After becoming a god on earth, I always want to lie down

Probably seeing old friends again, some annoying memories from the past came up involuntarily.

She was already lying on the bed ready to have a good rest, but as soon as she closed her eyes, the past events came flooding back. She tried hard to empty her mind, forcing herself to enter a state where her mind was empty and she didn't think about anything, and finally fell asleep vaguely.

But even this dream is about the past.

If the love experience with Chen Huanyue was still something worth remembering for him, for her, there was only one word left for her: humiliation.

Of course, this humiliation was not brought about by Chen Huanyue himself, and he had never wanted to humiliate her. Even if he knew about it, he would make every effort to avoid people or things that would bring her humiliation, but... sometimes things happen Not always what people want...

Chen Huanyue was very kind to her. He was a gentle, considerate and restrained big boy. Even though he was only 21 years old at the time and still had a youthful and student spirit about him, he was already considerate and considerate in his behavior. As long as you leave anything to him, there is no need to worry about it. Don’t worry about the follow-up. Professors and classmates all like him, and he is everyone's popular male idol.

Moreover, he looks good, speaks and behaves elegantly and politely, and has a big family that values ​​​​nurturing him, and he has a natural sense of superiority that he has gained since he was a child - this sense of superiority is not deliberate. In order to blend in with the crowd, he has Sometimes he would go to great lengths to hide this sense of superiority so as not to make others feel uncomfortable.

She had never interacted with such a person before, but this was the strange thing, and she found it unbelievable until now.

One day she was working part-time at a milk tea shop. It was early in the morning and there were not many customers. He suddenly walked in and said to her: "Classmate Yang Yi, I am Chen Huanyue, who is one grade above you. My major is business administration. Professor Li Mingwei is my tutor. This is my student ID card." He took out his student ID card and handed it to her. At that time, she took it in confusion, not knowing what he was going to do.

Chen Huanyue waited for her to read her student ID card, took a deep breath, and said to her very seriously: "Classmate Yang Yi, what I am about to say next comes entirely from my sincerity. It is not because I lost a bet. Or a truth or dare game, or a whim, but the result of my careful consideration.”

Chen Huanyue was a famous figure in the school. No matter how introverted Yang Yi was and how small her social circle was, she still knew him. His serious words almost shocked her.

"Uh...please say..." I remember she said awkwardly at that time, and even used honorifics.

Chen Huanyue looked into her eyes seriously, his tone was sincere and gentle, and he even said with a little tenderness: "I have liked you for a while, can you be my girlfriend?"

At that time, she was wearing a 19.9 yuan T-shirt bought at a street stall, 49 yuan jeans, and fluffy sneakers, and the shabby smell all over her body was overwhelming.

For some unknown reason, maybe out of vanity, she agreed to him.

In the subsequent interactions, he was gentle and considerate, neither interfering too much in her life nor forcing her to change her wishes. He would not get into trouble over some inexplicable little things like straight men who have never been in love, nor would he be like some CEOs who thought they were overbearing. The male protagonist is equally self-righteous as the male chauvinist.

He respects her pride which is so strong that it is not even necessary.

She said she had to work part-time and might not have much time to go on dates. He tactfully recommended to her a job that college students could do, and the salary was good. After going to work, he discovered that he also worked here.

She said that she was a relatively slow person and was not very familiar with him, so she might not be able to behave in a very intimate manner. Later, when the two of them got along, his behavior was very restrained and polite, and he would even ask for her permission before holding hands.

Sometimes she even wondered if he had investigated her in advance, or else why, he seemed to know her living habits better than she did.

Sometimes, she would even despicably think that Chen Huanyue was with her just to see her jokes, to see how a poor girl with extremely high self-esteem struggled in life, trying to make ends meet like a clown. I hid the ball of poverty in my clothes, thinking that others could no longer see it, but I didn't expect that the ball had already bulged out from under my clothes.

Although Chen Huanyue has not deliberately shown his family, there is no doubt that his family's superior conditions can be seen from his conversation, temperament, and the cost of food and clothing, and they are not generally superior.

