lemon balm

Spring has come happily among the flowers, and I have never been so yearning for spring as I am now.The red is dazzling, the white is pure, the yellow is reluctant, and the purple is bitter. Thinking of this, I laughed.Among the flowers, the mother's body recovered quickly. The doctor said that she could be discharged after a period of observation.I looked at my mother, but I couldn't laugh anymore.

One day not long after, my mother was discharged from the hospital.I discussed with the landlord and rented the room next door as well.The two houses are similar in size, so I moved my mother's clothes to the next door, cleaned the inside and outside, and then moved in.At the same time, I started to look for a new house and prepare to move in.

My mother has been discharged from the hospital and is at home every day, so I can't stay in the house every day.I have nothing to do, wandering in the street every day.From the spice factory with strong smell in the east to the school in the west, I walked every day and got tanned a lot in a few days.When Chen Sheng saw him, he said, "Are you going to the coal mine to dig coal? Don't tell me, the people in the coal mine are just like you."

After saying these words, he was rarely seen.Chen Sheng is very busy these days, and his mother asks him every two days if he is coming.Every time he came, he just sat for a while and then hurried away.I seldom see him, and I heard him say that he seems to be busy with the acquisition of a vacant lot on the west side.Probably he inherited the family business from others, so he wanted to change the industrial structure, and wanted to change from the original factory to real estate, so as to prove himself.

On this day, my mother was arranging clothes and found a new dress of mine.She paused, and found an old dress from the closet.Suddenly, she thought of something, and my heart was stabbed.

"How much does he pay you?" Mother asked.

"It's about the same as you were before." I said vaguely.

"This dress is not cheap. I remember this brand. It cost me nearly half a month's income to buy this old dress." My mother carefully put away the long coat.

"Oh, it happened to be the anniversary, and it was on sale. It was a vintage model, so it was cheaper." I hurriedly explained.

"Oh." My mother was about to put the clothes in the cabinet, and I broke out in a cold sweat.

So from then on, I didn't even dare to buy clothes randomly.I started wandering on the street again, it was getting hotter, and the pomegranates were all in bloom.At the age of sixteen or seventeen, we are among the streets and crowds illuminated by the setting sun, and we are even inferior to the whooping reds on the roadside.The air-conditioning in the hotel was very strong, and my hands and feet were freezing cold. I just came out of the hotel and entered this slightly smoky season, and I walked on the street with a steady step.The shade under the tree just falls on the back of the feet. In the heat, the body warms up a little bit, and a slight sweat oozes out.In the distance, the sky is crystal-like pure blue, and lazy clouds are rolling in the sky, the clouds are as mellow as milk and as light as blue smoke.Everything is as peaceful as this sky.

Taking a big breath of the smell of spices in the air, he walked a little bit briskly.I blinked my dry eyes and saw a boy riding a bicycle under the golden sunlight.Gray sweatpants, white T-shirt, healthy complexion.The extremely bright Danfeng eyes are long, making his face very manly.He stood up suddenly and made an incomparably obscene gesture, which caused the girls next to him to sigh and fluster. This gesture was really a bit youthful and sexy.It is summer.

They gradually approached, and I gave him a big smile, and he looked back at me with some surprise.I close my eyes, this person is very familiar.As he continued to walk forward, the sun shone directly on his face.It's boring to wander around outside alone, and you can't go home, so you have to keep walking and walking, and you don't know where you are going.

Unknowingly, I walked to the junior high school, and the vermilion gate has always stood there, never changing for anyone.On the other hand, the leaves of the sycamore tree next to it have fallen and grown, and it has been many springs and autumns before I know it.The security guard at the gate has also been changed. The former old man has been replaced by a young man with a thin waist and a straight waist, but in a few years, he will be full of fat and greasy.For some reason, there was no one in the school, only a few children playing table tennis, and a half-grown child who looked very mature was talking with a few girls, perhaps in a relationship.

The basketball hoops on the playground have all been replaced with new ones. I remember that the hoops used to be just a circle of gray wires, but now they are different.I used to sit next to the basketball court and watch a few tall and straight boys play basketball. I was stupid and couldn't learn it, so I had to look at my clothes.Xiaoxiao sat in the old position again, people will always grow up.

