when you look at me

Chen Shuo turned his head to look at Yuan Yiping, but said nothing.

Why couldn't I confess to him at that time?Because Yuan Yizhi just passed away two years ago?Yuan Yiping thought about it carefully, and felt that Chen Shuo's words were extremely strange.If he said "dare not" and "do not want to", it was all reasonable, but he said "can't"—as if someone forbade him to confess.

As if someone forbade him to confess.

Yuan Yiping suddenly remembered what his mother said, what she said to Yuan Yizhi when she left Chen Shuo alone in the ward when he was seriously ill.Later, when Chen Shuo walked out of the ward, his expression was very bad.

At this time, a strong sea breeze blew over and penetrated directly into Yuan Yiping's coat. He shivered and his back felt cold.

"Why?" Yuan Yiping was so nervous that he felt uneasy, as if he couldn't get up and down: "Chen Shuo, what do you mean 'can't'?"

"Before Yizhi passed away—about half a month ago, he said a few words to me alone." Chen Shuo's voice suddenly became very soft, so light that it almost seemed to disappear in the sound of waves: "He I can see it."

Sure enough, it was that time!

Yuan Yiping trembled and asked: "He saw... what?"

"It can be seen that I have... thoughts on you, and he told me that you like me too. I was stunned at the time, how could you like me? But I didn't have time to ask, because he said again, " Chen Shuo said every word very clearly: "He said again, Chen Shuo, you promise me not to be with Yiping, I can't do it, my mother is left with Yiping, I don't want to make my mother suffer anymore."

"I'm sorry for Yizhi," Chen Shuo smiled lightly, "I've endured it for so many years, I thought I could hold it back, but..."

"Why did he do this?!" Yuan Yiping asked in a broken voice: "He can ask you so much, he——he actually saw it."

"Yizhi is right. When we are together, your mother will know sooner or later, and she will be sad. Yuan Yiping, I...at that time, the one thing I regret the most was the night before you went to Shenzhen, dear I missed you. I should hold back."

"Chen Shuo, I," Yuan Yiping's nose was sore, his chest seemed to be stuffed with a ball of cotton, which made him breathless: "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, you don't know about these things," Chen Shuo sighed softly, "And those things that made you hate me, I really did. "

Yuan Yiping asked in a low voice: "Can you tell me why?"

"Why?" Chen Shuo seemed to be talking to himself: "Why me? Because at that time I thought I would never be able to be with you, and I was also afraid——after Yuan Yizhi passed away, I couldn't accept it all the time. He was fine. , How can you say that if you get sick, you get sick? It feels like, I thought I caught it, but in fact I couldn’t catch anything. I can't live, and you will never be with me, so I just don't want anything."

"It's too shameless for me to say that," Chen Shuo looked at Yuan Yiping with a calm gaze, "So it's not just because of these, but also because it's really cool to be drunk, to think about nothing, as if there's nothing to worry about. I did make a mistake. It's not right, but I can't help myself, that's it."

Hearing these words from Chen Shuo with his own ears, Yuan Yiping was no longer as angry as before. At this moment, he was full of pain. He remembered what Chen Shuo said just now. Yuan Yizhi was 23 years old when he passed away. He didn't know how to face it.And Chen Shuo, who "did something wrong", was only in his 20s at that time, why couldn't he make mistakes, why couldn't he be forgiven.

"Thinking about it now, it might not be really fun, it's just that I don't think about anything, and my mind doesn't seem to be turning." Chen Shuo said.

Yuan Yiping stared at Chen Shuo's arm propped on the fence. After a few seconds, he stretched out his hand and gently grabbed Chen Shuo's hand.Chen Shuo's palm was very warm.

"I always thought that everyone accepted the fact that my brother was gone, but I couldn't accept it... I'm sorry, I didn't know you were enduring this," Yuan Yiping paused, and clenched Chen Shuo's hand even tighter. : "I'm not only prejudiced against you, I'm also... afraid, I'm afraid that if I fall in love with someone, I'll be full of this person, always thinking about this person... And then one day, this person will be like my brother, What should I do if she is going to leave me forever suddenly? I'm really scared."

But even if he was afraid - he was afraid before, and he is still afraid now - he must admit that he has fallen in love with Chen Shuo completely.After understanding Chen Shuo's pain, struggle, and forbearance, there has never been a moment before that I love Chen Shuo more than this moment.In this world, there will no longer be someone like Chen Shuo who admires him with pain, approaches him with struggle, and tolerates him with forbearance.There will never be a person like Chen Shuo who pulls out the thorn in his flesh and blood, but kisses his wound with the most gentle lips.

Yuan Yiping opened his arms and hugged Chen Shuo: "But even if I'm afraid, I'm sorry for my brother and my mother, Chen Shuo, I still... must be with you. Is that okay?"

Just as he finished speaking, before Chen Shuo could answer, Yuan Yiping's cell phone rang.

It is Wang Yuan.

"Can you contact Chen Shuo? I called his cell phone, but he turned it off," Wang Yuan said, "Tang Qingyu will be buried the day after tomorrow in his hometown in Yongzhou, Hunan. If you want to come, you can come."