As a salted fish, I was forced to become the teacher of all ages

"Today, the two of us will tell everyone a cross talk. This cross talk pays attention to four subjects. It is called cheating and abducting..."

"Are you changing your words? Talking and learning to sing!"

"Oh yes, talk and learn to sing!"

After the two of them went on stage to say hello, they started straight away. It was Zhao Ren who was the joker. This is what he practiced these days, and his unreliable temperament invisibly increased the sense of joy, which made the group of people instantly happy, but the embarrassment yes……

At present, none of the court ladies and eunuchs pretending to be the atmosphere group dared to laugh, and the trio of bosses were a little uncertain whether to laugh or go up and beat Zhao Ren, so the scene was a bit embarrassing.

Zhao Ren was not discouraged, he continued to talk: "Speaking of which, it is really difficult to remember these four-character idioms, and it is annoying to memorize them every now and then."

Hua Manlou cheered at the right time: "Can this be remembered?"

"For example, it's quite hard to remember this admiration and admiration."

"Isn't this different!"

"What's the same? You should look at each other with admiration for three days, isn't it interesting? But if you say that you should look at each other differently for three days, isn't that a little bit different in meaning?"

"Hiss, is that true?"

"So I thought, first memorize the allusions, and then memorize the idioms, the effect will be quite good."

"Oh, find the place first."

"Hey, let's say, playing the piano to a cow. The source is very interesting. It's about Yu Boya's story..."

"Wait a minute, why did you become Yu Boya playing the piano to a cow? Isn't this Gong Mingyi?"

"You don't care who it is, anyway, one day when Yu Boya played the piano, everyone around listened to him, but they couldn't understand what he was playing, so no one gave him some money..."

"The co-author Yu Boya is a showman?"

Speaking of this time, everyone has almost recalled it, look at what this means...

The prince is just here to amuse everyone?What is this, a real performance?

"Ang, otherwise how could he make a living by playing the piano?"

"never heard of that!"

"He didn't receive the reward, so Yu Boya was thinking about making a living, so he went to a farmer and said that he wanted to play the piano for his cows. Maybe the cows could eat more grass and work harder after listening to the sound of the piano..."

puff……

A little palace maid couldn't help but burst out laughing, and immediately knelt down to plead guilty.

Emperor Guangxing waved her to get up, but he was a little dumbfounded—obviously, everyone present was overjoyed, and some even had internal injuries, but it happened that it was the crown prince who talked about cross talk, and the three of them In front of you, so no one dares to laugh.

And the three of us...

The corners of the Empress Dowager's mouth were tight, for fear of laughing out loud, while the Empress pretended to cover her mouth with a handkerchief, but actually bit her lower lip tightly, for fear that she would lose her appearance for a while...

So this cross talk is a kind of punishment!

"Oh, such a duo playing the piano?"

"Ah, look, playing the piano to a cow. After playing for a few days, the farmer said, "The cows can't understand the mountains and rivers they play. Why don't you play something else?" Yu Boya listened to the music. Oh, hey, do you understand that I play Gaoshan Liushui? Here, look, Gaoshan Liushui comes from here."

puff……

Another little eunuch couldn't hold back, but he reacted quickly and pretended to start coughing.

But this time, the sound of coughing in the Compassionate Ning Palace suddenly became one, as if someone put a smoke bomb here...

"When did Zhong Ziqi change his career to become a farmer?"

"Aren't you interested in planting land? What are you going to eat if you don't plant land?"

"He is a woodcutter, selling firewood for a living!"

"Don't pay attention to these details. Anyway, Yu Boya introduced Zhong Ziqi as a confidant, and spent the whole day at his house eating and drinking, and playing the piano by the way. One day he finally couldn't play anymore, but Zhong Ziqi's brain was still buzzing. , the net is the sound of the piano, so he sighed: "The lingering sound lingers around the beam for three days..."

"Okay, it's all here!"

"Later Zhong Ziqi fell ill and died. Yu Boya had nowhere to eat and drink. He was very sad, so he caught a crane to sacrifice to him. He didn't know how to chop firewood, so he could only use the qin as firewood. As a result, the crane burned more and more. The more fragrant..."

"So this is called Fenqin and Boiled Cranes, right?"

