when you look at me

After placing Tang Qingyu's ashes, Wang Yuan took a taxi and left.Yuan Yiping and Chen Shuo took another taxi, and neither of them spoke during the journey.

When arriving at the subway station, Chen Shuo said, "Let's go here."

Yuan Yiping grabbed his wrist: "Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to Gancheng."

"..."

Yuan Yiping simply got off the car with Chen Shuo.

Chen Shuo's face was very haggard, but he still smiled at Yuan Yiping as gently as possible: "What's wrong?"

"Let's talk, can we?"

Just as Yuan Yiping finished speaking, the phone rang.It was Liang Yuyi who hadn't contacted for a few days.

Chen Shuo raised his chin: "You answer the phone first."

"Yiping," Liang Yuyi said quickly, "You come to my house, Duan Hang wants to see you."

Yuan Yiping thought he heard it wrong: "Who?"

"Duan Hang," Liang Yuyi lowered his voice, "he came suddenly and said he wanted to see you."

"...Then I'll be right there."

Yuan Yiping never imagined that Duan Hang would dare to come out to meet him, and it happened at this juncture.

"You go," Chen Shuo took the lead before Yuan Yiping could speak, "I heard from Xiao Liang that you were in some trouble, so if you have something to do, go first, and I'll go back to the hotel."

Hearing that he was going back to the hotel, Yuan Yiping breathed a sigh of relief: "Then wait for me to come back, I... have something to say to you."

"Ah."

On the way to Liang Yuyi's house, Yuan Yiping became hysterical, playing back those words of Wang Yuan in his mind over and over again.

"With these processes, I am not so afraid... I am tormenting him. But I need such a process... so that I will not be so powerless, so that I seem to hold his life in my hands, and then Let go a little more..."

They are all so incompetent in the face of death. It turned out that whether it was Song Ran who couldn't get out of Teacher Cui's sudden death, Wang Yuan who wanted to "rescue" Tang Qingyu like crazy, or himself—these ten years of stagnation—they it's the same.

"One day our civilization, whether it is sublimation or vanity, will become a thing of the past." The same is true for life, and it will even dissipate faster.This tiny and fragile life like dust, this uncontrollable world.It turns out that the living people are fighting against the moment of my life in different ways. It’s not that they don’t accept death, but they don’t accept that we don’t even have time to say goodbye; Living people stripped out of life.

So after Chen Shuo—Yuan Yizhi left, you chose to live like that because you were afraid?

Yuan Yiping met Duan Hang.

Duan Hang lost some weight, his eyes were black and blue, it could be seen that he was not having a good time during this time.

"Brother Yuan," Duan Hang looked at Yuan Yiping, with a magnanimous look in his eyes besides guilt: "I'm sorry, I want to apologize to you. I know this matter has nothing to do with you, but I sent those photos , It also affected your normal work."

Yuan Yiping couldn't say a word of forgiveness, so after thinking about it, he asked, "What's your relationship with Ma Chen's wife?"

Duan Hang: "It's my ex-wife."

"Oh," Yuan Yiping asked, "What is your relationship with Ma Chen's ex-wife?"

Duan Hang actually smiled: "Ma Chen should tell you, right? She is my cousin."

"Is it just a cousin?" Yuan Yiping stared closely at Duan Hang's eyes: "For a cousin, you almost sent yourself to prison, is it worth it?"

"My family is very poor. It's because of bad luck and bad reincarnation." Duan Hang smiled and said to himself: "I don't have any parents. I live in the countryside. I didn't go to school when I was 13. I fight in groups every day and steal money." Things, there was a fight and almost killed someone, so he went to the juvenile detention center."

"My elder sister—it was Zhang Yueyang—she was just a freshman at the time, and she participated in a social practice with her tutor, and happened to go to our place. In fact, our relationship is far away, but she still bought a lot of food and went to see it. Me. Later when I came out of the juvenile prison, she was the one who helped me find a school. She said, anyway, I have nothing to do with me every day, so I might as well go to school. I listened to her and started to study hard, but it was a bit late , I was only admitted to a junior college. After that, I was admitted to a junior college, and then a graduate student.”

"If it wasn't for her, I might be like my father now, smoking and incontinence."

Although Ma Chen had already talked about Duan Hang's situation, Yuan Yiping still felt a little horrified when he said it himself.He remembered that when Duan Hang came for an interview, he asked Duan Hang that his salary was so low, would you like it?Duan Hang said coolly that I just want to find a job that doesn't require clocking in.At that time, in his opinion, Duan Hang was just a child with no worries about food and clothing, who was raised by his family clean and white, who liked to watch anime and buy figures for nothing, and lived a relaxed life.

