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Chapter 8 Completely Control Your Emotions (3)
A dull and boring manager and a humorous and upbeat department manager can differ in many ways.If you look closely, you will see that these are the differences that are made by the psychological adjustment function and role of humor and optimistic emotional intelligence.

1. IQ level under the influence of EQ: Many psychological tests have long confirmed that people with higher performance in humor and optimism EQ will also display higher IQ level.Conversely, those who lacked such emotional intelligence also had lower levels of IQ performance.Such a person obviously lacks the ability to adapt, even if he has talent, it is difficult to use it.

2. Network: Humorous and optimistic people have better popularity in daily life, they can shorten the distance of interpersonal communication in a short period of time, and win the favor and trust of each other.People who lack this kind of emotional intelligence will greatly affect their interpersonal relationships, be constrained by their own shortcomings, and leave a weak impression on others.

3. Performance at work: If a person knows how to use humor to stimulate optimism at work, he can always maintain a good attitude, face work positively, have a high degree of commitment, and have higher efficiency and performance.We found that those who achieve a lot at work are not the hardest-working people we commonly think of, but the most optimistic and humorous people-they are always good at understanding others, always Will look at all kinds of problems, big and small, with optimism.

4. Performance in the face of difficulties: Everyone will encounter difficulties, it is inevitable.But humor and optimism can make people more open-minded and relaxed in the face of difficulties.They can go into battle lightly, mobilize their potential, and burst out with vitality.Therefore, if you want to appear relaxed in the face of difficulties, you must have a good sense of humor and an optimistic quality.On the contrary, people who lack humor and optimism can only suffer pain silently, and even easily get stuck in it, and their psychological burden is often heavy.

how to develop a sense of humor

If you have a chance, you can join our humor training.However, what is more important and easier is the improvement of our psychological cultivation and emotional intelligence.Everyone can develop a sense of humor in the most direct way through spiritual exercise, liberate our emotions, and make ourselves a person who is not depressed or mediocre.

Release repressed emotions and open our hearts
First of all, don't have unrealistic demands on yourself, and don't care too much about other people's opinions.As a manager, you may inadvertently increase the requirements on yourself and others. Many department managers and company bosses suffer from "obsessive-compulsive disorder" to varying degrees. What they think they can do, employees and colleagues should also be able to do. arrive.When this requirement cannot be realized, his emotions will tend to be negative, complaining and puzzled.

A manager said to me: "Employees always scold me behind my back, call me a tyrant, call me an oppressor, I really don't understand, how can I oppress them? They can't do such a simple job. Tomorrow, tomorrow is delayed, and you still blame me for criticizing them? I would have finished it ahead of schedule."

His incomprehension of the "low" abilities of his employees created a depressing mood.Think about it from another angle: If all subordinates are as capable as him, wouldn't they all become department managers?Because of his strong ability, he sat in the manager's position, so he made a wrong assessment of the employee's ability and did not objectively evaluate his subordinates.

To solve this problem, we must learn to understand others with kindness, and at the same time, understand ourselves correctly and open our hearts a little.Like this manager, if he recognizes the gap between himself and his employees, he can give enough tolerance, allowing them time to improve their abilities and gradually improve the quality of their work, instead of always blaming and mocking their subordinates for their work efficiency, In turn, it made me very uncomfortable.No matter what kind of environment we are in, we can always maintain a cheerful, relaxed and happy mood from the inside out.

Improve the initiative in interpersonal relationships and relieve inner pressure

Interpersonal communication is a person's instinctive behavior in society, and the level of EQ has a huge impact on the effect of communication.Humor is an essential tool if you can take the initiative to expand your social network and relieve your inner work pressure.That is to say, in interpersonal communication, humor can popularize our way of communication, which is specifically manifested in that we take the initiative to be kind to others, have a peaceful attitude, make people easy to get close to, and gain the joy of happy communication from it.

Obviously, people with many friends are generally good at humor.How to master the basic skills of humor in interpersonal communication?

