[Net King] Take away my heart

Lianhua didn't ask me why I didn't send out the book of poems in the end.

Admittedly, I tried my best to buy this collection of poems, and I was almost reduced to stealing the book.But sometimes there are unexpected coincidences in the world. For example, when I took the poetry collection carefully wrapped in beautiful wrapping paper and ribbons to give to Jingshi, I happened to witness the scene where Mochizuki-senpai was with him .

Jingshi is an existence that everyone in Lihai knows, but in fact he is more low-key than most people.The same is true for Mochizuki-senpai, no matter how others speculate about their relationship, they never show any overly intimate behavior in public.

Lian Er said that he didn't know whether these two people were in a relationship, and even he couldn't figure out the matter, so I naturally didn't know even more.

After school that day, Yagyu went to a regular meeting of the student council.I know that Jingshi is also a member of the student union, so he will definitely attend this meeting.After asking Yagyu when the meeting ended, I decided to stay near the meeting room and hand over the gift to Seichi as soon as he came out.

After about two hours, the meeting of the student union ended, and many people came out of it one after another.I hid in a corner where I would not be seen, and stared there for a while.After everyone had almost left, I saw Jingshi's figure slowly appearing at the door.

I held the gift I had prepared in front of my chest, and just as I took a deep breath and was about to go out, another figure appeared at the door.

That figure is Mochizuki-senpai.

Mochizuki-senpai is the vice president of the student council, so it is only natural that she will attend the meeting.It's just that I didn't notice that she stayed with Jingshi. I thought Jingshi was the last person to come out of the conference room.

The two of them stopped there, and I quickly retracted the half of my body that had been stretched out.I suddenly felt a heartbeat for no apparent reason. I didn't want to give the gift to Jingshi in the presence of other people, so I wanted to hide until Mochizuki-senpai left.But it kind of turned out to be me hiding here and eavesdropping on their conversation - I could literally hear every word of their conversation.

"Your birthday is next week, right? Here, this is a birthday present."

Mochizuki-senpai's pleasant voice reached my ears.

I turned slightly sideways and hid behind the wall to see the scene where Mochizuki-senpai handed over the birthday present to Jingshi.

"Thanks, can I take it apart?"

Jingshi graciously accepted her gift.It was a present that looked about the size of the book I was holding, and I wondered what might be inside.

Mochizuki-senpai smiled and nodded, and after obtaining permission, Jingshi opened the package.

"This is……"

It was a book, to be precise, a collection of poems.

Poems of Verlaine.

"Sorry, I made you spend money on me. Out-of-print books should be expensive, right?"

"It's nothing like that, I just happened to pass by the bookstore and bought it when I saw it, as long as you like it."

I watched them in silence.Of course I could recognize Verlaine's collection of poems at a glance, because that collection of poems is exactly the same as the collection of poems I am holding in my hand at this moment.

Jingshi carefully looked at the gift he had just received, and I could see a rare joy in his eyes.Mochizuki-senpai must have noticed this too, she leaned slightly towards Jingichi, and said jokingly, "You can't throw it away."

"No, I have always wanted this book, and I will cherish it."

Jingshi looked at her and said.

"Thank you."

He had the best smile in the world.However, facing this smile, the person who receives this smile is not me.

Seiichi and Mochizuki-senpai left the corridor together, and as their footsteps gradually receded, I suddenly felt an indescribable emptiness sweeping through my body.

I didn't come out from that invisible corner, I just slowly sat down on the ground holding the book.

I sat there for a long, long, long time, until I realized that the book in my hand had been twisted into a ball.

There was a moment when I wanted to cry, but I couldn't cry.Why am I crying?It's just a book, it's Jingshi's favorite thing, whether it's from me or someone else, as long as he is happy in the end, that's fine.

It doesn't make a difference who sent it - no, there is, there must be a difference.

Because it was given by Mochizuki-senpai, because it was given by a noble and beautiful girl who is worthy of Jingshi, because it was not stolen by a broken and depraved person like me, because it was given by a pair of elegant and clean people. A book bought easily with decent money--so it must be different.

