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Chapter 23 Emotional Quotient: Emotions (1)
Don't be a slave to "passion"
We hate people who have no passion in life, these people look like a desert, without any life.It is also difficult to find topics of common interest when communicating with them.In fact, such people are rare.From personal experience, most people have too much passion and not enough reason.They are passionate and seem to be working hard, but in fact they are slaves to passion.

To become a person with high emotional intelligence, we must learn to think rationally.What is rationality?Rationality is to look at a thing from different angles, different times, and different spaces, making it free from the limitations of time and space.That is to say, when looking at a problem, we can look at it in all directions, rather than being limited to a single aspect.

Take how to choose the career direction of life as an example.A rational person will never choose to do what he is interested in, but first find out what resources he has, what he wants, what he likes, what he can do, and finally make a choice.People who do not have the ability to think rationally will follow suit and make certain choices, or make judgments blindly.

After graduating in 2000, Ross worked in a trading company affiliated to a large conglomerate.After she practiced in general office, after-sales service center, franchise center and other departments, she worked as a secretary in the procurement management center.

Rose's second job was as a secretary in the administrative center at the headquarters of a large electrical appliance group, before she moved to the group office.She doesn't have much enthusiasm for the job.One is because the salary is too low, and the other is that she is not sure about the future, so she chose to leave.

In the next six months, Rose chose to take the postgraduate entrance examination, with the direction of administrative management.She expects to win greater opportunities for herself through further studies.However, she failed the postgraduate entrance examination.Today, Ross works as a sales assistant in the office of a modern imported medical equipment company, and her job is also very handy, but she still feels that there is no room for improvement.Therefore, she often falls into confusion: she feels that she should have a better future, but where should she go?

Rose's story may have happened to many young people who are passionate about the future and have tried different jobs, but they were not satisfied.As a common phenomenon, it is worthy of our study of the reasons, in order to draw lessons and experience.

Why is this?If we analyze Rose's experience, we will find that the work she does has no continuity and relevance. The root cause is that she does not have a clear goal and a precise career ideal.She doesn't know what she wants to achieve, so she will lose her work direction and do all kinds of work that can be done indiscriminately.Therefore, people without the ability to think rationally are sad. They work hard in the workplace and devote energy and time, but they don’t know why. A temporary salary increase and promotion bring only temporary satisfaction, but they can’t find it. To the final destination and direction, and finally become a disadvantaged group in the workplace.

If you lack rational thinking, you will fall into confusion, and blind choices will have a negative impact on yourself.For example, blind employment may make you unable to find a satisfactory job; blindness during the postgraduate entrance examination may prevent you from being admitted to a graduate school or finding a good job; and blindly studying abroad not only does not get returns on investment, but is also very likely to become "" The danger of "waiting at sea"; blindly starting a business may make you "lose everything".

Therefore, when you want to become a healthy emotional person, you must learn to think rationally, and pay attention to the "matching" of the object and your own conditions when choosing a target.If you choose to be a civil servant, then make sure that the position of civil servant "matches" with your personality and ability; if you choose to take the postgraduate entrance examination of a prestigious school, you must ensure that your knowledge "matches" with which learning abilities.

In short, after you have figured out these issues before making a choice, the chances of success will increase a lot.If you choose a goal that doesn't "fit" with your strengths, failure is inevitable.

Deal positively with criticism and dilemmas

At work, the most troublesome thing is being reprimanded by the boss.Even if it is your mistake, you will be full of grievances. If the boss criticizes you wrong, it will make you angry.

In the face of criticism, those who are smart and bold can occasionally give back some reasons to the boss; while those who are stupid and timid can only nod frequently and run away in despair.Some extreme people, after being criticized by their bosses, directly "fired" their bosses and found another way out without making a statement.Is being criticized by the boss really so unlucky?
If you change the angle, things are not like this at all.So, how can we correctly deal with the boss's criticism and the adversity we have encountered?British scholar Lister has a famous saying: "The noblest behavior I can imagine of a person, apart from spreading the truth, is to publicly renounce error."

This sentence is to tell you that mistakes are not terrible, criticism is not terrible, and adversity is nothing. The key lies in how you recognize and deal with them.If you can learn from your mistakes and nourish from criticism, you will gradually mature and succeed.

Convert criticism from the perspective of the boss

When you are criticized by your boss, if you feel unbearable, you can change your position and think about it from the perspective of a leader: If I were a leader, how would I treat my subordinates who made mistakes?Can I lose my principles and let them go?When you think about it again, you will be much calmer and more likely to recognize your mistakes.

On the contrary, if you consider the problem from the perspective of ego, it is easy to be emotional and fall into the quagmire of narrowness, paranoia and one-sidedness.In fact, when thinking about many problems, if you change your thinking angle in a timely manner, you will have the feeling of seeing the sun and seeing the light.

