lemon balm

I was alone in a corner of the classroom all day long, watching them who were also young with such brilliance, I felt a little sour in my heart, but I could only sit and couldn't do anything.Fortunately, this class is based on strength, as long as the grades are not too bad, they will not be bullied by others.After I won the top few places in the class in the first monthly exam, no one came to provoke me, at least no one deliberately made things difficult again and again.But still sitting, looking at the noisy crowd alone, wanting to reach out, but afraid of being rejected.

After every exam, I had to change my seat. After a month, the fat kid who loved to laugh was transferred away. He sat in the back and still laughed recklessly as soon as he entered the classroom every day.The new deskmate is a skinny boy who doesn’t like to laugh. He spends the whole class lying on his stomach and buttoning his phone. He is very sentimental. Sometimes he looks sad, and sometimes he laughs inexplicably. The same is true.

He has a lot of clothes, and he always wears some bright clothes that I can’t accept, such as a big logo printed on his body, or a red T-shirt with yellow pants and long shoes, which looks sunny and full vitality.Xu Shi often looks more pleasing to the eye, so I think he is a lot more pleasing to the eye, and he is actually a bit good-looking.He wasn't ugly at all, but he had a sad face, which didn't make people get close to him. If you look closely, you can see his delicate features, which is very good.I didn’t think so at the beginning, I just felt that he was very bold in his clothes, but later I found out that he is very good at matching clothes. The same red and purple classics are very suppressed when he matches them. I have never dared to wear such bright colors. He But I like it very much.For a long time, I didn't know his name. It was only after a long time that I found out that his name was Wang Yang. Later, it was just a name.

My mother gave me about [-] yuan for food every month. I thought it was a lot at first, but after eating one meal, I found that it was far from enough for a month. Maybe I ate too much.A bowl of soup, such as hot and sour soup, plus a cake, costs ten yuan, so I can only spend a little more than half a month with such a plan.My mother goes out early and returns late every day. I have to eat out for three meals in the morning, noon and evening, and sometimes I have to buy water, which is barely enough.But gradually there were fewer and fewer things in the house, there was no more shampoo, no more toilet paper, and my mother came back later and later, sometimes even overnight, so I had to skip dinner.In other words, sitting after eating for several months in a row, the more I eat, the fatter I become, and I lose a lot of weight if I don’t eat dinner.

Wang Yang never loses his mouth. He eats as usual every day. After eating, he has to eat in class, candy, fruit, and various puffed foods. The most unbearable thing is a kind of pigskin that has been cut into strips , I was trembling after seeing it.After eating, he wiped his mouth and started playing with his phone again, very innocently.

I don't usually eat with him, because I don't have money, and because I don't know how to go out together.I just buy things by myself, then eat quickly and drink a sip of water.Recently, I quit dinner again, let alone going out with him.Watching other people eat is very uncomfortable, especially when you are hungry, the smells of various foods are mixed together, mixed with the heat emitted by people, and there is no smell of spices among the various aromas, only one kind remains Compound fragrance, very fragrant.After dark, the smell of food gradually dissipated, leaving only the smell of a classmate's feet and sweat mixed together, and then being urged by the heat of someone's exhalation, it made people even more disgusting.

After getting acquainted gradually, this classroom accommodates everyone with a very broad mind.After a monthly exam, Wang Yang was transferred to the back row. He still stepped on the clock to enter the class every day, and then he idly wore very fashionable clothes and smiled lightly.As the rhythm of high school life is getting closer, I have no time to talk to others. I only occasionally look up and see boys and girls exuding hormones falling in love in various ways. I can only watch them in a daze. Preoccupied.

As an atypical good boy, I don't have any hobbies. If I had to have one, it would be in a daze.I will look at the clouds in the sky, measure their shapes, and think of things related to clouds, which is very easy to make people feel happy.Stretched clouds float in the sky, although sometimes the sky is not so clear, but he is still free.Sometimes I also look at the sunken blackboard on the wall, with large and small pits on it. The small pits are left when throwing chalk, and the big ones may be caused by smashing things during fights. Also with a long history are the peeling yellow-green window lattices next to the seats.I often think that when the former students were here, maybe they were already so dilapidated, maybe they were once glamorous, exuding the breath of youth, but time took away the brilliance and beauty, leaving rings of growth rings like trees The same leaves strong colors and mottled light and shadow.Time slipped away in this boring and leisurely daze.

