Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

"Happy Birthday,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday Zha-K,

Happy Birthday! "

James watched the room full of gleeful singing—except for Zach, who was the birthday boy, and Tristan, who was too busy to split up while he was teasing the people next to him and giggling at Zach.

James loves birthdays, especially the Hardaways' birthdays.They are loud, fun, and have a warm atmosphere, and helping Zac celebrate his 31st birthday is no exception.Catherine Hardaway is a good cook. Although she is not in good health, she still insists on showing her skills when her children celebrate their birthdays, so James enjoyed a delicious meal that night.But as usual, what he enjoys more is the company of everyone.

"Having fun, handsome?" Fred put his arm around James' shoulders. "

Which pot does not open which pot.

James smiled lightly at his new boyfriend, trying not to look bitter.Fred was a tall, handsome, tanned guy who was exactly James' ideal type; but James didn't think he liked him much.They've been together for two weeks, and James still feels uncomfortable with his touch, and there's nothing he can do about it.Although James understands rationally that he does not belong to Ryan, he cannot accept it emotionally.Every touch, every kiss from Fred made James feel like he was cheating.Things were better with Paul, when James had more or less convinced himself that it was still possible to fall in love with him.But Fred forget it, there is no way he could fall in love with him.He was with Paul because he had a crush on him; but he was with Fred only because he needed a boyfriend—he needed a little trickery to reassure Ryan.

Ever since the night he broke up with Paul—the night he got stupidly drunk and kissed his best friend—Ryan had been looking at him a little weirdly.James felt that Ryan should not be suspicious, but since then Ryan has been very considerate to him, as if he was afraid that he would be hit.Worst of all, James didn't remember much of the kiss they'd had, or rather, the kisses.It's clear that he's taking advantage of Ryan's pity and kindness by getting himself drunk and not only shamelessly.Just thinking about it makes him want to find a crack in the floorboards, he never thought he'd be this horny, this miserable, and it turns out, he is.

There was one other thing bothering him.He vaguely remembered that before he passed out, he told Ryan something, but he couldn't remember what he said—what if he said something that shouldn't be said?

"Honey?" Fred said.

James wanted to scowl again, but he held back.Fred is exactly what people stereotyped as a "sissy gay". James makes a "bullshit?" look.

On the bright side, Fred never tried to take the initiative sexually, and he was more than happy to be fucked by James.But even with such a well-behaved bed partner, James still doesn't relax, let alone completely relax and be number zero.

It was so scary to think about it, he forced himself not to think about it: maybe only Ryan could let him relax completely in bed.

"What's the matter?" James said, trying to look interested and absorbed.It wasn't Fred's fault that Fred wasn't Ryan.James couldn't help but compare them, and Fred was always a head behind, and it wasn't his fault.James himself was so stupid that he couldn't get out of unrequited love, and it couldn't be blamed on Fred.

"You didn't say Tristan Dewar was your friend's brother's boyfriend," Fred said, staring at Tristan unabashedly. "I didn't even know he was curvy before, my God."

This time James showed his bitterness unabashedly. "It doesn't matter to anyone else whether he bends or not?" he said. "Sexual orientation does not define who we are."

Fred shook his head, still staring at Tristan, "It's different, he's a celebrity."

"He doesn't play football now," James said, "please stop staring at people." He didn't want Tristan's attention at all.For some reason, the guy didn't like him, and Tristan had the best eyesight of anyone James knew.

"But people just can't help but want to see him!" Fred laughed wickedly. "My sister is a reporter for The Telegraph—"

"They invite you to dinner, and that's how you reciprocate."

At least Fred knew how to be embarrassed. "Sorry," he leaned over to kiss James.

James managed to resist pushing him away and kissed him back.James didn't close his eyes.So he saw this scene clearly: Ryan laughed for some reason, lowered his head and kissed Hannah's neck.So when Ryan looked up, their eyes intertwined over Fred's shoulder.For a moment, something seemed to flash through Ryan's eyes, and James couldn't read it.

James closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, longing to feel something.whatever.

Yet his stupid heart remained unwavering, as if it wasn't the thing that was thumping and beating wildly every time Ryan smiled at him, called him by his nickname, and pulled him to his side.