Hearing this, half of the atmosphere group frantically ran out of the Compassionate Ning Palace and started laughing against the wall. The Empress Dowager simply stopped pretending and laughed out loud, while the Empress...

The queen slipped into the inner room, and within a short time there were bursts of muffled laughter, which couldn't be stopped...

318. The severe drought in the country means the loss of all punishments and virtues?

If it was in Huamanlou's previous life, these jokes of his are really the ones that are not very embarrassing to show, because the information age has already made people's tastes tricky. Looking forward, many people can't laugh and feel very cold.

But in this era of lack of entertainment, people's laughter is still very low, even a few idioms are enough to make people laugh.

Others don't talk about it, let's just talk about the queen. This queen is called a generation of virtuous queens. Her daily style in the harem is dignified and elegant. No one can find fault with her.But it was such a serious person who was so teased that he ran into the inner room and scratched the wall laughing...

Hua Manlou suspects that if some videos or sand sculpture animations from the previous life are used, it is reckoned that they will really laugh to death. (Stupid girls, male high school students, watch it once and laugh again...)

The performance soon ended, Hua Manlou followed Zhao Ren off stage and came to the Queen Mother, the old lady scolded: "You bastard, the allusion of mountains and rivers is a famous story in history, let's see what you have changed ! Ziqi Boya Ruoquan knows, and you will be so angry that you will lift the coffin and snatch the bamboo shoots!"

Hua Manlou scratched his head in embarrassment and said: "Then what, the minister and grandson are only messing around this time, the so-called laughing is ten years old, and the minister and grandson just want the emperor's grandmother to be happy."

The Empress Dowager nodded Hua Manlou with her hands and said with a smile: "You, you, the emperor said that you can make flowers out of everything, but now it turns out that it is true, it is just to make this old lady of Ai's family happy. It is a bit wicked... That's all, I'm happy today, I don't blame you!"

Hua Manlou hurriedly apologized with a smile: "Yes, yes, it's just this time, next time I really won't mess around..."

While talking, the queen came out from the back room, and the moment she saw Hua ManLou, she blocked her mouth with a handkerchief again, and then said angrily: "The prince is not very plausible, but you are messing around with him! Next time, If there is a next time, let's see how the queen mother will deal with you two!"

So, only when they are close will they be scolded from time to time. Just by listening to what the queen said, it is clear that she has already regarded Hua Manlou as a junior, which is completely different from the obviously pretended intimacy before.

Even Emperor Guangxing didn't expect that Huamanlou could get the harem duo to admit his identity in this way-you know, when she came back and talked to the queen, she secretly blamed Emperor Guangxing for being emotional coming...

For Huamanlou, this is a good thing. After all, Emperor Guangxing is a bit soft-hearted, so if Huamanlou commits some crimes or makes Emperor Guangxing angry in the future, I am afraid that he will be protected by the two masters of the harem. He can survive even if he dies - this is the opinion of Xu Dacheng, who is watching in amazement.

At this time, Xu Dacheng once again rejoiced that his previous choice was wise. If he really had an enmity with Huamanlou, would he have a good life in the palace in the future?

But the boss of the troupe on the other side realized that this was a huge opportunity. After all, this kind of performance for the sake of being funny is really fresh and fun. Compete with so many famous opera troupes in the capital?

The troupe owner has already decided to prepare a generous gift to meet Huamanlou.

Later, under the persevering begging of the troupe owner, Huamanlou reluctantly taught him some things, and then named his troupe the Deyun Society. With the rise of the Deyun Society, the art form of cross talk became popular Terrifying speed spread in Dazhao, and Huamanlou was enshrined as the patriarch...

Of course, this is a story.

……

After laughing and making trouble, the time seemed to be about the same, the Queen Mother took Hua Manlou with one hand and Zhao Ren with the other and walked into the hall, and told the two to sit not far from her, and then she ordered the courtiers to come in for a visit.

This can be regarded as a signal that the most honorable old lady of Da Zhao publicly recognizes Huamanlou as her grandson, and it can also be regarded as a small reward for Huamanlou's efforts to amuse her-children who know how to make their elders happy always get surprises Preferential treatment, you know, the seat position is a science...

