[Net King] Take away my heart

The greatest flaw in life is not death, but a heart that is dead while alive. ——Norman Cousins

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Black sun, white night.

We are a group of creatures living in the cracks, neither belonging to heaven, nor hell, nor the world.

He haunts places where no light can be seen, walks in cold and damp underground tunnels, and cannot face the shining sun all day long, because the light is too dazzling, and it will only melt the fragile soul into gray powder.

I can't save myself.

No one can save me.

The boundary between black and white is gray. I can't go to the left or to the right, so I can only squeeze in that gap to survive.

I am gray.

The most desperate thing in this world is not absolute black and absolute white, but gray that never has day or night.

I lay alone in the gymnasium until the dead of night, when no one was there, I looked up at the ceiling, thinking about the day I attended Lianhua's memorial service here.

Rows of students, rows of teachers.The photo frame is decorated with black and white flowers, and the girl in the photo is smiling carefree.

The heavy air, the suffocating environment, this is a cage invisible to others, it locks the young but prematurely withered lives of Lianhua and me.

Maybe it will be me who will hold a memorial service here soon.

Dad will cry, mother will cry, grandma will cry, and maybe many people will cry, and their tears will flow into my grave, into my heart, and let me go to the abyss with the shackles I can't get rid of.

Lianhua, I don't want to die.

I am different from you, I am not as brave as you, I am a timid person, I like my parents, grandma, Jingshi, Lianji, I also like many people, I don't want to leave them.

I don't want to leave this world, even if I have to.

You are the strongest and fearless girl I have ever seen. I always believed that nothing in this world can bring you down, but I was wrong.

I no longer dare to easily assume how strong a person is, even if she looks strong.

Anyone can commit suicide, but the least likely person is you.Why is it you?I still can't believe it.

Lianhua, you don't know how much I want to be as brave as you.

Do you remember what I said to you when I was 13?

At that time you answered me, no, you will not become mine, you are you, you are unique in this world.

More than two years have passed, and we have all grown up.Lianhua, if you were still alive, what would you look like now?

In my memory, you stay at the age of 15 forever.

Your death changed the fate of all of us.

Sanada stopped laughing, Renji stopped laughing, Chi didn't laugh anymore, and Jack didn't laugh anymore.

A certain corner of our hearts has been sealed forever with your death. It is a forbidden place that can no longer be touched. It is the most desolate cry in the dark night that is too thick to melt.

You said that you don't care about the length of your life, but whether you live it well.I asked you, if you die early like Rimbaud with the dead thoughts of Verlaine, would you think that would be a wonderful thing?

"Fool, that's called immortality." You replied contemptuously.

Lianhua, you are the real fool.

What is immortality...you are talking nonsense.You are dead, you were burned to ashes by them, and now you can only lie alone in that little box, in that cold tomb.Can no longer laugh, can no longer sing, can no longer hold hands with us and look forward to the future, do you still call this immortality?

Such immortality means nothing at all.

The day I lost control in front of Jack, I was sent home by Jingshi.After I got home, I was still hiding in the corner of my room and crying non-stop. My parents had nothing to do with me, and neither could Jingshi.When he was exhausted from crying, Lian Er came to my house. He came to me and squatted down, watching me for a long time in silence.

"Sorry, I don't know how to comfort you. Because I haven't collected data on this..."

The clumsy, stupid Lian Er, the Lian Er who rushed to my house without even thinking about the lines, the Lian Er who was so clumsy that he didn't look like Lian Er at all.

But I vaguely see your shadow in Lian Er like this.

The Dead Poets Club is the poetry club of the three of us. We are unique in Lihai, and we are also unique in this world. There will never be anyone like the three of us who can understand each other's poems even without dialogue.

Lihai's real three monsters are not Sanada and Seiichi, but us and Renji.

I grabbed Lian Er's sleeve tightly, and cried harder and louder.Lian Er was stunned for a while, and then slowly, he also cried, but he didn't make a sound, the tears just slid down his face silently.