After dinner, the atmosphere of the party became more relaxed and casual.Fred found a reason to leave first, and Ryan's mother, aunt, sister Sandra and his wife also left.After a while, Zach's friends also left, and now there are only five brothers, James, Hannah, Tristan and Hardaway.The five brothers chatted enthusiastically, chatting happily while enjoying beer.As usual, it was fun to watch them bicker; and Ryan and Zach, as usual, took control of the room without much trouble.

Zach is the oldest, and there is always a distance between him and his younger siblings. He is a person who can be relied on and trusted. He likes to tell some bad jokes, but sometimes he is a bit unreasonable.Compared with him, John, Nick, and talented Miles are much more easy-going and good-natured.

Among these brothers, Ryan is the one who resembles Zac the most.Not in looks—they were pretty much the same except for their size—but in how they acted.In general, they both have a deadly temper and say the same thing, although they have different ways of doing things: Zach will call the shots coldly and expect you to obey; If you don't look at him when you talk, you can only be led by him in the end.At least that's how Jamie often feels: he's like a rock caught in an inescapable grip by Ryan's gravity, and Ryan's orbit revolves around the lovely girl nestled in his arms.

"You know, you should try to cover it up."

James shuddered.

He turned his head slowly, and bumped straight into the two Wang Hailan who were almost exactly the same as him.Tristan took a lazy sip of his beer and said, "How long?"

James looked around.They were separated from the Hardaway brothers by some distance, and there was a constant bickering over there, and it seemed that no one would eavesdrop on the conversation here.

James thought about it quickly.Pretending not to understand obviously cannot be fooled, Tristan's unique skill is to see through who is lying at a glance.This guy is like a chameleon, who may be polite and charming one second, and turn his back on people and show no mercy the next.James has known Tristan for half a year, and he still can't figure out which one is the real him.He felt that Tristan's performance in front of Zach might be more real, that Tristan was gentler, kinder, and more frank.

"It's no use denying it," Tristan said.

"I'm not going to deny it," James said.

"Then you don't look so stupid."

James tilted his head, looking at Tristan curiously.But he didn't see anything. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Tristan put on a very confused expression, but James wasn't going to buy it.Who would hate someone they just met for no reason?

"Hate you?" Tristan repeated his words. "Why should I hate you? I don't know you very well."

"I don't know, how about you tell me?" James said.

Tristan smiled, a smile that made him look almost otherworldly.He is truly beautiful.

"Good conversation, Grayson. So, how long have you had a crush on your straight buddy and buddy?"

James didn't answer.

"Hmm..." Tristan looked at James sharply, as if evaluating something. "Why didn't you tell him? Wait a minute, don't answer, I know: you are afraid of capsizing the boat of friendship. Cut, you are too easy to be seen through."

"Tristan, get another beer from the fridge," Zach called from across the room.

"Do I look like an errand?" Tristan looked at Zach, his mockery at James turning into a smile.

Zach also smiled at him and said, "You look like my boyfriend, go and get it."

"I'm hurt," Tristan said.

"So James will come with you, you squeamish," Zach said.

Tristan pouted angrily, and Zach laughed.

The way the two of them interact is weird.These two people are so different: Zach, responsible and mature; while Tristan often acts like a shameless brat.I don't know why, but it's okay for them to be together, they are a perfect match.

Tristan walked into the kitchen, and James reluctantly followed.

"We really can't even be friends," he said.

"Fart," Tristan said. "I've never seen anyone as good as you two in a pair of pants—oh yes. You know Jared and my foster brother Gabriel?"

James frowned. "Of course, but why do you mention them, they are good friends, everyone knows that." Their friendship was well known by the media.

"They're more than just friends now," Tristan said, opening the refrigerator. "Jared didn't think that way about Jared, but he found that Jared had a crush on him for many years, and he was still clinging to Jared. The relationship between the two of them was bloody, because Jia was an idiot, but These two are having fun now."

"Ryan is straight," James said.

"Everybody's straight until they turn," Tristan said boredly. "Zach isn't exactly crooked either. But there's either attraction or there isn't, and it doesn't have much to do with sexual orientation."

