Ask your heart and soul

Early on Saturday morning, Fu Ye came to pick up Bai Wan, and specifically asked him to bring a change of toiletries, and they would spend the night outside.

"?" Bai Wan immediately became vigilant, "Where are you taking me?"

Fu Ye saw him looking as if he was facing a formidable enemy, amused and sad at the same time, and wanted to reach out and stroke his hair, but he endured it but still didn't do it: "Don't worry, I won't sell you."

He took Bai Wan's bag, put it in the trunk, and opened the car door: "Let's go, you said you'd spend these two days with me, don't go back on your word."

In fact, after Bai Wan nodded that day, he regretted it, and he shouldn't have agreed to him without asking anything clearly. Now that he was riding in Fu Ye's car, he felt even more uneasy.Where is he taking himself?what will happen to themHe shouldn't have agreed to him so easily, but today is Fu Ye's 33rd birthday. Facing his sincere invitation, he finally relented and couldn't bear to refuse.Moreover, during this period of time, Fu Ye's offensive has obviously strengthened, and Bai Wan also felt his heart gradually shaken. He put his hand in his pocket and touched the "Moonlight" ring.He couldn't tell what was going on in his mind, or why he had brought out the ring out of nowhere.He just had a vague feeling that after such a long relationship, he might have a decision with Fu Ye today.

Fu Ye drove Bai Wan to the airport, and took out two plane tickets as if by magic. The destination on them was - Boston.

"You?" Bai Wan looked at him in surprise, "You want to take me to Boston?"

"You forgot, that's where I learned music." Fu Ye said with a smile, "You took me to the city where you were born and grew up, and I want you to know me better."

"..." Bai Wan never expected Fu Ye's birthday arrangement to be like this, but after careful consideration, she tasted a bit of sourness and sweetness.Boston is the place where Fu Ye studied, and it is also the city where he has lived abroad for the longest time. Did he bring himself there because he wanted to witness his past and growth?

As if seeing Bai Wan's thoughts, Fu Ye smiled: "Boston is a very important city in my life, I just want to take my most important people to see."

The most important person, is he?

Bai Wan didn't know what to say, so Fu Ye dragged her onto the plane without saying anything.

The plane passed through thick clouds, and after more than five hours, they landed at Boston's airport.

Boston deserves to be called the Athens of the United States. It is ancient, classic, and the whole city is very stylish.Compared with the bustling San Francisco, Boston has a more humanistic atmosphere. It is an hour's drive away from it, surrounded by famous universities in the world, such as Harvard, MIT, Brown University...every name is very loud.However, the Purdue University of Music, where Fu Ye studied, is not outside the city, but is located on the banks of the Charles River, just like the Les American Academy of Arts, built by the water.

Fu Ye took Bai Wan into this beautiful campus. Even though it was winter, the campus was still lush and vibrant, and melodious singing and melodious melodies could be heard everywhere.Fu Ye walked and introduced all the way, as if he was still studying here and knew everything about plants and trees very well.

"This is our library back then."

"This is the piano room, the place I go to the most in my spare time."

"This is the restaurant, our school is famous for its tuna sandwiches."

"Ah! By the way, there are often opera rehearsals by students in this auditorium, shall we go and see?"

Fu Ye dragged Bai Wan to the auditorium under the sun. The auditorium was like a small church, full of medieval classical charm.As soon as he got closer, Bai Wan heard Italian singing, and sure enough someone was rehearsing inside.

They stood at the back of the auditorium and listened to half of the student rehearsal of the opera Rigoletto. When they walked out of the auditorium, Fu Ye suddenly said, "That's where I met Jiang Zhiming and Su Xu."

Bai Wan was stunned for a moment: "Here?"

"Jiang Zhiming is arranging a musical, I am the music director, and Su Xu is the overall planner." Fu Ye smiled, "Su Xu has always been very good at this."

When it came to Jiang Zhiming, Bai Wan was still a little awkward, so he didn't make a sound.

Fu Ye said very frankly: "I did return to China because of him. I love music, and he also likes to sing. I thought we would be the best partners, soul mates, even after he left for a long time. When I recovered, I thought I was still in love with him, until someone appeared and changed my thoughts and life."

Bai Wan remained silent.

Fu Ye turned around, pointed to the rolling hills behind the auditorium, and said, "Do you know where that is?"

Bai Wan followed his gaze and shook her head.

"The back mountain of our school." Fu Ye said, "Once the man was drunk and I took him home. The next morning we went up the mountain together. I told him that many students in our school opened their voices in the back mountain. , When I’m in a bad mood, I’ll yell and vent there.”

Bai Wan remembered that it was also that time when he heard Fu Ye's impromptu performance of "Ask Your Heart for Love", and this relationship was formed ever since.