But he has been accommodating her, eating with her in the cafeteria when no one is around, working part-time with her, studying with her in the corner of the library, and walking with her on the road in the public park - these are all free activities. Because she doesn't want to spend his money, and she's not used to letting the man be responsible for all the money on a date as a matter of course.

Moreover, at that time, she was too cautious and had a bitter personality, and could not even provide him with any emotional value. Instead, Chen Huanyue had been caring for her tenderly, supporting her, and praising her.

Sometimes she thought he was an angel.

Sometimes, she thought he might be a devil who would one day tear open this gentle veil and reveal his true purpose.

She wanted to be close to him, like she wanted to be close to a fire in the dead of winter.

She wanted to push him away again, because she was worried that if the fire suddenly went out after she got used to the warmth, she would feel even colder than the cold she had experienced before.

When I'm with him, everything is fine. Other than that, everything is bad.

She usually goes to the canteen to eat later, when the peak crowd period has passed, and she doesn't like crowded environments. Another reason is that there are not many people at this time, so the hands of the aunties in the canteen can be less shaking when preparing food.

At that time, she was always hungry and cherished all food. She always ate her rice with soup. However, the girls in the same dormitory seemed to be competing, taking pride in wasting food and competing to see who could win. To be proud of eating less is to be vulgar, vulgar, and unfashionable to eat too much.

They order takeout, eat a few bites, throw it away, and order another when they're hungry.

Once, she saw Han Jiao, who was in the same dormitory, ordering a piece of barbecue bibimbap and eating only a few bites before throwing it into the trash can. She thought it was a waste, so she took a few more glances. Han Jiao seemed to notice the look in her eyes and asked with a smile: "Yang Yi, I'm full. It's a waste to have so much left. Why don't you help me eat it?"

Yang Yi had just returned from working, hungry and exhausted. She had to pay tuition, earn living expenses, and pay for phone calls. Although the school provided subsidies for poor students, it was a drop in the bucket.

If it were normal, her strong self-esteem would make her refuse without hesitation, but at that time she was tired and hungry and had no time to think too much. She thanked Han Jiao, took the meal, and ate the meal without letting herself gobble it up. Empty.

At that time, her self-esteem and shame were terrible, and she was afraid of owing anyone because she had nothing in return. She is most afraid of group activities because she has no money to contribute.

After finishing the meal, in return, she picked up her and Han Jiao's hot water bottles to get water. As soon as she left the dormitory door, she heard Li Ningxin laughing: "Look at how shabby she is. She eats leftovers with gusto, as if she has never eaten good food in her life..."

Han Jiao said softly: "Don't say that, not everyone has good family conditions..."

She couldn't hear the rest clearly. She just felt that all the blood in her body was rushing to her head, she was dizzy, her whole body seemed numb, and she didn't even know how to get out of the dormitory building.

Halfway through the walk, she felt like her stomach was churning. The barbecue bibimbap that was so delicious just now was now as disgusting as a ball of stool. Her whole body felt numb and weak, and she felt dizzy and almost dizzy. If you have tinnitus, you can only put down the hot water bottle and sit by the flower bed to relax.

Yes, she knows that she is full of poverty, because poverty does not come from cheap clothing brands, cheap cosmetics, and living expenses that are never enough at the end of the month, but from a thread on her body that is old and loses its elasticity. Underwear, a second-hand mobile phone that is always out of battery, are revealed in every avoidant look, every shrinking movement, and every timid word.

She never believed that poverty was a fault, but poverty actually kept her away from the lives of her peers, making her and her classmates feel like they were living in two different worlds even though they were in the same room.

Li Ningxin's words certainly made her feel like she was pricked by a needle, but Han Jiao's compassion made her feel even more uncomfortable. She can accept the contempt of others calmly, but she cannot tolerate the pity of others.

This pity made her seem to be lowered, and even her own personality was lowered by one level. Poverty did not make her feel that she was unequal to others, but this pity made her unable to hold her head up, like a slave lifting up in front of his master. Don't start.

