[Comprehensive Mythology] I don't want to have sex with you

Dong Yong asked Emperor Wenchang to play some background music for himself, and a mysterious fairy sound echoed in the Golden Luan Hall.

Dong Yong said in this mysterious music: "nie..." nie what is it?Oops!It's been so long that I forgot, I should be very familiar with it!How could I forget?This unscientific!

The emperor and ministers had seen many Taoist practices and lectures, and it was the first time they heard scriptures with such a unique pronunciation.

Everyone followed hesitantly: "Nai, Nai Si?"

Dong Yong came back to his senses, and he said dissatisfiedly: "Please pause!"

Xianle was interrupted, and Dong Yong said very sternly: "What does it mean to be sincere, everyone present should understand! Is this hesitant and hesitant, is it an attitude of sincerity?"

Dong Yong himself did not read English correctly, and he could rely on others for being dishonest. His face is also quite good.He continued to say firmly: "This is the scripture handed down by the old god who gave me the whisk. This is the supreme scripture that communicates with the world. hesitate."

He earnestly instructed: "When you read this scripture for the first time, there must be some inaccuracies. Don't be afraid, just try to imitate it as much as possible. The most important thing is to concentrate and be serious. Every tone of voice, pause, and every tone of mine must be correct. Do your best to learn every movement! Do you understand?"

The emperor and ministers were all fooled by him, they nodded repeatedly, "Understood, I understand."

The celestial music played again, and Dong Yong continued to read his own scriptures, "nie—"

The emperor and ministers followed suit, "nie—"

"hellhellhare want--"

The emperor and ministers: "Hello, hello, good oil—"

"fine fihank wants to..."

The emperor and ministers: "Rice, rice, three grams of oil..."

This is an English jingle that Dong Yong is most familiar with. I remember that in his previous life, his little niece read this passage to him every day, and his ears were numb from hearing it.

Dong Yong thinks that mastering a few foreign languages ​​can no longer be used as a meme, and he has even forgotten what is behind nie, so what else is he bragging about?Next, just make it up!

The middle finger and thumb of Dong Yong's right hand are pinched together, and the left hand is placed under the right hand. "Heat the pan, heat the oil, fry in the pan until golden, add boiling water, add scallions and ginger, add some salt, and burn vigorously. Bala all over the place, Tashi Dele!"

Dong Yong rolled his tongue, he spoke in a very fast manner, and he read the recipe in Russian.The last sentence, Bala Yidi, is similar to Mongolian, the pronunciation of the word for eating, and Tashi Dele is Tibetan, which is really messy and incomprehensible.

Emperor Wenchang was already lying down laughing, "Dong Xiaoyou...hahaha! What is he talking about! If the Taishang Laojun knew that he was reciting the Taoist scriptures like this, he would definitely fly down from the sky in anger."

Erlang Shen also laughed: "Don't say you don't understand, I don't understand either."

Dong Yong's string is too long, and it is also mixed with various retroflexes and trills. The emperor and ministers forget the latter after listening to the first part, stumbling.

Seeing that they didn't remember it, Dong Yong had to repeat it bit by bit.

Dong Yong smiled contemptuously in his heart, such a small situation will not trouble you Brother Dong, the scriptures we compiled are all logical and orderly, how many times do you ask, our brains that have been admitted to the top prize They can be repeated word for word.

After that, Dong Yong explained to everyone classic recipes such as steamed fish, braised pork, and stewed chicken with mushrooms.When chanting sutras, he also has rich movements, for example, flicking the whisk twice, raising his hands above his head to make a gesture of heart, he is worse than Biye.

"Bengzhu, bridge bean sack, Aningha Saiyou, you—"

Dong Yong ended the chanting activities perfectly with a few non-standard foreign words and a chant about commanding animals.

"Immeasurable longevity and blessings, everyone's hearts must have reached the heavens. Pindao is now going to use the power of the Supreme Lord to transform gold and silver. Everyone, please keep quiet and pray in your heart." , the more sincere everyone's hearts are, the faster gold and silver will become!"

The emperor is watching in the palace!The ministers all showed that they wanted to share the worries of the country, and their expressions were all in place.

Dong Yong stood up, circling around the open space, flicking the whisk in his hand, muttering the formula for stewing fish, which was very inscrutable.

The whisk was thrown out, and a little bit of golden light fell on the open space. Gradually, the golden light became more and more, and some people could already see that the golden light weaved the outline of the gold ingot.

After walking 49 times and [-] laps in total, Dong Yong’s brow was sweating, and there were more and more gold ingots on the open space. Dong Yong stood still and shouted: “Definitely!”

