After the divorce, the ex-husband has [Entertainment]

Fu Qiuye had never heard Xiao Shu mention Xiao Ze's matter. It was not until after he got married that he learned from Huang Qichen that Xiao Shu had an identical twin brother.

Not long after they received the certificate, Huang Qichen was drunk, put his arms around his shoulders, said in a confused tone, and said with his tongue out, "Pay more attention to him, don't look away, he is just a lotus seed with a shell and a bitter taste." , Be optimistic about him, be patient...he loves you very much."

The back of Xiao Shu's silent head was like a hard shell in the darkness. Fu Qiuye kissed the tip of his lavender-scented hair. He was quiet for a moment, then turned around, half-embracing Fu Qiuye's body with one hand, and whispered: "I shouldn't have woken you up, go to sleep."

Fu Qiuye reached out his hand from under the quilt and turned on the main light in the bedroom.

The sudden light made Xiao Shu squint his eyes subconsciously, Fu Qiuye quickly adjusted the brightness to a suitable level, sat up from the bed, and said, "I want to get up and eat something, you should go take a bath too."

Xiao Shu wiped away the physiological tears stimulated by the light with his fingers, and propped up his body with one hand: "What do you want to eat? There is bread in the refrigerator..."

"I'll go heat it up myself," Fu Qiuye said, "don't worry about me."

When Xiao Shu wanted to get up, Fu Qiuye held down his shoulders, and then supported his waist. It seemed that his back was hurting a little, and he left the bedroom in an awkward posture.Xiao Shu watched his back until he disappeared from sight. His tense body began to loosen. He stared blankly at the ceiling for a long time. Then he got up slowly and went to the bathroom to wash off his clothes. cold sweat.

Fu Qiuye heated a few pieces of bread in the microwave, barely filling his stomach like a bottomless pit, then warmed two cups of fresh yak milk, and brought them to the bedroom.

There was no one in the bedroom, the bathroom door was open, and hot steam was still coming out.The lights were dimmed by Xiao Shu, and the shadowed quilt was empty.

He put the cup on the coffee table, and saw a familiar figure through the frosted balcony door.

After taking a shower, Xiao Shu bent over and leaned on the railing of the balcony, his hair was damp, and he was only wearing a T-shirt that reached to the bottom of his thighs, his straight and slender legs were almost visible at a glance.When Fu Qiuye opened the balcony door, he quickly extinguished the cigarette in his hand, turned around and asked, "Are you full?"

"Well," Fu Qiuye walked to his side, "Those two little things are very quiet now, not noisy."

Xiao Shu laughed, leaned closer, leaned his head on Fu Qiuye's chest, and listened intently to the heartbeat inside.Fu Qiuye held his hand and said, "I lied to you last time, how could I hear the heartbeat so quickly? Even Lin Yi's equipment is not working."

Xiao Shu said: "I know, I just want to hear it."

Fu Qiuye took the initiative to move closer and put his arms around his shoulders so that he could listen more conveniently.

Xiao Shu listened for a long time, then raised his head, Fu Qiuye was looking at him intently.The eyes of the two met, he opened his mouth, and suddenly forgot what he wanted to say.

Fu Qiuye took the cigarette case from his other hand, and easily threw it into the trash can in the corner.Say in a matter-of-fact tone: "It's not good to let your baby inhale second-hand smoke."

Xiao Shu nodded, and gave a "hmm" in approval.

There was also a whole set of discarded drum kits piled up next to the trash can, covered with thick dust.Before the divorce, Xiao Shu had always wanted to clean it up, but Fu Qiuye refused, saying that it was the drum set he had played when he proposed to him, and he couldn't just throw it away.After Xiao Shu left, Fu Qiuye couldn't take care of it calmly for a long time, so he left it covered in dust on the balcony.

Fu Qiuye looked at the drum set and said, "Huang Qichen said that you didn't really like rock and roll before."

When he brought up this topic, it was already 03:30 in the morning. At the darkest time of the night, there was darkness beyond the railing of the balcony, and only sporadic light from the bedroom shone on them.Xiao Shu knew what Fu Qiuye wanted to say by mentioning this, so he didn't answer, but said: "You should go to sleep, it is important to maintain a regular schedule."

"I can't sleep now," Fu Qiuye rubbed his palms, "Come and talk with me. Xiao Xiao, can you chat with your psychiatrist about rock and roll?"

