After becoming a god on earth, I always want to lie down

She sat by the flower bed and imagined wildly, and even her hands trembled with excitement. Even if that scene didn't happen in reality, just imagining it in her mind gave her great satisfaction.

However, after a while, just as this satisfaction faded, another strong sense of shame came to her heart, making her want to slap herself a few times immediately.

Yang Yi, Yang Yi, miserable Yang Yi, can she only rely on one man to restore her self-esteem? Relying on an inexplicable and illusory love, relying on a grand prize that can disappear at any time, to compensate for your damaged face and insulted vanity? Where is your shame? Don't you feel ashamed?

You actually still imagine taking Chen Huanyue to show off in front of them and show off your power? Not only is it ridiculous, it's downright pathetic.

You don’t have anything to offer, but you want to rely on a man—and a man who may not necessarily belong to you—to prove your worth, your strengths, and the meaning of your existence!

You might as well die, you might as well commit suicide. Using death to prove that you are unworthy of humiliation is more honorable than relying on a man's illusory love to prove yourself.

She has never hated herself as much as she does now, hates everything about herself, hates her parents, hates her family, hates her poverty, hates her own weakness, cowardice, and incompetence! I hate my vanity and my inferiority complex.

She even hated Chen Huanyue, why he injected this color into her pale life, gave her superfluous fantasies, and gave her excessive extravagant hopes.

If I had never had it, I wouldn't be so panicked. It was you who made my desolate life look even more desolate.

She clenched her hands so tightly that her nails were about to pierce into her palms. She lowered her head and bit her lower lip, almost bleeding.

It was getting dark, and the students around her were coming and going. No one noticed the turmoil in the heart of this girl who was sitting by the flower bed and resting.

After a while, she finally came to her senses, and it was already dark.

She was walking on campus blankly carrying two hot water bottles.

Look, why are they so carefree? Why is she always so sad and worried.

Look at the expressions on the faces of the couple, how comfortable they were as they walked past her while playing happily - but she didn't even dare to walk openly with Chen Huanyue.

Look at the group of girls coming back with bulging supermarket shopping bags. She has never dared to buy so many snacks in the supermarket. Every time she goes to the supermarket, she will silently calculate the price on the label in her mind.

Look at the two girls in front, one wearing a snow-white gauze skirt and the other wearing a miniskirt. They are confident and flamboyant, exuding the unique charm of girls of this age to all around them, and she - she lowered her head and looked at the deformation of her washing. A gray T-shirt, denim jodhpurs, and 35 yuan flat sandals.

Not only does she have no money to dress herself up, but she also only dares to wear modest clothes and doesn't even dare to show a little more skin.

Inferiority enveloped her all the time, with shrinkage and shabbiness emerging from every careful look in her eyes, every shrinking movement, every deliberate word, and even every pore and hair.

She thought of Chen Huanyue. She didn't know what her feelings were for him. Did she love him? It doesn't seem like it.

She should be more grateful, grateful that he added a bit of brilliance and fantasy to her sad life, and gave her pale life a touch of beauty.

Although she always suspected that his purpose of approaching her was to see her jokes, it was a kind of experience of the life of the lower class by a noble prince, and it was a kind of superior compassion like a prince falling in love with Cinderella, but after all, He had really been in her life, hadn't he?

Yes, she had never had any longing for them. There was no future between them. How could there be any future for the two of them?

They can only meet in this ivory tower, in this place where they least care about each other's status and class, have a just right and simple love that is not mixed with other interests and material things, and then go their separate ways and return to their original class and class. in life.

This is how she envisions the future.

She received two bottles of hot water, but she didn't want to go back to the dormitory. Maybe she didn't want to face their faces, or maybe she didn't want to face their emotions that would make her rise and fall again.

So she walked aimlessly on campus carrying two jugs of hot water, not knowing where she was going or what she was going to do. She had no goal or direction, so she was walking alone.

