Lovers are not full Just A Bit Confusing

James sprawled out on Ryan's sofa watching TV.It was the first time he had watched his favorite team so absent-mindedly.He just couldn't concentrate.Chelsea was about to lose, and he couldn't see it, but he shouldn't be so distracted.These days, he has a hard time getting along with his best buddies.He didn't know what to expect, and out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Ryan putting the finishing touches on the project at hand.

Ryan closed Photoshop, rubbed his tired eyes, and looked at James. "Did the game look good?" he said, glancing at the score and smiling. "Are they going to lose again?"

"Fuck off," James mutters, making Ryan laugh even harder at his complaint.Okay, okay—James also knows that whenever his favorite team loses, he's going to be a cat.Chelsea is James' favorite, but Ryan hates Chelsea the most. They fought several rounds because of Chelsea's game.

"Hey, I didn't say anything," Ryan said, standing up and walking over, moving James' leg, plopping down on the couch and stretching like a big, elegant cat.

James looked away and put his foot on Ryan's lap.At the moment, their relationship seemed so ordinary, which surprised James. After all, their friendship is not at all "normal" at present. "Gloating is bad, you know."

Ryan shrugged, resting a hand on the back of the couch. "Who told their whole team to count on one man to score. A team needs to bloom more. As soon as Gabriel Dewar was injured, they lost every game. It was too bad. There are still two months for Dewar At this rate, when he recovers from his injury, Chelsea will be at the bottom."

James pursed his lips. "If Tristan was still here, it wouldn't be like this. He's about the same level as Gabriel, and he can still win with him on the bench."

Ryan laughed. "Almost? Tristan heard you say that, and he must kick your balls out."

Ryan's words also made James smile. "Maybe I can convince Zack to cast a spell on Tristan to get him back in the ring."

"It's too early for Tristan to go back and play football now," Ryan shook his head. "Zach told me Tristan had a year-long injury, and it's only been eight months now. Tristan's leg is still kicking." No professional games. Zach is optimistic, but who knows? Maybe his legs will never be able to play again."

"Well, I know," Jamie said, looking back at the TV. "Anyway, Tristan is not in a hurry to return to the public eye. It's not easy to be a men's football star with a stable boyfriend."

Besides, Tristan was already financially free: his short but brilliant football career had already made him a millionaire.

"He's still young, so he can start a new life. Why not?" Ryan said, looking at James meaningfully.

James sighed. "Stop it, Ryan. I don't hate working with Dad. I don't really like it, but it's okay."

"You could go to art college," Ryan said, "You love to draw."

When he expressed this ambition to his father a few years ago, the other party showed a contemptuous sneer.James recalled the scene at the time and said: "I didn't draw that well."

"Nonsense," Ryan said. "I've seen you paint, and you're very good at it, especially portraits."

James almost laughed out loud.He's not good at painting portraits, he's good at painting Ryan.

"It's up to you," Ryan said with a sigh. "Will you come to the old house for the Christmas party?"

"If you miss anything, you can't miss this. Your mother's cooking is world-class." James made a fuss.

"Of course, I'll have to go to the Yule Ball at Lytton Hall first, but I'll slip away, I'll be one less anyway. There will be hundreds of great people, maybe even the royal family."

Ryan snorted and squeezed Jamie's ankle. "Say hello to Her Majesty the Queen for me."

The whistle blows and the game is over.The Chelsea players left the pitch with dejected looks on their faces.

"Asshole." James sighed and turned off the TV.

Ryan patted his leg lightly. "Don't worry, I guess they will get out of the relegation zone soon."

James glared at him and kicked him in the stomach.

"Don't lose, James," Ryan said, pretending to be serious. "This is not in line with the status of Viscount Exmouth."

"I hate you," James said, yawning and closing his eyes. "I'm going to sleep for a while."

"Sleep for a while?" Ryan said softly, tightening the fingers pinching James' ankle.

James opened his eyes.

Ryan's expression seemed bored at first glance, but it was not the case at a closer look.There was a deep, ambiguous gleam in his green eyes that gave away what was on his mind.

James swallowed, his pulse beating faster and faster.They need to talk, things can't go on like this.Their relationship is probably a little sick.

He stood up slowly.Their eyes are entangled.

"Bring Luke to the Christmas party," Ryan said, as James sank to his knees between his long, tight legs, "before he's sent off to Siberia by his goddamn dad."

"He's not going to Siberia." James' fingers trembled slightly and he pulled Ryan's pants chain.

He pulled out Ryan's cock. "He went to Moscow."

"Is there a difference?"

"Of course, Siberia is to the east." Jamie stuck out his tongue and licked Ryan's cock from bottom to top.He still remembers the first time, Ryan wasn't interested at all at first.But lately, before Jamie started licking, he was half-hard.