Lianhua, one of the corners of the triangle is missing, leaving only two corners and a hollow.But every corner of the triangle is the same. You look at the hole and think it does not exist, but when you look again, the corner that is exactly the same as the hole is right next to you, and you are another The same angle.

Shortly after your memorial service, Jingshi was sent back to the hospital with a menacing relapse.

The blow I suffered at that time was beyond your imagination. I lost you, and it seemed that I was going to lose my spirit right after.

The signs of his disease relapse gradually appeared after you left Japan. Our family was very scared. We received precise examinations every day, waited anxiously for the results every day, and prayed to God not to let him go again. His illness relapsed.

But God has not shown us mercy.

You are right, Jingshi is unlucky, and part of the source of his unhappiness, or the root cause-is from me.

I made a promise with him when I was very, very young that I would never like anyone, never will.

Jingshi also made the same promise to me, we both swore not to like anyone, including each other.

Lianhua, that's not just a promise, it's also my atonement.

I once cried on the phone and told you that I didn’t know what to do. At that time, you were very cold, and not only did you not comfort me, but you also said this sentence to me at the end:

"Jiayin, you still have a future, but he is gone."

I was the one who took away Jingshi's future.

I should have redeemed him, I should have kept that agreement, but I have broken it.

On the day of a date with Marui and the others at the amusement park, Akaya got stuck on the ferris wheel.

Marui and I found a random place to wait for them. We didn't speak at first. Marui seemed to have something to say, but he kept talking.

I was in a bad mood that day, I wasn't having fun and I was tired, so the atmosphere became very dull and unbearable.

Finally, after being silent for half an hour, I couldn't help but speak.

Marui, what do you think of me?

Why? ...What do you think of you... this, even if you ask me...

Am I Marui's friend?

Yes, yes...why do you say that?

Just friends?Has Marui never seen me as a girl?

ha?How could such a thing happen, of course I know Canon is a girl...

So, what does Marui think of me as a girl?

Uh...he's a pretty good guy...also, he's pretty cute...

—It's all lies.

I'm worthless in Marui's eyes, I realized this early on, but I was still so sad that I wanted to run away home immediately.

I didn't know that the plan that day was a four-person date. When I received a call from Marui, I was overjoyed. I thought he had finally noticed me. I thought it was just me and him on the date, so I didn't He hesitated and agreed.

Lianhua, I'm a hopeless idiot.

Despicable, stupid, superficial, selfish and hateful idiot.

I broke that promise, I thought I could keep it for the rest of my life because that's how I grew up doing it, but I broke it for someone who didn't like me at all.

I'm sorry Jingshi, I know very clearly that I was wrong, but I still haven't stopped hurting him.

If this world had never existed from the very beginning, then Jingshi might not be the Jingshi it is today, and Lianhua would not be the Lianhua it is today. Everyone's fate would be re-planned, and there would be no one named Qiushan Jiayin's person caused her parents to suffer, and there would no longer be a redundant sister who deprived her brother's life, and there would be no repeated tragedies one after another.

Just because I am not good news from heaven, but bad news from hell.

The author has something to say: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO GIRL: MUST READ!

Dear little angels, I would like to report on Toru's recent situation~

Since Toru will be graduating next year, he is currently facing pressure from various exams and employment

Since November, I have been participating in various employment briefings, and I am exhausted from running around~QAQ

Because there will be a short vacation until the end of December, Toru will take a short break before that~

Get rid of the exams and various explanation sessions at hand first~

So after that, the update speed will slow down, maybe once a week~

I hope the girls can understand m-m

It will return to normal speed around Christmas~XDD

Girls must wait for me~ Believe that Toru is super good and never cheats (laughs)

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This is the end of CHAPTER06~Let everyone read this heavy chapter soaked in blood and tears~

The next part will enter a new chapter "CHAPTER07. The Gate of Memory"

I believe that you can feel it by reading the title, and the excitement of memory starts from here~

The point of view is still from Jiayin, her memory will reveal more unexpected past and details

People wrapped in mysteries such as Nioh, Yagyu, and Yukimura will also appear in turn~

Please look forward to it~!