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Chapter 7 Completely Control Your Emotions (2)
Determine an appropriate expectation for yourself, not too high and not too low.Raise expectations gradually, rather than in one step, to avoid anxiety.Find a reasonable psychological area, here is your emotional balance area.When there is a conflict, find a matching point with the other party in terms of emotions, and narrow the emotional gap between the conflicting parties.

When someone speaks angry words to you, you need to show enough patience and learn to bite the bullet and listen to angry words.

Making good use of and managing employees' emotions is a magic weapon for good managers
A good manager should have professional research on the emotional state of his subordinates, and should be a person who makes good use of and manages employees' emotions.I often say to department managers, leaders should not put on a tiger face all day, as if this is your prerogative.This is actually a kind of management common sense.A good popular leader can break the seriousness of the work environment and entertain everyone with jokes and humor.Because of a happy smiling face and increased work efficiency, the relationship is quite strong.When your employees are under extraordinary stress, managing them in a relaxed atmosphere can often pay off.

We conducted a survey of 2000 managers of large, medium and small companies in the United States.The results showed that: 77% of people use jokes to break the ice in staff meetings; 52% think humor helps them conduct business; 50% think companies should consider hiring a "humor consultant"

to help employees relax; there are also about 39% who advocate that managers should dare to laugh among employees and show their easy-going and humorous side.

Sam Walton is the founder of Wal-Mart, the largest retailer in the world.He once proposed a challenge to his employees: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you can achieve a record profit in the fiscal year, then I will dance the hula on the streets of Wall Street."

The listeners were all surprised.Many people think that the boss is just joking and encouraging everyone to achieve something, so few people take it seriously and dare not take it seriously.

As a result, his employees achieved this incredible thing during the year. Sam really ran to the American Financial Center in a grass skirt and danced in public, which made the employees admire him immediately.

How managers manage employees' emotions when a company lays off employees is also very important.

There is a lot of gloom and hopelessness in the employee community at this time, and it is a truth that no one wants to lose their job.Don't naively think that they are a group of people who understand the general situation and take into account the overall situation.

The Owens Fiber Company in the United States once laid off 21% of its employees at the beginning of the 40st century.In order to accomplish this goal, the company specially hired a humor consultant to implement a "humor plan" to control emotions for more than 1600 employees in more than two months. Many humorous activities have been carried out in the management of the company to create an image of the manager who is close to the people.As a result, when the company's layoff plan was announced, none of the terrible behaviors such as mob riots, sabotage, threats, and suicide attempts that managers worried about occurred, and employees calmly accepted the reality.

When a manager issues a question that will mobilize and change the mood of the crowd, you want to make the question the subject of jokes, not yourself the target of ridicule.Managers must try to avoid people criticizing and laughing at themselves, so they might as well lead employees to laugh at the environment (certain systems of the company, social atmosphere and market environment).This is harmless and the best way.

Use humor to mobilize and manage employees' emotions, so that employees under stress can relax, so as to avoid entering the third state of bad emotions.Below I have some suggestions, which can inject emotional stimulants into stressful work and regulate the good mood of employees at any time.

When work is stressful, or after the stress has passed, send your employees humorous, reassuring cards to help them let off steam.

Share some interesting information you have come across with employees and colleagues.Post some specific pictures that are conducive to emotional relaxation in the office environment to create a good and relaxing environment.In the meeting, especially before the meeting starts, it is appropriate to tell a joke or an interesting experience, so that everyone can start the discussion in a relaxed atmosphere.However, this process should not be too long, and it is best to control it within 5 minutes.

The art of smiling that leaders must understand
When Shang Yan and I discussed the emotional intelligence of managers, "smile" was the first quality we mentioned.People are extremely sensitive to smiles and long for others' smiles.A company leader, if he is not good at smiling, half of his management has failed; if he does not want to learn to smile, then his management has completely failed.

When I visited a Chinese company in Los Angeles last year, Mr. Zu, the vice president of the company, introduced to me their "smile culture" in management.

"The president put forward a special requirement in the training of cadres. When talking to employees, every cadre must start with a smile, listen with a smile, and end with a smile. If the employees make mistakes in their work, the cadres should not be overbearing."

They put the "smile" supreme.He gave an example.In one instance, an employee's disrespectful attitude to a customer caused the department to lose a major business, costing it millions of dollars.The department manager called him into the office to talk. The employee thought he was in a catastrophe, so he wrote a letter of resignation when he went there.

Unexpectedly, when he walked into the manager's office, what he saw was a smiling face.He was immediately confused, what does the manager mean?He sat down anxiously, waiting for the sentence that would send him to hell.The manager still smiled and poured him a glass of water, which flattered him.