"Moscow freezes to death." Ryan's voice sounded hoarse.Jamie kept licking his cock, getting him completely hard.

Two hands cupped Jamie's face, holding him still.

Jamie looked up and Ryan was staring at him.He was already familiar with Ryan's expression: firm and serious, not revealing anything.Ryan stared at Jamie's face, rubbed his pre-cum-soaked cock against Jamie's cheek, then pushed the huge cock head against Jamie's lips.Jamie opened his mouth eagerly, but Ryan didn't go in, and continued to smear his own fluids on Jamie's parted lips, staring intently at the messed-up little mouth.Jamie couldn't help but grunt softly, sticking out his tongue and licking his cock.

Ryan's gaze deepened. "It's all fucking wrong."

Jamie blinked, panic set over him.It was the first time in two weeks that Ryan had actually admitted what the hell they were up to.

"Why?" Jamie locked Ryan's eyes, caressing the head of his cock with his lips.

Ryan gritted his teeth. "I shouldn't have used you like this."

Jamie licked the head slowly, savoring it. "I am willing, this is not a use."

Ryan's nose tightened, his thighs tensed under James' touch. "Jamie," he gritted his teeth, closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. "I'm not kidding: I don't have that kind of love for you, you're like my brother—" James sucked the bulging head of his cock into his mouth, and he couldn't help but groan.He pumped his crotch to drive his cock deeper.Jamie hummed happily around Ryan's cock, opening his mouth wider to loosen his throat as much as possible.Finally, Ryan lost the battle of self-control, his green eyes drifted away, and he began to fuck Jamie's mouth roughly.

James didn't know how long Ryan had been in his mouth.The smell, the taste, the feeling of Ryan's thick cock thrusting into his mouth, pushing his lips open, Ryan's fingers tangling in his hair, Ryan's growls... everything drove him crazy.James was hard too. He rubbed his crotch with the heels of his palms and moaned softly with Ryan's cock in his mouth.

He looked up again to find Ryan staring at him with a mixture of disgust and hunger on his face.What's going on here?

"This is so wrong," Ryan repeated.He gripped James' hair tightly and fucked hard into his mouth, his cock stuck in James' throat. "Damn it, Jamie—"

The man, with that accent, that voice, calling his name—it was enough to make James come.He pumped a few times in his hand and came out moaning, his throat tightening around Ryan's cock.Ryan swears under his breath and he pulls out, shooting all over Jamie's lips and jaw.

The two of them were flushed, breathing rapidly, and staring at each other in a trance.

Ryan's gaze moved down to James' lips, he stared at it for a moment, then looked away, stuffing his cock back into his jeans. "Go wash up."

James staggered to his feet and said with a smile, "Too outrageous?"

Ryan said nothing.

James wonders what the hell is going on with Ryan as he walks into the bathroom.

When he changed into Ryan's shirt and pants and went back to the living room—his own was sticky.He found that Ryan was sitting on the sofa, bent over, with his chest in his mouth, staring at his hands, with a rather ugly face.Ryan glanced at James, taken aback.

"What's wrong?" James said, looking down at himself.Ryan's clothes were a little too big for him—Ryan was bigger and a head taller than he was—but James thought it fit him. "You never cared before."

"Where's your own clothes?" Ryan said.

"Slimy," James felt himself blushing.James wasn't sure if Ryan had noticed that he had come from just eating his cock; Ryan never mentioned it, of course.

Ryan looked away.After a while, he said, "Come here." His voice was a little softer than it had been in weeks.James walked over.

Ryan took his wrists, pulled him to sit, and put his arms around his shoulders.Jamie sighed and leaned against him, leaning in greedily to enjoy Ryan's touch.Ryan hadn't held him like this in weeks, and it wasn't until now that he realized how much he missed it: the feeling of being in Ryan's arms, the way Ryan turned his head and nuzzled his forehead like this, like this Naturally.For them, it was indeed natural.

"Tell me I didn't ruin you," Ryan said against his cheek, "I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want to give you the wrong impression."

"What do you mean?" James murmured, his heart seized by a surge of panic.

"I—I don't understand, Jamie," Ryan said gruffly. "That's all, I hope you don't get me wrong, I don't want—"

"Breaking my heart?" James whispered.

"Correct."

James bit his lip and stared at the carpet. "I'm not going to pretend to understand what's the matter with you," he said, "I know I won't be able to bear it if—if you don't end up with us in the end, but..." His honorable and proud ancestors The coffin boards will not be able to hold down anymore.But he doesn't care, fuck the pride.

He didn't want to be a wretched, pathetic jerk foolishly guarding his pride because there was nothing else. "I don't care," he said, looking Ryan straight in the eyes. "As long as you are willing to give, I want everything, one day counts as one day."

