Mad Elf's Diary of a Scumbag

On Sunday, in the Cathedral of Light in Glory City.

The melodious hymns echoed under the tall and gorgeous dome.

The church was filled with devout believers, who stared at the huge statue of the God of Light with awe and gratitude.

Those beautiful and holy nuns, dressed in white, sang to their heart's content.

Their harmony seemed to carry divine power.

Purifying people's hearts and washing their souls.

Their eyes shone with kindness and compassion.

In this solemn scene, no matter how evil they are in their hearts, they look at their faces as pure as angels.

They will all burst into tears and deeply repent of their shameful thoughts.

What's more, you will feel white wings growing behind you.

It was taking him slowly flying towards the sky, bathing in the white clouds and warm sunshine.

Until you fly into that glorious heaven.

"How long will it take?"

In the small room at the back of the hall, Lance picked up a plate of mutton and poured it into the copper pot on the table in front of him.

Seeing that the hymn was being sung endlessly, he couldn't help but ask.

Father Edward listened attentively.

"This is Chapter 13 of "Hymn to the God of Light." It's early."

"We have to sing for at least half an hour. Let's eat slowly."

As he spoke, Father Edward picked up a piece of mutton with chopsticks, put it into a copper pot and rinsed it.

Then he dipped some of the dipping sauce he carefully prepared, then slowly put it into his mouth and chewed it.

Father Edward breathed a sigh of relief and narrowed his eyes with satisfaction.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Lance was scooping mutton into his bowl with large chopsticks.

"Young man, you are just too impatient. This copper pot mutton should be eaten slowly like me."

"You can't taste the mutton like that. Look, the mutton is cooked."

As he spoke, Father Edward boiled another piece of mutton and put it into his mouth, happily breathing in the heat.

"This is life!"

"Isn't that right? You have been eating beans boiled in water for half your life in the Kingdom of Light."

"I lost all my teeth when I was over 70 years old. I have to be helped to walk. I have to say that a vegetarian diet is healthy."

"When I saw me eating meat, I was so greedy that my mouth watered. When I went to the toilet, the soup was gone when I came back."

"I thought the pot leaked. With such hot soup, you're not afraid of burning your throat."

Listening to Lance talk about the past, Father Edward also had a look of nostalgia in his eyes.

"Wasn't it true that I was deceived into being stupid? At an age when I was about to die, I was kicked here to preach. What a sin!"

"After riding on an airship for several months, I almost died on the way. My legs are swollen, and there is a hole every time I press it."

"When I arrived at the place, I saw that there were no tents, not to mention the church. The ground was so damp that it gave me leg pain."

Having said this, Father Edward took a sip of hot tea, leaned back in his chair comfortably, and said with some pride:

"The young men who came with us all ran away when they saw how difficult the situation was. I was the only one who held on and didn't run away!"

"Look, it's only been 20 years, and we already have everything! Look at this church, how beautifully it's built!"

"Yes, I also agreed to join the religion after I saw that you were so good at making money."

"Otherwise, I, a strong golden man, will never be able to starve myself wherever I go."

Lance was almost finished eating, so he took out a green cucumber and broke it in half, handed it to Father Edward and said:

"Tell me, how much have you caught over the years? I see that the box under your bed seems quite heavy?"

"Cough, cough, cough!"

He almost choked to death while eating cucumber. Father Edward quickly waved his hand and said:

"No way! That's not mine! It belongs to the God of Light!"

"I'm just taking care of it temporarily, yes, I'm keeping it temporarily, and it will eventually be handed over to His old man."

"Besides, I don't get as much as you do. I remember when I first met you, your clothes were all torn."

"Look at you now. The patterns on the priest's robe are all sewn with gold thread. You are not afraid of being stolen!"

"Hi! I just want to ask you a question. Seeing how stingy you are, I won't ask you to borrow money."

This cucumber was just picked from the greenhouse in Torun in the morning, and it tasted crisp and raw.

After Lance took a bite, he suddenly thought of something and said to Father Edward:

"The last time I had your teeth fixed was probably five years ago."

"I'll go to the cemetery tomorrow to take a look and get you a good set of teeth to replace. I see they're quite badly worn."

"No need, these teeth will last until I am buried."

"Besides, I feel uncomfortable using other people's teeth all the time."

Taking a sip of cucumber and a sip of hot tea, Father Edward sighed happily and said:

"The most correct thing I have done in my life is to draw you into the church."

"Um, didn't you have the money to pay for the dental implants, so you tricked me into joining the religion?"

"They say all believers in the light are brothers and sisters. They don't differentiate between you and me. They even took my pot away by the way."

Seeing Lance exposing himself mercilessly, Father Edward's old face turned red and he quickly defended:

"Ahem! Aren't I confused by hunger? Besides, I didn't treat you badly."

"Aside from me, you have the highest status in the cathedral."

"When I'm buried one day, not everything here will be yours."

"Oh, Father Lance, do you think I'm really old?"

"Since the beginning of winter, my body and bones have been getting worse day by day. It seems that the day when I will be called by God is not far away."

Lance held the teacup and looked at Father Edward suspiciously.

I don't know why he suddenly became sad, so he told the truth.

"Yes, you are really old, very old."

"Well, actually I still want to do something for the church, but I always fall asleep for no reason when I pray."

"This is all because you are old."

"I can still lead believers in worship, but I can't stand up when I sit down, and can't sit down when I stand up."

"Yes, this is all because you are old."

"I want to eat something good, but I always can't digest it. If I eat a few more bites, I feel uncomfortable."

"This is all because you are old."

"Young people don't know how to say something nice! I know I'm about to be buried, but you can't, just can't!"

Father Edward was helplessly furious for two seconds, and then fell into despair.

There were even crystal tears in the old eyes, and he whispered with a trace of grievance:

"Can't you say something nice and comfort me?"

"Old Father Edward, people are bound to die, just like flowers blooming and falling, vegetation growing and dying."

Lance leaned back on the chair, twisted his body, found the most comfortable position and said:

"Instead of worrying about this, why not think of something happy."

"For example, you will become a dwarf girl in your next life! The kind that is as thick as the top and the bottom!"

"Last time I saw a man with a beard, he had such a long face, it made me feel distressed!"

"fart!"

Father Edward scoffed.

"If I want to change, I also want to become the female dancer of the Majiro Kingdom."

"Let's belly dance, twisting the waist like a snake!"

"And that figure, like a gourd, and those curves!"

Speaking of this, Father Edward's eyes were full of imagination.

There was a smile on the old face that all men knew, and he looked at Lance.

The room reverberated with the cheerful laughter of the two priests.