"What's going on? Didn't I make an unforgivable mistake?" Then, immediately, he understood, and it dawned on him that this is what the client wanted.The manager treats him like this, hoping that he will understand how valuable a friendly "attitude" is.In the later work, this employee never made similar mistakes again, and he also learned how to impress and conquer customers with a smile.

When a subordinate makes a mistake, a smile can express the tolerance of the manager, and it is also an important way to praise and encourage the subordinates. At the same time, it is also the need of the high-level managers to be approachable and wait for others.Smiling can make subordinates eliminate tension and confrontational emotions, and make him open his heart to you and speak freely.However, in specific operations, how should we do it?
·Managers need to be aware of their own emotions at all times to create an emotional basis for smiling.

In other words, you have to remind yourself from time to time to pay attention to the current emotions.Am I now angry, depressed, happy?For example, when an employee is late and you are about to take the necessary response to him, shouldn't you first ask yourself: "How do I feel now, and why am I doing this?" If you feel that you are angry at the moment, I suggest you stop for a while Talk to him again, because in an angry situation, you might just yell at him indiscriminately without listening to any explanation.

The fact may be: there is a serious traffic jam on the road; he was delayed by important family affairs; maybe he did something nice on the way here; or he visited a client temporarily and arrived at the company later... All of the above reasons are possible, but you don’t think about it He misunderstood him and decided that he had made a mistake.This is the consequence of bad emotions.

Therefore, learning to observe and improve and adjust one's emotions is the first step for leaders to manage emotions.

·When necessary, managers should express their emotions in a timely manner, which not only includes smiling, but also understanding.

Let's take another look at the example of an employee being late. You are angry because he violated the company's regulations, or you have important work to explain immediately, and his lateness has caused you to waste precious time.In this case, even if you are full of anger in your heart-this is based on the premise that he was late without reason, you can also tell him tactfully: "You have passed the time stipulated by the company, and the work of the company has been delayed." It is necessary to convey this real feeling based on objective regulations to him, and let him understand what consequences his lateness will bring to the company.Of course, I suggest that you smile in time when he commits the first offense, instead of looking gloomy.If he commits the crime again, you should consider getting angry or giving the prescribed punishment, such as demerit or fine.

What emotions are inappropriate to express at this time?The most taboo thing for managers is to reprimand loudly without explanation. For example, you accuse him in front of everyone: "So-and-so, why are you late, why don't you abide by the company's regulations?" His negative emotions, even if he is very guilty, he will become a hedgehog at this time, defending against your attacks on him, and will not stand on your side for your sake, let alone the company.Originally, he was feeling guilty and thinking about how to make up for his mistakes, but after you attacked him, his reaction may become a strong defense of himself:

"Manager, there was a traffic jam when I came here! What can I do? Do you think I don't want to be on time?" A confrontation started like this. The subordinates and their superiors began to quarrel, which destroyed the company's atmosphere and affected everyone's work. Feeling.Therefore, it is extremely important for subordinates for managers to express smiles and understanding in a timely manner instead of venting anger.

·When you need to relieve your emotions quickly, don't hold them in your heart, so as not to cause bad release.

There are many ways to relieve our emotions in life. For example, when encountering pain or troubles that cannot be explained, some people will find a place to cry bitterly, while others will find a few friends to complain.In addition, listening to music and taking a walk are both acceptable ways.The worse way is drinking and racing, and the extreme way is suicide.Managers are different from ordinary people. They have fewer options to release their emotions, so they are under more pressure. It is a daunting task to keep them smiling every day.

Therefore, as the leaders of the company, they need more appropriate methods to relieve their emotions.What I want to remind you is that the purpose of managers to relieve emotions is to give themselves a chance to choose the best attitude, so as to make the most appropriate decision, and to make themselves more active in facing their subordinates and work, rather than temporarily avoiding pain .This is the worst possible scenario for a leader.It is a slow suicide behavior to hold back in the heart. Once the heart can't bear it, it will suddenly collapse.At that time, besides himself, the unlucky subordinates and the interests of the company will suffer.

When you feel you have to let go, you need to be open and courageous.You have to think carefully, why am I so sad and angry?What should I do, what kind of improvement plan should I adopt, so that the same mistakes will not happen again in the future?What can I do to reduce unhappiness?Can I calmly face my employees?Based on these perspectives, and then choose a method that suits you and can effectively relieve your emotions, you will be able to control your emotions instead of letting them control you.

Only by thinking rationally and persisting for a long time can we develop a good habit of relieving our emotions, control and eliminate the bad emotions in our hearts, greatly reduce the possibility of them breaking out, and become an excellent leader who can control our emotions.

be as happy as you want
Former U.S. President Lincoln said: "According to my observation, people can be as happy as they want." Everyone has happy cells, the difference lies in "whether you want to be happy or not."Many people who are in deep pain complain that fate has abandoned them, but in fact they have given up their right to optimism and happiness.