Ryan frowned. "Idiot, you're not serious, are you?"

James smiled. "What's wrong?"

"He asked what was wrong," Ryan said dryly.He shook his head and smiled. "If a thief tried to break into your house through a window, would you open the door to meet him?"

"That's different."

Ryan groaned. "Same." He stretched out a hand and wiped his face, "You trust me too much, you really shouldn't be like this."

James frowned, looking at Ryan's profile.Ryan was rarely so sullen and anxious.

"I don't know how to distrust you," he said succinctly.

Ryan clenched his jaw and turned to face James with serious eyes. "Then I'm afraid you have to learn." He said, "because sometimes I want to do something horrible and bad to you. Believe me, I can't guarantee that I won't hurt you."

"You'll never—"

"Not referring to physical injuries." Ryan stood up and walked to the window, pressing his hands on the window sill, his back and shoulders tensed.

For the first time, James felt a little wary in his heart.He waited for Ryan to clarify.

After a long time, Ryan said,

"I miss her."

James' internal organs were all pulled together.

"But that's my decision," Ryan said. "If I had to choose between the two of you again, it would be the same - I would choose you, I would always choose you. But..."

"But you hate me for it," James said.He wished his voice could be louder.

Ryan sighed and turned to look at James, his usual relaxed smile gone. "It's not just because of Hannah. Do you understand what this means to me?" His tone was calm and direct. "It means I can never have a serious relationship with any woman again, I can never date anyone again. If I do, I will hurt everyone in this relationship. Because in the end, I will definitely choose you."

Jamie swallowed.He fully understood the resentment in Ryan's words. "Maybe one day you won't pick me again. Maybe one day you'll get tired of it—tired of me."

Ryan came over and put his hands on the back of the sofa, trapping Jamie between his arms.Their faces are only a few centimeters apart.

"Sometimes I fucking hate it," Ryan said.

Jamie couldn't breathe.

"But never," Ryan added.A sad smile appeared on his face, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

Ryan leaned his forehead against James and kissed the corner of James' mouth. "Sometimes I think we were born in the wrong body, Jamie, and maybe that's it." He laughed wryly. "Maybe you were my girl in a previous life, and my soul still remembers you."

Maybe Ryan was joking, but it didn't sound like a joke.

James didn't know what to say.

"If you were a woman, I would have slept with you," Ryan said hoarsely, his warm snort on Jamie's lips. Love you." A soft moan escaped Jamie's lips, and Ryan sighed. "But you're a man, and I can't see you that way. I see you as my friend, my brother, my Jamie—not someone to fuck."

James blinked suspiciously, and stepped back a little to get a better look at Ryan's face. "But those...?"

Ryan pursed his lips. "oral sex?"

James nodded.

Ryan sighed again and sat down heavily on the sofa. "It's not clear in a few words," he said without looking at him. "Fucking."

"Tell me." James frowned at Ryan.

Ryan gave a short laugh. "I don't know what to tell you. You'll be offended, and I'd be pissed off."

James didn't say anything, just waited for Ryan to finally explain what the fuck was going on.

"I have always loved and taken care of you as a younger brother." Finally, Ryan spoke.His eyes wandered here and there, but he didn't look at James. "Imagine how it would feel to see the guy I've been thinking of as my brother suck my dick like it's my favorite thing in the world and eat my cock and moan like a bitch."

James felt his cheeks heat up.He never thought about it from Ryan's point of view, he never realized that things were like this from Ryan's point of view.

"It's too weird." Ryan still didn't look at him. "But that's not the worst part." His Adam's apple twitched. "The most fucking thing is, I came—this was so wrong, so I came. Just because I thought I shouldn't dirty you, so I came in your mouth, because—Because something inside of me Desperate to possess you everywhere." He laughed, looking away from James. "That's what it is. I really want to do it, but it's just for these crazy reasons."

Oh.

James licked his dry lips, feeling bewildered.

Should he be offended?What Ryan said was certainly less reassuring, but far better than he had feared.He had worried that Ryan had been so hard on him by punishing him for losing Hannah.In contrast, he would of course prefer that Ryan is just a jerk with a weird personality.

"Pervert," James said with a chuckle, trying to break the awkwardness between them.

Ryan laughed—a hearty laugh that sent a warm tingle through James' body—and gave James a chokehold. "It's all your fault," he said, his head buried in Jamie's neck, his tone playful and light.In this way, the rain has passed between them.

only temporarily.

Because James still can't forget the tone of Ryan when he said that because of Jamie, he will never be able to fall in love.Sooner or later the resentment in it kills all affection, no matter how deep.

It's just a matter of time.