lemon balm

On a cold winter day, Chen Sheng often came to the bar to drink.Probably because there are few people here and it is clean, he always drinks with a smile on his face, bright red.Of course, I did my part to ride the car home.Every time the driver in the car waited respectfully for him to drink and go home, this Uncle Chen didn't take it seriously, as if he preferred to talk to me.

Looking at all this, I sometimes think about whether my mother would have been happier and happier if she had married him.But everything is in the past, everything is a foregone conclusion.He is also married and has a daughter.

At that time, he didn't have much capital, and the other party was the boss' daughter, who somehow fell in love with him, and wanted to marry him desperately.His wife's parents couldn't hold back the only daughter, so they let her make trouble.Not long after they got married, they had a daughter, but his wife's health was getting worse and worse, and no amount of western medicine or Chinese medicine could cure her, and she finally died thin and naked.What disease?Western medicine says that it is an endocrine disorder, which leads to organ dysfunction.Traditional Chinese medicine says that it is postpartum weakness, yin and evil entering the body, coupled with excessive worry and thinking, and the lamp is exhausted.As soon as his wife died, the father-in-law refused to do it, and clamored to drive him out.Originally, he relied on the other party's family, even if he was a visiting son-in-law, with a bad reputation and a spoiled daughter-in-law, he kept swallowing his anger.The old man made such a fuss, which made him even more angry, and contradicted the old man with a few words.

Besides, this old man, who fought for power all his life, saved up this family property, but he was childless all his life, and he lost his daughter when he was old. Coupled with the opposition from his son-in-law, he suddenly had a stroke and died within two years.There was only one old lady who was always lonely and helpless, crying so hard that she almost broke her eyes.In this way, the family business was inherited by Chen Shenglai.

It's also interesting to say that if grandpa hadn't objected to his mother's marriage back then, his mother wouldn't have married his father, Chen Sheng wouldn't have married that rich daughter, his mother wouldn't be lying in the hospital, and Chen Sheng wouldn't be full of wealth.Unfortunately, in this world, there are never ifs.

I can only look at my mother's withered face in a bleak and cold wind, with traces of nostalgia and sadness. I will never owe her any more for her illness.Mother's hair seems to be a little shorter. In the hospital, nurses probably helped her cut it, but she looks very energetic.Her complexion also improved a little bit, with a slight smile, but she could see the bruises under her eyes and her more pointed chin. For some reason, tears rolled down her face.

"It's fine, why are you crying?"

I couldn't speak, and kept crying. She stroked my head, so I cried even harder, as if I had grabbed something, and couldn't get up on the bed.Her throat was sore and her eyes were sore and swollen. She couldn't open her eyes, but the tears couldn't stop flowing.I haven't cried for a long time.

After a long time, I finally got up and left.

Before you know it, it is already spring.I never noticed before that the flowers in spring have no leaves, only clusters of small crimson flowers piled on the gray-brown bark. Although they are beautiful, they are unavoidably lonely and desolate.Early spring in the evening, cool to the bone, unknown flowers, probably apricot blossoms, maybe pear blossoms, reflecting the gray sky, it was a bit stunning.A scent of flowers woke me up after standing for a long time, and I wrapped my black windbreaker tightly around my body, showing a dry smile.

That night, out of nowhere, I had a dream.In the dream, I was at home in a very high-end hotel, and the decoration was very expensive, but everything in the dream had a strong smell of cologne, which made people feel sick.I suddenly woke up from the dream, and I was really in this hotel. It turned out that everything was not a dream. I breathed heavily and shed a few tears.

There is no one in the house, only me.It was already broad daylight, and the curtains were half-opened, revealing a huge glass curtain wall. Outside the window was the busy street, and the quietness in the room was scary.Quietly sipping the bitter and sweet tea, small teacups are useless, so I had to drink peonies from a teapot, mouthful after mouthful.Looking at the paintings on the wall, I can't understand them anyway, but I still have to hang them up to pretend to be elegant, as if I know something clearly, but I can only pretend that I don't know anything. "Mr. Lin, Mr. Chen has already left. This is breakfast."

"Thank you. You can go out." I tried to stuff a steamed dumpling and drank the delicious soup I don't know what to make, but my stomach felt sick.By the way, I haven't brushed my teeth yet.I rushed to the bathroom, and in the sound of soft music, I finished washing up, looking at the mirror alone.Continue to gobble it up, and suddenly realize a feeling of unwillingness while eating, so I start chewing in small bites, and keep eating until everything is eaten, my stomach is very full, and I burp before holding on to my stomach. Autumn-scented wood siding backs the bed.