Don't take too seriously the way of criticism
The famous British scholar Parkinson once said: "Even in private, it is difficult to criticize without destroying the harmonious atmosphere and close cooperation." This is a dilemma, because criticism is not easy to grasp. A good criticism requires the other party to realize the harmfulness of the mistake, but also not hurt their self-esteem, accept it smoothly, and at the same time enhance the trust of both parties.

The reality is that very few people do all of this while criticizing.Because each leader has different working methods, cultivation levels, and emotional characteristics, and their criticism methods for the same issue will also vary greatly.Criticism like spring rain is easy to accept, but criticism like a storm is unbearable.

Even so, as a subordinate, it is impossible for you to influence the attitude and practices of your boss.Therefore, you who are smart should realize that as long as the superior's starting point is good, for the sake of work and the overall situation, even if his attitude is a little tougher and his words are a little too radical, he must fully understand and accept it.If you are too concerned about how the other party criticizes, it will backfire.

Eager to shirk responsibility, the effect will be counterproductive
Dale Carnegie has shown through years of observation and research, “Any lesson or accusation will make a person feel hurt to his self-esteem and put him in a state of self-defense, which will often arouse his great resentment and prompt him to try his best to defend himself.” He said What is more is a fact, because it is human nature for people to want to justify themselves under criticism.

It should be noted that if you are eager to justify and relieve yourself during the criticism process, the result will be counterproductive, because it will give people the impression of avoiding the important and evading responsibility.

As an employee with high emotional intelligence, the most appropriate approach is: you should accept criticism and actively solve the adverse consequences caused.When the boss further investigates the reason, cooperate with him earnestly and gradually find out the truth.In this way, what is your responsibility, what is the responsibility of others, what is inevitable and what should be avoided will become clear, and things will turn around.

If you know your mistakes, you can correct them, and if you are smart, you can turn around
What is the most effective way to deal with criticism?This is the strategy of action we should be most concerned with.Learn from mistakes and failures and correct them in time.You have only one choice, any other action is wrong.In this way, not only will you not lose face because of being criticized, but you will get the understanding and respect of your superiors, as well as the approval and sympathy of your colleagues.

Psychological research has shown us that when people see a person who has made a mistake with a heartbroken, remorseful and self-blaming attitude, and see him try his best to correct it, most of them will feel compassion, thereby reducing their condemnation and aversion to their mistakes , and even they will give enthusiastic attention and sincere help.Therefore, in the face of criticism, correcting mistakes is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.It is a sign of wisdom to correct a mistake, and it may even become an opportunity for a turning point in your life.

Turn resentment into motivation and regroup

Making a mistake is not something that makes you feel happy, so when you make a mistake and are criticized by the leader (boss), most people's reaction is to regret.This kind of behavior is very normal, but some introverted people with high self-esteem often take the problem too seriously.

"What should I do, I made such a mistake!" "God, it's all because of that guy, who ruined my good image in front of my boss, and I will never forgive him!"

They are full of resentment, and worry that others will look down on them, and they also worry that their leaders will look at them with "colored glasses" in the future.He felt that his future was hopeless, and he never recovered from it.

In fact, this is a manifestation of low emotional intelligence.If you are this type of person, you can try to adjust with the following methods:
1. Figure out the real reason for the mistake.If the mistake is not intentional, and the boss and colleagues have already understood this, I will naturally feel more relaxed and relieved.

2. You have to know that no one is perfect, and everyone may make mistakes.So you don't need to worry too much, but you should focus on tomorrow instead of dwelling on the past.

3. Take this mistake as an opportunity to learn a lesson and sharpen your will.Try to look at it with a positive eye, face it bravely, and reflect deeply, cheer up, and strive to be a strong person in life. This is the best way.

Get out of your comfort zone
If you can recognize the emotional needs of others and do what you can to meet them, it shows that you have a high emotional intelligence.However, people are always very concerned about their own emotions, and always ask others to respect, understand, comfort, sympathize, help, encourage, care, praise, etc., but they do not pay attention to their own needs, and others need them too.

People will set up a comfort zone for themselves, and subconsciously "force" others to give them this kind of satisfaction, while ignoring the other party's equal demands.In fact, a person with high emotional intelligence can not only perceive their own emotions, but also perceive the emotions of others, understand the attitudes of others, and make accurate identification and positive evaluations at any time according to the emotions of others.

This is not only a manifestation of high emotional intelligence, but also a vital ability to survive and get along with others, which will profoundly affect people's survival and development.Because this ability can make people understand each other, make people live in harmony, and help establish good interpersonal relationships.

In this sense, the ability of social interaction has become an important aspect of emotional intelligence, and the mutual giving of spiritual comfort has become our basic requirement for a person in emotional intelligence training.

We can know that people with high emotional intelligence have this ability and are often able to quickly establish friendship, affection and deep trust between people.Of course, they are also at home in the workplace because of this ability.People who are good at communication and proficient in communication can easily establish extensive network and social relations in all aspects of that field.They have the ability to form "inner comfort" relationships, and the existence of these relationships drives their ultimate success.

