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Chapter 6 Completely Control Your Emotions (1)
third state of bad mood

What is a bad mood?Bad emotions can manifest in three ways.In fact, the first state of bad mood is the most common, it is some of the most easily controllable primary troubles, such as occasional bad mood, worry and irritability caused by setbacks.Our common tantrum, or inability to deal with problems peacefully is the second state of emotion.These primary and secondary emotional states are easy to think about, control, or simply fade away with problem solving.

From the perspective of modern medicine, the third state of bad mood is similar to "sick state" or "grey state", which is a certain physiological state between health and disease that can cause low physiological function.The latest scientific research has found that more than 60% of the people in the world are in this strange state.Their emotions are very bad, their bodies continue to be sub-healthy, and they are in a dangerous area, which may cause serious diseases at any time. If the method is proper, they can adjust and return to health at any time.

"What is the specific performance?" A company executive who was deeply under mental stress asked me.I said, maybe you are also experiencing similar "pain": under normal circumstances, they can study, work and live normally, but they feel that their quality of life is very poor, their work efficiency is extremely low, and they are particularly prone to fatigue.At the same time, we also found that in this case, it will also be accompanied by a series of symptoms such as loss of appetite, insomnia, forgetfulness, restlessness, listlessness, anxiety and depression, and even severe sexual dysfunction.This state slowly affects people's emotions, thus creating an "emotional flashpoint" and entering a vicious circle that affects people's performance in all aspects.This will also reduce the quality of work and life, destroy some of his own good qualities, and make him a person with a low emotional intelligence core.

For such an office worker, we can imagine his exhausting life in a day: every morning, he steps on the bus to catch the bus, can't eat breakfast, and there is a traffic jam on the road.When he arrived at the company, he thought that the bad state could be over for a while, but the boss just scolded his hard-working report again.At this time, bad emotions grow in the heart, and the unhappy person begins to enter the "third state".His bad mood flared up in an almost frenzied fashion, like a runaway car.He will pull his face, ignore his colleagues, have no mood to work, curse his boss, abuse the company, set up imaginary enemies, and even the ensuing ensuing jealousy, anger, and insomnia make him lose his friendship, and in the end he will find everything unpleasant.

As a result, the unhappy person loses his job not long after and becomes the "grumpy" that everyone shuns.When his work situation was bad, his interpersonal relationship also became very bad. His good friends took the initiative to keep a distance from him, and his relatives also felt inexplicable and unreasonable.

Moreover, he would often say words such as "tired", and he would say: "I am disappointed in people, I have lost interest in everything, I have seen through these conspiracies and intrigues!"

He avoided reality, avoided problems, and became a "slave" of bad emotions.Symptoms of bad emotions entering the third state:

involuntary anxiety and worry
He has the phenomenon of worry and excessive worry, such as fear of the plane crash he was on, fear of car accident, fear of being struck to death by lightning, being injured by roadside signs, fear of suddenly developing cancer one day, etc.People with deep anxiety will turn imagination into reality, and then turn it into a kind of deep fear "in a real situation", and appear situational illusions.He does not face real danger, but habitually daydreams and assumptions.

He feels that his life is full of crises and there are too many problems; he believes that he is not liked by people; he thinks that he cannot solve these countless problems with his own ability; He often suffers from sweating, palpitations, restlessness, and even develops from mental problems of nervousness to physical problems such as impotence.

Feelings of guilt and guilt for no reason

He often has a sense of sin and evil, and feels that many things are his own fault.Someone once cried to me that he once felt that his parents' divorce was due to too many bad things he did in childhood, so he often harbored guilt and had nightmares, and he didn't know how to explain it.He has the urge to kneel in front of his parents, and every time he has to make up his mind to stop his inexplicable thoughts.

Generally speaking, such people have deep knots hidden in their hearts. They have had bad experiences and are always habitually skeptical about things.

He will feel that others do not believe in him, no matter what he does or at any time.No matter how good you are, you can't be trusted - because others are always staring at your "faults" and "sins".As a result, he often becomes angry and vengeful out of disappointment.He was filled with hostility and anger, a fatal state of mind and character flaw that seriously deteriorated his work environment and relationships.

Sometimes he vents on his Twitter or Weibo: "I'm so angry, I'm very angry." Or ask: "Why is this happening?" In fact, everything is normal except for his imagination.

Over time, his psychology lost balance, seriously affecting work and study.If some company executives fall into this "quake", they often commit suicide suddenly under pressure.Around the world, as many as [-] corporate executives choose to end their lives each year.

Most of the time he feels that he is useless, so he lacks self-confidence and often does wrong things; when something goes wrong, he likes to blame others and shirk his own mistakes; he is easily angry and emotionally unstable.For example, it rains suddenly when you go out, traffic jams, etc., if something goes wrong, it will arouse his anger;

He is often restless and restless, thinking that there is always something to do right away, but when he does it, he can't find which thing is the most important.

always tired and unmotivated
We know that the so-called tiredness refers to a state of mental exhaustion. He lacks interest in anything, can't get excited, and is in a trance for a long time.Sometimes after intensive and high-load work, after a night's rest, our physiological functions will quickly return to their original state, as if we had just been fully charged.But it's a different story for those who are internally tired. Even after long periods of deep sleep, they remain sluggish, feeling emotionally drained and physically emaciated.

