[Net King] Take away my heart

fall down

stop all feeling

combustion

everything that ever breathed

Reach out

you can take my heart

-AFI 'leavingsongpart2'

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Close your eyes and breathe.

Imagine the smell of salty sea water, imagine the infinitely transparent water color, and imagine the scene where the sky and the sea are connected.

Open your eyes and be silent.

The unchanging ward, the dim light, the pungent smell of disinfectant, the loneliness and coldness everywhere.

So repeated decades of spring and autumn, my childhood has long been nowhere to be found.

I want to escape from all this, I want to step out of this place where my freedom is imprisoned, and I want to rush to the endless sea... From the beginning of struggling and shouting every day, to gradually recognizing the reality, and being worn down by the ruthless time, only Silent.

I may not be able to leave this place for the rest of my life.

Quietly hiding behind the door, I heard the conversation between my parents and the attending doctor.Unexplained difficult disease... It is impossible to cure it with the current medical level... Be prepared for long-term hospitalization...

Mom cried and Dad froze.I was terrified, so terrified that I wished I could disappear from this world immediately.

But it's no use being afraid, no matter how much I scream, yell, get angry, it won't do any good.For me, my parents sacrificed a lot. They must be very scared, maybe even more scared than me. In front of them, I can't do that.

It's okay, I don't hurt.Today's food is delicious, I ate all of it.The body seems to have a little strength, and I want to try to get out of bed and walk around.Mom has become prettier recently, but dad is still busy.

………………

I, who can not bring anything to my parents except hardships and sufferings, are the only things I can do.

I never thought of complaining about the injustice of fate, because in this world, there are also parents who abandon their seriously ill biological children.But my parents never abandoned me. They gave everything for me, even if it was just to let me live one more day, they were willing to give up their lives.

What really makes me feel unfair is that my parents are such kind-hearted people who have never done anything bad, but God gave them a child like me.

It would be fine if it was just my own misfortune, but my existence not only affected my innocent parents, but also my innocent sister.

In order to raise medical expenses, to take care of me wholeheartedly, and to keep me alive, my parents cruelly sent my younger sister, who was just born and could not even speak, to my grandma's house in the countryside.

The twins who were forced to separate from birth are like twins who don't really exist with each other.

I have never seen what my sister looks like, and my sister has never seen what I look like.All the information is known from the unintentional words of my parents. My sister’s name is Jiayin, which is a name chosen to bring luck to me who is seriously ill.

Mom showed me pictures we took when we were newborns.

"Look, this is Jingshi's younger sister."

For some reason, the chubby baby's face that I had never seen in the photo made me feel a very familiar nostalgia.It seemed as if I had seen her somewhere before, as if I had already spoken to her, as if at this moment, she was holding this photo in her hand like me, looking carefully at another self in the world.

I have known since then that twins are inseparable, that twins are born as one, that no matter how far apart they are, their souls are still bound together.

This is incomprehensible to others, and it only belongs to the tacit understanding between the twins.

I like drawing very much.

Because I couldn't leave the ward due to sympathy, the nurses in the hospital often bought me some landscape paintings and postcards.I read those albums and pictures over and over again, the magnificent sea and sky, rolling mountains and fields, colorful flower fields and mysterious and majestic buildings... Although my body is lying on the hospital bed, my heart has already flown far away world.

The children in the kindergarten gave me a lot of colored crayons and drawing paper. In the long and boring hospital life, I could only rely on painting blue sky and white clouds on the drawing paper to relieve boredom.

I copied every picture in the album, painting mountains, water, rivers, and flowers, until I had copied the entire album.

"Jingichi, you draw very well. But the paintings here are all landscapes, don't you want to try drawing people?"

The gentle lady nurse reminded me.I have long been tired of painting those landscapes and landscapes, and I really want to try painting other things.But who can I draw?

One day, my parents brought me an unexpected gift.

"It's a letter from my sister in the country to Jingshi."

While talking, Dad took out a crumpled note from his pocket and handed it to me.On that piece of paper, there were a few crooked words written in faint pencil handwriting:

I wish Jingshi a speedy recovery.

"My younger sister just learned to write, but she is not very good at writing. This is what grandma taught her."

Holding that note, I suddenly felt happier and more excited than receiving any other gift.This is a gift from my sister, and it is the first letter my sister gave me. Although the handwriting is not good enough, I finally got in touch with my sister who I have never met in this form.

I quickly took out the pen and paper and began to write a reply to my sister, but when I picked up the pen, I realized that I am also a person who has just learned to write. Although I can write more words than my sister, it is still a bit difficult to write out all the words in my heart .

"Thank you" - after writing these words I am in a struggle, what should I do?I stopped the nurse and asked her to teach me how to write.

"Isn't Jingshi good at drawing? Instead of forcing herself to write, how about drawing a picture for my sister? I think she will be very happy to receive it."

Yes, I suddenly realized, can't I still draw?Drawing is much less labor-intensive than writing, why didn't I think of it earlier.

Re-spreading my beloved crayons and picture quality, I thought I must draw the best picture for my sister.I picked up the crayons and tried my best to draw and draw on the drawing paper, but none of the paintings satisfied me in the end.

I sat discouraged on the hospital bed and dropped the crayons.Seeing me like this, the nurse had no choice but to offer her opinion with a smile.

"Why don't you just draw a picture and see your sister?"

"Huh? But I haven't even seen her before."

"It's conceivable that Jingshi is always imitating other people's paintings, why don't you try to draw what you imagined?"

"I imagined it..."

Looking at those crooked characters, I don't know why I think my sister should be a very cute person.Although my parents said that we are fraternal twins, so we don't look alike, but my sister is my sister after all, maybe she also has the same blue hair as me, maybe she also has very fair skin, maybe... not yet When I really started to draw, my mind was already full of the imaginary appearance of my sister.

Try to outline her soft hair, small nose, and pointed chin with a thin pencil, and a little girl in a dress appears in my pen.

I opened my eyes and stared at the first character I drew, full of curiosity and surprise, as if that was really what my sister looked like in reality.

It was from that day that I really fell in love with painting.

I kept imagining my sister's appearance, her smile, her every move, the way she spoke, the way she was angry, the way she was happy... The paintbrush in my hand was drawing back and forth on the paper, tirelessly, unknowingly. Pause, as if this has become the greatest pleasure in the ward, the paintbrush flies away to the distance again with my heart.

Fly to the countryside where my sister is.

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The author has something to say: a new perspective ~ and the last perspective opened ~

Let's go to the final journey together (^_^)/