After everyone was seated, the officials of the Ministry of Rituals began to sing and sing loudly, and all the civil and military officials who had been prepared, and Xun's relatives and relatives entered the hall according to their ranks, led by Ying Guogong, to celebrate the Queen Mother's birthday.

In Huamanlou's view, this is a thankless, time-consuming and labor-intensive task. It is as funny as the chairman of the company's old lady celebrates her birthday and all the employees come to say happy birthday. ——Isn’t it nice for my family to sit together, eat a cake and sing a birthday song?

I don't know which mental retardation made this process.

Anyway, sitting in the front row of Huamanlou is quite boring and awkward. Anyone who comes to celebrate his birthday will glance at him with curiosity or contempt—even though Huamanlou has made a face during the battle against Wala, but at that time Everyone at the top of the city didn't see his face clearly, so most people didn't know who this guy in the big red python robe was...

So today can be regarded as Huamanlou's first public appearance.

Sitting upright was really tiring, and Huamanlou was a little sleepy because he didn't have a good rest. Seeing that the fourth-rank officials had already come in more than half, just when they were about to take advantage of the unexpected yawn, they suddenly saw a guy celebrating his birthday bowing down. The queen didn't get up, but threw her head on the ground and shouted: "The empress dowager is celebrating her birthday. I shouldn't spoil the scenery. However, the people affected by the disaster in Kaifeng Mansion are still homeless and have no food and clothing. Therefore, Shen Deyuan, the imperial censor of Zuoqin, For the sake of the common people, risk your life to speak out, and ask God to listen!"

In an instant, a needle drop could be heard in the Palace of Compassion and Ning.

Empress Dowager Li, who was still smiling, was stunned, and the smiling queen was also stunned.

Hua Manlou was stunned: This guy... came here to make a fool of himself?

State affairs should be dealt with in the court no matter what happens, and even if Emperor Guangxing did something wrong, he can't say this at the birthday banquet. After all, he is very happy today, isn't he?

At first, Hua Manlou thought that this person had cerebral palsy, or that he had a negative EQ, but then he realized something was wrong: the civil servants standing in the palace seemed not surprised by this scene, and they were not completely confused like the empress dowager and empress. .

In other words, it was premeditated.

At this time, Emperor Guangxing took the case and said: "Presumptuous! Shen Deyuan, do you know when, where and where?"

Shen Deyuan kowtowed again, and said loudly: "Your Majesty, I have no other intentions, I just hope that Your Majesty will put the people first, and the community as the most important..."

Emperor Guangxing shouted: "Shut up!"

Shen Deyuan turned a blind eye to Emperor Guangxing's anger, and said to himself: "Your Majesty, Zeng Zi said: the people are the most important, the society is second, and the king is the least..."

Emperor Guangxing took a deep breath and tried to suppress his anger and growled: "I have allocated funds for disaster relief, food, grass, tents, doctors, and [-] yuan in money to help the victims rebuild their homes. What do you want from me?" ?”

Shen Deyuan has a plausible statement: "The master said: The severe drought in the country is not due to the loss of punishment and virtue? Today, the heavy rain caused the Yellow River to burst its embankment. What do you think is the reason?" , from the Spring and Autumn Period.)

(I tried so hard to become a joke writer, and even wanted to switch careers to write a cross talk or something, but you actually called me a sucker! It’s so fucking shocking!)

319. Blooming Flowers Manlou

Zi once said this really, which is called the induction between heaven and man.

Dong Zhongshu in the Western Han Dynasty was the one who perfected this set of things, but the theory of the interaction between heaven and man really originated in the Zhou Dynasty. At that time, people believed that all disasters in the world were caused by humans themselves, so the original meaning of Zi’s saying is basically to hope that the ruler will not You have to go too far, or the sky will come to take you in—it is the so-called punishment and virtue, and you will go to heaven with your work.

In the Shang and Zhou dynasties and even the Spring and Autumn and Warring States periods, this matter was actually a good thing.

The vassals are not doing human affairs at first, and the vassal states are not too big, if a disaster happens, they will be severely injured, and then there will be other vassal states to attack and plunder. Theory is a typical game that links theology and governance, but the purpose is to regulate the behavior of rulers.

However, with the development of the times, this thing has gradually become the current situation: a disaster from heaven?It must be caused by the emperor's immorality, scold him, wake him up!