Humor is not something you can just tell a funny joke casually, nor can you just laugh and joke with employees to show your wit.Some people have reported to me that although the boss tried hard to adjust the atmosphere of the meeting, they found it not funny at all, but felt inexplicable, and the boss acted like a clown.This is why the leader realizes the benefits of humor, but the humor is not enough, which further highlights his lack of humorous emotional intelligence.

First, we must have the awareness and good habits of self-deprecating.You can make your own jokes when necessary, but you must have something to say, hit the nail on the head, arouse people's humorous resonance, and at the same time not demean yourself; second, use your imagination to connect two different things or ideas , so as to produce unexpected effects, make everyone smile, and facilitate the development of work; thirdly, it is also a necessary basic ability, which is that managers should improve their language expression ability, and pay attention to the combination with body language and Combined to create a humorous image.

If you gradually master the skills of humor in interpersonal communication and know how to use humor to reconcile the atmosphere, you will be able to skillfully deal with various embarrassing situations, adjust work and life well, and greatly change your situation, just like creating "" A miracle that was unimaginable before."

Specifically, how can we maintain a humorous and optimistic attitude towards life in the long run?First, be able to face and accept reality.In the fast-paced life, everyone will face various pressures. Pressure is a fact that has always existed and is increasing in modern society.This includes job competition, tense coworker relationships, conflicts between excessive price growth and slow salary growth, housing prices, and marital relations.People should dare to face the reality, face up to the reality, no matter how bad the situation is, they must have the courage to face the problem.Only in this way can we correct our attitude towards life and work, adopt positive thinking and positive language of expression.People who are humorous see stress as a challenge, and people who are negative see it as a burden.

Second, always maintain an optimistic mood and never be negative in any situation.Sufficient optimism can not only make people show sufficient youthful vitality and enthusiasm for work, but also help to enhance people's immunity and achieve physical and mental health.For work, even a momentary positive smile, a gesture expressing positive information, or a positive hint will help us and our subordinates to form a positive and optimistic attitude, and devote full energy to deal with difficult problems at work .The same holds true in other areas of life.Third, learn to be tolerant and self-explanatory, and don't always resent others.Tolerance is a rare quality. People always say insincerely that they are "tolerant and generous", but in reality we find that most people end up resenting those who have conflicting interests or feelings with them.Their mood fluctuates greatly, either complaining all day long, or regretting; either harboring great hostility towards others, or giving up on themselves after repeated defeats.

Emotions of resentment can easily cause serious and long-lasting psychological disturbances.Some knots are entangled in his heart and cannot be resolved, which makes him narrow-minded, so all his attention is focused on calculating with others, and he has no mood to focus on the most important thing to do.He can't work happily and lacks aggressive interpersonal strategies.He doesn't want to bring happiness to others, he just wants to gain, and he doesn't want to give too much.As a result, he is farther and farther away from happiness.

You have to know that only a tolerant person can have a relaxed life, and happiness will come to him if he has no grudges.

Fourth, a sense of humor is an important sign of a healthy personality.When people encounter unpleasant things and feel depressed, they often disappear because of a joke from others, which fully demonstrates the power of humor.Humor can not only heal yourself, but also heal others. It is beneficial to those around you. At critical moments, it can make the pain and worry in the hearts of others go away in a gust of wind.

If you are a person with a sense of humor and often discuss humorous topics with your friends, you will be able to eliminate tension and anxiety and coordinate the function of the viscera.We found that many successful people in their careers have a humorous personality, and some are even humorous masters of happiness.

Fifth, I am usually good at making friends and like to participate in public activities.I have seen many people with "lonely" personalities who have many health problems and are prone to cardiovascular and neurological diseases.There are many hidden dangers in their family, work environment and social interaction.

Because these people neglect social interaction, they hold an aloof and lofty mentality and want to avoid right and wrong outside.But he doesn't know that if there is no communication between people and no friends, he will appear withdrawn in character, dull in spirit, and lack vitality physically.Only if you like and are good at making friends, and participate in some public activities, such as gatherings and business exchanges, can you improve your emotional intelligence in all aspects, broaden your mind, and relieve the troubles of life and work.This will satisfy us psychologically while removing inner emotional blockages and rejuvenating the body.

