Maybe I can't have a normal youth

Chapter 823 Self-protection has long since failed

Mori Shan's confession was halfway through, but Zhao Bai'an had tears in his eyes unknowingly at this time.

How could she not understand Moriyama's pain?

Wiping away his tears, Zhao Bai'an continued to read the following text.

——During this period, I didn’t dare to look back on the past, and I found that you didn’t seem to recall the past, everything happened just right, I always felt that this is a chance for us to start again from God, and I have been immersed in this happiness among.

But today, your care and your recklessness made me feel guilty and sad again. Even in front of you, I felt like a clown, ridiculous and involuntary.

After struggling for a long time, I finally plucked up the courage to tell you all this. I can't hide it from you. In fact, after you left, I met a girl who was very similar to you in college.But when you got me back, I tried to let go. Although I was not so decisive, I still let go.

But still I was wrong, I seem to have misunderstood you a lot.No, it cannot be said to be a misunderstanding, or it is more appropriate to say that the meaning of distress and sadness is more appropriate.

So, I want to sincerely apologize to you.

Seeing this, Zhao Bai'an grasped the letter unconsciously, and then kneaded it together.

Her thoughts began to spin, and then she remembered everything as if she had just woken up from a big dream.

Then, everything in the dream and reality began to overlap alternately, and she realized from the ignorance that the things in her dreams were not just dreams, but hidden memories.

It was a memory sealed up by herself!
At this moment, Zhao Bai'an seemed to be reborn, and unconsciously stared out of the window. Although she couldn't see anything at the moment, she forcibly saw some of her past through the glass.

She saw everything in the dream that was played anytime and anywhere, Zhao Bai'an really understood at this moment, what she had been missing all along.It turned out that in the subconscious of her brain, her deep-seated memories had been screaming silently, but at this moment they poured out uncontrollably.

It was also at this time that she realized that her painful and trembling dream was actually her own experience, her past pain.

Zhao Bai'an suddenly remembered that at that time, during the summer vacation of the third year of junior high school, she forgot everything after waking up.

As her thoughts flowed, she couldn't help but chuckled, which might be a helpless smile, or it might be a mockery of herself.

Her current mood was as if a pot of hot oil had been poured directly on her body, causing her skin to be torn apart and her meridians to be broken.

Does it hurt?It broke our hearts.

Doesn't it hurt?Self-deception.

This moment of sobriety brought her back to the past.

After a lapse of eight years, she faced everything at that time again, and she felt that it was really ironic now.

She managed to avoid it back then, but now everything has successfully surrounded her, and the surrounding is tight.

Once again she was angry, once again in pain, and once again faced the feeling of being cornered.But all these emotions seem so insignificant after facing the life and death of Moriyama again, and after facing the collapse and entanglement again.

Although her thoughts were disturbed at this moment, her mind became clearer and clearer.

She saw more and more clearly about the events of that year, and became more detached and free and easy.

She also understood a truth that she couldn't see clearly before.

The madness of love, the pinnacle of madness, the dilemma of love and hate, eager to see through, but in the end it is difficult to escape, the sky of hatred, detached from the world.

She understands now that since she chose to embark on this road of no return back then, everything she had to bear seemed to have been decided from the moment she set off, but it was a pity that she resolutely embarked on the road without being prepared, which also led to her amnesia.

And the amnesia was nothing but self-deception from the beginning to the end, and Zhao Bai'an finally knew that the amnesia was just her subconscious mind, in order not to hurt her, whether it was psychological or physical, it automatically blocked her emotions and blurred her memories.

It's like... It's Huo Miki who guards her.

Zhao Bai'an also understood at this moment that she had forgotten many facts that made her collapse, and also forgotten her love for Moriyama, which was a kind of self-protection.And she also lost her dream since then.

However, everything is just a cover-up, which cannot withstand the slightest disturbance.

Although she was able to escape for a while, she couldn't escape for the rest of her life. After all, when it was uncovered, she was once again bloody and bloody.Let her go through it again, the pain, the urgency, the dilemma, the line of life and death.

Zhao Bai'an's mood was extremely complicated at the moment. In these short three days, but in fact, she was full of plans. During the impulsive journey of only one day, she can be said to have gained a lot.And in this harvest, she was gradually forced to prove some things.

But this also caused her extremely sensitive nerves to be stimulated again and again.

Zhao Bai'an had a terrible headache, so she simply emptied herself. Under helpless circumstances, she let her brain flow freely, she didn't stop it, she didn't imagine it, she just exiled herself like that.

She longed for a sliver of redemption from this kind of exile, and she even more longed for a short moment of peace in this kind of exile, but all this failed in the end.

Her brain is out of control, and now it's like being forced to install a motor, the brain doesn't stop for a moment, it moves forward courageously, keeps running, and keeps spinning automatically.

This also made Zhao Bai'an's memory clearer.

Zhao Bai'an clearly remembered Morishan's ruthlessness at that time, and also clearly remembered Morishan's determination, and at the same time, he also remembered the resentment and hatred in his heart at that time.

But the irony is that when the memory was torn apart, she couldn't hate it anymore, and she couldn't complain either.

When she woke up like a dream, she also knew something.

She knew that Moriyama was ruthless, but she also knew that Moriyama was also helpless.

She can't deny this, and what she can't deny is that Moriyama did give herself some hints, or there were some things revealed between the lines, but she didn't realize it belatedly.

Now that I think about it, the memory has gone through thousands of times, and she seems to have experienced three lives and three lives.

Looking back on the previous things now, all her emotions towards Mori Shan were completely zero.

Strangely, after this, Zhao Bai'an's mood calmed down a lot.

Everything seems to have come to an end quietly at this moment, but it is far from over. One minute of peace is only the beginning of the next minute's flow of emotions.

When Zhao Bai'an gradually retracted his empty gaze, his thoughts once again fell to the note that Mori Shan left for him.

She couldn't control it, and her turbulent emotions stirred up again.

This time, it is no longer the imagination and reminiscence of the past, but a kind of subconsciousness that vaguely guides her to think, is what Moriyama said true?
(End of this chapter)