The sun was about to go down, and the golden fireball was red and naked, as if it was full of vitality.The slanting sun shone, and the shadow of the vermilion gate was very long, as was the shadow of the sycamore tree. Only my shadow was half nestled, and it looked out of place on the wall next to it.Walking to the side, everything is harmonious.The person in the shadow can't see the face, only the thin and narrow body, which looks lonely and thin.

Going out, I didn't want to go home, so I had to keep walking on the street.Looking at the familiar streets, familiar floor tiles, and familiar patterns, I feel a sense of loss. I am still in the third year of junior high school, and nothing has changed.Just as he was thinking about it, he stepped on a hollow floor tile, and the water below splashed out, making it very dirty. Only then did he realize that Bai Yuncanggou.I looked up to see if there were any familiar shops, but most of the small shops around me changed their appearance.The air was a little dry all of a sudden, I smelled spices, very clear and familiar, the sky suddenly became gray, gray sky, pale clouds, like a huge scar.

Walking back to my former home, under the dim streetlights, I looked lazy. Sitting under the streetlights, I watched the crowds coming and going, mostly rushing in and out, in a hurry.The evening wind was blowing the rustling leaves, it was a little cold, and a figure appeared.He walked slowly, and I smiled at him.His thin face has the color of sunshine, blooming a lot of wonderful things.He didn't look all that happy and sat down without speaking.

I wanted to talk to him, but only saw his delicate face.Thick eyebrows flew into the temples, and a pair of red phoenix eyes were full of haze with spirit. The corners of his eyes were upturned, matching his wheat-colored skin, which was not against harmony, but made people fascinated.The slightly pointed chin is more defined, the cheekbones are flat, the lines are as smooth as spring water, the Adam's apple is prominent, and the half-unbuttoned shirt reveals the powerful chest and collarbone.He changed into a pair of light blue jeans, white canvas shoes, and a pure white shirt, which looked very good.He didn't look at me, he took out a can of beer from somewhere, and opened it with a "Ben'er".He took a big gulp, his Adam's apple moved up and down, and a drop of wine flowed out from the corner of his mouth.

"tasty?"

"En." He opened his lips, his eyes flickered, and he wanted to say something but he closed his mouth again, and I only saw his well-defined profile.

"Together." I took the bottle and took a big gulp. "It's not good." Slightly bitter, a little sour, with a hint of alcohol.

"What do you drink, do you have the face to drink?" He snatched it again.

"I..." There was really nothing to say.He lit a cigarette, and the smell of tobacco was so strong that I couldn't help coughing.

After thinking for a long time, I didn't say anything.

He suddenly said, "Where do you go to school now?"

"I'm not going. Are you still in school?"

"Well, the one on the west side, you know." He looked at me, "Why didn't you go up?"

"It's amazing!" I smiled. "I can't afford it..."

"Where are your parents?" He paused.

"My mother is sick. No one cares about me anymore." A little aggrieved, "What about you? How are your grades?"

"Well... so-so." He took a sip of his wine and looked back at me.

"I think you are quite popular with girls." For some reason, she smiled at him, and took the last sip bitterly.

"They're annoying." He fiddled with the soda can with his bony hands, pressing it into a discus. "Where's your father?"

"Really?" I got up, "I don't have a father anymore. It's late today, go back early." I turned around, his face was a little blurred, and the smell of spices in the air made people confused.Then he walked home step by step.

Why not?Why not?Maybe it's because I can't say it, or maybe I don't know how to say it.The street lights are still dim and resentful, just like before.A ray of dark clouds drifted across the sky, covering the hazy moon, and carrying away the starlight with the breeze.I suddenly remembered the lyrics of a song when I was a child:

father

Hey!

Has the sun come out and the moon has gone home?

right!

When the stars came out, where did the sun go?

in the sky!

I can't find it no matter how hard I look?

It's home!

The sun, the stars and the moon are an auspicious family!

A little girl sang sweetly, no sadness, no worries, after all, she was a little boy.A teenager's mind is simple, but when he grows up, he will probably have a lot of thoughts and worries.

When I hurried home, I realized that my mother was at home.My mother had nothing to do at home every day, so she simply took care of the housework, so I became a shopkeeper every day, and she praised me for being hardworking and serious when I went back all day. worried.It was very late, I opened the old wooden door and prepared to enter the house.But I saw my mother in the next room turned on the light with a 'click', and a dark face came out. "Why are you back so late?"

