summer love

What is a living?Why die?

For life and death, different people have different understandings; facing life and death, different people have different reactions; but one thing we cannot deny that since we have life, we will eventually pass away.What matters is how we navigate this journey between life and death.

I have no religious beliefs, but what I yearn for most is Taoism in China.From my point of view, Western religions such as Christianity promote the salvation of the previous life, (Chinese) Buddhism explains the practice of the afterlife, that is, reincarnation, and Taoism, a native Chinese religion, advocates the cultivation of individuals.Therefore, I am more inclined to believe in Chinese Taoism, and yearn for the unrestrained and detached state, which may be called the free and unfettered way.

Based on this, maybe I take death lightly, but when death really comes, I can't be as light as I imagined.Because those things that have been engraved in the bones will not be forgotten with the passage of time, but will only be engraved more deeply in the bones.

People are dead, love is still there.

B&Bs have gradually become the first choice for modern tourists to stay in tourist destinations. He and I often live in B&Bs when we travel abroad to experience local life.However, this home stay made it impossible for me to enter this place, which brought me infinite sadness.

The speed of ordinary trains is neither slow nor fast. It is slow for those in a hurry, but fast for a leisurely person like me.Although the nearly [-]-hour journey did not arrive so quickly, it is also a pleasant time to observe the scenery on both sides of the train and read Shapo's classics in hand.

After arriving at the destination, it was already midnight. First, I ran to the homestay I ordered online, preparing to get a good night's sleep, and then packed my bags to experience the local life.

When checking in at the B&B, I found that the mother and daughter I met on the train also came to this B&B to check in.I didn't pay much attention to them, because the journey has made me very tired.

After entering the room, I remembered the scene of our first night's stay when we first went out for a long trip.

We also arrived at night that time. We didn’t have much experience on our first trip, and at that time, online booking of hotels was not well developed, so we had to look for them when we arrived.That night we thought we were staying in the Express Chain, but after checking in, we realized that it was just a sign.

After arriving at the room, the proprietress tried her best to persuade us whether we should find someone to give us a massage. I didn't understand what the proprietress meant at the time, but it was already late at night and I was annoyed by her nagging there.My brother already understood what the proprietress meant, and he firmly refused.The proprietress didn’t give up and came to ask me if I wanted a massage. Before I said anything, my brother said, “I don’t need him, let alone.” The proprietress wanted to say something, so my brother pulled me over to kiss After taking a sip of me, the proprietress seemed to be used to seeing such scenes and walked away in embarrassment.

He went over to lock the door, put on the anti-theft chain, smiled at me, and said, "Okay! It's quiet now, go take a shower, Little Feather!" "Little Feather", he always calls me that, in fact, most At that time, he still called me "baby", what a kind name, no one has called me like that for many years.That night, we fell asleep after taking a shower.I'm a bit obsessed with my bed, I can't sleep well, and it's past my usual sleep time, so it's hard to fall asleep.I just stared at him who had fallen asleep.He has black hair, a handsome face, single eyelids, big eyes, and red lips. His lips are always so red and moist.

Unable to control myself, I kissed his lips, and then he hugged me and said, "You asked for it." Pulling me into his bed, he kissed me hard again, and I Only then did he realize that he was pretending to sleep and catch "me", but it was too late.

My brother asked me: "Do you know what the 'massage' just now means?"

"Isn't it a massage?" I looked at his expression and felt something was wrong, and suddenly I understood it. "How do you know everything, to be honest, didn't you before?"

"I swear, I didn't. It's just that your social experience is a little less than mine, and you will understand later. Take a break now, you have been on the train for so long."

I knew my brother must be tired, so I stopped talking.After a while, I heard a slight snoring, and I fell asleep unconsciously.When I woke up the next day, the sun was already high.

After waking up in the morning and taking a shower, my body is already very energetic, and I just need to eat brunch to replenish my strength.I saw the mother and daughter again during the meal, which made me think again, and I always felt that I had seen them somewhere.Especially that little girl's face is so similar to his face.When I recalled it, they were sitting across from me, and the woman was also looking at me.It was the little girl who broke our silence.

"Uncle, you look so familiar. I seem to have seen you somewhere." The little girl looked at me with big watery eyes and said.

I smiled and said, "Really? You are so beautiful, baby!"

"I'm not called Xiaobao, I'm called Chenchen."

"Hello, Chenchen!"

At this time, her mother said: "Chenchen, eat obediently. Look at the many children over there, how about going to play with them after eating?"

"Okay, Chenchen eats obediently."

The speed of a child's action after being tempted is amazing, and she finished eating in a short while.Says goodbye to me, then waves to her mom and runs off to play.