Today's workplace competition is particularly fierce. Under such a background, the ability to do things is even more important.So, where should we start to develop our own ability?The most important thing is to boldly step out of your spiritual comfort zone.Each of us has a comfort zone where we are usually on our own and don’t want to be interrupted, pushed, talked to strangers, or even kept to a set time.

In the spiritual comfort zone, a person has only himself in his heart, and he can do whatever he likes, and do whatever he feels comfortable with.People with a large spiritual comfort zone are very cold in real life and make others feel uncomfortable.

For example, in a meeting, a person who stays in the comfort zone of the soul will passively listen to the speech, passively wait for orders, and rigidly complete the tasks of the superior. He never cares about anything other than this matter, let alone do more. It is easier for people to work.

At work, when he meets a new colleague—especially one who needs his help—he pretends not to see it and gets on with his work.Because he felt that the other party had nothing to do with him.

At parties, he always waits for others to speak, does not want to participate in it himself, and likes to comment on each other's words in private.If no one speaks at this table, no one will know him until the meal is over.He has been living in his own world, ignoring the feelings of others, and lacks a positive and friendly attitude towards interpersonal communication.

It’s comfortable to be in this zone, but when we face it, its detriment is everywhere.The only way to fix this is for you to venture out of this zone and change yourself dramatically.Even if you don't feel comfortable with something, try to do it.

If you can quickly break out of the comfort zone and step out bravely, you will be more active in work and life, and it will be easier to succeed.At work, he dares to put forward his own opinions and misunderstandings in front of the leader, and after getting the approval and guidance of his superiors, he will complete the work at hand as soon as possible, and accept criticism and adjustment from others at any time.When a new colleague comes to the company, he will introduce himself generously and take the initiative to understand the relationship between the other party and himself.At banquets, he will also speak bravely to strangers and introduce himself generously.

A person with high emotional intelligence is usually tolerant, open-minded, and optimistic.They are good at controlling themselves, regulating personal emotions, and can properly resolve conflicts that occur in daily life.At the same time, they can relieve the tense state of mind in a timely manner with an optimistic attitude and humorous taste, so that people can find a comfortable and natural feeling when getting along with them.

Cultivate an attitude of self-examination
People with high emotional intelligence usually reflect on themselves when encountering problems, and constantly cultivate an attitude of self-examination in life.This is an excellent habit, but also a noble quality.

Romain Rolland said that everyone has their own hidden essence, which is different from anyone else's essence, which makes people have their own scent.Only by reflecting on past experiences and constantly knowing ourselves can we make ourselves unique and truly successful.

In the process of a person's growth, all kinds of mistakes will be made.People with low emotional intelligence resist mistakes, ignore them, and write off mistakes made in the past, but they have made many mistakes without substantial improvement.In fact, we should understand that it is not enough to make mistakes, you must also learn from these mistakes and improve yourself.

A smart person learns from mistakes and grows quickly.Those who are really good corporate executives have performed very well in this regard.Some ambitious but frustrated people always ignore their mistakes, keep their eyes on others, and never reflect on their own work.

There was once a successful entrepreneur who went to business school students to introduce his secret to getting rich:

"Good decisions." He only said these four words. The students were not satisfied with this answer. They continued to ask him: "How did you learn to make good decisions?" He replied: "Experience." Some students Keep asking: "Where did you get those experiences?"

His answer: "Bad decisions." So, no matter where you start, by improving your weaknesses and weaknesses, and learning from past mistakes and successes, your business can continue to improve.The process of reflecting on one's own experience is also the process of gradually cultivating one's own self-examination attitude.

Reflecting on past experiences is not only beneficial to make correct decisions, but also provides us with a window for spiritual communication, prompting us to correctly perceive our own hearts, soberly judge our actual ability, and then decide the next step , to be effective.

In this sense, reflection and self-examination is a positive transcendence.It urges me to bid farewell to the past, constantly revising weaker projects and improving stronger ones. This will not only eliminate the problem of high-mindedness but low-handedness, but also enable myself not to miss good performance opportunities and fully release my inner energy.

How can we correctly reflect on the past and cultivate an attitude of self-examination?First of all, we must be clear that the process of self-reflection and self-examination is not a simple technical analysis, nor is it a simple judgment of the right or wrong of things. It should explore one's own spiritual illness, inspect one's soul, and bid farewell to weakness and superficiality.When you look at the past and yourself, you need to see different sides of the problem and understand yourself from various perspectives.When you do this, what unfolds before you is a coherent, well-directed world.

Specifically, it is to clarify one's own strengths and discover one's own shortcomings in the process of continuous reflection.

At the same time, we must gain a deep understanding of ourselves through calm and rational analysis, not only our existing abilities, but also our potential.After that, you have to check whether these are real in the existing life experience, experience, and work qualifications, and gain new advantages.These are the most precious treasures in our lives, which determine your quality, potential status and future space.

Always be responsible for your actions
(End of this chapter)