Xiao Shu frowned slightly. He actually didn't really want to talk about it now. Most of the time it was difficult for him to describe his emotions in words. Even if he was sitting opposite the psychologist, if he was asked urgently, he would shut up angrily mouth.But for Fu Qiuye, he needs a little more patience: "Not too much, my psychiatrist likes classical music, and sometimes invites me to go to concerts."

Fu Qiuye walked to the corner of the balcony, and touched the tom drum inside, the sound was a bit astringent.Xiao Shu held him back: "Be careful rubbing the ashes all over your body."

"Get someone to clean it up tomorrow, put it in the storage room," Fu Qiuye stood up straight with his waist supported, "I still saved a lot of your concert CDs, it's a pity. Why did you disband when you were the most popular? "

Xiao Shu turned around, leaning his back against the thick darkness before dawn, propping his elbows on the cold and damp railing, and said, "It was Yan Yan who proposed the dissolution, neither brother Yan nor Xiaoyu was willing, and I was not willing at first. I agree, but I got the certificate from you not long afterward, and felt that I should make some changes, so I switched to Yan Yan's side, two against two, and finally disbanded."

Fu Qiuye was a little surprised: "I thought it was you who proposed it."

Xiao Shu shook his head: "If Yan didn't mention it, I'd probably stay there forever. They accompanied me through the most difficult days, and I'm very grateful to this band."

Fu Qiuye leaned against him and couldn't help laughing: "I feel a little sour when I hear that."

Xiao Shu held his arm: "Okay, I'm done chatting with you, go to sleep."

"It's almost dawn, let's talk about Xiao Ze." Fu Qiuye put his arms around his shoulders, "Your twin brother."

Xiao Shu turned his head to look at him, the light in the bedroom was reflected in his pupils, and there was a dark silence.

Fu Qiuye looked back at him without avoiding, didn't urge him, but waited quietly and persistently, determined to pry a crack out of him.

Xiao Shu withdrew his gaze in a panic, his thumbnail began to pick at the skin on his index finger nervously, and said, "I'm not trying to hide it from you, but I really don't know what to say. Xiao Ze and I..."

Xiao Shu took a deep breath, then sighed slowly: "Sorry, give me some time. It's cold outside, go in first."

The air conditioner in the room was turned on a bit high, the yak milk was still warm before, Xiao Shu sat on the sofa, Fu Qiuye lightly clinked the cup with him.

Xiao Shu drank the milk inside, half-lyed down on the sofa, and Fu Qiuye sat beside him so that he could lean on his shoulder.

His lips opened and closed several times.

Fu Qiuye whispered, "Don't worry, take your time."

Xiao Shu played with his index finger back and forth, lowered his head and didn't know what he was thinking, and said after a while, "Xiao Ze and I are identical twins."

"Ok, I know."

Xiao Shu turned to look at him: "Identical twins, have you ever met them?"

Fu Qiuye thought about it seriously for a moment, then said hesitantly: "There seems to be a couple in the high school class... I don't have much memory."

Xiao Shu turned around again, looking at a small piece of broken skin on Fu Qiuye's finger.

"When I was young, he and I were so similar that even my mother couldn't recognize him. If one was sick, the other must also be sick. In the same kindergarten class, our favorite game was to switch identities. Sometimes we even became confused. It wasn’t until I went to elementary school that I gradually became clear about my own identity.”

Fu Qiuye listened quietly, and slowly pulled him into his arms.

"Twins are different from ordinary brothers. My personality is very different from that of my brother. He is very cheerful, likes music, and belongs to the man of the school. I basically don't talk much, I am more introverted, and I am used to bowing my head when chatting with others, so everyone Began to be able to tell the two of us apart.

"But since I was eight years old, I can sometimes feel Xiao Ze's emotions. It's incredible. He and I are two completely different individuals, but we often feel each other's emotions at certain moments, and we can even easily Guessing what he wants to do next will also be affected by his strong emotions..."

Fu Qiuye held his hand and frowned.

Xiao Shu's words sounded a bit too unreasonable, and he wasn't sure whether these were due to his consciousness deviation.

"That's why he and I chose different schools in junior high. We seldom get bored with each other in life. It's not because of bad relationship, it's just that we simply don't like the feeling of mutual influence." Xiao Shu stretched out his hand to hold his eyebrows , "The tattoo on my back was done when I first branched out. I didn't tell my parents or Xiao Ze. I got it quietly. It's a self-confirmation of my identity."