Yuan Yiping can hardly imagine how much hardship and disguise Duan Hang has put in to become what he is today.

"Brother Yuan, I know, it's not right for me to do this. I can't use one mistake to deal with another mistake. But I have no other way. I can only go to the tiger mountain knowing that there are tigers. I can't stand my sister being punished." Bully."

Duan Hang lowered his head and said slowly: "I secretly took the wedding photo that day. I didn't know they took the wedding photo that day, but she didn't come to the office, so I thought, take a gamble. I'll tell you that Zhang Yuzhe won't do it." Yes, I made it up. I dare not say anything about others. If you ask others, you will find out. But Zhang Yuzhe has a special relationship with her. I just want to try it. What if you believe it? I took advantage of this loophole. This You are the most innocent, Brother Yuan, I... sincerely apologize to you."

Yuan Yiping asked: "You are afraid that I will give those evidences to Ma Chen, aren't you?"

"It doesn't matter if you give it to him, I have to bear what I do," Duan Hang said with a firm and upright face: "Before I decided to do this, I thought about the consequences."

"Okay," Yuan Yiping had nothing to say: "You are a man."

"You won't give it to Ma Chen, will you?"

"No," Yuan Yiping stood up, waved his back to Duan Hang, "I don't want to get involved in these things anymore." After speaking, he opened the door and walked out of the room.

Duan Hang followed Yuan Yiping, glanced at Liang Yuyi, and said nothing.

Duan Hang left, Liang Yuyi asked Yuan Yiping: "How is it?"

"That's it," Yuan Yiping took a few sips of water, feeling physically and mentally exhausted: "He likes his sister... definitely, that kind of like."

"..." Liang Yuyi was silent for a few seconds, then nodded: "Okay, I wish them a happy marriage."

Yuan Yiping thought of Tang Qingyu and Wang Yuan again, he thought that Duan Hang was to his cousin, probably like Tang Qingyu was to Wang Yuan, his deep feelings would never be spoken.

"How about Ma Chen?"

"He asked me for evidence, but I didn't give it to him. I said you liked me, were jealous of him, and didn't want to give him the evidence."

Yuan Yiping: "..."

"Just kidding," Liang Yuyi smiled lazily, "We are goodbye."

"You..." Yuan Yiping turned to look at Liang Yuyi, she was leaning on the sofa with her legs crossed, her posture was like a salted fish in an emoji, she looked very comfortable.

"Ok?"

"Have you ever liked them, even a little bit?" Yuan Yiping couldn't help asking, "I won't talk about Ma Chen, what about Zhang Yuzhe? What about Wang Yuan?"

"Of course I like it, Xiao Zhang is so cute, Wang Yuan, it's okay, I really liked him when I was in school."

"You said you liked Zhang Yuzhe, then how did you do it - being with Ma Chen and Wang Yuan, and... liking him?"

"Is this contradictory?" Liang Yuyi said quietly: "I found that you are not only very straight, but also very clean, and it hurts us."

"What are you guys?" Yuan Yiping frowned: "I mean, for a long time, it won't be very...uncomfortable to separate the body from the emotions?"

"Such a profound question," Liang Yuyi sighed softly: "Everyone is different, but even if it's wrong, it's not unforgivable, right? People just don't agree with each other and empathize with each other. Will make wrong choices and wrong things, people, who doesn't think clearly?"

"..."

Yuan Yiping rushed out the door quickly.

Before, Chen Shuo said that he admitted his fault and begged for forgiveness.But everything was rejected by Yuan Yiping.At this moment Yuan Yiping suddenly realized his cruelty, he didn't even give Chen Shuo a chance to explain.He wished he could appear in front of Chen Shuo in the next second. He thought he would use all his patience to erase the label he had nailed on Chen Shuo and listen to Chen Shuo's explanation.He hated, resented, and contradicted for so many years, but he never tried to understand Chen Shuo.

However, in the taxi to the hotel, Yuan Yiping received a text message from Chen Shuo:

Yiping, I'm back to Gancheng.It's not that I'm avoiding you on purpose, but we've already said everything we need to say, so there's no need to get entangled.You need me these days just because you are afraid. I understand what you are afraid of, because I have been afraid of what you are afraid of.For Yizhi's matter, I should apologize from the beginning to the end. Yizhi is a hurdle we can't cross, and I admit it.In short, life must go on, I hope you will come out soon.Good luck with life.Chen Shuo.