Ultimate Scheming System

Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio  Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio

“Hmm?” Xu Que and Jiang Hongyan looked at each other and found the same shocked expression on each other’s faces. They were extremely surprised!

Judging from the voices they had heard from far away, they had mentioned a dog, dog piss, and then a wolf! Don’t these descriptions all point to Buttface? How could you find another dog in this world, one that looked like a dog yet claimed itself to be a wolf, one that dares to take a piss on another’s head, except for Buttface?

But that can’t be. They are on the damn Road of Heavenly Ascension while Buttface should still be in the Four Great Continents. How did he even manage to get onto the Road of Heavenly Ascension?

“Do you think that it’s Buttface?” Jiang Hongyan asked Xu Que, slightly surprised.

If even Jiang Hongyan had thought of Buttface when she heard people talking, Xu Que was now about 80 percent sure that his guess was correct.

“Come on. Let’s take a look!” Xu Que immediately strode toward all the commotion with Jiang Hongyan.

Very quickly, Xu Que saw a group of Form Synthesis Stage cultivators sprinting at full speed on an ancient path right before them. Among them, there were several cultivators with wet hair that reeked of a disgusting odor, fury evident on their faces.

As far as they could see, all that was around was this group of cultivators running haphazardly. Buttface was nowhere to be seen.

“What happened, my fellow cultivators? I think I heard something about you guys chasing a dog?” Xu Que stopped one of the cultivators – one who was not drenched in piss – and asked in a genuinely kind manner.

This cultivator was not bent on chasing the dog, and so he decided to entertain Xu Que’s question. He answered with slight exasperation, “We were resting under the tree when it happened. Who would have thought that a dog would appear atop the tree and suddenly piss all over us! As it did that, it screamed that it would soon become an Immortal! Some of my Senior Brothers, unfortunately, got drenched. That’s why they are all furious.”

“What? Such a shameless dog exists? Tell me quickly, my friend, its appearance and characteristics. I shall lend a helping hand!” Xu Que pounded his chest and nobly offered to help.

Surprised, the young cultivator shook his head. “It looked strange and lewd, but weirdly enough it did look kind of like a wolf. But it ran like a dog and darted off fast.”

“Are there any other characteristics? Like addressing himself as ‘Your Holiness’ or something like that?” Xu Que asked.

The young cultivator was alarmed. “How…how did you know?”

“I guessed! All right, you should continue chasing that dog!” Xu Que chuckled. He took up Jiang Hongyan’s hand and left without looking back.

It should be evident by now that he was 100 percent sure of his assumption. The dog that the group of cultivators was chasing after must be Buttface! At any other time, Xu Que would have left him; he wouldn’t die that easily anyway. With that terrifying body of his, even a cultivator at the peak of the Great Vehicle Stage could not lay a scratch on him!

But the situation is different now. If Buttface did come over from the Four Great Continents, it meant that an entrance had also opened up over there! With that in mind, they might be able to return to the Four Great Continents by retracing the route Buttface had used to enter. That was why they had to find Buttface immediately.

The Road of Heavenly Ascension is vast and expansive, with many routes and belts still unexplored. While Buttface had just appeared, he might have already run to somewhere far. “It will not be easy to find him.” Jiang Hongyan reminded him softly. She had some vague understanding of the Road of Heavenly Ascension. She thought that the chances of finding Buttface in here were quite slim.

On the contrary, Xu Que brushed it off. “Rest assured! If anything, Buttface’s character was petty and spiteful. He might look like a cowardly dog, but he had always been a revengeful soul. I’m sure that he would not run far. I bet he’s currently seeking a chance to pay those cultivators back!”

“We’ll wait for him here then.” Jiang Hongyan nodded.

“Yeah, we’ll have to wait, but not passively! Looking for a person – no, a dog – requires spreading the call for a search far and wide!” Xu Que smiled. With a massive swing of his arm, he pulled out an enormous loudspeaker from his pants. After some fiddling, he had set up the main loudspeaker by the path and installed some supplementary speakers. He made sure to arrange them following a Propagation Formation.

