lemon balm

In the dry autumn wind, I was still sitting in the classroom in a daze, with the fan whistling.In this so-called pure age, a pair of young boys and girls with bright appearances are doing self-concealed activities with a mood that is no longer white, and then continue their youthful years, leaving a pool of red tears of blood in the end.

In this jungle where grades are paramount, as long as the grades are about the same, even if you make a mistake, the teacher will turn a blind eye.Therefore, in this jungle, although my grades have regressed, I still have a place in the top ten.Of course, there are times when the teacher is ruthless. For example, when a man and a woman fall in love in this class, it’s okay if the teacher doesn’t know about it.The one with good grades will stay, and the one with poor grades will either transfer or drop out.Parents will be invited when necessary. At this time, you will see angry parents and boys with flushed faces. Where are the girls?I have been crying so much that I can't see anyone.The teacher said, "Can your current love last long? Can you get married? Girls, love without bread is unreliable." So, more and more girls began to date rich and rich men, by the way Pick immature fruit.They naively think that the love that can be obtained with money can lead to marriage.In fact, sometimes, when you are young, it is very rare to have someone you liked.

On a sunny autumn afternoon, the hot wind blows on the body, causing sticky sweat to ooze from the skin. There is an occasional drizzle, and it is quickly wrinkled by the scorching sun. .The mood is like the sun, soaking through the sparse shade of trees, with hot boredom.Lonely, always go hand in hand.The classmates in junior high school seldom see each other after high school, not to mention that they haven't left their contact information, and they are cut off from the world all of a sudden, as if they have been separated from each other for a long time.

Boys playing basketball appeared outside the window, all in groups and pairs.One is afraid, two are companions, and three are unhappy.But that's right, after a while, a group of people dispersed for unknown reasons, leaving only one pair walking together.I think back to the idle years when the two were together. Lin Sen likes to wear gray sportswear and sneakers, usually accompanied by some sweaty smell, making him look very sunny.

He smiles like a little ruffian, with bright white teeth, always plugging in his earphones during class, as if he doesn't care, or putting comic books behind his textbooks.The most excessive thing is that when he raised the dumbbell in class, he trembled the angry lips of the nearly fifty-year-old man, but he just reprimanded him.

It's just that now, no one asks me to borrow homework, and I feel a little lost.This is probably inertia. After getting used to something, there will be a certain degree of dependence, and the same is true for people.But life will always go forward, never stop for someone or something.It's just life, but there will always be reasons why people can't move forward, maybe it's someone, or it may be something.

In the constant reminiscence, I finally understand that the friend who has a clean smile and good-looking facial features; who fascinated many girls when he played ball; was reprimanded by the teacher with a fearless face;As if he had never appeared in my life before, I looked at his name with a little surprise, and finally showed a smile, the breeze was coming, and the water was calm.

The summer wind blows through the city without a trace of emotion, and the flowers and plants on the roadside are like the flowers in the greenhouse at this moment, their colors have been blown away, red, green, and yellow are mixed together, and the spots are bright.Although autumn has come early, the wind and rain with heat waves are still lingering. Huge storms are brewing in the cloudy purple sky. What.This afternoon, the sky has been gloomy, and the rain has not come down, only a hot air like a stuffy jar hits people.After returning home early, my mother was not at home, and she had nothing to do to clean the outside of the house. A thunderbolt with white light struck down outside the bright and clean house. It sounded very close, and it seemed to make people flustered.

"Dinglingling..." A burst of phone calls startled me into sweat, and I picked up the phone tremblingly, "Hello?"

"Ah Jin? Your mother fainted and is now in the central hospital. Come here quickly." Old Xu said anxiously.

I clenched the phone tightly and closed my eyes. Sure enough, I was still worried.The unusualness of this day seemed to be waiting for the bad news at this moment. After it finally arrived, I took a long breath, but my heart was three points calm.

The smell of cold disinfectant in the hospital stimulated my shortness of breath. I huddled on the long chair. The originally warm day looked extremely pale under the powerful air-conditioning. Looking at the long corridor, there was a terrifying Pale and pale, a sudden burst of laughter frightened Lao Xu into a shiver.He quickly asked me, "Are you okay? Your mother will be fine."

"Why did she suddenly pass out?" I looked at Lao Xu's aging face, I couldn't hide her age.

"She answered a phone call and immediately passed out, so I sent her to the hospital directly." The corners of Lao Xu's mouth drooped as if he was about to fall off when he spoke, and she was extremely thin, making her look even older.The gray suit looked very capable, and the pointed high-heeled shoes seemed a little untenable at the moment, so they had to be piled on the chair.And eagerly added: "Oh, she seems to be answering the call from the bank."

