Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

James lay in the dark bedroom, thinking about Luke's words.Luke seems to be quite good at it, so he shouldn't be talking nonsense.In terms of dealing with men and falling in love, Luke really has more experience than him.Perhaps James has known Ryan for too long, hindering his growth in this area.

James sighed.He began to realize that Ryan was not the only one who couldn't adapt to the change in their relationship, James also faced the same problem.He had expected Ryan and him to stay the way they used to be, which was stupid.James thought he knew Ryan better than anyone else.Perhaps that is true, but he is also beginning to realize that Ryan may treat him differently when it comes to sex and relationships.James gradually understood that he wasn't dealing with just his best friend.

Ryan is a contradiction.On the one hand, this man has always been his solid backing, always by his side, and the two are closer than brothers; James caused him to lose the woman he loved.Although this man still has a good impression of him among his best friends, he seems to be resentful about it, so that good feeling is also distorted and then deteriorated.Although Ryan must be aware of how hurtful his attitude is and how confused James is, he still asks Jamie to talk to him with peace of mind.

James sighed again, his thumb hovering over Ryan's name in the address book.He has made up his mind to give Ryan space so that Ryan can figure out what he wants, but three days have passed, and Ryan has not responded at all, which makes James can't bear it anymore.He wants to figure out what the relationship between the two of them is now, and it will be settled once and for all.

He pressed the call button and raised the phone to his ear.The bell rang again.twice.three times.

Then it rang a fourth time, and then a fifth time.

It wasn't until he thought that Ryan would not answer the phone that the other end connected.

"Jamie."

Listening to Ryan's deep voice, James trembled unconsciously. "Hey," he said, feeling a little twitch in his stomach.He told himself it was stupid.It's just Ryan, he has no reason to be so nervous.But right now, in this dark and silent room, James couldn't help recalling what happened three days ago.There was a hot current in his lower abdomen, and he remembered how lewd he was at that time, and his whole face turned red.

Silence spread, and the atmosphere became tense.God, he'd give anything to find out what Ryan was thinking.

James licked his dry lips. "You didn't call me."

"Neither have you," Ryan said.

There was another long, tense silence.

James flinched. "Are we going to stay in this embarrassment forever?"

"Of course it would be embarrassing," Ryan said succinctly. "So you shouldn't have done that in the first place."

"Me?" Although James had told Luke earlier that he was to blame for how things turned out, he felt that Ryan's words were unfair.He blurted out: "One slap can't make a sound."

Ryan chuckled a little. "Jamie, let's not fool ourselves. As long as you give me a look and coax me a few words in a nice voice, I can kill for you."

Jamie laughed. "Come on, you are too exaggerated."

"It's just an exaggeration." Ryan's voice revealed a faint hint of self-mockery and resentment-again.

James really had enough.There was a surge of anger in his heart, burning him so hard that he couldn't breathe for a moment. "If you really think I'm so disgusting, you can always get out. I didn't force you to stay. Get out!" He hung up the phone, breathing heavily.

The phone rang.

He didn't want to answer the phone, but he knew Ryan, and no one could hold him back.James picked up the phone and answered it, "Why?"

"Are you joking?" Ryan said.

"I'm very serious," James' voice trembled with anger. "If you want to get back together with your ex-girlfriend, go back and live your happy life. I won't bother you with my stupid and unrequited feelings."

He hung up the phone again and rubbed his sore eyes with the heel of his palm.Damn it.

The phone rang again.

"Jamie," Ryan said. "Stop it."

"I've had enough of it," James said. "I'm tired of feeling guilty about my feelings. I'm really sick of it." His throat choked and he swallowed hard.Why is it so hard to tell everything?From the bottom of my heart, James knows that this day will come sooner or later. "I don't want it to get to where it is. But let's face it: it doesn't work and it never will. I can't change my feelings and neither can you. Now it's clear we can't just be friends, There's no way we could be lovers—we can't be anything." James took a deep breath to steady his voice.He's not sure he's made it. "I think—I think we should get together before we hate each other."

"You can't do that," Ryan said. "Come on, Jamie. You don't want to make a goddamn phone call to break it off with me. Let's meet—"

James closed his eyes. "Then what?"

silence.

"I'm tired, Ryan," Jamie's voice was almost inaudible. "If you still care about me, let me go. Go back to Hannah and be happy. You were happy with her until I got involved."

For a long time, only Ryan's breathing came from the receiver.

Then Ryan asked, "So what do you do?"

Jamie's heart skipped a beat.Maybe somewhere in him he was foolishly hoping that Ryan would simply say no. "I'll be fine. Someday." He bit his lip hard, swallowing any sound that might give away his emotions.

"Maybe when I let it go, in a few years, we'll see each other again and hang out—something like that."

"And so on." Ryan repeated without any ups and downs.

James' nails dug into the palm of his hand. "This is the best, and you know it."

Ryan hung up the phone.

Jamie hugged his knees and curled up.

Tears flowed, but it did not bring relief to James. 15 years of friendship, 15 years of love, gone.just this.

An hour or two later, he wiped his eyes, reached for his phone again, and texted Luke with tears in his eyes——

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