Cary Cooper, professor of organizational psychology at Lancaster University, said to me about the optimistic emotional intelligence of managers: "Knowing how to have a joke at the right time can let people know that you are honest and likeable. , not some technologist like a robot, if we look at them carefully, we will find that the CEOs of many well-known companies know when to play the humor card.”

I believe that sometimes you, like me, will often encounter various troubles and troubles:
Unsatisfactory work, going to work every day is full of pain; the boss handles things unfairly; no matter how hard you try, the financial conditions are not well-off; the health is poor; the things you expected suddenly fail, and you are very disappointed; your good intentions are not rewarded; Wronged and criticized.

These things are really annoying, aren't they?It's hard to be optimistic about life if you're always dealing with them.But in the face of such annoying trifles, you can maintain a positive attitude, which shows that you are a person with a high optimistic emotional intelligence.Such a person is open-minded and can properly handle and deal with disturbing things; his work will eventually go smoothly, and his mood will naturally last for a long time.

If a person is always unable to think about it, he will become more and more angry, and his self-control ability will decrease or even disappear completely. In the end, he will lose control of his emotions and make even more wrong behaviors.As a result, his mood was worsened, an incurable bad mood appeared, because his emotional core had been severely damaged.

Why can't you let yourself always have a sense of humor?I say this to the managers who come to EQ training.Serious expression every day certainly puts a kind of pressure on employees, letting them know that they are superior and have supreme authority, but humor can make everyone "like to work under your leadership" in a faster way

good mood.This is a special emotional expression, a tool for people to adapt to and like the environment, and one of the ways to reduce mental and psychological stress when you and your employees face difficulties.

A Russian writer once said: "A person who doesn't know how to joke is a hopeless person." Although it is exaggerated, it at least shows that everyone, including employees and leaders, should learn and be good at expressing their own. humor.

When a manager asked me how to become a manager popular with employees, I said: "You don't need to read professional management books, and you don't need to learn how to control employees. You just need a little more sense of humor and less It's okay to be out of breath and less paranoid and extreme."

This is equivalent to putting a layer of lubricant on one's emotional packaging. In the communication and collision with others, it can not only avoid mutual harm, suspicion and confrontation, but also play a role in buffering conflicts.

The playwright George Bernard Shaw is a man who knows humor and optimism. Once he was walking on the street and was knocked down by a daredevil riding a bicycle. Fortunately, he was not injured. It was just a false alarm. The bicycle rider hurriedly helped him up , apologized again and again, but Bernard Shaw made a look of regret and said: "Your luck is too bad, sir, if you kill me, you will be famous all over the world from now on!"

You see, an understatement of a word can make the tense atmosphere disappear.Many people have conflicts with others on the street, such as collisions with cars, collisions while walking, or other disputes, like being bitten by a snake, and they quarrel endlessly without giving in.In this way, the problem cannot be solved, and you will get yourself into even bigger troubles.This also shows the general lack of excellent EQ qualities in real society.

There are many benefits to humor and optimism, an emotional intelligence that brings joy into our lives.

1. It can dilute people's negative emotions and eliminate people's inner depression and pain, no matter what the reason is.

2. For such a person, his life will be full of fun. Many seemingly painful and troublesome things can be dealt with easily, and they can overcome the inner negativity faster than others.

3. A person with humor and optimism will have a strong ability to regulate his own psychology and a stronger resistance to setbacks and failures.This can make the failures in his life less painful and he can get out of adversity more quickly.

There was a young man who had just bought a beloved motorcycle, and it was crashed as soon as he went out.If it were you, you might immediately burst into anger and seek an explanation from the perpetrator.But as he went to examine the wreckage of the brand new motorcycle, he smiled and said to the people around him: "Well, I used to say that I wish I could have a motorcycle one day. Now I really Owned one, and really only had one day."

People couldn't help laughing, and looked at this young man with admiration.For this young man, the car crash was irreversible, no matter how sad you are, you can't turn back time.He understood this truth, so he didn't take it seriously, but used the power of humor and optimism, which not only alleviated his own pain and unhappiness, but also brought laughter to the people around him.

Where are the humor and optimism specifically?This kind of emotional intelligence not only brings joy to people, but also reflects excellent positive power in people's specific actions and doings.It mainly manifests as witty, self-deprecating, ridiculing, witty and other energetic cells.Moreover, it also helps to eliminate the hostility between you and others, ease the friction between the conflicting parties, and prevent your conflicts from escalating.

More importantly, as I will emphasize next, these two emotions are very important to managers: they can boost the morale of employees and improve the work efficiency of the company.

Our survey of 500 companies of all types across the United States confirmed that midlevel executives who participated in humor and optimism training increased their department's profits by 9% in nine months and reduced the number of sick days taken by employees by 15%.This fully demonstrates the value of a humorous and optimistic manager to employees.

(End of this chapter)