"Bank? Can you show me your phone? I'll call and ask." I felt a little stuffy in my chest and tired.

After a long while, I finally asked. "How is it?" Old Xu asked.

"The bank said my house was mortgaged, and now it's due, and they asked us to move out within a week." I said this sentence as calmly as possible.

"Is your mother crazy? I know it's not easy for her. The wages are among the highest. It's not a problem to support the two of you and save her a pension." She was thinking clearly, with her eyes raised high. .

"Do you know who that man is?" I asked.

"He has only been to the store a few times, and he looks very rich, but the details are not clear. He and your mother..." Lao Xu was a little speechless, and sighed, "You have grown up, and your mother should also find a with."

"I know, I've seen him before, he has a calculating face, he doesn't look like a nice guy." Just as he was speaking, the doctor came out.

"Who are the family members of the patient?"

"I, I am her son."

"The patient has woken up, and I can go in and take care of it later. She was too excited to faint! So she can't be stimulated now, or she will easily suffer a stroke."

After a while, I saw the weak mother lying on the hospital bed. She looked not very good and was very quiet, but I felt that she looked very harmonious at the moment.

"Where did the mortgage money go?" I asked straightforwardly.

"Took it by a bastard," she said harshly. "He lied to me, talking about big business, a lot of money."

"Have you ever thought that he is a liar?"

"He is a rich man, why would he care about my little money?"

"What about now?" I looked at her with a pale face.

"In life, you have to fight hard several times, and you don't want your child to be caught by a wolf." She said stubbornly.

"We're getting ready to move."

The bank took the house, the house that filled all my memories.I still remember the harmonious scene of the dim sun shining on the sofa, and the Tyndall effect in the sunset is very romantic and beautiful. Although there are quarrels here, mother and grandparents, father and mother, mother and me, but here is still me Where I lived for 16 years.Most of the furniture in the house has been sold, and some money can be exchanged, which is very important to us now, allowing us to find another temporary place to live.

Soon, I found a new place to live.This is a small room with only one bathroom, more than 20 square meters, where I and my mother's clothes and a bed can be put down. My mother will not come back for a while, so it is enough for me to live alone.The room is very compact. There are several suitcases next to the bed, a simple cloth wardrobe, and a faucet. You can cook some porridge.The bathroom is separated by an old sliding door, which is full of yellow-green dirt and full of the smell of authentic toilets, which finally improved after I rinsed and disinfected for several hours.All the rubbish in the house was cleaned out, the cement floor was washed several times with water, the stains on the wall were covered with white paper, the glass was wiped clean, and the only small stool was also rinsed, so that the house felt like a home.Looking at all this after taking a cold shower, I felt a feeling of peace, exhaustion, and grievance in my heart, as if my heart had been crushed and then flattened.

Mother's body still needs to rest for a while, the house is gone, my father never took the initiative to contact us, and the relationship between grandpa and mother is not good.This means that I may have to withdraw from school for a while until my mother recovers.After explaining the situation to the teacher, this female teacher with seven points of majesty showed her fragile emotions in front of me for the first time. "The teacher really hopes that you can think about it again. If you have any problems at home, just tell me, and I can help you. As a teacher, I hope that my students can study hard. You are a promising child, smart, Down-to-earth, obedient, and considerate to their parents, going to school is a life-changing opportunity for most people..." She kept saying that there were tears of pity or kindness in her eyes, which I have never seen The teacher has cried before, and this majestic teacher makes my eyes sour at this moment.

"I have to do this, and I will come back. After a while, my mother's health will recover and I will be able to return to campus." After thanking me, I left in a hurry, but I was a little afraid that my tears would flow out.

A few days later, in the dazzling dream Shanghai, I wore a small dress and began to enter this luxurious life.Idle rich wives use a lot of money to keep what little youth they have left. I don't understand this kind of behavior that doesn't adapt to the laws of nature, or they are a little blind and a little pathetic.Perhaps what women need to keep is not only youth, but also a man's heart.But the sky is not fulfilling people's wishes. The tragedy in life is nothing more than the fact that some man divorced his wife and found a young female college student or his secretary. day.What surprised me was that my mother divorced my father before she was very old. This seems to be different from most people, but similar to most people.A large gray mess wrapped around my heart and body, and I couldn't untie it anymore.