At this moment, she even missed Chen Huanyue a little, even if he was lying to her - no matter how he lied to her, his gentle smile, soft words, gentle attitude, and gentle behavior could soothe her hesitation at the moment and make her feel empty. A little warmth arises inside - even a poisonous warmth.

Where is he now? What is he doing?

For the first time, she wanted to take the initiative to contact him, call him, ask him what he was doing, even if she couldn't see him, just listen to his voice, get a normal word, and ask for a few words of comfort. She was freed from this loneliness and hesitation.

But she didn't want to call. She was afraid that she was used to his presence, his comfort, and relying on him. Once she lost him, it would be even more unbearable. Now, at least she can hold on.

Moreover, she made herself as reserved as a princess and as arrogant as a queen, in order to maintain her dignity that was stronger than that of princesses and queens - even though she was uncivilized and worthless at the moment, she was absolutely spiritual. Noble, even proud.

But secretly, in the corner of my heart that I would never admit, a bubble popped up: "Chen Huanyue, why don't you contact me? At this moment, why don't you take the initiative to contact me?... I'm waiting for you to call me. Phone...even if you send a text message..."

As soon as the bubble rose, she shattered it. She would never give herself even a glimmer of extravagant hope.

Don't miss him! Don't let his name appear in your heart, don't think of his figure, his face, his smile, his words, everything about him!

This is weakness! This is incompetence! This is a meaningless fantasy!

Think about your professional knowledge, think about the job you have to do tomorrow, even think about the key points to be tested in the final exam, these down-to-earth things are what you can really grasp.

She walked most of the campus carrying the hot water bottle. Finally, her hands were sore, her legs were tired, her body had no strength, and her heart calmed down. Just when she was about to return to the dormitory, Chen Huanyue called instead.

"Xiaoyi, where are you?" There seemed to be a little excitement in his gentle tone.

"I'm..." Her tone was a little high-pitched, but she quickly discovered this and forced her voice to sound calmer, "I'm getting hot water."

"Okay, I'll come find you." After saying that, he hung up the phone.

Yang Yi stood there blankly, not knowing what happened. But she quickly carried two buckets of hot water to the route from the dormitory to fetching water, making herself appear normal.

As soon as Chen Huanyue saw her, a smile appeared on his face, and his fair complexion even turned a thin layer of red from excitement. He took the hot water bottle from Yang Yi and even forgot that Yang Yi always kept a distance from him in crowded places. He grabbed an unknown male classmate without hesitation and asked him with a smile to give him the water bottle. Go to the door of Yang Yi's dormitory building.

The male classmate agreed - Chen Huanyue has always had this ability to easily make people obey his orders, and he didn't even feel disgusted, but felt honored.

Then he took her hand and walked out of the school gate with a bit of excitement and expectation that could not be concealed. This was the first time she had seen him so unstable.

"Where are we going?" she asked a little uneasily.

"Let's go have a meal." He said mysteriously, seeming to find his tone a bit funny, and smiled sheepishly, "Let's go, let's go, we'll find out when we get there."

Confused and uneasy, she was pulled by him to the school gate, where there was a long black car waiting there - she didn't recognize the brand at all, but she also guessed that it was very expensive, so expensive that she didn't dare to think of it. Numbers - and Chen Huanyue actually pulled her towards the car.

She became more and more uneasy. She stopped and broke away from his hand, "What's going on? Where are you taking me?"

Her heart was beating fast, and she didn't know why it was beating so fast - later she realized that it was the fear of seeing a huge chasm that she usually didn't think about or see.

"My mother passed by our school on a business trip and heard that I was in love. She stopped by to treat us to a meal." He tried to say it in a normal tone, as if this was an ordinary thing, just like having a professional class tomorrow morning. .

But his unstoppable tone of voice, his excited expression, and the expression of a little boy wanting to show off his most successful work to his mother, are enough to show his anticipation for this matter.