She desperately wanted to find some place where she was stronger than them.

Although they are not from rich families, most of them are in the middle class or well-off, and are loved by their parents. As for her, don’t mention it.

study? Sadly, because she was busy working, her studies could only be average.

character? She is introverted, shy, has a small social circle, and is not as generous as they are.

appearance? All of them are young and beautiful college students in their twenties, who look very beautiful with a little dressing up. And she is not even willing to buy cosmetics, and she still doesn’t know how to wear makeup.

She thought about it, and the only thing that made her better and special than them was that she had a boyfriend, a boyfriend who attracted everyone's attention.

She had heard them commenting on the outstanding boys in the school many times in the middle of the night in the dormitory, and they also secretly conducted rankings, and Chen Huanyue was chosen first almost every time.

This is also the reason why she agreed to Chen Huanyue's confession.

Think about it, this man-god figure they always secretly discuss and secretly like is actually the secret boyfriend of the most inconspicuous and shabby girl in the dormitory! This is not only a kind of vanity satisfaction, but also an invisible revenge.

Yes, you look down on me, yes, I have no money and no family background, yes, I am introverted and can't speak, and I will eat other people's leftovers - but that boy you are secretly talking about and silently like, he only He likes me, but he doesn't like any of you. He belongs to me alone.

She was sitting by the flower bed carrying two hot water bottles, and with the classmates coming and going around her, no one knew what kind of crazy thoughts this ordinary girl with her head lowered had in her mind at the moment.

She was dark, despicable, and pathetic. She imagined wildly, imagining herself rushing to the dormitory, kicking open the door with a sneer, pretending to be casual and triumphant, and saying to them: "Li Ningxin, I heard that you yesterday Did you vote for Chen Huanyue on the school forum? Han Jiao, I heard that you really liked the piano music played by Chen Huanyue at the homecoming celebration party? Zhou Beibei, last time I heard you talking in your sleep and shouting Chen Huanyue's name. !”

She wanted to pretend to be shy, deliberately pretentious, and say to them in a coquettish and showy tone: "Huan Yue said thank you for your love, but he has a girlfriend, and his girlfriend's name is Yang Yi, so please Respect yourself!"

If they don't believe it, it would be better if they were surprised, ridiculed, and viciously ridiculed her for wanting to eat swan meat. It would be better to scold her harshly, scold her for being whimsical, scold her for dreaming, scold her for being crazy for wanting men, scold her. She should pee and show what she is - that would be even better!

At that time, her whole body would be trembling with excitement, and her face would be red with excitement - because she knew that what was coming was the beginning of the good show and the best climax of the revenge scene! This was the most brilliant moment in her life as an ugly duckling’s desert life!

She would personally take Chen Huanyue's arm to the dormitory - at that time, she deliberately did not think about the fact that boys could not enter the female dormitory - she would be generous, hold her head high, and even be triumphant and pretentious. Holding his arm, he waved to all the people he knew or didn't know, like a victorious general with a medal, to all the strangers, those who had had conflicts, those who were just familiar, those in the same class, the same age, seniors, all those who were opposite him. Say hello to all.

If someone asks her, what is your relationship? ——That’s great, it’s exactly what she wanted. She will even be secretly grateful to the person who asked her. She will pretend to be indifferent, point to Chen Huanyue casually, and smile slightly: “My boyfriend, Chen Huanyue. .”

Then, with everyone looking at each other and talking, she walked into her dormitory next to Chen Huanyue. In front of Li Ningxin, Han Jiao, Zhou Beibei and the others, she introduced them in the calmest, most casual and careless tone: "Dear sisters, this is My boyfriend, Chen Huanyue. He heard that you didn’t believe that he was Yang Yi’s boyfriend, so he came over to prove it himself. "

What should their expressions be at that time? How should she feel?

By then she was too excited to imagine.

Chen Huanyue, Chen Huanyue, how could he still be a human being at that time? He was just a tool for her to show off, the only shining brilliance on her dull body, and the infinitely expanding vanity in her dark and inferior heart.