Maybe I can't have a normal youth

Chapter 822 Pain Transference
Zhao Bai'an stared blankly at her hands, the uncomfortable and suppressed feeling in her heart seemed to have improved a lot.

Maybe it's diverting attention, or maybe it's distracting the pain in my heart.

Zhao Bai'an couldn't help laughing.

"Hahaha!"

It's just that this smile seemed so bitter, but it made her seem to have an epiphany.

In the midst of extreme pain, she unexpectedly found a way out.

At this time, she was still a little bit emotional, Zhao Bai'an, Zhao Bai'an, you never thought that this external pain could divert your attention and make you feel better.

"Hahaha...hahaha..." The bursts of self-mockery sounded particularly harsh in this rainy night.

I don't know how long it took, until Zhao Bai'an calmed down a lot, then she slowly got up and returned to the hospital again.

It's just that this time her parents didn't have such a good temper. Seeing Zhao Bai'an walking back, her mother couldn't help but rushed up first, grabbed the disobedient daughter, and shouted desperately: "Why are you so angry?" You can't stay here properly, you..."

Before she could finish her sentence, her pupils suddenly dilated for no other reason. She saw the bleeding wound on Zhao Bai'an's hand.

Those wounds were actually not serious, but they looked extremely hideous. My mother was frightened, and hurriedly called for the doctor loudly.

After a while, the doctors were surrounded and moved forward, and then Zhao Bai'an was forcibly dragged back into the ward.

Zhao Bai'an felt dazed, a little unable to bear it, and fell towards the bed.

When she opened her eyes again, it was already many days later. She saw her mother whose eyes were red from crying, and at the same time saw her father who was walking up and down the room helplessly.

When they saw Zhao Bai'an woke up, they didn't ask any more questions, they just said some thoughtful words around her.

Zhao Bai'an didn't say anything more, she was surprisingly quiet all the time.

She was obedient this time, she stayed in the hospital cooperating with the doctor and her parents really obediently, it seemed that she changed her personality in a flash.

The parents were happy for this, and gradually the family of three seemed to have returned to the calm and joy they had before.

Everything seemed to be slowly developing for the better, and it seemed that all the gloom ended on the day Zhao Bai'an came back with scars.

In the next few days, Zhao Bai'an lived a step-by-step life. Every morning when she woke up, the doctor would perform routine checkups, and then ask her how she felt and if there was any discomfort.

But she never spoke to her, and only her parents answered. Zhao Bai'an seemed to have become silent after that day.

Time flew by, and a week passed in the blink of an eye, and Zhao Bai'an was discharged from the hospital and went home.

After returning home, she took the initiative to lock herself in the room. Her parents were very helpless about this, but they didn't say much.

For them, the current situation is much better than the previous chaos.

So apart from comforting their daughter, they didn't say anything more, they were just content with the status quo.

It's just that Zhao Bai'an didn't get much better in self-isolation, she was still depressed, and the most ironic thing was that Moriyama's ruthless sentence of breaking up appeared in her mind almost all the time.

In this mood, she asked herself repeatedly every day, and was forced to recall it repeatedly.

She had no power to resist it, but she could hold it back.

Whenever his emotions were about to lose control, Zhao Bai'an would lower his head to look at the wound on his hand.Then she would think of the reminder of the blood that she got under the extreme collapse that day.

Under such psychological stimulation, Zhao Bai'an was sometimes sober and sometimes confused, and sometimes complained about himself and couldn't extricate himself.

She lives under the attack of emotions every day, and after that, she can't help but imitate that day.

She will deliberately damage the wound that is about to heal, peel off the scab, pull the wound, and watch the blood bloom again.

She felt that this was the only way to make herself feel better, and it turned out that it was indeed useful.

Zhao Bai'an suppressed the pain in her heart through external stimulation, so her heart that was repeatedly tormented was also temporarily relieved.

Gradually, she became obsessed with this feeling, the feeling of making her feel better through external pain.

Afterwards, she will continue to do this thing repeatedly. She will cut the wound when it heals, and cut it when the wound heals. She hopes that such pain can save her.But everything has its own side. Under such stimulation, although Zhao Bai'an's mind got a kind of transcendental salvation, her body couldn't bear it anymore.

In midsummer, the wound was cut open repeatedly, and it was not treated well. Infection and inflammation were inevitable.

In the end, her wound even festered a little, Zhao Bai'an finally couldn't hold on, and collapsed due to a high fever.

The completely confused person was sent to the hospital again.

When the dream came to this point, Zhao Bai'an shivered unconsciously, and then she suddenly woke up from the dream.

She was in a daze, unable to tell where she was for a while, and there was a momentary fault in her memory.

A sense of confusion after dream and reality overlapped and interspersed appeared in her mind, Zhao Bai'an subconsciously looked down at her hand, there was no wound on it.

She was stunned for a while, and then her memory slowly began to come back, and she finally remembered that she was on the return plane!
She remembered that since she got another promise from Moriyama, she received a letter from the professor saying that the one-week rest vacation she applied for could only be given three days.After doing the math, it took two days to go back and forth on the plane, so I quickly booked a ticket and flew back to the United States in advance.

Remembering the scene of saying goodbye to Mori Shan at the airport in a hurry, Zhao Bai'an began to miss it, and she even felt a little restless. When she inadvertently put her hand into her pocket, she found a folded piece of paper inside.

Open it in a daze, and it shows Moriyama's handwriting.

It said: Sorry, there are some things that I should explain to you.

In the summer vacation of the third day of the new year, at that time, I would block a lot of emotion and thinking ability because of the effect of antidepressant drugs, and my mother kept instilling it, so I really believed that without me, Moriyama, you, Zhao Baian, would It was better, so I finally compromised with myself.

But at that time, I was also very heartbroken. I was really reluctant, but there are some things that I really can't be controlled by myself.

I have always been very guilty of you in my heart, and I even thought about never appearing in front of you again, but if you hadn't taken the initiative to find me later, I would not have come to disturb your life.

Although I have always had feelings for you in my heart, I have been suppressing them all the time, but the world is unpredictable, and I always feel that your return is the traction of fate, and it is a name that cannot be missed, so I resolutely reincarnated up your hand.

(End of this chapter)