My mother's very similar facial features have attracted many people to be very friendly to me, coupled with Lao Xu's willingness to help, I feel like a fish in water here, this is luck.But my three-pointed appearance with my father is not very pleasing to my mother. Every time she sees me, she is not very happy, which is probably unfortunate.The mother's situation is not very optimistic. She has been overworked all year round, and this stimulation once again, although not life-threatening, seems to be a real patient.She lay sick on the plain white hospital bed every day, and nothing could make her happy. At this moment, her beautiful and dignified face quickly lost its appearance like a deflated balloon, revealing the high cheekbones inherited from her grandfather.Her chin became extremely sharp, as if it could pierce through the thin white sheet and the blue and white hospital gown and directly pierce her chest. Her whole body was three parts mean and two parts miserable.

The doctors and nurses in the hospital are a thriving scene, taking advantage of the green of the evergreen magnolia and the delicate yellow of the autumn chrysanthemums in the courtyard, they seem not so cold and lifeless.All kinds of people coming and going were busy, and I realized that this was a hospital when I saw passers-by in a trance.A middle-aged woman was crying in the hall not far away. Through the clear glass curtain wall, she could see the dull-looking child next to her. She hit him, and then both of them started crying, which was only appropriate.Most of the people next to them looked indifferent, as usual, and occasionally someone went up to persuade them, but they kept silent after learning the details. It seems that not everyone can help this kind of thing.The woman had probably been crying for a long time, her hair was disheveled, her dark red coat looked dirty, she probably rolled on the ground, her slightly fat body was bloated and huge, only the hairy head of the child next to her was exposed, a pair of His eyes were full of tears, his nose was over the line, he was sobbing blindly, and he dared not speak.This scene was a little moving, but also a little sad.

With this fluffy sadness, I started my daily work again. During the day, the ladies retain their modesty and dignity. Occasionally, on a brightly lit night, a farce will be staged.The usually elegant and beautiful woman will become unrecognizable at this moment, or the charming or dignified makeup will melt in tears and saliva, and turn into a strong ugliness in the tearing and struggling, saying "I have been with him for so many years, Now I'm old and want to dump me, there's no way..." At this moment, the smell of alcohol all over her body makes people feel that she is just a poor old woman, without youth, appearance and love.Because this kind of thing happened from time to time, Lao Xu had repeatedly ordered not to serve alcohol to the guests, but after many people complained, she could only sigh silently at this situation, letting these sad women feel sad.

Another shiny car was parked at the door, and I was helping to open the door. I was not the doorman at all, I just needed to pour water for the guests who were usually resting in the lobby. , let me take a look for him first.It doesn't matter if you open the door.I ran into a woman with a bright smile, with light makeup and red lips that were very warm. Unlike Mrs. Gui who had a cold face, her smile was genuine.She stepped on a pair of high-heeled shoes to make every step of the way, with a pink and purple dress fluttering backwards, crystal nails stuffed a handful of banknotes into my hand and said, "Thank you."

Then came in a few standard expensive ladies wrapped in brand-name clothes, painted with purple and vermilion lips, showing the demeanor of the main family.It so happened that the doorman came back at this time and opened the door for them.

"Standard expensive lady." I said.

"Why are you so clear, do you understand the brands of their clothes?" He was a little curious, and smiled naively, his handsome appearance was very touching. "I've been here for three months, and I can't tell the brand of the clothes. I only know that the clothes are very expensive."

"I don't need to see it. You can see that they want to stretch their bodies like peach blossom branches." Both of them smiled and said nothing.

In this kind of place, there are usually fewer customers than waiters. In order to give every customer a thoughtful consumption experience, this must be guaranteed.It's not difficult, just ask a large number of waiters to wait there, so many people hang out here every day, seeing a rare new face and hurriedly introducing various spa treatments.In other words, this shop is no longer a hairdressing business. After so many years, Lao Xu has also built a big building and started a business for the rich, leisurely and wealthy.But she didn't look like a rich and idle person at all, and her face was often sad, maybe it was a disease of wealth.

I can't think of anything bad about this place except that I often stay up until midnight, but the people here are not happy, not even as happy as the owner of the optical shop. Everyone is sleepy, about a day Staying in this kind of place, the whole person also reveals a dull gray mind.Except for the doorman who is the gatekeeper, he leads the tip home happily every day with a sincere smile.

Every night, beside the brightly lit street, I walked under the dim light. Rows of neat bricks pieced together a rhombus pattern on the sidewalk, which was very beautiful.Looking at the lights above my head, I feel a little dizzy, and the long-lost familiar smell of spices fills the air. I miss my school days a little bit.This kind of nostalgia called nostalgia makes people very decadent. Walking back to my hut, the stuffy air hits my face, I can't help sneezing, and suddenly feel very pitiful.Looking at the rubbish and scattered clothes in the room, the used chopsticks and the leftover lunch boxes that were a bit rotten, I propped up my heavy body to throw out the rubbish, sweep the floor, flush the smelly bathroom, and finally leaned on the bed, thinking a little bit. cry.Then I thought, who are you crying for?Children cry to attract adults' attention, women cry to attract men's attention, and when crying fails to attract people's attention, it loses any meaning.Let's endure it, it will be back tomorrow, it won't be dark after dawn, don't be afraid, don't be afraid.Then, it was waiting for the dawn in the long dark night.

