[Net King] Take away my heart

What the light cannot make up for, is reappeared by the darkness. —Joseph Brodsky

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In order to prevent my mother from hurting Erina again, I cleaned up all the sharp weapons in the house.I threw away things like scissors and utility knives, I hid kitchen knives and forks in places only I knew about, and replaced bowls and plates with plastic ones.

I no longer let my mother step into the kitchen, nor let her go out to buy vegetables. I am afraid that the neighbors will see her in a trance, and even have suspicions about our family's situation.

In fact, my mother stopped doing housework early in the morning. I would forget to dry the clothes in the washing machine, forget to turn off the faucet in the bathtub, and put Erina’s shoes in my shoe cabinet... Mother’s state is no longer suitable for taking care of others. Thank goodness for being able to take care of herself in her waking hours.

Since then, I have been in charge of picking up Erina, and I have Erina wear long-sleeved clothes to school, because the scars on her arms are so conspicuous that they have to be covered up.It's okay when the weather is cold, but when it comes to summer, people will inevitably ask why they wear long sleeves when it is so hot.I taught Erina that you should tell them that you have a skin disease, so you should not spend too much time in the sun.Hui Rina said very sensiblely that she remembered it.

For a period of time, my mother did not do anything excessive to Hui Rina. She even offered to cook delicious food for Hui Rina. Feel her remorse and apology.

In the second grade, I won the main election qualification of the school tennis club, and started to become busier than before and come home later.

There were no new scars on Erina's body, and my mother's condition was fairly stable. At that time, I enjoyed a period of calm days.Although the training in the tennis club is extremely difficult, I feel very happy.Because when I concentrate on playing on the court, I can leave all my troubles behind, run, swing and sweat as much as I want, which is a supreme joy for me.Only when I discussed tactics and chatted with everyone in the tennis club did I feel completely relaxed.

During that time, I had the illusion that everything seemed to be getting better, and my mother would occasionally call to care about what I was doing and ask me when I would be home today.At first, I thought it was a sign that my mother was getting better, because she knew how to care about me, and knew how to call me to chat. Compared with the situation where she spent most of the time alone in a daze, this should be a good thing.

So even if my mother called me at the wrong time when I was in class, or when I was doing a job in my department, I never got mad at her.I reminded my mother over and over again when I was out of class and after school, and asked her to call at the right time, but my mother didn't seem to listen.

The number of times she called me became more and more frequent, and the content of what she said became more and more strange. Some things that were completely unnecessary to say on the phone, she would desperately say and desperately let me listen.

I can somewhat understand the loneliness of my mother staying at home alone with nothing to do.Both Hui Rina and I have to go to school during the day, and I have to take care of her after taking Hui Rina home at night. In order to minimize the time that Hui Rina and her mother spend alone, I almost always stay with Erina.

Without Erina by my side, the only person who can communicate with my mother is me.My mother seemed to regard me as a life-saving straw, clung to me, and kept calling me, wishing that I would report what I was doing every minute and every second. my surveillance.

"Mom, haven't I said it many times, I'm in class!"

No matter how patient I am, I can't stand my mother's constant harassing phone calls.Once my mother called me during the exam, and the vibration of the phone disturbed the invigilator teacher, who almost made him suspect that I was using the phone to cheat.Although I didn't get troubled after explaining, I couldn't help but hang up the phone call from my mother after that.

It lasted all day and I turned off my phone.I finally didn't have to be disturbed by my mother's phone calls anymore, I breathed a sigh of relief, and participated in the department after school as usual.

The training was late that day, so I told Erina in advance that she would go home by herself and not wait for me.

I didn't get home until about eight o'clock in the evening.As soon as I opened the door with the key, I smelled an unusual smell.

The living room is brightly lit and has a reassuring look from the outside of the house.However, there was no sign of my mother and Erina inside. There was no one on the sofa, and the restaurant was also empty. Where did they go?

I closed the door and felt the smell coming from a certain direction.I held my nose and walked towards the smelly direction, the end of which was the kitchen.The door was closed, and I reached out to try to open it, only to find that it was locked from the inside.

After turning the handle hard a few times, the door didn't budge.