They just want to rest, they are depressed, it is difficult to maintain their fighting spirit, and they are in a state of frozen willpower.Common symptoms for these people are:

Depressed and depressed, full of pessimism about the future; bored and bored, nothing can interest him; bored with everything, find life boring, do not want to work.

This kind of tiredness is often regarded as the initial manifestation of depression. If it cannot be adjusted in time and handled well, it will develop into depression over time.It is often related to people's "overwork". One is excessive workload, super-intensive and long-term work; Ego collapses.Therefore, the mantra of these people is often "I am so exhausted, I am so annoying!" They always feel that they need to rest, even if they close their eyes and squint for a while, it is a gift from God.

However, they also believe that they lack this right and cannot stop working so that they may obtain this right in the future.Therefore, the way these people comfort themselves is nothing more than telling themselves: I can rest when I succeed, or when I get promoted, I can be pampered all day long like so-and-so.

everything is messed up
They feel that life is a mess and lack of order, which can only be described as "chaos".But these are the responsibilities of others and have nothing to do with oneself.The performance of this kind of people is that they are often angry, and they will be furious at every turn to blame the other party, but then they will be full of frustration, and they will even burst into tears in private, not knowing where to go.

They are stressed out and thus distracted.All kinds of pressure caused his ability to deal with things to decline, and he made mistakes in judgment, which contributed to his bad mood entering the third state - destroying his own judgment.

Feeling restless and irritated, feeling that things are messed up and disordered; some employees or managers may also experience temporary emotional confusion when facing career transition, menopause, and constant re-planning and design of career; in a large company and fast-paced environments, more than small and medium-sized companies and small environments; surveys have shown that people in developed regions have more performance in this regard than people in developing regions.

boring
Boredom is usually caused by an unfulfilling life attitude. He has nothing to do and nowhere to release his physical and mental energy, so he loses his orientation and sense of accomplishment and affects his emotional control function.

When boredom strikes, people will feel inexplicably empty, unable to get satisfaction from everything, indifferent to everything, and don't want to move.His heart longed for strong and fresh stimulation to wake him up from his torpor.Even if he finds something he is interested in, he usually just waits and sees passively, longing for someone to guide him, support him, and lead him into action.This kind of person will become mechanical in doing things, full of longing in his heart, but he doesn't know what he is longing for.

He would say: "I don't know what I want, maybe nothing can interest me, and I find that life is nothing more than that."

Some people also have fantasies.They develop a deeply distorted sense of time, hoping to get old quickly or tomorrow the world will end.In order to hide their abnormal emotions, they will put a beautiful veil on these thoughts, such as thinking that they are tragic romantic, rational or otherworldly, and regard those who live enthusiastically as utilitarian and ignorant guys.

"Look at these people, they don't know how to live, and they really don't know why they work so hard every day." They would point and say.

feel useless
Among the groups with a "feeling of uselessness", there are many senior managers and shareholders of certain consortiums.This is not a phenomenon that only exists in the middle and lower class employee groups.The specific manifestations are low self-esteem, shyness, guilt, lack of confidence and courage.They are prone to blame themselves, although they have done a good job, at least not causing much harm or inconvenience to others.

But he believes that he is useless, he forgets everything he does, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't achieve a satisfactory state.

Moreover, some of them will completely deny themselves.They think that whether it is appearance or knowledge, they are useless and impossible to be liked (even if they try hard).In the face of the difficulties in front of me, I have no confidence in being competent and overcoming difficulties, and I have no chance of winning.

He is very sensitive to luck, thinking that he has done a job and a thing well, it may just be luck.

Fundamentally speaking, most of the origins of this "uselessness" stem from the excessive changes in the situation, or the inner fear brought about by excessive competition.He is afraid of losing the competition and subconsciously refuses to change, so they will subconsciously let themselves quit early to avoid undesired results from happening.

As some officers often do on the battlefield, when he believes that the war is doomed, he will kill himself by wiping his neck before the enemy kills him.Out of fear of losing the situation, they would rather die than fight.

no one help me
"Can someone help me? How can it be? There won't be any." "I'm so poor, I'm the only one who bears all this in silence, I'm lonely, people are leaving me, they don't understand me!" This It's typical helplessness.When they do things, they always feel that they are alone and that no one is their ally.It's actually an aversion to life itself.He didn't want to do things, but he had to.This bad mood reminds you that you must pay attention to and rebuild interpersonal relationships, otherwise it will affect your ability to build connections.

More importantly, it can destroy your confidence to fit in with the group life, making you feel inferior and suspicious of the outside world.