"Do you know? Maybe since then, I have had a crush on that person." Fu Ye said slowly, "In the beginning, I was prejudiced against him because others compared him to Jiang Zhiming. , but gradually I began to appreciate him, his singing, his tenacity and stubbornness, and at the same time I felt pity for him, his loneliness, his life experience and past; I couldn't help but help him again and again, Relieve him, treat him well, and he surprises me again and again. In Suhuan Island, I did not expect him to rescue me like that. What I did not expect was that he is not the kind I hate someone who takes the initiative, but he took the initiative to confess to me. From that moment on, I knew that I could never give up on him." Fu Ye smiled and continued, "Before Jiang Zhiming didn't come back, I might Not sure yet, but the moment he appeared in the restaurant, my biggest feeling was not joy, not melancholy, but irritability. I was afraid that his appearance would disrupt my confession plan, and I didn’t want to confess in such a hasty manner It happened in a chaotic situation, and I was very afraid that that person would be disappointed and misunderstood. Only then did I realize that I really had no feelings for Jiang Zhiming at all. After Jiang Zhiming had an accident, I admitted that I was very sad, Even if I have no love for him, I can't bear to see his voice ruined. But at that time, I was more concerned with solving the problem. I wanted to solve the problem as soon as possible, and I wanted Jiang Zhiming to get better quickly. I don’t have any worries when I’m with that person, but I ignored his feelings, which is the thing I regret the most.”

Bai Wan's heart trembled, he had never heard such an annoyed and painful tone from Fu Ye.

"You may not believe it, Bai Wan, but I have been regretting. There are very few words of regret in my dictionary, but I have been regretting after you left. I regret that I should not have hurt you because of Jiang Zhiming's injury." Temper, regret leaving you alone in the room at the most difficult time, regret not being able to explain my thoughts to you clearly." Fu Ye suddenly grabbed Bai Wan's arm, as if afraid that he would disappear if he didn't pay attention , "Then you left, you went to the United States, do you know how scared I am? I'm afraid you'll just give up on me, I'm afraid I can't read your mind, do you really need to calm down and think clearly, or Need me to express my opinion? You are always like this, Bai Wan, you are always like this and don't say anything clearly..."

Bai Wan had mixed feelings in her heart: "I..."

"But it's not your fault." Fu Ye smiled bitterly, "Because I am the same. Do you still remember the song "Ask My Heart for Love"? I asked my heart if she loves you, but she was speechless, but she didn't say anything. Really wanting to be honest and trust each other unconditionally is harder than falling in love, are you right?"

His obsidian eyes stared at Bai Wan without blinking, as if he wanted to see through his skin, his mind and soul.

"Bai Wan, you still love me, don't you?"

Bai Wan trembled, trying to break free from his shackles, but there was nothing she could do.

He was forced to look at Fu Ye for a long time, and finally said with trembling lips, "I'm sorry."

Fu Ye's strength loosened all of a sudden: "No, I'm the one who should say I'm sorry. I've left you thinking wildly for more than three months, and now you deserve it for ignoring me."

"I didn't ignore you." Bai Wan turned around and said, "Stop talking about this, I'm very confused now."

"Okay, okay, don't talk about this." Fu Ye hurried forward, "Then let's go out first."

He led Bai Wan out of the south gate along the long school road, as if walking out of his youthful memories.

It was almost evening when I came out of Puerto Music University.The afterglow of dusk covered the surface of the river like broken gold, and the river water seemed to be covered with a layer of tulle of memory, slightly yellowing.

"The fluidity of music is like water. There was a professor in the composition department who liked to take us to the Charles River to see the water."

Fu Ye looked at the river, his thoughts drifted away unknowingly, and his voice softened.Bai Wan stood beside him, listening to him quietly.

"Later, I also fell in love with looking at the water. I like to come alone, meditate on the water, and find inspiration. I can stay all day long."

"Don't you feel bored?" Bai Wan asked lightly.

Fu Ye smiled: "Before I was in Zhicheng, I told you that I was actually quite lonely back then. My mother was a painter and my father was very rich. They trained me to study art since I was a child. Most of the time, I was When dealing with these things, I don’t really interact with many people, and the interpersonal relationship is also very weak. Except for Su Xu and Jiang Zhiming, I haven’t made any friends. On the surface, it seems that I am arrogant and disdain to be with ordinary people Relationships, in fact, are what I'm afraid of."

"Fear?"

"Afraid of falling from the clouds, afraid of being found out, I am just an ordinary person." Fu Ye raised the corners of his lips mockingly, "Since I was a child, I have been the pride of my parents and a role model for my peers, whether it is composing music or being a Producer, I can do my best. Everyone thinks that I am too high and unattainable, so I will not allow myself to fail more and more. I want to control everything in my own hands, because I only believe in myself, I I believed that I could handle everything well, but I didn’t expect it,” he paused, and said softly, “I was wrong, it turns out that I also have weaknesses, and there are times when I can’t do it.”

Bai Wan licked her dry lips and asked, "What's your weakness?"

"What do you think?" Fu Ye turned his head and stared at him.

His eyes were gentle and calm, for a moment, Bai Wan seemed to see the young man who was looking at the water by the river, so lonely and yet so pious.