"I can't attract Ryan." James is proud that he can say this calmly. "I mean it, I'm sure of it."

Tristan looked at him. "Well, maybe. He seems to really think of you as a brother."

James didn't know why this sentence made him feel so sad, he already knew it.Maybe he was still hoping that Tristan would contradict him.

Jesus, Tristan was right: he was stupid.He may not remember much about the night he kissed Ryan, but he does remember that Ryan not only laughed it off, but made some harmless jokes.He wasn't attractive to Ryan at all, no doubt about it.

"So there's no need to tell him." James said with difficulty. "He loves her, and he is very happy with her. Even if he finds out about it, he will only pity me."

Tristan gave a very strange expression.

"what?"

Tristan shook his head, pointed to the beer in the refrigerator and said, "Here, let's go."

James obeyed Tristan's command and followed him out of the kitchen with his things.When he saw Tristan striding over to kiss Zach, he felt that the beer in his hand became extra heavy.Zach was surprised, then pulled Tristan to sit on his lap, and kissed him back.Zach's brothers were yelling, and Hannah laughed, said something, and kissed her boyfriend.

James looked away, then back at Tristan.Tristan was flushed and kissed all over his face, and looked utterly happy as he gazed at Zach.A sour taste welled up in James' heart.

Tristan looked at him too.To James' surprise, he read some understanding and pity in Tristan's eyes.

With a lump in his throat, James walked over and put the beer at Zach's feet.

"Life is funny, isn't it?" Tristan whispered, laying on top of Zach, "There's something for everything."

Zach looked at his boyfriend with a slight frown, and then smiled, "It's wiser not to see each other in a minute."

Tristan sneered: "I must have been influenced by your elder."

"Sure," Zach said, biting Tristan's lower lip.Tristan sighed, parting his lips, and Zach's tongue slid in.

"Can you open a room!" Ryan said with a big smile.

"You still have the face to criticize others? Love Saint Romeo." Nick said.

"At least I don't look sad like you." After Ryan finished speaking, he kissed Hannah's forehead.

James never thought he could feel so alone with a room full of people he liked.

"Jamie?" Ryan said suddenly. "Are you all right?"

"It's okay." James avoided his gaze, "I have to go, I remembered that Dad told me something important."

He felt Tristan watching him.

James said goodbye to everyone and walked towards the door.Tristan followed out as expected.

"Don't tell him anything." James put on his coat. "Please."

Tristan leaned against the wall, arms folded, watching him. "Guess what," he said mildly, "want my advice?"

Can James not listen?

"Say."

"Are you really going to sit back and watch them marry and have kids for the rest of your life? Really? That would be terrible. Either leave him or tell him you want him. Worst case That means you can’t be friends and go your separate ways. You won’t have anything to lose.” Tristan snorted coldly, “Also, don’t lie to yourself, when you’ve had enough of seeing him with someone else, you’ll still lose him in the end " Tristan tilted his head and said softly, "You've felt it, haven't you? Bitter and ugly jealousy."

James' Adam's apple twitched, and he looked away.He wanted to deny it, but he couldn't.He doesn't like himself now: this person hides his emotions with lies; this person can only force a smile when he is so angry that he wants to hit someone, and when he is sad that he wants to huddle up and cry like a child; Seeing the loved one get happiness, but only feel sick and bitter.

Shouldn't love be selfless?He's not such a petty person, is he?

Right?

James looked at Tristan and asked, "Why are you helping me? Why are you so kind all of a sudden?"

Tristan showed a slight smile: "I don't mean well. To be honest, I just think it's funny that it's you among so many people..." He looked past James, probably looking at Zach, his expression changed Softened and warmed up, "But I'm trying to make myself better. Although the progress needs to be improved, it doesn't seem so difficult to be a good person when you are happy." His eyes returned to James, "I have tasted enough pain and jealousy. Believe me, the more you get into it, the worse it gets. You need to cut your losses now."

James opened the door and left without a word.

Outside the house, the cold November wind swept across his face fiercely. The wind was so cold that his eyes were wet.