Sitting on the bed like this for a long time, I felt a little tired, so I squinted my eyes and fell asleep. I never thought that I actually fell asleep, and slept for a long time.When he woke up, the watch on the wall had reached one hour, and it was already afternoon.Walked into the bathroom, wanted to go out after washing, but looked in the mirror for a long time.In the mirror, I have a round face, eyebrows and eyes very similar to my mother, but also have the shadow of my father, which looks extremely delicate.Just, inexplicably a little irritated.

When I got out of the hotel, it was still a little cold outside, and the breeze blew through for a while, and someone next to me helped me put on a black flannel coat, which was very warm.I turned around and thanked the thoughtful service staff, and was driven by the driver to the hospital.

Mother's body is getting better day by day, and her spirit is also very good.The arms and thighs can be easily moved, but they still need to be served by people for food and clothing.But fortunately, there is no need to worry about food and clothing in the hospital, so there is no major problem.Chen Sheng would also visit her often. They could always have something to say, and they didn't know what to say. They hadn't seen each other for so many years, so who knew who would become what.

"Your Uncle Chen didn't come today?" My mother raised her head and asked me, with some loose clothes in her hand.Her face became plump little by little. Although she still looked old, she was much less ill after all, and she looked much younger.

"He didn't come today? Maybe he has something to do. With such a big family, there are always things to be busy." I picked up a piece of mung bean cake.

"You child, he gave you such a good job, and he doesn't respect others at all." She said vaguely, "If it wasn't for him, hey, yes, then everyone's career."

"He gave me work, but I did it myself, and I didn't owe him anything. Really! Let's go." Wrapped up a coat and went out.

Looking at the light purple sky outside alone, it was a bit cold, the air was gray and wet, and he couldn't help wrapping his clothes tightly.I walked along the road that my mother used to take to go home. This remote road is very spacious, but there are not many people.It is probably far away from the urban area, and there are no pedestrians at night, only a few cars speeding forward, whizzing past.

Go west and there is a school about one or two kilometers away.In the past, the schools were all located in the urban area, but later they were all built near the suburbs. First, the land is cheap, and second, it is quieter here, so students will not be too distracted.As we walked, the street lights turned on. At this point, it should be just in time for the students to leave school.Many students in urban areas choose to go to school. In fact, they are not close to home, but they just have to get up early in the morning to rush to school.I also blame the school. The water in the dormitory is not very convenient. There is only cold water that comes with a twist. There is no hot water. Tongzilou is very annoying.So on the streets at night, groups of students can be seen riding trams, rushing forward like the wind.

It's just that there are only a few pitiful people on this road, and the redbud flowers in spring are blooming on the roadside, mixed with blue leaves, which is a bit strange under the street lamp, which makes people want to write a poem.Biran Yanluo hated her infinitely, and only got this sentence for a long time, so she had to give up and continue walking forward, watching the street lights turn on one by one, forming a yellow-white light path on the road, it was very beautiful.

On the north side of the road is a large piece of land under development, and a new residential area will probably be built.But the construction has not started for a long time, the roadside is covered with grass, and is separated by the green belt dividing the sidewalk, making it even more green, desolate and lonely.

Walking, I suddenly wanted to go to school to see.The school was lit with yellow lights, and a half-hanging red flag could be seen from afar.The current students are not interested in raising the flag, and only a few meters of the flagpole stands on a door opening in the door, looking downcast.When we arrived, we found that this road was a back door. No wonder there were only a few people. The black iron door was locked with a rusty lock. The door was full of peeling paint, which was very dilapidated.

After turning a few turns along the road, I saw the main entrance just now. This is another road.But it's no wonder that there is no one on the road over there, the lights here are bright, and there are carts selling snacks everywhere.Some greasy cars had a dazzling white lamp hanging on the roof, covered with a layer of oil, it looked like a cafeteria.Next to the car is usually a middle-aged woman, who is quick to make pancakes, egg-filled pancakes, and grilled sausages. They are greasy and delicious. Occasionally, a noodle stall is crowded. Girls with ponytails and schoolbags lined up eagerly one by one, as if they had passed through autumn water.

