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Chapter 9 Completely Control Your Emotions (4)
Fourth, learn to empathize and break through the bottleneck of thinking.If you pay attention to observation, you will find that those incidents that seem to make you angry or sad on the surface, if you look at them from another perspective, you can find something positive and meaningful.When you are angry, think from the perspective of the other party, and you will find that it is not his fault, but that there is a problem in your communication; a job is stuck in a dead end, and no solution can be found no matter how you think about it. You withdraw from your current thinking and find another way, and you may find that it is so simple, and your nervousness and disappointment will naturally calm down.

Fifth, establish your own career and pursuit.

Follow your own interests and hobbies, have your own pursuit of career, such a person has a stable mood and strong self-control.Because he is focused and fighting for a dream, all the strength in his body is positive.He is experiencing satisfaction from the heart, thus continuously generating positive power.

Sixth, be active socially.

Positive social interactions and good interpersonal relationships can make people have a full emotional experience.This kind of good emotional experience prompts people to interact with others more actively and face friends, colleagues, bosses and customers confidently.He can better adapt to the outside environment, integrate into the team, and deal with emergencies in life and work, thus creating a virtuous circle.

Seventh, act decisively in the face of problems.If a person always hesitates in the face of problems and cannot make decisive choices, it will cause inner anxiety and damage his physical and mental health.We should not pursue perfection too much, and would rather make some small mistakes in the choice, and don't get entangled in the problem and think about it.

The reason why many people behave poorly or behave abnormally is because of an imbalance in their inner emotional management. When their emotions cannot be vented normally, they take irrational and crazy actions.Each of us will have countless wishes and emotions, and not many of them can be perfectly realized and satisfied in the end.

There is a saying that "nine out of ten unsatisfactory things in the world", many things are always difficult to meet our expectations, so bad emotions arise and slowly accumulate in the body.At this time, people will suppress and restrain these emotions, prevent them from venting, and will not manage and transfer them.Over time, this bad mood is transferred from the conscious to the subconscious.Its effects were masked, but it kept looking for real opportunities to vent.Once the right opportunity is found, it will burst out suddenly and catch people off guard.

In general, for the emotions that cannot be vented in the heart, it is necessary to effectively channel them, instead of blindly suppressing them to block them.Blocking is an ostrich behavior of burying your head in the sand, and to a certain extent it will cause emotional embankments to burst.Once the psychological defense line collapses, people will face loss of control and make more wrong behaviors.

How to make other people's emotions agree with yours

How to make other people's emotions agree with yours?We need to infect others with good emotions, drive others, and let the other party reach an agreement with you.Our emotions have various vibration frequencies: the more positive the mood, the higher the energy of their vibration; otherwise, the lower it will be.The premise of establishing resonance is to find a consistent vibration frequency and be in the same vibration area as the other party emotionally.

In this regard, a study by David Hawkins tells us that the human body will produce emotional strength and weakness along with the mental state.He mapped a person's consciousness on a scale from 1 to 1000, and found that any state that causes a person's vibration frequency below 200 will weaken the body, while frequencies from 200 to 1000 will strengthen the body.

In his research, we will find that the emotions of honesty, compassion and understanding can greatly enhance a person's willpower, change the vibration frequency of particles in the body, and thus improve physical and mental health.Conversely, the generation of an evil thought must lead to the lowest frequency.When you have dirty thoughts, you are weakening your emotional vibration.Bad thoughts, indifference, regret, fear, anxiety, longing, resentment, arrogance, all these emotions are harmful to your body and mind.

Below is a vibration table of emotional frequencies for our reference:

Shame: 20.

Very low frequency emotions.This emotional experience occurs when people discover that they have lost face, their reputation has been damaged, or they have done something morally unacceptable to them and others.

Guilty: 30.

This is a means of manipulation or punishment to create guilt.When people think that they have done something wrong, they will feel guilty, and then have the idea of ​​punishing themselves.In order to control this emotion, we need to find out the cause of the guilt and understand the root cause before we can prescribe the right medicine.

Indifference: 50.

