The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: imperfectluck  Editor: Kurisu

Other protagonists would receive a system, a grandpa spirit, or a miraculous ring, followed by a broken engagement, face-slapping, leveling, someone considered trash becoming a genius, and ending with either defeating all enemies or starting a large harem. How enviable… er, I meant speechless… it would make me!

But if I ever picked up any treasure or received some mysterious great fortune or luck with women, my first reaction would always be that I needed to be careful of a trap with the treasure, that great luck would always be followed by doubly great misfortune, and that any luck with women I had would always turn out to be as scary as a dinosaur, or a man dressed as a woman…

And what made things even worse was that with all my experience, this truly wasn’t paranoia on my part. This was a concrete fact backed by hard data and experience.

With my vast amount of experience of suffering, my first reaction after seeing these three famous pieces of God Equipment was to…

“Throw them away, hurry and throw them away! Randomly picking up three pieces of God Equipment just like this? Am I going to be unfortunate for the next hundred years?”

“…Hmph, don’t compare yourself to me. My luck has always been good.”

Harloys was proudly making adjustments to the three pieces of God Equipment. She even put on an extravagant golden-white ceremonial clothing on her ideal adult form as she started prettying herself up in front of the mirror.

“Do I look beautiful?”

Harloys started twirling around me. Her golden sapphire necklace had dreamlike bubbles around it which reflected the golden light. When paired with her absolutely perfect, beautiful Gold Elf appearance, she seemed like an elf princess right out of a fairy tale. She indeed had heart-moving pureness, nobility, and resplendence.

“You are indeed quite beautiful. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

I was no idiot. It would be best to tell the truth here. I casually praised her beauty. However, I kept feeling an itch on my head that warned me of some great misfortune about to befall me.

“Killing intent!?”

As expected, there was killing intent! Who was trying to ambush me? Oh, it was Elisa who was glaring at me? It didn’t matter, as I had already gotten used to it from her.

Wait, why was Elisa smiling? That smile made me feel so uneasy. Could it be that she was truly determined to dissect me now?

“…Your rampant paranoia must be incurable? You always think the worst of everything.”

“No, this is personal experience. If I find a wallet that has two copper coins in it, I’ll definitely have an accident the next day that causes me to lose four copper coins. This really happened to me. Why are you all looking at me so strangely? You don’t believe me?”

Harloys shook her head. “No, we believe you. You’re not lying. But, you can actually find a wallet with your luck?”

Hey, that didn’t seem like the right part to comment about? Still, I nodded proudly. Don’t look down on me! Even I had picked up money before! Twice, even!

“Of course. I found a wallet once approximately two hundred years ago. On that day, someone stole money from my wallet, and while chasing the thief, I tripped and fell on the ground. I then found a wallet under my butt. I even recall that the wallet had two Bardi copper coins in it. That was the first time in my life that I had ever picked up money. The next morning, I even ordered an extra pancake to celebrate. Unfortunately, I was then robbed again during noon, and lost all my money. The second time that I found money was fifty-odd years ago. I picked up a single silver coin, a silver coin! I didn’t even dare to believe it, but I lost it on that same night… Why are you all looking at me with such pity? I’m telling the truth! I’m not making this up!”

[…It’s more pitiful because it’s the truth.]

“You’ve had such a hard life.”

I could only crouch on the ground in depression as I recalled my own words and experiences.

However, Harloys laughed.

“I finally understand why you use such a disgusting strategy of constantly obtaining information, calculating all possibilities before battle, obtaining as many small advantages as possible, and finally forcing your enemy to the brink before suppressing them completely.”

“Hmm?”

“No matter how low the chances of failure are, they’ll still come into play if you have such bad luck. Your strategy is probably the best method to eliminate all unknown factors and luck. You’re the type who’s forced to view a 1% chance of failure as 100%. You can’t count on any elements of good luck whatsoever. You’re truly pitiful.”

“…What are you saying? I don’t understand at all. Ah, by the way, how come your furniture is here in the Chaos Abyss?”

“Although your way of changing the topic is just as terrible as always, I also want to know why my dressing table is here, so I’ll let you go this time…”

We all focused on Bloody Arena city lord Didina, who had been pretending to be background scenery for all this time. I originally thought that she would be quite depressed at finding out that three pieces of God Equipment had been right under her nose for all this time without her realizing it. However, she chuckled as if she didn’t really mind.

“These are just some random pieces of furniture that I purchased in order to expand my treasury right after I became the city lord. Even I don’t remember where I purchased it. I probably purchased it from some dimensional merchant together with all the other furniture.”

There was another bunch of furniture in the treasury. Most of the furniture was in the elven style. They all seemed to be mega artifacts from the Elven Empire era. Indeed, there were many artifact collectors that particularly loved Elven Empire era products. All of this furniture would likely be highly valuable.

However, no matter if it was in quality or artisanship, the other furniture didn’t compare at all to Harloys’ dressing table. That was because products personally used by the royalty would be outrageously rare to find now.

“…No, wait, I remember that our palace was burned down. I thought that the three pieces of God Equipment had been destroyed together with the palace. The only possibility is that someone took out my dressing table before the palace was burned. However, someone who would take it out would naturally know of its worth. Would someone like that truly sell it for money?”

Harloys somehow recovered her intelligence again after finally waking up from her great joy at reobtaining her treasure. Right when she said this, Didina’s expression changed. The succubus suddenly retreated, but a tiny red dragon instantly descended on top of her head. The flames that singed Didina’s hair slightly informed her of the potential consequences of moving without permission.

I inspected this treasury more carefully. Gold was piled up like mountains everywhere, while some rundown furniture was placed in the corner. A rash and inexperienced invader might take away all of the gold here, but nobody would even glance at all of this heavy and useless furniture, not to mention the inability to identify the most valuable dressing table among them.

As for veteran invaders, they wouldn’t even have much hope for this treasury to begin with, just like myself. It was far more likely that a veteran invader would interrogate the succubus about the location of her real treasury. Such invaders would also ignore this furniture from the very start.

In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact that Harloys recognized her personal furniture, we would have missed it as well.

If all of this was actually intentional, this was truly cleverly arranged. No matter who the invader was, they would ignore all this furniture.

If all of this was to conceal the existence of this dressing table, then it seemed highly likely that this succubus knew the importance of the dressing table from the very start.

“Harloys, this is probably one of the greatest secrets of the Gold Elf royalty, right? There should be very few who know the true value of this dressing table.”

“…Yeah.”

Harloys didn’t answer me in much detail. However, her beautiful eyes were completely focused on Didina. I had never seen such a serious expression on Harloys before. Even I was surprised. It seemed that she had gotten serious for once.

If that succubus dared to try and run, not only would Little Red on her head roast her, Harloys would instantly stop her.

I was becoming more and more interested in the true origins of this succubus. Just as I was planning on properly interrogating her, a window suddenly opened as a fairy flew in.

“Your Highness Roland, an emergency report for you! It’s marked as highly urgent! Highly urgent!”

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