"Didn't you say that if you work a little longer, you can't live up to Mr. Chen's kindness?" I was a little surprised.

"That's what you said, you should come back early, it's already midnight, what did you do to come back so late." She looked at me suspiciously, the mother's long blue dress faded and turned white.

"Colleagues are having dinner together, you should go to bed quickly." He hurried into the house, took a shower with water from the kettle, and fell asleep with sourness, irritability and irritability.

It was like having a dream, vaguely, in the dream it was very hot, I was sitting under the shade of a tree in pain, Lin Sen also came for some reason, the two talked together, very happy, he didn’t seem to remember the incident It's over, just like before.But he suddenly disappeared again, and the whole world became dark and chaotic. I was walking alone, but I couldn't move anymore. With a shining big knife, she was so tall that I was powerless to fight back.The dream seemed to pass very slowly, but it was also very fast. In the blink of an eye, only the scary woman was left. I don't remember what happened afterwards, she looked very scary.After that, I couldn't remember it anymore. When I woke up, it was already bright daylight, and my body was covered with sweat and sticky.

I slowly got up to wash up, and looked at myself in the mirror with a sleepy face, my face was slightly swollen, listless, and looked ugly.I was washing my face when I heard my mother say, "Aren't you looking for a new house? Have you found it? Although you can live here, it is always inconvenient." My mother has complained more than once that the kitchen here is small, and it will soak in rainy days. There is no dedicated balcony, and it is always inconvenient for people to come and go in the aisle.

"Let's eat." She looked in a good mood. She was wearing a lake blue cheongsam, some aged mid-heels, and her hair was tied loosely. Still a beautiful woman.She walked straight with a plate of green vegetables and a plate of salted duck eggs. There were two bowls of porridge on the table, boiled clear soup and clear water. When she turned around, her mother brought some fried dough sticks, sat down and began to eat.

She didn't eat deep-fried dough sticks either, she only drank porridge and green vegetables, and seemed to be thinking about something.After a while, he said, "You are not going to work, eat some salted duck eggs, and you will get hungry easily."

"Well, you can eat too. I will ask the landlord again when I have time today. Last time I said that the tenants will move out in half a month. I guess it will be soon." I swallowed the greasy fried dough sticks, thinking Where are you going today.

"I want to go out for a walk today, you can eat outside by yourself." Mother said slowly.

"Do you want to find a job? No more rest for a while? I earn enough now." I looked at her still frail body.

"It's okay, there's nothing to do at home every day, it's also good to go out for a walk." She smiled.

"Oh, well then, I'll go first." Seeing that it's time, if you don't leave, you will be exposed.

The footsteps changed from hasty to swaying, looking at the hurried crowd, suddenly feeling helpless and unwilling.I dragged my heavy steps to a sparsely populated road. My mother would probably go to a crowded place when she was looking for a job today. I couldn’t go to the city, so I had to go to a place with few people.

Thinking about walking to the school in the west, there is a small slope behind the school, probably the waste soil cleared up when the school was built, piled up next to the big trees behind, and now it has merged with the big trees.The green grass covers the hills, and the fresh yellow soil is exposed beside the tree trunks. The tree trunks are black, dry and rough, but there is a strange harmony.In the shade of the lawn, there is a small pink-blue flower, unknown, but very warm and moving.

I stood on the highest point of the hill and looked into the school. Several skinny young men were playing basketball. Their bodies were chic, and their exposed wheat-colored skin had the unique firmness and sex appeal of youth.Taking a closer look, there was a very familiar figure in the crowd, very much like Lin Sen.After a while, he stopped, walked to the courtyard wall, looked at me, wondering what he was thinking.

I turned around and left, and started spinning around the street again, wobbling helplessly.I met him again in the evening, it was still the same street lamp, the familiar old brick.Under the dim light, the smell of spices in the air was very strong, and I felt very thirsty in my mouth. I couldn't quench my thirst even after drinking water, so I had to lean against the street lamp, holding a large water bottle and slowly filling it.Lin Sen brought a small case of beer, which was cold and quenched his thirst, so he drank it one sip after another.

