when you look at me

It was already noon when Yuan Yiping arrived downstairs at Chen Shuo's house.

The last time he came, he thought that Chen Shuo was sent to quit homosexuality, so he rushed back in a hurry.At that time, he came here without thinking, but when he saw that Chen Shuo was fine, he insisted on leaving.Only now, belatedly, did he realize that he cared about Chen Shuo more than he imagined.

Yuan Yiping thought that this time he would not back down no matter what, he couldn't let him and Chen Shuo just "forget it".

Yuan Yiping took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

It was Chen Shuo's mother who opened the door.

"Xiao Yuan?" She looked at Yuan Yiping, was stunned, and quickly opened the door: "Come on, come in and sit."

"Auntie," Yuan Yiping entered and stood at the door of Chen Shuo's house, unable to bear it for a moment, "I'm looking for Chen Shuo."

"He..." Chen Shuo's mother looked at Yuan Yiping with complicated eyes, and after a long while, she let out a long sigh: "He has gone to Weihai."

Yuan Yiping said in astonishment: "Weihai?!"

"He came back yesterday and left again, saying he went to Weihai to relax."

Yuan Yiping suddenly clenched the suitcase in his hand, thinking that Chen Shuo was avoiding him deliberately because he knew he was coming to find him?

Yuan Yiping turned around to leave: "Auntie, then I-"

"Hey, Xiao Yuan," Chen Shuo's mother patted Yuan Yiping's arm and said in a low voice, "You come in, Auntie wants...to talk to you."

Only then did Yuan Yiping notice that Auntie's eyes were a little red.

"Xiao Yuan, come, have some tea."

"Thank you, Auntie... If you have anything to say, just say it."

Yuan Yiping was not unprepared for the current situation. Chen Shuo went to Shenzhen for the first time, and when he came back, he resigned from his job and came out to his family.Chen Shuo went to Shenzhen for the second time, came back—and left quickly.No matter how dull a person is, he could figure out that what Chen Shuo did was related to Yuan Yiping, not to mention that Yuan Yiping had already come to Chen Shuo once before.

However, the aunt held a cup of tea in her hand, and said: "What happened between you and Chen Shuo, Auntie doesn't make things difficult for you, Chen Shuo will naturally tell us when he wants to talk... Auntie just wants to talk about it." Let me ask you, what happened to Chen Shuo?"

What happened to Chen Shuo?

Yuan Yiping hesitated and said, "He..."

In fact, this question is a bit strange. Except for the two trips to Shenzhen, Chen Shuo has always stayed in Gancheng.What happened to him, shouldn't his mother be the one who knows best?

"Chen Shuo is 33 this year. He doesn't get married, and he doesn't even talk about his partner." The aunt paused, and smiled bitterly: "His father and I can't control him. Several years ago, he was asked to go on a blind date. He had a blind date once and said no. There is nothing we can do if we meet again. Xiao Yuan, do you know why we can't do anything about him? We really... really don't dare to take care of him."

Yuan Yiping was puzzled, what did he mean by not daring to take care of him——no matter who he was to, Chen Shuo could definitely be said to be gentle.

"That was in [-]. I bought him a piece of clothing and took it to his house. He was not there at the time. I was on his desk... I saw it, I saw it..." When the aunt said this, she suddenly burst into tears: "I saw a suicide note! He wrote it and took it to the notary office for notarization!"

Yuan Yiping almost thought he was hallucinating, suicide note?Chen Shuo wrote a suicide note?

"I was terrified at the time. I thought he was sick, so I didn't tell us... But he said, he's fine. His dad and I couldn't believe his words, so we had to take him to the hospital. He had nothing to do with me. We said that he just thought that people might die one day if they are alive, and he said he made preparations in advance. I remember clearly, he still smiled and told us at that time, it’s like everything is fine——" Auntie grabbed a picture Wipe away the tears on his face with a tissue: "At that time he was only 25 years old, can we bear to say these things to us?"

Yuan Yiping's heart seemed to stop beating.

In [-], when he was a sophomore, he saw those text messages and photos on Chen Shuo's phone during the winter vacation.After that, he broke contact with Chen Shuo.

"We really... don't know what to do. We asked him if something happened to him, and he said that nothing happened, let us not worry about it. He was always the same as before, smiling and kind Yes, but I'm a mother, I can see that he's never had a good time, but I can't help him. I thought about it, he became like this, probably since... after your brother left. "

"Xiao Yuan, Auntie is helpless. If you can help us, can you help us persuade Chen Shuo? He has been carrying the things in his heart for so many years—ten years, when will he come out? "

He's been carrying what's on his mind for ten years.

Facing the tearful aunt, Yuan Yiping couldn't say a single word.He didn't know what to say, he felt that he was not half qualified to answer her request.

Because it's been ten years, and in these ten years, he never knew that Chen Shuo hadn't come out.