Because the T-shirt was too oversized, the tattoo on Xiao Shu's shoulder blade was exposed.It was a very strangely shaped tattoo, the irregular orange around it was like a flame seedling, and the deeper reddish orange in the middle was like a sun and a heart.I don't know if there is something else added to the dye, but every time Xiao Shu gets excited on the bed, the color of the tattoo will become darker, as if it is about to burn, but there is no bright feeling of flames, and the warm tones reveal Tiredness and decadence always reminded him of Van Gogh's "Sunflowers".

Fu Qiuye leaned down and kissed his tattoo.

"Why did you get this tattoo?"

Xiao Shu turned his head and caught a glimpse of the corner of the tattoo out of the corner of his eye.

"After going out to eat with the designer a few times, he drew this for me, saying that it was my character for 'Su'." Xiao Shu hooked the corner of his mouth, "I think it's very vivid."

Fu Qiuye wrapped his arms around his waist, took a sip of his earlobe, and asked softly, "Well, what then?"

Xiao Shu was silent for a moment, as if thinking.

When he lost control of his emotions, he could hardly think about anything related to Xiao Ze, but now he feels quite calm, the light in the bedroom is just right, his lover is sitting on the sofa, and there is even blood in his body. Two brand new lives, these things filled him with a rare sense of security.

He leaned into Fu Qiuye's arms.

"After the school was separated, the personality difference between me and him became bigger and bigger. He has a lot of friends. He started going out to clubs with people in the second grade of junior high school, formed a band, and even talked about a boyfriend who was much older than him before the high school entrance examination... I know all these things, but I rarely participate in them, especially after he falls in love, I will especially avoid gatherings with his friends, for fear of meeting his boyfriend." Xiao Shu was in a daze, "...he likes it very much. He, I can feel it, so I was very worried that I would lose control of my emotions, and my brother also knew that we should avoid meeting each other. They talked for more than half a year, and I have never even met that person."

"I didn't know until later that the kidnappers kidnapped the wrong person." Xiao Shu said.

After these words were finished, the room fell into a very long silence, Xiao Shu was unable to continue, Fu Qiuye hugged him vigorously, and kept kissing his side face and the corners of his mouth.Xiao Shu warmly hugged him back, forced a smile at him, shook his head and said, "It's okay."

When he spoke again, he almost skipped the whole process of kidnapping, some words didn't match up, and the logic began to become confused: "Xiao Ze told me I'm sorry many times, and I told him it wasn't his fault , There were tears in his eyes... When a kidnapper asked who my younger brother was, he stood in front of me."

"I was confused. Xiao Ze's emotions and mine were so strong that they all mixed together and reached a perfect resonance. I don't know if those are real or just my memory deviation. Until now, I I can still clearly recall every detail of Xiao Ze’s experience, as if it was my own personal experience—the sound of the bullet passing through his forehead, the pain, the temperature of the blood left along the skin... Before he died, he Missing his little lover, thinking of me, and a lot of messy things, he became very calm, and I was completely out of control, I was very confused, my body was no longer my own, Xiao Ze's passing body occupied All the senses, I even felt that I was manipulating my brother's trembling hand, touching the cold handle of the gun, and my brother's vague consciousness entered my body, stimulating those immature cells inside..."

Xiao Shu was trembling.

His voice was blocked by an invisible barrier, and the remaining words seemed to be squeezed out from an invisible gap: "I died once in Xiao Ze's body... for a long time, many years, I can't tell the difference." Clearly, who was the one who closed his eyes at the end that day. The psychiatrist said that all of these were just fantasies under extreme stimulation, but I couldn't convince myself, because all the traces in memory were too real, and I even remembered seeing through Shaw The frightened face I saw in Ze's eyes, the face I will never forget for the rest of my life..."

"Shh, shhh—" Fu Qiuye hugged him vigorously, patted his arm like coaxing a child, "I'm here, don't be afraid, it's all over."

After experiencing all this, Xiao Shu was only 13 years old at that time.

For more than ten years, he has lived with all these shadows of death until now, and even the psychiatrist has never believed his words.But Fu Qiuye understood, he understood everything.

In the bedroom illuminated by the warm yellow sleep light, Fu Qiuye hugged Xiao Shu, who was an adult and soon to be a father, feeling his heart was stretched and pulled by countless thin threads, and he began to ache sharply.

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Confession = kokuhaku = monologue of the title

I went fishing yesterday, today is thick and long, right?Red envelope compensation for the first 333 comments under this chapter=[-]=