If you have any of the above performances, it means that your ability to process and control emotions has been declining.Improving one's own emotional intelligence core is particularly important for channeling and resolving this third state of emotion.However, it is impossible to completely eliminate these emotions, each of us will have the above performance at different times.Either temporarily or for a certain period of time.

The only thing you need to pay attention to is whether you can rationally face and calmly get rid of these sudden attacks of bad emotions with good self-control.

Awareness and utilization of inner emotions
The cultivation of our own high EQ is actually the awareness and good use of inner emotions, and good control, and then use the emotional core of this high EQ to promote external excellent qualities.

The process of awareness is the process of discovering problem symptoms and avoiding this vicious circle.An emotion is often triggered by tiny things.Just like the butterfly effect, when you see the appearance of a hurricane, few people may think that its source is a butterfly flapping its wings thousands of miles away.People often turn a blind eye to small things and only focus on the end result.A problem arises and people dismiss it, ignore it or forget about it.It doesn't take long before the problem resurfaces and people's negativity builds up.At this time, hidden conflicts and crises in interpersonal relationships begin to stir.Most people stand in their own emotional balance and lose the ability to observe and judge objectively and honestly.Then the problem gradually escalated, and the worst result was produced.

Failure to perceive the source of such emotions can have the above-mentioned extremely harmful results.For example, in a company, the secretary submitted the sales data report to the manager, and the manager signed it carelessly. As a result, the general manager found that the sales data was far from the profit.The general manager blamed the manager, the manager scolded the secretary, and the secretary vented her grievances and anger to every employee in the company... Everyone thought that the manager would only fire after the incident, and the manager thought that the general manager would only seek accountability. The relationship gradually became tense.The result affects the performance of the entire team, and no one can benefit from it.

If you study the whole process carefully, you will find that the root of the problem is just a small error in the manager, which has caused tension in the entire company's interpersonal relationship.In these links, if someone can perceive and make corrections wisely, the subsequent adverse consequences can be completely avoided.

Now I ask you: "Are you a person who perceives and uses emotions well?"

How to perceive the level of human emotions
If we use a quantifiable emotional index to express, we can use a formula to display the size of the emotional index, namely: emotional index = realized value ÷ expected value.When the person's expectation value is less than the realized value, the emotional index will be >; 1; at this time, because the person's inner desire has been satisfied, the emotion will be in a state of excitement and satisfaction.When the emotional index < 1, that is, when the desire value is greater than the realization value, the divided result is very small, which proves that the person's inner desire is not satisfied, and his emotion will be in a state of depression.The smaller the value, the lower the person's mood, which is a downward trend, to another extreme.Here, I would also like to introduce a tool invented by the Palin Institute to manage your own mood swings, which is called "pendulum" in the theoretical circle.Literally understood, the "pendulum" is similar to a bell that falls freely and fluctuates with force. It swings around the midline of the emotional balance value, delineating the range of human emotional fluctuations, that is, the area from the minimum value to the maximum value.

1. Rest: The pendulum has a rest area.In this area, people are the most sober, quick-thinking, and objective in evaluation.This suggests that it is best for people to have this emotional stillness when they are making decisions.To use a concept in Chinese culture, it is "the golden mean": take the middle of the two, neither angry nor impetuous, neither happy nor worried, peaceful and calm.

2. Low position: People's emotions are in an unpleasant low position, which is good for you to reflect and re-evaluate your plan.Going lower, as the values ​​drop even further, into the mandatory low end, it's very unpleasant.At this time, bad emotions begin to arise, which are harmful and not beneficial to people.

Once people are in a pessimistic and mandatory low position, they lose their vision of seeing problems and the standard of judging people, and they will have no way to make correct judgments and choices.At this time he will be in an emotionally introverted and depressed state.When many people are in this state, they often think that they are a loser or a victim of office struggles, devaluing themselves as worthless, and they also feel that they are not understood, and they are very lonely in their hearts, with a strong sense of loftiness but tragedy. Emotions and behaviors tend to go to extremes.

3. High position: When a person is in a high position, he will reach a climax of mental vitality and emotional excitement.An appropriate high position is conducive to people actively facing work and life and making some aggressive and risky decisions.Once in a mandatory high position, people in this area cannot clearly understand themselves and the people around them, and are unaware of the impact of their actions on others.He loses his cool head and makes bad decisions in overdrive.

At this time, it is easy to get carried away and be arrogant.Because of his excessive self-confidence, he tends to authorize one thing and reject all suggestions (including reasonable requests) of his subordinates.At the same time, he is suspicious, full of doubts about other people's intentions, and always feels that someone is jealous of him.At this time, people's emotions are often several times more intense than normal, and they jump as soon as they are touched, and they catch fire at the slightest touch.He's either overly excited or overly angry, making him especially vulnerable to hurting others.

4. Swing: Swing is used to help us understand the relationship between mood swings, so as to manage our emotions well.

(End of this chapter)