I didn't cry.

I unwrapped the book and told myself it was a gift from myself.I wiped the somewhat dirty cover of the book of poetry with my sleeve over and over again, staring at the yellowed writing on the curled edges.

"The mournful cry of autumn... like the cry of a violin... the long and unbearable gloom hurt my heart... dull and dull... misty..."

bell ringing

Ma'am

Reappear in front of your eyes

i burst into tears

我 走 了

evil wind blows me

drifting east and west zero

Float, float, like the dead leaves

Verlaine was never my favorite poet.I am not Rimbaud, but I love Rimbaud, and therefore I love Verlaine, whom Rimbaud loved so much.

When Jingshi's illness just relapsed, I often went to the hospital to take care of him for my parents who were too busy with work.

In the beginning, many people from the school visited him in the hospital, and people from the tennis club also visited him frequently.Everyone took photocopies of the notes and topics, bought a lot of snacks and flowers for Jingshi, and told him a lot of interesting things in school, which made him laugh all the time.

It's always like that in the beginning, like me too.

Gradually, as time goes by, fewer and fewer people will come to visit the doctor.Although Jingshi is very respected and loved by everyone, in the final analysis, the people in the school are still not related to him. From the beginning, he came every day to once a week, then once a month, and finally Never show up again.

No one likes the heavy atmosphere in the hospital, even if the person lying on the hospital bed is Jingshi.He tries to smile, tries to cater to everyone's concerns, tries to act like I'm okay, but you can still tell he's tired.

Not only is he tired, everyone is tired.

When no one in the school went to visit the sick, and when the tennis team had to hurry up to train for the national competition, the only people left in the end were me and my parents.

In order to make money to help Jingshi pay the medical expenses, parents are also doing some late-night odd jobs in addition to their own jobs. They work hard almost day and night, so that they can barely afford the expensive medical expenses.

I can't let such hard-working parents take the responsibility of taking care of Jingshi at the same time, so I took the initiative to take care of him.

I reported to the hospital every day for several months, not only with the review materials from school, but also with a pile of letters received from the girls.Most of the girls who obviously refused to go to the hospital in person, but still pretended to sincerely write in the letter, "It's so sad that I can't see Yukimura-kun often, but I hope you can cheer up and don't forget me."

After Mochizuki-senpai graduated, Seiichi was supposed to be the candidate for the next president, but the sudden relapse of his illness made him lose this opportunity.Jingshi didn't show any disappointment because of this, whether it's the chairman's seat or Mochizuki-senpai, he doesn't seem to care much about anything.

To me, he probably is the same.

Although I insisted on going to the hospital every day to deliver letters and notes to him, Jingshi had no more words except to say "Thank you, good news" gently every time.

I don't like hospitals.Like everyone else, I don't like the smell of disinfectant in the hospital and the shadow of injury and illness on everyone's face.I hate the hospital, it makes me feel oppressed and suffocated.

But even so, I still have to go every day. Others don't have to go, but I have to.

why?

I don't need any reward, I don't want to ask for more gratitude from Jingshi, I just...

Because we are brother and sister.

Everything is false, only the blood relationship is a certain fact, even if your face becomes another face, even if your memory becomes the memory of another person, your body and your blood still flow "relatives" evidence of.

This is a fetter that cannot be escaped in a lifetime.

It's a curse.

The hospital tired me out, the hospital disgusted me, and the man lying in the hospital made me even more hopeless.

"I won't see you again."

Like putting everything in that collection of poems, I stood in front of the hospital bed and said this to Jingshi.

The limit has been reached, I don't want to send those silly letters anymore, whether it's Mochizuki-senpai, those girls, whatever, nothing has anything to do with me, I don't want to care about it anymore.

Seichi will have something he likes, he likes tennis, he likes Verlaine, he likes Mochizuki-senpai, whatever he likes, I just can't stand it anymore.

I left the hospital just like that.