"Hello?" He frowned, unhappy.

"What?" I said through my nose and glanced at him. "Take a sip of your wine, so stingy, so annoying."

"Why didn't you call me back then." He asked in a low voice, lowering his head.

"Why didn't I call you?" I suddenly smiled, "I wanted to, too, but I couldn't make the call?" His eyes began to gather anger, so I had to explain, "That day, it was snowing heavily, and the snowflakes just fell on the phone number. .I wanted to wipe it, but the snow melted as soon as I wiped it, and the words were blurred."

Looking at his delicate face, I smiled at him, "What do you mean? How can I call you? When I was about to stop you, I couldn't find you anymore." Am I crying?no feeling.

He stopped talking, his mouth was pursed, and the corners of his mouth slightly raised seemed to be mocking me.After a while, he said, "Then you haven't looked for me again all these years?"

I looked at him, he looked at me, and suddenly said "I'm sorry." He drank another bottle of beer and wiped the corner of his mouth, "I was looking for you last year, but you moved, and there is no news of you in school , and the clue was broken."

Yeah?He is looking for me.I looked at his chiseled side face, and said with a smile, "something happened at home, and I sold the house. I'm working part-time now, and I can't compare to you." I smiled at him, and in an instant, the clouds in the sky dispersed , revealing a crystal bright moon, bright and flawless.Gently hummed a song "When is the bright moon? Ask the blue sky for the wine. I don't know the palace in the sky. What year is it?···"

This summer, that winter, we under the streetlights seem to be blending with each other at this moment, becoming the original self.He is still a bad-tempered basketball boy, and I am still that timid student.

He smiled at me, and I knew it was the same him back then.He said that his new school, new teachers and new classmates are still so annoying. He said that he still doesn't like studying and his grades are not good. He said that there are many girls who like him, but he doesn't like them. He said that his parents divorced and he had a stepmother, which is why he transferred to another school.

It is said that he used to live with his mother, who didn't earn much but treated him very well, so he was willing to cheat on the exam and didn't want to make his mother sad. Later, his father and his mother fought a lawsuit and took away his custody rights, so he I just transferred to another school.

"Then why are you back now" I asked him.

"Because my mother is having a hard time and I want to take care of her, and..." He stopped talking and took a big gulp of his wine.A large piece of soda cans was under our feet, whirring, and we were still excited and kept drinking.

"And what?" I smiled and bumped his shoulder.

"En." He curled his lips, lit a cigarette, his eyes were full of autumn water, and he didn't know what he was thinking.

"Stop smoking, it's killing me. Cough..." A cloud of smoke spread out in front of my face, choking me to death.

The stars are clean in the night sky, and the people under the night sky are also clean.Under the vast and distant starry sky, two people were sitting, I watched his loose T-shirt showing a large chest, swallowed a sip of wine, a drop of wine left from the corner of my mouth, took a look at him, and then gulped down my saliva.Pack your clothes and get ready to go home.

Just about to leave, "Are you leaving now? What should I do?" A pair of bright eyes looked at me, clear to the bottom, not as transparent as the eyes of East Asians.

"Go home, and you should go back quickly." I answered him in a daze, and hurried away.

Afterwards, my mother found a job, but fell ill again within a few days, so she simply stayed in the hospital to support her.Originally, she was resolutely unwilling, but Chen Sheng said that he would give me a raise and that I worked hard.Listening to these words, I suddenly felt that this fat middle-aged man suddenly became disgusting, and his smile became hypocritical and sophisticated.Fat people are so obscene, I looked at his protruding abdomen, and I felt like vomiting, but I was not too clean, and everyone said the same.

On this day, I came out of the hotel, dragged my body uncomfortable, and swayed forward step by step. When the street lights came on, under the dim light, I saw Lin Sen.He is wearing a pure white shirt, clean like an angel who has fallen into the mortal world, with a smile on his handsome face, and his wheat-colored face from his neck is extremely bright and youthful.The shirt was half unbuttoned, revealing a young and sexy chest, as if a few drops of water flowed down the neck into the chest, I smiled at him, probably a little ugly.