These things must be unclean, so the school vigorously banned such small stalls, but the school cafeteria often made extremely bad food, and students would rather eat instant noodles in the dormitory hungry.Speaking of school meals, it’s also interesting. Good food can be cooked so that it is not undercooked, without a trace of food aroma, which is also a chef’s skill.Usually, the rice will be mixed with half-baked rice grains and a few grains of gravel that have not been cleaned.The dishes are even more unique. The vegetables all have an earthy smell, as if they are not cooked, but the color is not as bright as the vegetables. It is often a gray-green lump, and the occasional meaty smell is mixed with bright green beans. There are a few stars and grains of fat meat, and the fishy smell of pork enters the mouth.

Therefore, these dirty small stalls can develop under the eyes of the leaders.The scent of all kinds of food permeated the entire intersection with the flow of people, white mist and scattered lights. In an instant, this small place became very blurred, as if it was an auspicious and beautiful heaven and earth, but the background was pitch black, and it was even worse. It looks brighter here.

Looking at the thriving boys and girls walking the way they came, I feel a little envious.The days before were not good, but they were simple. Working hard for a goal without thinking too much was a kind of happiness.It's just that the days of campus can never go back, and those good memories are never mine. I have never had a student life of talking and laughing, except for the days spent with Lin Sen.But what can be left for me to slowly count and recall are endless dazes, old window lattices, and knocked-off textbooks.People say that no one is forever young, but some people are always young.So what about my youth, where was my youth thrown away?

It's another day, I wake up much later than usual, I'm lazy in bed, and I don't want to move anymore.The morning in spring is still very cool, looking at the sunlight passing through the blackened window, wisps of golden white, the dust in the air is so clean that it can be seen that the dust in the air is constantly moving.The light hit my face, I thought, it would look good this way.

After a long time, he got up from the bed and dragged his heavy body unsteadily towards the bathroom.The water in the morning was so cold that I had to use a kettle to boil hot water and mix it with warm water to wash my hair.My hair is very similar to my mother's, black and shiny, but soft.And the hair is like lush grass, thick and thick.The crystal water drops are very colorful in the sun, which can refract colorful rays of light. The room is filled with the fragrance of shampoo, which makes me a little happy.

After washing, it is time to start cleaning the room.It's been a long time since I've done one thing in detail. When I first moved in, my mother was in the hospital and had to deal with school affairs, so I cleaned it in a hurry.Then I have to go to work every day, so I am even more busy.After that, it was bitterness all day long.After fetching a basin of water, the blue basin could no longer see its original appearance, so I had to scrub the inside and outside of the basin again, and then started cleaning.Wipe the ground bit by bit with a mop. It takes a lot of effort, and I sweat a lot in a short time.Then I wiped the tables and chairs again with a cloth, and wiped the windows again. The old-fashioned windows are very difficult to wipe, and they are full of dust.Finally, I cleaned the bathroom again. It was very dark and smelly, and I flushed it again with the toilet cleaner. I used up half of the new bottle.

In the end, I lay on the bed with sore body, looked at the clean room, suddenly felt aggrieved for no reason, and had to cry out two tears, which was funny.I looked at the table next to it. It used to have dark red lacquer leather. It should have been red and solemn and elegant, but now even the lacquer was gone, and it was full of wood texture inside.Against the gray polished concrete floor and the tawny walls, such a table looks even more decayed.

The porridge was boiled in the pot, and the aroma of the porridge in the faint water vapor was very attractive. After frying a green vegetable and heating up the meat, I went to the hospital to deliver food to my mother.Unexpectedly, I went late today, and my mother had already eaten.In this way, most of the meals went into my stomach.

"Are you okay today? Why don't you leave for a long time." Mother asked.

"I don't want to go today, I have someone to support me anyway." Both of them remained silent.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked.

"It's fine to go out for a walk, but if you stay indoors all the time, you'll get moldy." Mother's face was ruddy. "I remember that the house you rented didn't have a kitchen. How do you cook?"

"I moved the gas from the house, and put a table on the balcony against the wall."

"Remember to clean up the walls. There is a lot of fumes from cooking. Why don't you stick something on the wall." She spoke slowly, as if she was a little uneasy, probably since she hadn't come out for a long time.In the sunshine, the mother's expression was very indifferent. At this moment, she looked like a virgin, loving and calm.There is a faint golden light in her eyes, looking at the unknown distance, maybe she is missing her mother?

Mother's mother is a weak and kind old man.Mother will have a little bit of sincerity towards her.It's just that she hasn't been back for a long time.The knot between mother and grandfather will probably never be untied.