A unified dynasty, whose land area is much larger than all the vassal states of the Zhou Dynasty combined, how could there be no droughts and floods throughout the year?Therefore, the rulers of the past dynasties lay down their guns again and again, and were scolded in various ways, especially Da Zhao.

In the past, the benevolent and honest Emperor Guangxing would have followed Shen Deyuan's words, and then there would be a show such as knowing that mistakes can improve Mo Dayan, but today, it is obvious that this group of people deliberately find fault on the happy day , Can Emperor Guangxing bear it?

But the argument can't be argued again, it's like stabbing a hornet's nest, and this group of people is bound to swarm up; even if they can't fight, this group of people are looking for beatings, so beating them won't fulfill their reputation ?

So Emperor Guangxing held back his anger and said, "Just tell me, what do you want?"

This is a showdown that has reached its limit.

Shen Deyuan said: "My minister dares to implore Your Majesty to fast and bathe, burn incense and pray, pay homage to the people who died in Kaifeng Mansion due to the flood, and ask Your Majesty to sin in the Taimiao!"

At this moment, Hua Manlou thought of a word: see you in the picture.

I have heard that Zhao's censor is too much, but this is the first time Hua Manlou has seen how arrogant this group of people are: it is already outrageous to commit an imperial edict, and it is even more outrageous to sin against oneself in the Taimiao. The Taimiao enshrines the emperors of the Great Zhao Dynasty and the heroes who have worked hard. Generally speaking, if the emperor did something to show his face, he would probably hold some sacrificial activities in the Taimiao to show his ancestors, but in the Taimiao, he sinned against himself...

On the surface, he admitted his mistakes to his ancestors, but in fact he blamed himself for the flood in Kaifeng. Once he did this, the name of Emperor Guangxing would not be so pleasant.

But what the emperor cares about, besides immortality, isn't it the posthumous name?

So Emperor Guangxing became furious: "Shen Deyuan, do you know where the Taimiao is?"

Shen Deyuan kowtowed and said: "Your Majesty, if you have meritorious service, you can still honor it in the Taimiao. If you have done something wrong, why can't you blame it on the Taimiao? I beg your majesty to sin against yourself in the Taimiao!"

As soon as the words fell, all the civil servants in the hall who came to celebrate the birthday knelt down: "Your Majesty, I beg your Majesty to sin against you!"

Emperor Guangxing was trembling with anger: "You...you..."

To be honest, if another emperor came, I guess this group of people would not dare to be so bold, but Emperor Guangxing was kind and honest. The officials have already figured out his temper after he ascended the throne, so if it is not too much, Where are you going to get your reputation?

So no matter how you look at this matter, it is good for the courtiers, and Emperor Guangxing has to be criticized for whatever he does: if he kills this group of people, then this group of people will get a good reputation for being outspoken and admonishing; If this group of people wants to do it, then this group of people can also get the name of scolding the faint king for the country and the people, no matter what happens.

So at this moment, Emperor Guangxing felt so helpless, so weak.

Being blocked by officials in front of mother, wife and children, making it impossible to get off the stage, and still doing such outrageous things at the birthday banquet, who would be wronged?

Emperor Guangxing was trembling and speechless, and even thought of abdicating on the spot.

At this moment, Huamanlou suddenly stood up, walked up to Shen Deyuan, knelt down and gave him a sinister smile.

"You... How are you doing?" Shen Deyuan was a little taken aback.

Not only him, but the fourth- and fifth-rank officials who were kneeling on the ground were stunned: Didn't you see us kneeling here to remonstrate?What are you making a fuss about?

Hua Manlou looked at Shen Deyuan, and said in a voice that all the officials could hear: "Are you a disciple of a saint?"

Shen Deyuan didn't understand what he meant, but still said: "I am a disciple of a sage..."

Hua Manlou stood up and looked at him condescendingly: "The teachings of the saints, filial piety is the first, and sincerity is the second, is it okay?"

Shen Deyuan was at a loss: "No...no problem..."

Even though he knew that these words came from Hua Manlou's own Disciple Rules, but he couldn't make a mistake in this matter, so he had to agree.

But Hua Manlou stopped looking at him, and raised his voice to ask the other officials who were kneeling on the ground: "What do you guys think? Does this make sense?"