Yang Yi's heart kept sinking, he panicked and struggled, and kept sinking.

She didn't know what was going through her mind at that time. She only remembered that she couldn't stop retreating and wanted to escape, as if she was not meeting her boyfriend's mother, but the most terrifying monster in the world.

"What's wrong? Xiaoyi, don't worry, my mother is the gentlest!" Chen Huanyue finally noticed that her face was pale. He hurriedly stopped, and his usually smart speech turned into a clumsy tongue:

"It doesn't matter, it's just an ordinary meal. She is just an ordinary middle-aged woman. Don't be afraid... Otherwise, why don't we go? Let's go back to school... I Give her a call and say..."

Regardless of the fact that his mother's car was just a few steps away, Chen Huanyue immediately walked back half-armed with Yang Yi, constantly comforting him anxiously: "Don't worry, it's nothing. My mother is just curious... and she's on a business trip by the way." She doesn't mean anything..."

Yang Yi was covered in cold sweat as if she were drowning, but she still grabbed Chen Huanyue as if grabbing a life-saving straw. She tried hard to keep her lips from trembling: "Go back...your mother is waiting for you, I It's okay, nothing happened...I'll go back to the dormitory by myself..."

But Chen Huanyue was unwilling to let her leave alone - maybe it was because her complexion was so bad that she almost burst into tears when he insisted on sending her back to the dormitory.

While the two were pulling each other, a woman in the limousine got out of the car and shouted softly: "What's going on?"

"Mom, Xiaoyi...she's not feeling well. I want to send her back to the dormitory..." Chen Huanyue explained quickly, blaming himself for the pulling between the two.

The lady was slim and well-maintained. She looked to be only about 30 years old. She walked over slowly, took a careful look at Yang Yi, and said considerately: "Hey, silly son, your girlfriend is not very good." It's comfortable! Let's go, there are sanitary products and hot drinks in the car..." After saying that, he naturally took her hand and walked to the car.

At this moment, she actually calmed down like a enlightened monk. At the same time, she silently made a decision in her heart. It was this decision that supported her sudden recovery of composure.

What's so scary? The worst that can happen is that you will be picked on, humiliated, and scrutinized. It may be humiliation from a superior position, it may be a series of beatings in a warm and gentle manner, it may be an intentional hint, but you cannot escape from these routines. ——Besides, she has already made that decision, what is there to be afraid of?

They came to the car. It was the first time in her life that she had sat in such a luxurious car - but now she had almost forgotten everything in the car. The mother and son seemed to have said something and asked her something. She I don’t remember how she answered. What I remember most clearly is my stiff body and a cup of sweet scented tea.

They went to a luxury hotel chain for dinner - the Regal Riverside Hotel, she suddenly remembered now - and she barely noticed it at the time, as she kept thinking about how to deal with the various insults and taunts that were about to come.

Just like in the imaginary duel while sitting in the flower bed, she once again imagined herself being humiliated, preferably severely humiliated, with money thrown in her face like in the TV series, Take a check and throw it at her contemptuously, or pick up a cup of tea and pour it on her head, or even worse, take a bowl of hot soup and pour it all over her head and face - so that she has a reason to look like In the TV series, the heroine leaves with the same dignity, leaving them with a lonely back.

So, she tried to be neither humble nor overbearing, neither too cold nor too flattering, not too talkative and not too talkative - this was too difficult for her, and it was almost the most difficult thing at the dinner table.

But no, all the assumptions were not fulfilled. Chen Huanyue's mother had a kind and graceful attitude. Except for the occasional hint of instinctive scrutiny of her son's girlfriend in her eyes, she was calm and gentle at other times.

Gratitude and loss appeared in her heart at the same time. She hated her gratitude. She felt like a slave who was grateful for a piece of rancid bread given to her by her master.

Regarding her loss, she felt another kind of sadness. She sadly realized that her character and personality had been distorted, completely distorted by this poverty and this damn fate.