When she sat in front of me, I felt that this woman wanted to say something to me, but I didn't have any impression of her in my mind, but there was a faint feeling that she had some kind of connection with me, especially the name "" Chenchen" little girl.

At this moment, the little girl's mother spoke up, "Are you Wang Ziyu?"

I was stunned for a moment, and after a while I also realized that it was her.I tried my best to hide my dislike for her, and answered her calmly: "I am Wang Ziyu. If my guess is correct, you should be Zhang Longtao's lover, right? Although I have never met you, Chenchen looks very similar to him Yes, especially those eyes."

"Love? Are you mocking me? He never loved me, he only has you in his heart." She lowered her voice very low, biting the word 'you' very hard.Such hatred for me.I don't know why she hates me so much, obviously Zhang Longtao abandoned me for her sake.

I could only try to keep myself calm and said calmly: "Would you mind changing to another place to chat?" Although I tried my best to maintain my self-restraint, I still replaced "you" with "you". "It's still early, let's go to the beach, blowing the sea breeze can calm your mind. I believe your daughter also likes the sea." I inadvertently looked at "Chenchen" who was playing on the side, and then said "You don't want her to hear what we're talking about, do you?" She also looked over.

She said: "Okay, we'll see you on the beach over there in two hours. I need to settle down for the kids." After she finished speaking, she pointed to a deserted beach on the coast outside the window.

She stood up and walked towards Chenchen, while I was still sitting there, thinking about what to talk to her, what is there to talk about.Still the same sentence, I didn't feel sorry for them, but they were sorry for me. They shared a family relationship together, and I was alone.Thinking of this, I feel very confident, but reason tells me that things are not that simple, so I went back to the room and took the folding fan I carried with me, because I habitually like to hold something in my hand when I think.

I went to the beach first and waited for her arrival.Sitting on the beach, looking at the endless sea alone lost in thought.The sea, your mind is always so broad and encompasses everything.My mood has calmed down, no matter what she says later, I can accept it.

She came, but I didn't stand up, I sat on the beach and asked her: "What do you want to talk to me about?" My classmates said that I was so calm and elegant no matter what time, but who knew The bitterness behind my calmness.No one knows my madness, or my life-and-death struggle.

She said: "I have nothing to talk to you, but I have some things to pass on to you." Then she threw me an envelope.In the middle of the envelope was written, "Accepted by my little feather", and the signature was "Tao who loves you". Although it was his note, it was very scribbled.This is the title and signature he often used to write to me before, and he would only write to me when we could not see each other for a long time.Of course the letter will not be sent out, but we will hand it to each other when we meet.I realized that something was wrong, and asked her: "Why do you have to forward what he gave me?"

She roared: "Do you think I'm willing to hand it over to you? I never want to see you. If it weren't for you, how would I be today, and how would he be today."

I asked her, "What happened to him? What happened to him?"

"Look for yourself!" After that, she turned and left.

I opened the letter carefully, and saw on the first piece of paper:

My little feather:

Baby, I'm sorry!When you read this letter, I have already gone to that world.I have no reason to ask for your forgiveness but I still have to say: Please forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye.You live very strong without me, you must find your own happiness.forget me, please!

I'm sorry, I've always loved you!

love you tao

"I'm sorry" was written on several pages, and I counted nine hundred and ninety-nine. I don't know how many days and nights he wrote these "sorry", with different inks and different levels of workmanship.How many times have I met you in my dreams, imagining all kinds of scenarios when we meet again.But in the end, I only got the news that he went to another world.

I just sat on the beach like that, without saying a word, just sat there quietly, looking at the sea.He is gone, he is no longer in this world but his love is still there.Although his person is no longer there, I feel that his heart is still with me.do i really hate himI don't hate him, I love him, I just can't understand his abandoning me quietly, I understand his abandoning me but what can't be forgiven is his way.

As for his wife, she has done the right thing for me and him. After all, she is sending a letter to her husband's former lover, so what kind of pain should she feel in her heart.

I didn't go back to the homestay that night, but sat there until dawn to digest the news of his death.I did not shed tears, because my tears have been shed for him.

It was another day when the sun was rising, and the sun reflected on the beach and shone on my face.It's been a whole night, I should go back, there are still many things to do.

Back in the room, I took a pen and wrote a reply letter, which I want to hand over to him personally.

I showered and changed into a clean suit, but got no sleep.Found his wife with the key in the envelope, and I wanted to chat with her about him again.She looked at the keys in my hand and my haggard face, as if she knew what I was going to do.At this time, she was very calm, "We should sit down and have a good chat, but I need someone to take care of the child."

"I'll wait for you in the lobby."

The two of us were enemies and friends, neither of us was wrong but both were wrong, we both fell in love with the same person, and this person is no longer alive.