Sixth, let yourself have a loving heart and become a kind person.Love is not a concept of charity, but a necessary act of self-cultivation and improvement of emotional intelligence.You don't have to participate in various fundraising, you just need to have a heart that cares about others and sympathizes with the weak.A kind man, but also a humorous man.Caring for others not only helps your physical and mental health, but also enables you to make friends and expand your resources in all aspects.

how to control your emotions

Maintaining a good mood allows you to understand the "iceberg" in your heart, perceive your feelings, thoughts and expectations, make an objective assessment of your emotions, and then make a correct decision for yourself and change some bad thoughts .

People must be aware of themselves, and then be aware of others, so that they can know themselves and the enemy.When the level of emotional management is improved, you can act and speak reasonably, and be able to treat yourself and others kindly.In actual emotional intelligence training, most middle-level cadres and even company executives take the opposite steps:
They try to understand and control the emotions of others, while they indulge themselves.When some managers angrily reprimanded their subordinates for their ineffective work, they didn't even realize that they had lost their composure, and he had already forgotten that this wrong work idea was assigned to his subordinates by himself, and this poor subordinate was just his scapegoat.

This situation is also common among employees.Some people complained that they could not be promoted: "I have been here for seven years, and I am still a counter clerk, with a monthly salary of [-], and I can't even pay the rent; I work hard, but the boss can't see, he is a black heart and shameless person! "

There are also people who never think calmly when they are in trouble, but complain: "Why is God so unfair to me? What did I do wrong to suffer so many setbacks?"

It is easy for people to lose control of their emotions, deviate from the normal track, and fail to think rationally.We have a large number of cases to prove that those who cannot manage their emotions are mostly patients with depression and schizophrenia. They are usually withdrawn, unable to adapt to team life, unable to work with others, and always fail to cooperate because of their own personality. Make colleagues dissatisfied.They are melancholy and their bodies are in a sub-healthy state.In order to cultivate healthy emotions and improve the ability to manage emotions, we need to make efforts in many aspects.

First, cultivating the humor cells of emotional intelligence is helpful for emotional management.

We have already proved that when encountering problems, people who use humor as a coping mechanism will have fewer physical and mental health problems; people who use crying or anger as a coping mechanism will be in trouble again and again. make the situation worse.Humorous emotional intelligence can calm unstable emotions, make people rational again, treat everything that happens in front of them peacefully, and awaken the positive power in their hearts.

Second, increase the pleasant life experience.Pleasant life experiences, that is, contentment and happiness about certain events in the past and in the present.

"My boyfriend proposed to me yesterday. I am so happy." "The boss praised my performance last month. Although I was not promoted, I think it is a good sign." "My relationship with customers is very good, and The family gets along well." These can all help us reduce the negative emotional state we have inside.Physiologically speaking, pleasant experiences can increase the type A immunoglobulin and strengthen the body's immunity.When encountering unpleasant things, due to the balance in the body, there will be no overly strong emotional reactions.Just like the neutralization reaction between positive and negative charges, pleasant experiences can eliminate some unpleasant emotions in life and make your mind balanced.

Many facts have shown that people who have not had pleasant experiences tend to react more quickly to anger and despair in the face of adversity and incompatibility, rather than to open-minded acceptance.

Third, express your emotions at the appropriate time.For some bad emotions that come suddenly or have been suppressed for a long time, we need to find a suitable opportunity to release them.If you suppress the ups and downs of emotions, or rack your brains to resolve them, but fail to do so, it may be counterproductive.

Shang Yan said to me: "After failing in business a few years ago, I was depressed and unable to resolve it. I wanted to cry aloud, but I felt that it was a cowardly expression, so I suppressed it. After a long time, I felt in a trance. Doctor Said I've been mildly depressed."

The way Shang Yan was released was to travel and find a deserted place on a mountain and cry loudly.He confides his heart to his best friend again, and after that, he throws down his burden and feels extremely relieved.

To express your emotions, you should choose appropriate ways, such as sports, travel and talk, to find opportunities to vent your inner emotions.If you have the opportunity, you can confide your pain to a friend and get comfort, which can improve your physical and mental health, balance your emotions, and resist the invasion of troubles.

(End of this chapter)