The next day, when the morning sun shone on my body, I regained my courage.Look, this is the benefit of the sun, no matter who, in any corner of the world, has the right to receive the benefits of the sun.In the mottled light and shadow, I saw my own face, clean and young, and the pale and thin neck seemed to be unable to support the huge head, which seemed particularly unreal.After dropping out of school, he didn't grow taller and lost weight, revealing bruised blood vessels.

This is about the last sunshine, I thought, washing my face with water.The cool water washes away the dust and exhaustion, but not sorrow, heh! I remember taking the last bath in the old house when I moved. People always come naked and leave naked, but they always have to dry when they leave Clean is good.I remember when I was young, a gray-haired teacher told me that there is a place in Africa where people only bathe three times in their life, once at birth, once at night before getting married, and once at death.When I was young, I always wanted to ask, why do people have to take a bath after death? Isn’t it a waste of water?Looking into his cloudy eyes, but unable to ask.Thinking about it now, it is about the dignity and thickness of life.Looking against the light, I saw a gorgeous light, and suddenly smelled a scent of shower gel, which was very similar to the scene of Xixi's last bath at home, filled with the aroma of bubbles, and a beam of light reflected in the center of the eyelids.If it was a mother, she would probably be reluctant.

Get up every morning, wash up, eat a simple breakfast, go to the hospital to visit my mother, busy every day, but it can be considered fulfilling.It was also thanks to Lao Xu that he was working late, otherwise it would have been too late to fall on both sides.In the midst of being busy, people always grow up gradually, I know it.

Early in the morning, the sky was still covered with haze, there were only a few shops open early on the street, and there were only a few people at the door, which seemed very deserted.Sitting on the bus to the hospital, I felt the air-conditioning in the car. Money is really a good thing. With money, it seems that I have everything.After a while, I stood outside the ward, gently opened the door, and looked at my mother who woke up, "Mom, you look good today, how do you feel?"

"It's better, have you had breakfast?" She was tender for a rare moment.Looking at her thin face, which became a melon-shaped face, her face was round in the past. Although she didn't smile often, she still had beautiful dimples.Even though she lost a lot of weight before hospitalization, she is plump and beautiful.But now he was so thin that only his high cheekbones remained, and his face was sunken like a mummy, with a sallow tinge.I sat down quietly, but suddenly wanted to cry. I fell on her body and really shed a tear.There was a moment of peace.

"Grandpa is dead." I said as calmly as possible, but my voice trembled a little.

"What?" She was obviously not as calm as I thought, she confirmed it over and over again, and kept asking like crazy.When I thought she would go back crying and shouting, she calmed down instead.

"Dead?" She sat upright slowly.

"died."

"Dead." Her tone was flat, she couldn't hear the emotion, but she suddenly stared fiercely, "Clean!"

This is very strange, she is rarely so angry, even if she was divorced by her father, she just asked "Fei Libu" indifferently and then divorced briskly.This time it was indeed a roar with red eyes, which did not conform to the polite and cold style of the past.

She sat on the bed until she was completely haggard, then she smiled foolishly, but there were raindrops in her smile.It turned out that it was raining outside, and the raindrops outside the window got into her eyes, so I helped her close the window a little smaller.The rain that didn't know when it fell took away the residual heat of autumn at this moment, revealing a trace of coolness, refreshing, gentle and soothing.

Maybe it was because her heart was blown cold by the wind, or maybe the coolness brought her remaining rationality, she fell on the bed all at once, her face was extremely gray under the white sheets and bedding, she looked like a dead person, if it weren't for the rolling eyes And a drop of tears, it is true.

"Come here." My mother struggled to speak at the moment, and sat up again. "I shouldn't have told you so much, but today, I insist on talking." Her demeanor was dignified and very calm. For a moment, I thought she had changed back to her original appearance.

It is about what I never knew, the story started quietly, and I don't know where it ends.I only remember that when my mother mentioned him, her face was flushed, her dimples were shallow, like a peach blossom in full bloom, and her spirit was high.I also remember that there is an old photo at home, the mother in the photo is smiling brightly, just like the white and clean one.However, now it is no longer what it used to be, and she is no longer the girl she was back then.At this moment, I also understand why my mother deliberately said that my grandma abused me.