"Mom! Erina!" I knocked on the door and shouted inside, "Are you there?"

No response.

Bad, I thought, bad.

I took a few steps back and slammed my whole body into the door.Once, no, again, still no.I gritted my teeth and kept banging, until after seven or eight times, the door was knocked open by me with a "bang".

As the door was slammed open, a sickening smell of gas filled the nostrils.

"Erina—!"

As soon as I entered the kitchen, I saw Erina lying on the ground.I rushed to Erina who was lying unconscious on the ground in a panic, and shook her vigorously.what to do?What should I do?Do you want to call the police?Want to call an ambulance?

No, no.Do not call the police, do not call an ambulance.

I looked up and looked around, and saw my mother lying on the other side.She fell near the gas stove.Yes, the valve must be closed first.I put down Erina and rushed to the stove, turned off the gas valve, then rushed to the window and opened it all.

"Huerina, Huirina, wake up!" After finishing what I should do, I went back to Erina and patted her face, "Please, wake up!"

No, no, absolutely not.Although a voice in my head kept telling me to calm down, I couldn't calm down at all.

I don't understand why things turned out like this, does mother want to take Erina with her to die?Why?Just because I hung up the phone?Just because I'm late?

Erina was still breathing, her pulse was still beating.I pressed my fingers on her warm neck, and the pulse of life coming from between my fingers made me ecstatic.I carried Erina out of the kitchen and put her on the sofa in the living room, and then went back to the kitchen to drag Mom out.

So tired, so tired, I was already sweating profusely before I knew it.Erina was still alive, and her mother was still alive, but neither of them could wake up as if they had fallen asleep.

I squatted beside them and kept repeating the same call, Mom, wake up, Erina, wake up, please, wake up.

His voice slowly became hoarse, and tears and sweat slid down the edge of his face.I've never felt so hopeless, not even when Dad left us, not even when Mom hurt Erina.If they die, if mother dies, if Erina dies, then what is the meaning of my life so far?Protecting them is my mission. I exist for this purpose. I want to replace my ruthless father to fulfill my responsibilities to this family. If I lose this responsibility and mission, then what is the meaning of my existence?

My mother and Erina are my everything, these two are my everything, the whole reason I exist.

As I struggled to wake Erina and my mother, many dire consequences ran through my mind.

You can't alert the neighbors, you can't call the police, you can't call an ambulance, absolutely not.Because in this way, what my mother has done will be exposed, my mother will be taken away, she may be imprisoned, and she may be put in a hospital, so what should Erina and I do?Go back to Papa?Will Dad, who has always turned a blind eye to this family, accept us?

I want to protect my mother, I want to protect Erina, I will never let them get hurt.

It wasn't until late at night that Erina and her mother finally showed signs of waking up.The moment I saw them open their eyes, I immediately collapsed to the ground with my mental and physical strength reaching the limit, and I couldn't stand up after a long, long time.

While cleaning up the kitchen afterwards I found the sleeping pill bottle my mother had thrown away.Her plan was to let Erina take the medicine with herself first, and then go to the kitchen to turn on the gas and commit double suicide.Fortunately, the amount of medicine my mother and Erina took was not much, and I returned home not long after turning on the gas, so their coma was not caused by gas poisoning, but sleeping pills were at work.

After waking up, my mother cried and apologized to me.Because I was so tired, I hardly said anything, just settled Erina and let her go upstairs to sleep, and then sat there in silence listening to my mother explain her reasons for doing so.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry...it's all my mother's fault...I was confused for a while, and I didn't know what happened to me...I know I caused trouble for Billy Che, but Billy Che didn't answer my phone, my mother was very sad, very sad sad……"

My mother probably already regarded me as a substitute for my father.

My father and I have many similarities in appearance, personality, mind, and even hobbies.But I am different from my father. I care for my mother and take care of the family. I am her protector. To her, I am more like her ideal husband, rather than simply being her son. The same existence as Rina.

Maybe that's why my mother hurt Erina, but never me.

Mother needs to be cared for, needs to be loved, she can't bear the responsibility of caring for others, Hui Rina is an unbearable burden in her eyes, a redundant burden, because mother has lost the ability to love people other than father.

