what people say about you?" She stared at me hard.

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything wrong." I was confused.

"Are you dating Chengcheng?"

"Miss, what are you kidding? Has this matter reached your ears?" I really didn't expect the power of the rumor. I thought it was only a small-scale spread, but she also knew about it.

"Not only do I know, you fellow villagers know, even Ziqi's roommates know." I was stunned by these words, isn't it just a few friends, is it necessary for everyone to gossip like this?

"What the hell? You're all bored, what's there to say, we're friends, what's the matter?"

Reiko obviously didn't expect me to be so angry, and her attitude was much milder.

"I didn't say what you have, am I asking you? If you are really together, I'm so sorry for Ziqi." She said it with a straight face, as if I really betrayed my friend.

"Let's not say that I'm not in a relationship with Chengcheng at all, even if we are in a relationship, it wouldn't be considered a betrayal of my friends, right?" At that time, I didn't know why I didn't get angry, and felt that my long-suffering emotions were about to erupt.She obviously didn't expect me to say that and looked at me in shock.

"You are too..." She obviously didn't think of a suitable adjective, and held back abruptly.

"I really don't know how to tell you, anyway, don't hurt Ziqi anymore." She looked righteous.

"What do you mean? How did I hurt him? I can hurt his mother?" I suddenly felt very wronged. For so many years, I always thought that I was the one who forbeared, but now I was inexplicably turned against the general.

"It's hard for me to say anything about the two of you. If you really want to know, you can ask Ziqi."

"Can I ask? If he wants to say it early, does he need to hide it?" I felt that I was really angry.

"Don't mess with me here, I'm doing it for your own good. If you really like that Chengcheng, you can get along with her and don't show off." Lingzi is not a vegetarian as expected, and she is quite ruthless when she speaks. .

"You mean that I stole my good friend's girlfriend and still show off everywhere?" I suddenly thought that this story spread so widely, is it because everyone used to think that Chengcheng was Ziqi's girlfriend, but now it's My girlfriend, so added a lot of gossip.

"I didn't say that, Chengcheng has never been Ziqi's girlfriend."

"I also know that Chengcheng has never been the girlfriend of a child, so I'm not considered unlovable." The more I said, the more I got involved, and it felt like Chengcheng had really become my girlfriend. I couldn't argue with it.

"Okay, since you feel that you have a clear conscience, I don't have anything to say, I'm just not worth it." After she finished speaking, she stood up and left without eating, leaving me alone in a daze.

I really don't understand why she came to me today. If she thought that I stole the girlfriend of the child period, then I denied it at the beginning. If it wasn't for this, then why?It's not that I haven't imagined another possibility, but I quickly denied it because Ziqi called me at night.

"I heard that you and Reiko had a fight?" His tone was very calm, not like a question, but more like a narrative.

"Today she came to Xingshi to question her."

"Everyone has a little misunderstanding, don't mind." When he said this, I became even more angry. He was as calm as a bystander, and isn't he the focus of our dispute today?

"I have nothing to mind, and I'm not in a relationship with Chengcheng, we are just friends." I still couldn't help but want to explain.

"You don't have to worry about my opinion. I said before that I have nothing to do with her. If you really like it, don't think about me." This sentence is like a bolt from the blue, and I want to laugh at my own sentimentality again. It's humble to like someone to what extent?It can be as low as the dust, but can it really bloom?

I felt my eyes filled with tears, and I was so choked up that I couldn't speak.I held the phone silently, waited for a long time, and finally squeezed out a word out of anger, "Okay."