Then, with a cracking sound, Xu Que pressed the power button. All of the speakers trembled instantly and amplified his infectious voice!

“Everybody, do you know how to rap freestyle?”

“Yo! Yo! There’s a dog called Buttface, pretending to be a wolf every day, but he’s really just a coward, who can’t stop calling himself ‘Your Holiness’! I’ve dissed every word he spits out. Please cut his tongue out when you see him! Yeah, yeah, my name is I’M SO COOL, I repeat nothing I’ve said before, hope that you guys would give me a wave of monthly tickets and I’ll promise to update more! Use more shampoo when you shower, time’s running out, so I’m gonna stop!”

Almost instantly, Xu Que’s freestyle rap echoed all across the whole area. It spread in an infinite loop through the loudspeaker and was further amplified by the Propagation Formation. Cultivators around the area stopped in their tracks and looked at Xu Que, unable to react. Then, their heads could not help but bounce with the rhythm.

Somewhere, further along, cultivators who were casually strolling were confronted by the impromptu freestyle rap. Then, they too began to nod their heads with the beat. Those who were more active even tossed their hands skywards and started to walk with the beat! Even further down the path, in a patch of withered grass, a dog suddenly sprang up from underneath. Its two lantern-like eyes sprang open as it scanned its surroundings.

“Crap, why does that sound so much like that lad? Crap, how dare he curse me! Crap, why did it sound so addictive! Crap, YO! YO! YO!”

He shouted and swung his head about, then from its belly, fished out the recorder that Xu Que gave him years ago. It then started to search for similar songs.

As it listened to the song, it quickly rushed toward where the freestyle rap music was.

… …

At the same time, Xu Que was satisfied with the results. When he returned to Jiang Hongyan, he joked, “Little Missy, how was my freestyle rap? It’s cool, isn’t it?”

Jiang Hongyan could not hold back her laughter. She asked, “Where did you learn strange stuff like this?”

“I learned it in my hometown!” Xu Que chirped.

“Hometown?” Jiang Hongyan pondered for a second. She had heard Xu Que mention before that his hometown was not the Five Elements Mountain. It was somewhere further away, but she had not heard him talk about where exactly it was.

Xu Que smiled, his gaze deep with affection. He saw eye to eye with Jiang Hongyan, “There will be a day when I will bring you back to my home. We will have a grand wedding, and I’ll make sure everyone comes to witness our great marriage. The whole world will offer us her best blessings!”

“Okay!” Jiang Hongyan glowed. Even with her modified appearance, at this moment, she was so dazzlingly beautiful that she was the prettiest woman in the whole world.

The two of them stared into each other’s eyes, and Xu Que moved closer, attempting to steal a kiss with this perfect chance.

“Senior brother, senior brother, come over quick! We found that dog!” Suddenly, someone yelled from a distance. Both Xu Que and Jiang Hongyan reacted quickly at his words. Upon exchanging a glance, they swept forward with tacit understanding. A moment later, they finally saw that familiar dog.

It was undoubtedly Buttface!

Right now, some cultivators surrounded Buttface, who stood on both hind legs like a human. Its front legs waved to the beat while it chanted in freestyle, “YO! YO! Come over if you dare, Your Holiness will beat you to death!”

“Hmph! Yo, my ass! Trying to bluff your way out of this? Since you delivered yourself to our doorstep, you’re not getting away!”

“Stay still and keep your mouth shut! Wait till our Senior Brother comes back; he would skin you alive!” The cultivators told Buttface coldly.

Buttface, on the other hand, seemed as if he could not break free from his newfound freestyle rapping addiction. He continued to wave his two front legs and sing proudly, “Your Holiness won’t keep his mouth shut, he’ll scold you if he wants! Bite me if you got guts! YO! YO! Your stupid head is like a ball, see me kick it to the department store. I’ll buy a balloon in the department store, your mother’s stupid head, that’s what I’ll buy!”

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