Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

A month later, Ryan was lying on the same couch, with his arms around Hannah's waist, watching a movie together.At this time, he heard the sound of the key turning the door lock.

Jamie stood in the porch, his eyes widened, and he winked at them like an owl. "Oh," he said. "I thought you guys were at Zack's. Sorry to bother you." He turned to leave.

"Wait, Jamie!" Ryan climbed off the couch, strode after his best friend, took Jamie's shoulders with both hands, and looked them over.There was a suspicious twinkle in Jamie's eyes. "What happened?" Ryan asked quietly.

Jamie shrugged and shook his head, avoiding his gaze.

Ryan pursed his lips. "Honey, can you leave the two of us alone?" he called out, raising his voice.

"Of course." Hannah replied understandingly. "See you later, James." She picked up her handbag, kissed Ryan, and left.

"You shouldn't have told her to go," Jamie said.He wrapped his arms around himself, his face was bloodless.

"Sorry, I just wanted to stay here for one night, I thought you went to Zack's."

Ryan locked the door, put Jamie on the shoulders, led him to the sofa, pressed him to sit down, opened a few bottles of whiskey, handed him a bottle quietly, and sat next to him, "Want to talk ?"

Jamie shook his head and took a long gulp of his drink.

An hour later, Jamie was leaning against Ryan, his face pressed against Ryan's shoulder, with one hand loosely clutching the bottle and the other firmly gripping Ryan's shirt. "I did like him," Jamie murmured, slurring his words, "Ryan, I did like him."

Ryan bit his cheek hard to keep from blurting out "I told you so".That's not what Jamie needs right now.

"I mean," Jamie muttered, "I don't love him, I thought I would love him . . . maybe one day, you know?"

"I understand." Ryan coaxed him.He ran his fingers through Jamie's hair, massaging his scalp.

Jamie grunted and leaned on the hand. "He blamed me for not coming out so I couldn't introduce them. Daddy and him. I said I wasn't ready and he said...he said I just didn't love him...and said I wasn't going out with my dad Lock us and it's over. I just—I can't. Daddy will... Daddy's going to be disappointed, he's disappointed enough with me.”

Ryan wanted to grab Lambert and old Grayson and beat them up.

"Your dad loves you," Ryan said.He was sure of that, and though Arthur was wrong, he did love his only son in his own way.

"But he's still disappointed." Jamie whispered almost inaudibly, his words sucked away by Ryan's clothes. "I'm not like him at all. I'm neither smart nor calm, and I can't do business well. If I hadn't inherited a pair of Grayson's eyes, I wonder if I was born with the wrong arms." He giggled. "It's nothing, though. Tristan has eyes like mine, but he's not from the Graysons." He laughed again. "Actually, Tristan is more of a Grayson than I am. He's smart, and he's made a few successful investments—I heard from Zach. Daddy would approve of him."

Ryan squeezed Jamie's chin and lifted his face slightly.The desperate pain in those blue-green eyes made Ryan's heart twist, and he burned inside. "If an arrogant and devious bastard qualifies as a Grayson, then I'm glad you don't. That idiot Lambert says he can only love you if your dad blesses him? But fuck it, let him Forget about being stupid. How long have you been with him? Two months? It's too early to see your parents."

"I think he'd love to see my dad." Jamie grabbed Ryan's bottle and downed what was left of the whiskey.

Ryan gritted his teeth and took a slow breath.It wasn't the first time that those around him were more interested in Arthur than Jamie himself.Jamie is used to it, but he still gets sad.

"One more bottle," Jamie slurred, his eyes lost.

"Dude, you've had enough." Ryan lifted the bottle from both of them to the floor.

"Not enough," Jamie said stubbornly.

"Enough," Ryan said. "If you drink again, you will regret it when you wake up tomorrow."

"If I'm drunk, you're drunk," Jamie said.

"I'm not as bad a drinker as you are. The Irish aren't made for it." With that said, Ryan really felt a little drunk.It's not that he would wake up tomorrow morning with a splitting headache, but he was already dizzy looking at things and felt dreamy.

"I'm not Irish, I'm English," Jamie muttered, with a puzzled look on his face.

Jamie had a miserable day, or Ryan would have laughed at him—rarely he was too drunk to talk. "No." Ryan cupped Jamie's face and pecked his forehead lightly. "Everything will be fine, trust me." He kissed Jamie on the forehead.

Jamie shuddered. "No, not now. I can't—not now."

Ryan frowned and stepped back a little, looking at his friend.