Bai Wan didn't dare to look at him again, and quickly lowered her eyes: "You brought me here just to say these things?"

"I have never told anyone about these past events and thoughts." Fu Ye said, "I used to be too conceited, I was not defeated, and I thought I was omnipotent. But then I gradually understood that I don't need Be a superman, because there is no superman in this world, as long as I face myself honestly and face my real needs, that's enough." He held Bai Wan's shoulders, looked at him deeply, and said solemnly , "Bai Wan, I need you, it's true."

He no longer said he loved him, nor chased him, but only said he needed him.

Somehow, these three simple words hit Bai Wan's heart like a powerful cannonball.

He felt that the fortress he had built with great difficulty was already crumbling, and would collapse and surrender to Fu Ye in the next second, so he took a step back involuntarily.

Fu Ye took advantage of the victory and chased after him: "Give me another chance, please? This time, let's love each other honestly, and we will definitely make each other happy."

"Frank...in love?" Bai Wan muttered these four words, suddenly thought of something, raised her head and asked, "Are you sure you are 100% honest with me?"

Fu Ye was stunned for a moment, as if he didn't understand why Bai Wan asked such a question.

"You really have nothing to hide from me?"

Fu Ye hesitated for a second, and at this very second, Bai Wan smiled softly.

"Forget it, pretend I didn't ask. Let you have a good birthday!"

As he spoke, he turned and left the river bank, completely blocking the topic.

At the next dinner, the two finished their meal with their own concerns. Bai Wan gave Fu Ye a pair of brand-name cuffs as a birthday present, and Fu Ye accepted it in surprise.Then the two went back to the hotel and entered their rooms.In fact, Fu Ye originally wanted to book a double room, and also arranged for a night program.But he was afraid that playing so many tricks would be self-defeating, so Bai Wan was not happy, so after much deliberation, he only booked two rooms at the opposite door.After running around for a day, Fu Ye was also very tired, but he couldn't fall asleep in bed.Over and over again, Bai Wan's question is always in my mind: "Are you sure you are 100% honest with me?"

"You really have nothing to hide from me?"

After tossing and turning for a long time, Fu Ye sighed deeply and finally made up his mind.

He couldn't hide it from him forever, he had promised himself that he would never hide anything from Bai Wan again.

Fu Ye got out of bed and left the room, knocking on Bai Wan's door.

It was so late, Fu Ye thought that Bai Wan had already fallen asleep, but he didn't expect Bai Wan to open the door very quickly, as if he was waiting for him to come to him.

"What's wrong?" Bai Wan asked.

Fu Ye whispered: "There is something I want to tell you."

Bai Wan unknowingly squeezed the door frame tightly: "Say it."

"I, I..." Fu Ye hesitated for a moment, and said quickly, "Last time I said that I lied to you because I had the surgery on the top of the room, and I didn't come to you because the real situation was much more serious than this. What I got was an ascending aortic aneurysm, which ruptured at the time and was very dangerous, so I was sent to emergency rescue, and it was found that the aortic valve was incompetent during the operation, so the artificial valve and artificial blood vessel were replaced later.”

He finished speaking in one breath, afraid that if he stopped, he would not be able to continue.Outsiders may not be able to understand it, but to Fu Ye, such an illness is like a tattoo on his body, not only a physical pain, but also a spiritual blow.He loves extreme sports. He used to be able to go to the sea, but now he can only do some basic recovery exercises.He was so healthy, strong, and full of strength to protect anyone he wanted to protect, but now he has to expose his weakness to the one he loves.

"This heart of mine is no longer a real heart." Fu Ye touched his chest and raised the corner of his mouth, "but my heart that loves you is absolutely true."

He wanted to make a joke pretending to be relaxed, but he saw Bai Wan's eyes turned red quickly.

"Are you sick!" Bai Wan suddenly went into a rage, slammed his shoulder, and pushed him out of the door, "Why didn't you tell me before? In those few months, I didn't feel like sitting or sitting. You thought you gave up on me and lived together with Jiang Zhiming, why didn’t you tell me?! Why didn’t you tell me the truth after you came to America?!”

"I'm sorry. I, I'm afraid you're worried. I originally wanted to come to you when I've almost recovered, but I didn't expect it to take so long. I... I don't want you to think that I am a useless person, and I can no longer be relied on by you." , I'm afraid you'll..."

"You are afraid, you think, you think, everything is yourself. Have you ever thought about me? I am also a man, so I can't let you rely on me?" Bai Wan interrupted him angrily, "It's still you Don’t you think it’s great to bear everything alone like this?!”

"Bai Wan! I..." Before Fu Ye could say anything, the door was shut with a "bang".

"Get out!" Bai Wan's crying voice came from inside the door.

"..." Fu Ye covered his eyes, screwed up, messed up again.

He was so anxious that he didn't know what to do, the door suddenly opened again, Bai Wan somehow pulled him in, and hugged him tightly with the strength embedded in his bones and blood.

"You're a fucking bastard!"