An indomitable life will never stop for anyone, nor will it stop because of what you have experienced, let alone show more pity for your pain.The most pitiful thing is that the closest people may not stop for this and look back at you.

During the year, my mother left early and returned late every day, leaving me with only one empty room. After many years, this room is also a bit dilapidated, and the dusty windows are yellow, which makes the room more vivid. Three points stale.The picture of my mother on the wall is still so brilliant. At the best age, she smiled with contempt for life and paradoxical arrogance.

A string of swift high-heeled footsteps, followed by the metallic sound of keys turning, I heard her slightly proud female voice, "Is it on vacation?" She answered without asking me, "How did you do in the exam? Where did you rank?" After learning After my grades, she froze as quickly as a heroine in a movie, followed by a deep breath, and I lowered my head slightly, waiting for the trial.

"It's not like you don't know that I work very hard alone. It's my problem that I don't have time to take care of you, but why can't you earn some money?" Her tone was very light, with strong resentment, I could only say one sentence sorry.Turning around and returning to his own room, staring at the clouds outside the window in a daze.

is it my faultThere were only a dozen or so, but since I was young, I had never been in the top ten exams, and now I seem to be very reckless, as if the whole world is gray.Holding a book, high school physics, physics has been extremely difficult since entering high school, if it is not for the support of the other subjects, I am afraid that I will fall out of the top [-].The dense formulas and words are like a blunt knife, engraved in my heart bit by bit, destroying all my dignity and self-esteem.I finally couldn't read it anymore, and opened a novel "The Flowers of the Other Shore", the flowers of the other shore bloom, the flowers bloom on the other shore, even if the love has no result, flowers will bloom on the other shore.This writer always uses dark corners to depict great sorrow, like a person in pain, lonely, desolate, and even fearful that people will know.

As soon as I turned two pages, my mother pushed the door open and came in. "Not studying, what are you doing?" She looked at me and opened the textbook before going out. They all look the same, they don’t do their jobs properly, the house is dirty and messy and they don’t know how to clean it, they know how to spend money all day long, and there is nothing at home..."

In this summer, my 16-year-old was like this small town, it was rainy, humid and hot, making people breathless.And the heat in the air can always melt the asphalt road, no matter whether it rains or not, there is always a soft brown greasy smell, the smell of spices, but it has not been smelled for a long time.A few sporadic old trees are out of place in this cement city. The hanging branches are green, and they always have some cement dust to be pleasing to the eye. It matches the season.

In the light summer rain, my mother went out wearing a lotus-colored cheongsam, her lips were a very coquettish begonia red, and she was wearing a side bun. She wore a pair of black-gray high heels that looked even more out of place.She is always dissatisfied with the old, otherwise the purple lip color is very appropriate.

The weather this day was very strange, it was light rain at first, with a long-lost coolness, very refreshing.At noon, the clouds cleared and the sun rose again, and a ray of sunlight shone straight down. Beads of sweat emerged from the back, sticking sticky between the skin and clothes, which was very uncomfortable.The streets that haven't seen the sun for a long time also emit the smell of fermented sewage under the irradiation of ultraviolet rays, which is disgusting. People passing by have to cover their noses and detour.The accumulated water in the street was finally dried up, and the sky was covered with dark purple-gray clouds again, and the air was about to condense in this dusk.Finally, after a stalemate for a long time, a bright white light flashed, and one after another, pea-sized raindrops reflected the green old trees and fell on the smoking concrete floor, emitting a dry smell unique to cement, mixed with water vapor , giving a strange feeling.

At the corner of the old street, a pretty figure flashed past. The lotus-colored cheongsam was wrapped with a tea-white shawl. She walked unhappily, swaying every step, but it could be seen that she was in a bad mood.I held my breath and watched her approach little by little until I could clearly see her begonia red lips.Turning around again, entering the corridor, I could faintly hear the sound of high-heeled shoes thumping and thumping, and then a fair skin slightly smeared with dew was exposed behind the door.

"Why tick tick?" She wiped the rain from her head.

"The faucet is broken, but I blocked it, and the ticking is probably caused by the rain?"

"It's all broken, and if it's broken, I won't find someone to fix it." She pursed her lips and frowned.