My mother loves me like my father loves me.So she tried to control me, tried to find a sense of security in me, and once she felt that she had lost that sense of security, she would threaten me with death, just like she used to keep her father.

"Mom...you can't go on like this..."

My mother is sick, and I can't cure her.No matter how much I resembled my father, I could never be the real him.I can't let my mother die, and I can't let Erina die either.Only a doctor can save my mother, and only medicine can save my mother. If there is no way to save my mother, if this happens again next time, if I come back later... the consequences will be unimaginable.

"Go to the hospital, Mom... I'll accompany you to the hospital... Let's go to the doctor and let them cure you, then everything will be fine..."

I drooped my head and said these words with great exhaustion.

Even knowing that going to the hospital would risk being found out that something was wrong, I still had to take the risk.Otherwise, if this continues, the mother's situation will not only not get better, but will get worse and worse.

"No, no... I will never go to the hospital!"

After hearing my words, my mother shook her head violently, and she cried hard.

"Mom is wrong, it's all mother's fault, I promise I will never do that kind of thing again...I don't want to go to the hospital..."

"But Mom, you're sick, and you know you need to see a doctor..."

"Don't, don't, don't put me in the hospital... Didn't Bilushi say he wanted to protect his mother? Bilushi is my mother's favorite child, my mother's treasure, my mother's heart..."

My mother touched my face with her hands while crying.Her words, and the warmth of her hand touching my face, hurt my heart severely.I feel like my chest has been pierced, and there is blood dripping drop by drop.

"I want to protect you, I want to protect you and Erina more than anything else, but I..." I closed my eyes in pain.

But I have no choice.Because I am only a child myself, there are many, many things that I cannot do. Although I try my best, reality can always easily defeat my efforts.

"Mom, can you promise me?" I held my mother's trembling hand tightly, "Can you promise me that you will never hurt Erina again, and you will never hurt yourself again? ... I need your promise , I need you and Erina to live well..."

Because I have nothing else.

Mother cried and nodded.

"I promise, I promise...I promise..."

In the end, I didn't take my mother to the hospital.

I came to the hospital alone, lied that I might be suffering from depression, and then went to see a psychiatrist.

There are so many things a minor can't do without a guardian, and I'm worried that doctors won't prescribe me medication, or simply see that I'm faking it.But unexpectedly, none of the things I feared happened.

After chatting with the older doctor, he actually showed great sympathy for me.

"You are so young, but you have worked hard. Unlike other children of the same age I met, Liu Sheng-kun is more like an adult, stronger and more sensible. I believe you will have a chance to get better."

After speaking, he gave me medicine.

Holding the medicine bag with the words "Patient Name: Yagyu Hiroshi" written on it, I staggered on the way home.

The sun above the head was extremely dazzling. It was obviously winter, but the blazing light shone with warmth that seemed to melt people away.

Every morning when I wake up and see the sun rising through the window, I think this might be the last day the pain will end.

But I was wrong, every day the sun rises, sets, rises, sets, goes round and round, never stops.I finally understand that my pain will never stop, just like the sun rises every day, it will only get bigger and darker, and it will never go away.

It would be nice if the sun didn't come up any more.It would be nice if tomorrow didn't come.

If everything ends here, the earth stops turning, life comes to an end, maybe my redemption will come.

I think that doctor is not unable to see through my lies, he is a doctor, he knows exactly what kind of person is a patient, and lies cannot be concealed from him.

I looked down at the medicine in my hand.

These medicines are given to my mother.But in fact, the person who needs to take them may be me.

The author has something to say: Dear friends ~ Toru came to announce the ending arrangements in advance (of course not spoilers XDDD)

As written at the beginning of the copywriting, the ending of this article will end with TE, followed by a special episode

[Fanwai = multi-branch ending]: After TE occurs, each character has a different ending [each main character has an ED]

I believe it will be a very special way of presentation~ Toru will work hard to write, so stay tuned~(^o^)/

The next week will enter the diligent mode again, everyone should pay more attention to the update~ I love you╭(╯3╰)╮