The gleaming golden outline became solid, and a golden mountain with a height of one person and a width of two meters stood in the open space.

The emperor and ministers were all excited, such a huge pile of gold!How much does this have to cost!

The emperor took Dong Yong's hand, "The Taoist priest is really capable, so the matter of Hedong Dao can be solved immediately! The Taoist priest is the greatest hero and the pillar of the country!"

Dong Yong waved his hand, suddenly spat out a mouthful of blood, and fell limply to the ground.

The emperor shouted: "Prince Daoist! Priest Daoist! What's wrong with you?"

Dong Yong sat cross-legged on the ground and said weakly: "Your Majesty, don't be alarmed. What the prince said just now is true. Taking other people's gold and silver without permission is stealing. If we use such a forbidden technique, we will bear the punishment of heaven."

The emperor and the ministers turned pale with fright, are they also going to bear the punishment from heaven?

Seeing the panic on the emperor's face, Dong Yong couldn't help comforting him, "Don't worry, Your Majesty and your lords. Your Majesty and your lords are the pillars of the country. How can the poor way let the punishment of heaven fall on you? When the spell was cast, the poor way had already prayed God, take all the responsibility on yourself."

The emperor was greatly moved, "The Taoist priest is really selfless and self-sacrificing. Come here, please go and invite the imperial physician!"

Dong Yong waved his hand, "It's too late, unless it's the fairy grass Ganoderma lucidum of the Antarctic fairy, ordinary herbs can't cure poor people." He looked at the emperor with earnest eyes, "Your Majesty, poor people feel that the spiritual power in their bodies is constantly draining, I'm afraid Pindao can't hold on for too long. Please His Majesty issue an order to release the refugees and let Pindao watch them return home. Only then can Pindao go away with peace of mind!"

The emperor couldn't help shedding a few tears, "Master Dao, if you persist, even if it is the fairy grass of the Antarctic fairy, I will definitely send someone to find it for you. You can't die! I need talents like you! "

Dong Yong shook his head wearily, "Your Majesty, God's will cannot be violated. The fate between our monarch and ministers can only end here."

The emperor looked at Jinshan with great regret in his heart.It would be great if this Taoist priest could live forever. If the national treasury or private treasury runs out of money, let him change the money out.such a pity!His life is too short.

The emperor decreed, "Come here! Quickly! Let the refugees out, and distribute all the gold. Don't let the Taoist priest go away with regrets."

Dong Yong smiled contentedly, "Thank you, Your Majesty! It's inconvenient to distribute gold, so I will try my best to turn them into silver! Please step back and make room."

Dong Yong tried his best to sit up straight, and he chanted a mantra, a golden mountain turned into a bigger silver mountain.The emperor sent people to release all the refugees, and each gave a few ingots of silver to let them return to their hometowns.As for the remaining money, it will be transferred to the national treasury, and the Ministry of Household Affairs will use the money to buy spring plowing seeds and transport them to Hedong Road. Those who have not come to the capital will also receive spring plowing seeds.

If you use money to cultivate seeds, then there will definitely be various problems of corruption and corruption.But Dong Yong is already satisfied with the current results, there is no way, corruption and corruption can happen all the time, he claims to be a capable man, but he is helpless about such things.

The emperor asked Dong Yong to bring a chair, and Dong Yong nestled in the cushion of the chair and watched them work.Weighing, recording, releasing people, distributing money, and putting the rest of the money into the treasury, these things have been tossing all day, from morning to evening.

A royal guard entered the palace and reported, "Your Majesty, the remaining silver has been put into the treasury. The refugees are kowtowing outside the palace at this time, thanking your majesty for taking out the silver from the private treasury, so that they can return to their hometowns to live a stable life."

The emperor nodded in satisfaction when he heard the first half of the sentence, but was stunned when he heard the second sentence.

"What are you talking about! What money from a private treasury?"

The guard felt that His Majesty's tone was not right, thinking that he had offended the emperor, he said tremblingly: "Your Majesty, there is a private treasury mark on the silver you handed out, in order to wear off the mark, we specially hired a silversmith. "

The emperor's breath became short of breath, he stood up and grabbed Dong Yong's collar and asked, "What's going on here?"

Dong Yong didn't bother to pretend to be weak, he broke free from the emperor's hand and stood up calmly. "This deity is an immortal who lives in Xuanying Cave, Aolai Mountain. You don't care about the life and death of the people in Hedong Road, and you take away the money from the treasury to build a palace for your favorite concubine. You are really a fool! Proper, the country will be in danger!"