The causes of indifference are complex.In general, I have found that people who experience more poverty, disappointment, and hopelessness are more apathetic.He feels that the whole world is unfair to him, that life has no future, that he cannot feel joy and happiness, and naturally he will not feedback enthusiasm and happiness to the outside world.This kind of emotion makes people unable to express kindness and get used to disguising themselves to avoid harm.

Sadness: 75.

Some people feel sad and sorry for the lost people, things, and things for a long time, and have an emotional experience of grief.They feel that the world is really gray, and think this is a poetic realm (maybe it's not the intention).Such a person is extremely dependent on others and needs comfort from others.Most people recover from healing alone for a period of time, but some people become addicted to it and cannot extricate themselves.The key to removing this emotion is to realize that hope is not lost and to find positive meaning in these events.

· Fear: 100.

A lot of our focus in training is to help people let go of their fears, and we all know that letting go of fear is what balances the emotions.This is true both at work and in life.The problem with many people is that they don't know what fear really is, they just get wrapped up in it and can't get out of it.They are afraid of work, afraid of challenges.Once you come out of it, you feel superior, or arrogant and rude to others.Therefore, the emotion of fear is actually closely related to the sense of arrogance.

Desire: 125.

The heart desires and strives to achieve something.The emotional experience of desire is based on our plans and purposes, whether it is spiritual, physical or material needs, which will make people desire.The key to balancing desires is contentment.You must understand that desire needs to be suppressed and not indulged uncontrollably.

· Anger: 150.

Anger is the highest negative emotion and the highest stage of a person's reaction when they lose control of their emotions.Injustices and sudden failures (accidents), and humiliation are all prone to outbursts of anger.This kind of emotional experience often occurs without warning, it is difficult to control and calm down, and it is easy to cause harm.

· Courage: 200.

The emotional frequency of positive energy, starting from here, the higher the value, the more positive the person's emotions.From an amplitude of 200 values, the sentiment starts to go positive.Those whose vibration frequency is between 500 and 1000 have a strong emotional control ability, a very healthy emotional core, and a very high emotional intelligence quality.

Our conclusion is: the higher the emotional intelligence, the greater the frequency of their emotional vibration, and the higher the energy index they produce to guide and influence others.When people interact, emotions are synchronized with each other and then reach a state of equilibrium.That is, some people with high emotions can influence and drive people with lower emotions.Conversely, people with low moods may disturb those with high moods by radiating negative energy.

Let's say you want to talk to a girl.The girl becomes your mirror, and her emotions and reactions are bound to affect you and be influenced by you at the same time.If you are sad, she may be aloof or fearful; if you are calm and natural, she will be in a correspondingly sane state.

Everyone's fear of being in an overly extreme emotional state can crowd out positive energy and derail life and work.Therefore, people instinctively reject unstable emotions, because we cannot control this out-of-control state.

Say you're in love with a girl.The longer you've known each other, the more calm and self-control you'll need.If you treat her sincerely, she will respond sincerely to you; if you are open-minded, she will be able to open her heart and open her heart to you.In the final analysis, love is a kind of mutual exchange of emotional resonance, and two people influence each other.Therefore, if you want to infect others with your own emotions, you must first make your emotions positive and active.

If you want others to resonate with your emotions and maintain communication and consistency with you, you must put an end to emotional extremes.Because people will refuse to resonate with extreme emotions, this is human instinct.

We can give an example.If you win the Mark Six lottery, you will have 1 million yuan.Your emotions must be at the critical point of losing control at this time.If you suddenly said to a strange girl: "Hey, I won the jackpot, there is 1 million yuan, you can be my girlfriend, and we will share the money together." We can be sure that most girls will be scared by you Well, they think you're crazy.Because extreme emotions must be rejected and kept away under normal circumstances.

When I was in Washington, I learned about Elene Hatfield's research perspective.We talked about emotional management.She told me that everyone has the ability to convey emotions, and emotions can be transmitted from one person to another in a very short period of time.This speed is so fast, sometimes even in the blink of an eye, that neither side feels it, and this emotion has already spread.For example, group panic and group excitement are often caused by a certain person who did not control his panic and excitement, and carried out a large-scale infection with him as the source.This kind of situation within the company needs to be more vigilant. When a manager or employee acts as an insider to spread unfavorable news about the company, the negative emotions caused by it are often beyond the expectation of the announcer.