"How to fix it? I don't have money to fix it."

"No money? Why no money? Didn't I give you hundreds of dollars a month, and you don't go out to eat, how much can you spend on food and cooking?" Her face was so pale that I could vaguely feel her wrinkles .As she said that, she walked over. The round and long face that was originally very attractive had long been sharpened and narrowed by the years. She looks like the bad woman in the movie, but she doesn't have full eyebrows, it's really pitiful.

"As soon as you said it, you gave me a lot of money. I didn't buy any of the big and small things in the house. So what is the money for? You really have the nerve to say that you don't even have rice. Is it a home?" Looking at her domineering , I hate her all of a sudden.

"When you grow up, you will talk back to me. I want to see how good you are. From today on, you can earn money to support yourself." I looked at her aging face and clearly remembered the words of this mouth. The words "why don't they have trouble with others, but why do they have trouble with you" made me feel more and more resentful.

"No wonder my dad wants to divorce you. Look at you now, which man would like you?" As soon as the sharp curse came out, I felt an eager feeling on the left side of my face, and I looked at it with a sneer. Looking at her, muddy tears appeared in the corners of her eyes, mixed with the thick foundation applied, and turned into a dirty mass of wrinkles printed on the corners of her eyes, making her look extraordinarily old.

She didn't speak for a long time, sobbing blindly, I looked at her and smiled, as if there were tears, only feeling a little wet.There was a smell of sewers coming from this room, mixed with the damp rain in the air, it made people sick.I went back to my room, listening to the constant rain, the sound of splashing water accompanied by my mother's dry crying, I felt a little cold, so I wrapped myself in a quilt.There was a damp musty smell from the quilt, and the white patterns of the concubine became gray and fragile under the erosion of sunlight, running water and wind, and could no longer cover the huge cold at this moment.

I don't know how long it took, the rain stopped, the fever seemed to subside, and the breeze felt very comfortable, and my mother stopped crying.Walking out of bed, I saw the painted sky outside, only a little bit of light, a small moon shrouded in dark clouds, showing hazy and soft light in the blowing wind, and sighed out the window, 17 years old Every night, always with all kinds of scattered sorrow.

After that day, I started to go out to work to make a living.It seems that from this moment on, the continuous rain no longer shrouds the small town, and the strong sun shines on the asphalt road, making it soft and unrealistic to step on.A gust of summer wind blows, with the smell of asphalt. I don’t know when, I suddenly smell the long-lost spice smell. It is strong and familiar. The road under the shade of the trees in the morning and night in the past was accompanied by this scent. of.

The huge street has a strange sense of familiarity that it has never had before. Before that, it has never been such a shame to be rejected politely. When you finally muster up the courage to say that sentence, there is only one sentence "sorry , fully recruited." A simple refusal wiped out all the previous hopes, and between the shame and the scorching heat, there was a sense of familiarity, which made the atmosphere not so embarrassing.Then you had no choice but to say "excuse me." with a smile on your face. The three words "excuse me" seem so practical at this moment, so well-informed. Lose all dignity and keep a trace of nobility.

Finally, after being busy for a long time, I found my first job: handing out leaflets.The store a few streets away from home celebrates its fifth anniversary, so it was a coincidence that the leaflets had to be distributed for three consecutive days, otherwise the busy first day would have come to an end in sweat and regret.After hearing from the boss that he could come to work early in the morning, the stone in his heart finally fell, and he realized that his clothes were already soaked in the approachable summer wind.I went to work early the next morning. From the morning when the breeze didn’t touch my sleeves to the noon when the sweat was hot, and then to the evening when the setting sun illuminated the Tianya Road, I sent out leaflets with colorful slogans printed one after another. My hope and passion.But the passers-by seemed unmoved, just looked at them and threw them away at will, what's more, they threw them away in front of me. I didn't know what to say, and I couldn't say anything, so I had to clean some of them. Pick it up and send it again.