God Erlang let him float in the air, and Emperor Wenchang cast a golden light around him and sprinkled fragrant flowers around him.

Dong Yong's expensive outfit was really shining when it was hit by light.Although Dong Yong detested the vulgarity of golden light and fragrant flowers, the emperor and ministers all accepted this, and they now believed that Dong Yong was a real god.

Erlang God exuded a little coercion, and the emperor and ministers all knelt down involuntarily.

Dong Yong said indifferently: "The gold and silver just now were all moved from the emperor's private treasury and your home. As a king and a minister, you should do your best for the country! If you continue to behave indiscriminately, one day the country will be ruined and your family will perish. ! I have saved you once, and I will not save you a second time!"

Dong Yong's voice was deafening, and hit the soul directly. The emperor and ministers were so frightened that they bowed down again and again, "I would like to follow the teachings of the elders, and I would like to follow the teachings of the elders."

Dong Yong winked at Erlangshen and Emperor Wenchang, and the three of them left when they saw that the time was almost up.

The emperor knelt on the ground and kowtowed. He heard no sound from above. When he looked up, Dong Yong was gone. Only a few fragrant flowers were left floating around, and finally fell to the ground and disappeared.

After Erlangshen, Dong Yong, and Emperor Wenchang left, Emperor Wenchang laughed, "It's so interesting, so interesting! If there are more interesting things like this in the future, you must remember to look for me."

Dong Yong said regretfully: "Oh! There may be no chance in the future. Erlangshen and I are going back to Guanjiangkou."

Emperor Wenchang said: "Don't go! Stay and drink! We haven't celebrated yet!"

Dong Yong sighed, "No way! A dangerous person has come to Guanjiangkou, we have to go back quickly!"

Emperor Wenchang nodded understandingly, "In this case, I won't force you to stay." He whispered to Dong Yong, "No matter what kind of dangerous person is in front of Erlang God, why don't you let him go back first? Stay for a few more days!"

Erlang Shen pushed him away, "What's Dong Yong doing here? You're going to get drunk? You hurry up, we still have business to do!"

Emperor Wenchang left reluctantly, and he even greeted Dong Yong, "Whenever you get tired of Erlang God, come to the capital to find me, and I will cover you!"

Erlang thought he was annoying, so he took Dong Yong's hand and flew back to the inn.The things in the inn had been packed, Dong Yong and Erlang Shen went to the inn to pick up the things, paid the bill, and went straight to the gate of the city.It was already late at night and the city gate was closed, but Dong Yong and Erlangshen couldn't help it.

They walked near the city gate, but Dong Yong saw Qian Ning'an squatting at the gate.

"It's late at night, what are you doing squatting here?"

Qian Ning'an stood up and saluted Dong Yong, "After I left the palace, I felt bored, so I came to the city gate after walking."

Dong Yong looked at the tall city gate. He entered the city through this gate at that time, and now he will leave the city through this gate.There should be a shed he built for the refugees outside the city!

Dong Yong said: "The refugee issue has been resolved, what else do you worry about?"

Qian Ning'an smiled wryly, "I always thought that the officials below deceived the emperor about the refugees, but I didn't expect it to be the emperor's intention! Such an emperor, such a court, I really don't know whether I should stay or not..."

Dong Yong could not understand Qian Ning'an's disappointment with the imperial power.He asked Qian Ning'an: "Are you ready? Not to be an official anymore?"

Qian Ningan shook his head with a wry smile, "I haven't made up my mind yet. I said I was disappointed, but I still couldn't bear it in my heart. After all, I have read books for so many years. If I put it down all at once, I don't know what I can do?"

Dong Yong took out a booklet from his Qiankun bag, "This is for you."

Qian Ning'an took it over, "Is this...the secret book of cultivating immortals?"

Dong Yong: "..." You have a rich imagination!

Dong Yong said: "This is not a cheat book for cultivating immortals. This is a technical manual for raising pigs. I wrote it. If you don't want to be an official, you can earn money by raising pigs in your hometown. But everything is difficult at the beginning, and the climate and soil are different in different places. If you go back to your hometown to raise pigs, you have to think about it according to the local conditions, combined with my manual, do you understand?"

Qian Ning'an said blankly: "I understand." In fact, he didn't understand very well, isn't Dong Yong a god?All gods are so... versatile?

Dong Yong said goodbye to him tightly, "Let's leave now, I'm going home."

"Are you going back to Mount Aolai?"

Dong Yong nodded angrily, "En! I have to go back, or my backyard will be set on fire by the prodigal girls!"