Jamie was staring at him strangely, his mouth half-open, corners turned up as if in a grimace, his eyes gleaming eagerly. "I—" He suddenly leaned closer, and their lips pressed together.

For a moment, Ryan's drunken head couldn't figure out what was going on.

Jamie was kissing him.

Jamie was kissing him.At least he was trying, and his kissing was clumsy and comical, but also eager and longing—a longing that terrified Ryan.

"Please," Jamie murmured, tugging at Ryan's hair and pursing his lips.

"I beg you."

Ryan had never been so conflicted.On the one hand he was terrified: this was Jamie, his best friend, whom he loved like his own brother.What the hell is he doing?But Ryan, on the other hand, was never able to turn Jamie down when he was sad.And at this moment, Jamie was in tears and was grieving.

But he had to stop him.

Ryan took Jamie's face in his hands again and gently pushed him away.Jamie let out a whimper.

"Jamie."

He watched Jamie until the creepy, all-or-nothing desire in his eyes faded away and he came to himself.

Sobriety, embarrassment, and creeping fear.Jamie seemed to wake up suddenly, his face flushed red.

Ryan laughed twice. "I'm not opposed to finding someone to 'cure' after a broken relationship, but... I know you're drunk, so you're not so drunk that even I can make use of it?"

Jamie stared at him for a moment, then dropped his gaze.After a while, he looked up at Ryan again. "Sorry," he said, clearing his throat. "I'm just...I'm not trying to use you to 'cure' or anything. Needless to say you get it. I'm just...Paul's words pissed me off, he broke my pride, so I might..." He said like a kid She shrugged softly like a sheep, "Sorry."

"What did he say?" Ryan asked.You don't have to listen to know it's not a good thing.

"I didn't say anything, I just said harsh words during the quarrel, deliberately making me feel uncomfortable."

"Jamie."

"He said...he said I was frigid and like a dead fish in bed," Jamie muttered. "And said that my kissing skills are very bad." He stubbornly refused to meet Ryan.

Ryan asked slowly, "How much 'experience' do you really have, Jamie?"

Jamie seemed even more uncomfortable hearing that. "I've been hiding in a closet my whole life."

"How much?" Ryan demanded.

"Before Paul, I had made out with other people a few times, and had a hand job once."

This time it was Ryan who stared at people.

"Have you done the whole set with him?" He finally asked, hoping to hear a negative answer.He didn't believe that idiot could treat Jamie well.Jesus, Jamie is a total bitch.Who the fuck is 22 or virgin?

"Done," Jamie stared at his hands. "I fucked him."

"But he hasn't fucked you?"

"No. He thought about it, we tried, but I couldn't relax," Jamie muttered, ears blushing with embarrassment.

"I guess that's why he called me frigid."

"He farts." Ryan remembered what his brother had told him once. "Nick said that a lot of gays don't do the full set, they just jerk off each other and take a bite, and not everyone likes to fuck ass."

Jamie shrugged again, looking eager to find a hole in the ground.Ryan knew that if he hadn't been drunk, Jamie would never have talked about it, and when he was sober, he never revealed his sex life—mainly he didn't have sex.Actually, it made Ryan uncomfortable talking about it, but he couldn't just ignore it—Jamie was already very insecure thanks to his dad, and it would be too bad if he was sexually insecure too.

"Also, your kissing skills are not bad." Ryan said.

Jamie looked at him sharply, his eyes widened in confusion.

"Of course, it's not much better. You have to practice. You are too enthusiastic." Ryan smiled smugly. "I see—who can hold back against me?"

He finally got the reaction he wanted: Jamie rolled his eyes, but still flushed with embarrassment. "Get out of here."

Ryan still smiled lazily, fell back, and stretched his arms on the back of the sofa. "You talk to your best buddy like this? He's planning to dedicate himself to your practice."

Jamie blinked a few times in bewilderment, looking painful. "You fooled me."

Ryan met his gaze steadily. "I'm not bluffing you. I promise not to laugh at you, but to point out where you are not doing well enough."

Jamie stared at him without moving.

"Hurry up before I change my mind," Ryan said.

"You're straight," Jamie said blankly.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with the straight guy? We didn't really kiss, I just asked you to practice with me, so that next time some idiot says you're bad at kissing, you'll be able to spot him." To be honest, Ryan is very interested in this The proposal was not as indifferent as he had shown, he felt weird just to make up his mind and kiss Jamie.But Jamie needs his help.More importantly, he had to comfort Jamie, let him know that he was right, and help him regain his confidence.