The boss handed over a bottle of water and signaled that it was time to get off work.At the end of the day, I didn't feel very tired, just a little thirsty, and I didn't know how to describe it, a little relaxed, a little bitter, a little wronged, and a little tear hanging on my lips.After receiving the 50 yuan from the boss, it was as if I had owned the whole world at once, and all the unwillingness was left behind, and I walked home on foot.

get the money.But I don't know how to spend it. This is the first time.I want to eat something delicious to comfort myself, but when I think that it is the money I have been busy for a day, I am not willing to spend it.After thinking twice, I went to the corner of the next street to buy a bowl of cold noodles. The lady boss knew me and always gave me a lot of ingredients and noodles, as if I was afraid that I would not be full.Thin round noodles are wrapped in thick sesame sauce, served with green capers and overwatered vegetables. After a big bite, I feel a little hungry, and I can’t help but take a few more bites into my mouth, probably because of the night wind. Astringent, two pea-sized drops of water dripped from the eyes, and it poured into the bowl with a gulp, adding a few more salt for no reason, but it was refreshing.

The next two days happened smoothly. It was nothing more than being patient and bold enough to pass the leaflets to others. After working for a day, it was considered to be experience, and the two days passed smoothly.On the third night, the boss handed me the water and wages and suddenly asked, "Do you need to find a job?"

I nodded, and then I took a closer look at the boss. He looked a little fatter in his gray and white attire, and he looked two years older. With his round black face, he was a character not to be trifled with. Smile with good intentions.Sometimes, people think that a person looks good or evil, but if this person has helped you, then no matter whether he looks good or evil, he must be an extremely kind person in your heart. No matter what others say, you probably will think so.

"I have a friend who opened a restaurant and is currently recruiting waiters. You can try it." He paused, "The salary is not as high as mine, but I don't need a long-term job here. He can give you It will be open until January [-]th, do you think about it?"

"Okay, don't think about it, where is the store? When do I go to see the boss?" I was a little excited.

"Don't get excited, it's very late today, I'll take you there tomorrow." The boss smiled honestly.

I went home full of joy, but there was no one at home, just an empty room, dim and stuffy.After taking a shower and scrubbing the room, it looked completely new.Not long after, a pretty figure swayed back in the twilight. She seemed to be drinking, and a foul smell emanated from her mouth.

Seeing me, I said, "What are you doing back here? Isn't it a talent? You can go out and live by yourself. Is it easy for me to take care of you for so many years? I'm for you, for you..." After saying that, I cried, and there was still a little time left. A ball of yellow-green vomit flowed out of his mouth.After setting her up, it was late at night, she had to go to bed early, and she had to go to work tomorrow.

This is a small restaurant very close to home, you only need to cross a small alley to get here.I didn’t realize this until the boss led me here. It takes a long detour to walk on the main road, and there is always more than one round trip from home to school. This small alley is even more lovely.Next to the alley is a large restaurant, and the alley highlighted by the splendor is more simple and inconspicuous.I pass through here every day, the dusty alley is very long, it takes nearly 10 minutes to walk out, but at the end of the corner is the door of the house.

The new boss loves to talk, and he doesn't stop talking all day long, telling me and customers, most of them know him.From his mouth, he knew that the proprietress was pregnant, and he wanted to find someone to help, but maybe the salary was not high enough, so there was no suitable candidate.The restaurant's business is very good at noon, many people who work around come to eat, all kinds of people, the boss is very busy.At night, it became quiet, only two middle-aged men sitting and drinking, probably because of the bad luck, kept sighing and didn't speak.It was easy for them, the two dishes sat and drank for a while, as if they were about to cry, the boss waved his hand, indicating that I could go home.

The dilapidated white lights of this small restaurant reflected some yellow greasy tables and chairs, and the hotel opposite was extraordinarily bright at the moment, with crimson flower stamens in the platinum and gold lights, very gorgeous.Against the light, I saw a familiar figure in a camel-colored dress and a slender figure, which looked extremely beautiful in the light. For a moment, I thought I was seeing a 20-year-old mother.At this moment, she was leaning against a man with a smiling face, smiling sweetly.Wearing a suit on such a hot day, he didn't think it was too hot. Thinking about it, I walked down the alley and went home.

These days, she seems to be in a good mood. Every day when she comes home, she is humming a song, brisk and lively, and even the wrinkles on her face seem to be much more benevolent. This situation has lasted for a long time, like a huge pink bubble, There will always be a day when it will be pierced, and once it is pierced, it will be bloody.But for now, my mother is still intoxicated in the spring breeze, floating in the beautiful starry sky.