When I conduct EQ training for middle and high-level managers, I tell them that as receivers of emotions (or you want to tell your employees), you should know how to eliminate the influence of negative emotions in your work and try to only receive good ones. mood.But only interception has no fundamental effect, because emotional contagion is a basic instinct. When people talk to each other, everyone will subconsciously imitate another person's facial expressions, gestures, body language and rhythm of speech. The information expressed is very interesting.One type of interest evoked is positive resonance, such as good news; the other is negative resonance, such as bad news.

We once had John Cacioppe, a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, explain this to our class.john said:

The more sincere a person's facial expression is, the more expressive he is, and the more he will attract others to emulate him, to emulate his emotions.The muscle fibers in the human face and body can be activated unconsciously, and you have already started to imitate other people's emotions before you realize it, and the ability to imitate is better than expressing this emotion first easier.

In the company's management, if a department manager is in a good mood, his subordinates will also be infected, and with appropriate incentives, a positive emotional resonance can be formed.The cohesion of the department is enhanced, everyone is very tacit, and the work efficiency will be improved.This emotional contagion can be more pronounced with those close to you, such as family and lovers.It is easy to form emotional resonance between relatives, because the emotions between them are more contagious, faster, and more effective.

Let me tell you an example of the famous writer Harris.One day, he was wandering with his friends on the street and saw a newspaper seller, so he bought a newspaper from the small vendor and said "thank you" very politely.Unexpectedly, the street vendor didn't give him the same return, but put on a bad face and looked down on him.The friend was very angry: We bought your things, why do we have to show such a smelly face to others? !
This friend's heart was full of anger, and he had nowhere to vent his anger.Harris was still very happy, as if it hadn't affected him at all.He read the newspaper happily, laughing and laughing as he read.

The friend couldn't help asking: "Hey, don't you think the attitude of the vendor just now was very bad, don't you feel angry?"

"I'm like this every day, it's nothing." Harris replied with a smile.The friend was even more surprised: "That person treats you like this every day? My God, why do you still politely say 'thank you' to him?" The friend felt incomprehensible. And don't buy newspapers from that kid.Harris laughed: "Why should we let others affect our mood!"

Hearing this, his friend suddenly realized and laughed too, and the bad mood soon disappeared.

Resisting bad emotions requires us to maintain a positive mood and strength, so that we can use positive emotions to resonate with others and change their negative emotions.If you yourself are affected by negative emotions and vibrate your emotions according to the frequency of the other party, how can you use positive emotions to arouse everyone's approval?This is the basic requirement for managers.When most people in the department are in a negative atmosphere, the positive emotions of the boss will become a bright light in the dark night. Only by influencing them with strong attraction can the vitality of the department be improved and people will be happy with you stand up.

To a certain extent, the personal enthusiasm of a team leader is very important to promote the development of an organization. Leaders should have outstanding and powerful beliefs, and the ability to inspire enthusiasm and action in everyone. power source.The enthusiasm of an excellent leader can infect more subordinates and motivate them to accomplish greater undertakings under their leadership.

We know that a good salesman uses his passionate emotions to infect the emotions of customers, arouse resonance, conquer customers, and build a sense of trust.Not only in how you express yourself, but in your voice, gestures and facial expressions should show this sincerity and positive emotion, injecting passion into your communication.Once customers feel your passion, the success rate of the transaction will increase a lot.

What is the nature of resonance?American sales guru Alfred Leon has a point of view: "Remember, what your customers buy is not your product, what they buy is your personal charm. Then they help you sell your product."

All successful entrepreneurs and great stars all have obvious advantages in this regard.They are good at infecting others with their own emotions, with focused and radiant eyes, positive and open postures, unique words and deeds, full of passion, and can pass this passion to everyone around them.

No matter what they do, they will hold a positive and affirmative attitude, and use their attitude to drive other people's emotions.They are full of enthusiasm for their careers, can feel the joy of work from every aspect, and set an example for others to imitate and learn from, thus becoming the central force of emotional resonance.In a passionate environment created by great people, everyone can be proactive.

(End of this chapter)