Ryan could see the confusion in Jamie's eyes—no matter how drunk he was, he'd probably be nervous about kissing someone who was like a brother.

But Jamie leaned in again...he moved closer and closer until their lips were only inches apart.Jamie was breathing lightly and shaking, and Ryan smelled whiskey.

"Don't be so nervous." Ryan put his fingers into Jamie's hair and stroked it gently. "You kissed me, don't be afraid."

Jamie chuckled. "This is outrageous," he murmured, staring at Ryan's lips.

"A little bit." Ryan held the back of Jamie's head, bringing their foreheads together. "Learn." He tried to ignore that it was "Jamie" he was about to kiss, brought his lips together, and started kissing him.He made sure he kissed slowly and deeply so that Jamie would get the gist of it.

But Jamie was completely off track.His lips became too hot and clingy again.Before Ryan could react, Jamie's tongue was in his mouth, sucking greedily on his tongue, and started moaning eagerly again.Ryan was having a hard time getting over his mental block, but he felt that Jamie was so inexperienced that made him so excitable.Even though he thought so, it was weird: someone who kissed like a brother in his heart was sucking his tongue, and not moaning shamelessly.He didn't feel bad about it.

It's just weird coming home.

When Ryan finally broke the kiss, Jamie snorted twice.

"There's progress, but you're overzealous again," Ryan said. "Too much tongue movement too."

"Sorry," Jamie replied a few beats later.He looked dazed and flushed. "Again?"

"One more time," Ryan said. "But this time you pay attention to how I do it. Slow down," he said with a smile. "Can it be done?"

Jamie nodded, licked his wet lower lip, and opened his mouth slightly, waiting for Ryan's kiss.

Ryan had never seen anything so fucking weird in his life.He forced himself not to think wildly, leaned forward, and brought their lips together again.Jamie let out a breath, and stood still to allow Ryan to kiss him unhurriedly.This state didn't last long, after a while, Jamie reverted to his old ways, impatiently sucking Ryan's tongue.Ryan let him kiss for a while, but then withdrew.He wiped his lips and glanced at Jamie.

There was mist in Jamie's eyes, and he blinked, as if waking up from a dream.Then he groaned and covered his face.

Ryan laughed.The whole thing is ridiculous.

"You shut up." Jamie hugged his knees tightly to his chest with his arms. "You promised not to laugh at me."

"Don't you think it's funny?" Ryan said, throwing his arms around Jamie's shoulders.

"Honestly speaking, you're not that bad, but you still lack a bit of sense."

"I hate you," Jamie grumbled, covering his face again.

"Your mouth tastes good. Well, does it feel better to hear that?" Ryan said. "Well, that's kind of weird to say. I've kissed more than two people in my life, and I'd say—"

"Three." Jamie cut him off.

"I have kissed more than three people in my life. Few people can keep their breath fresh when they are drunk. It must be because of your noble blood."

"I think you're drunker than I am." Jamie snorted.

"Impossible," Ryan said.Seriously, he turned his head and nuzzled Jamie's forehead.

"Lambert is a big ass, Jamie. Believe me, you're not frigid." Jamie and someone he's not interested in can kiss so deeply, frigid is a thread.Thinking of this, Ryan kissed his forehead again.

"I'm not kidding, your kissing skills are not bad, and it's not all about skill. Generally speaking, if you act horny, your partner is fucking cool, especially emotional. Although I think it's a bit weird — we both understand why — but I’m sure it doesn’t count.”

Jamie hugged his knees tightly and rested his chin on them.He turned his head so that Ryan couldn't even see the side profile. "Yes, you don't count." His tone was dry.

Ryan narrowed his eyes, subconsciously becoming uneasy.

"I'm tired." Jamie sighed, resting his head on Ryan's shoulder. "I'm so tired." He murmured, his eyelids gradually drooping. "Hope I forget it all tomorrow morning. I don't want to remember." Ryan frowned, running fingers through his hair.

"I hope...things will be different," Jamie whispered.

"different?"

Jamie said nothing.

After a long silence, until Ryan felt that he might have fallen asleep, Jamie said softly: "Have you ever thought that there will be a parallel universe? We are different there from here? Every time I think about it, I feel better. Maybe in another life..."

He fell asleep in no time.

Ryan picked him up carefully and carried him back to the bedroom.He put him on his bed and tucked him in.Jamie never woke up.Ryan sat next to him, with his back against the head of the bed.

He frowned, looking at Jamie's sleeping face, his premonition grew stronger.