The air was full of mist, and I was a little dizzy. I smelled a burst of tobacco, mixed with the smell of spices in the air, which made people even more intoxicated. I watched his handsome face grow bigger and bigger. Arrived the fragrance of green grass mixed with soil.The night is thick, and the summer night breeze blows away the sultry heat from the body, nourishing the earth like spring rain.Behind the green belt, I lay on both sides, looking at the stars in the sky, the stars gradually fell into the Milky Way, and the Milky Way opened its fiery heart.

I finally realized that I also have feelings, and it is amazing to touch other people's feelings.Hot, scalding, stinging like charcoal with sparks, and extremely warm, with the temperature of a mother's body.No wonder couples on the street hug each other on a hot day. The temperature of the body is different from the temperature of the air.Of course, when I realized these things, I was sitting alone under the tree, watching Lin Sen playing in the distance.

This summer seems to be extraordinarily long, with so many people met, so many things happened, but so short, there is only a short tail of autumn.When midsummer came, the school was on vacation, and the vacation was very short. The original two-month summer vacation was less than one month.Under the huge majesty of Xia Tian, ​​I only dared to hide in the shade of the trees and watch Lin Sen, who was getting thinner and thinner, stubbornly play in the scorching sun.

His skin, which was not originally fair, was extremely tanned, and it was so shiny that it looked like bronze, or plateau color, or begonia color, in short, all the light seemed to be concentrated on him.Except for the skin under the shorts and vest, which was still a healthy wheat color, even the palms of his hands were several degrees darker.His face was ashen, the basketball in his hand kept flying and spinning, his body kept going up and down, he flew to shoot and passed his knees, and his posture was very chic.The face was soaked in sweat and the hair was wet, condensed into strands of fine strands of hair, against the clean and sunny face, it was even more heartbreaking.

He waved at him, "Come here and rest for a while!" He walked over sweaty, and wiped away the sweat with a corner of his clothes, revealing his lean abdominal muscles, with a hint of sex appeal.He sat down, didn't speak, took a big sip of water, and glanced at me.

"Not happy?" I asked him with a smile.

"No." He said flatly.

"Really?"

"It's a bit annoying." Ripples appeared on his calm face. "My mother is not in good health, so my father took the opportunity to take me back. My mother didn't want to, so she got sick and was hospitalized." It turned out that he insisted on going to school here, but his father couldn't screw him. The man suddenly changed his mind, probably because he was afraid that it would be wrong for him to grow up by his mother's side, so he wanted to take him back.It happened that his mother was ill again, so his father took the opportunity to threaten him and cut off his supply if he didn't go back.This is really a difficult task.

"Then do you want to go back?" I asked slowly, looking into his clear eyes.

"What do you think?" He stared at me, his eyes met, and his skin felt a little hot.

A few days later, I went to see his mother. He was such a strong person, but his mother was extraordinarily gentle and quiet. She just lay quietly on the bed, her black hair scattered on the pure white pillow, and her dignified facial features , doesn't look very beautiful, no wonder his father wants to divorce his mother, men love a face.It's funny to say this, I am also a man, but I always think that men are bad, all love the new and dislike the old, and love women.This is the case with his father, this is the case with Chen Sheng, and even his father is the same.

His mother stood up gently and smiled, "Are you A Sen's friend?" Her fair face was thin and quiet.

"You know me?" I asked in surprise.

"A poor man has no old friends." She propped herself up and sat up. "No one has come to see me for a long time, you sit down first."

About to sit down, she suddenly coughed, her whole body trembling.I had to brush her back to make her feel better. "How long will it take for this disease to heal?" I asked for words.

"The root of the old disease is not easy to heal." There was another trembling. "Do you have anything to say?"

"Oh, I heard that A Sen is going back to his father's place, what do you do?" It's easier to speak straightforwardly.

"It's because I have no ability to support A Sen. His father didn't want him, but he couldn't have children, so he took A Sen back. Hey." haggard.

"Don't worry too much, things will get better." Looking at her mournful face, I remembered myself and my mother, so I stuffed her a paper bag, "I'm not a rich person, I just help out That's all."

"Thank you, child." She almost choked up, but she didn't want to accept it.

"Don't tell him I gave it." I turned and left.In summer, there is no air conditioner in this room, only a whistling fan. No wonder she is not in good health and keeps coughing. The wind reminds this lawless summer.