[Net King] Take away my heart

The bitterest tears are shed from the grave for the unsaid and the undone.

——Harriet Beecher Stowe

-------------------------------------------------- -----------

In this world, only the same kind of people speak the same language.

Lianhua, I am the same kind of person as you, and Lian Er is also the same kind of person as us.That's why we founded the Dead Poets Club, and that's why we will always be the only three people in this poetry club.

You always regard Sanada as our enemy, maybe you still stubbornly think that Sanada is the kind of person who can never understand our language.

Yes, he couldn't understand, and although he tried to understand, he failed.

I used to wander around the places we used to hang out, the after-school gymnasium, the quiet atrium, the dimly lit screening room, and the girls' restroom where we always liked to scribble on the walls.

After you left, Sanada still didn't change his character, or it can be said that he reprimanded everyone in the school that he didn't like.

Many people said that it was because you were gone, and Sanada lacked a comparable opponent. No one could quarrel with him anytime, anywhere, so he could only vent his anger on other people.

The news of your death came just four months after you left Japan.

It was the eve of the annual sports meeting, because the news of your death came out suddenly, the school temporarily decided to change the sports meeting to a memorial service.

Lianhua, you are a very powerful person in every sense, because you are the first person in Lihai's history to establish an association independently, and you are also the first person to turn a sports meeting into a memorial service.

At the memorial service, Mr. Principal numbly read the eulogy written for you. I know he tried hard to show a kind of grief, but he couldn't.No one cried, no one laughed, and everyone just waited for the end of the memorial service in the same emptiness and helplessness as Mr. Principal.

Only one person cried that day, and that person was the girl with a big mouth.She was crying from the moment the headmaster turned on the microphone, and she was still crying when the headmaster finished reading and everyone bowed their heads in silence for a minute.

I didn't cry.

I just kept staring at the black and white portrait at the memorial service, and felt that no matter how I looked at it, the person on the portrait was not you.

You're dead, and the Dead Poets Society has become the Dead Poets Society for what it's called.I know that I should stay and inherit your behest with Lian Er, continue to run this poetry club, continue to make it flourish, and let it be remembered by more people, but I didn't do that.

I left the poetry club, leaving Lian Er alone.

It was one of the darkest, dreary periods I can remember, I rarely talked to people anymore, my grades were dropping, and I always liked to hide in toilet cubicles and shut myself up when no one was looking. Think something inside.

Are you asking me what I'm thinking about?In fact, I just stared at the graffiti on the walls and doors in a daze.That is the glorious record left by me and you during the most serious period of the second illness. Almost every door and wall in the women's toilet was painted with poems by us.

I still remember that you smiled and said to me, even going to the toilet is so literary and artistic, we really deserve to be people in the poetry club.

After our actions were discovered by some girls and you sent a small report to Sanada, you bought a very hard-to-erasable pen and wrote a few sour and crooked poems satirizing Sanada. outside the door of the women's restroom.

Sanada carried a small bucket and a rag to wipe it off several times but failed to wipe it off. Twice, he bumped into girls coming out of the women's toilet door, and the girls screamed "Wow!" when they saw him. Running away, Sanada was so troubled by the fact that he finally gave up on erasing your graffiti.

Lianhua, you are gone, but your traces remain everywhere in this school.

One day after school, I happened to be passing through an empty hallway when I suddenly noticed a person standing at the door of the women's toilet around the corner.

It's Sanada.

I almost thought he was going to deal with your graffiti again, but when I took a closer look, he didn't have a bucket or a rag in his hand.He just stood there like a log, staring at the door covered in graffiti by you for a long time.

It was the second week after the news of your death came.

Sanada stopped yelling at everyone, he suddenly quieted down, even if someone dyed his hair pink and ran up to him in an action superman suit, he didn't seem to be able to do it What an excited reaction.

At that time, the responsibilities of the disciplinary committee were handed over to Yagyu to a certain extent, while Sanada shrank back, that's right... into his own shell.

This is something that should surprise everyone. Sanada is no longer the same Sanada he used to be. He doesn't lose his temper, he doesn't yell at people, he doesn't patrol around aggressively.He went to class silently, dismissed get out of class silently, went to the tennis club to participate in training silently, and he never intervened in other things.

Seiichi was sick, and you passed away. If everyone had to talk about what changed Sanada, I think most people would think it was the former.

...but I know it's not.

Sanada is not a bad person, he is not hostile to us because we are on the side of good and he is on the side of malice.He just can't understand our language, and we can't understand his language.

Sanada always keeps a straight face and never smiles, as if everyone owes him 800 million, but I don't think that means his heart is as hard and indifferent as his appearance.He gets angry, gets annoyed, gets confused by your scribbles, and it's a testament to the fact that he's a human being, that he has feelings, impulses, prejudices...that's not his fault.

It wasn't until after you died that something truly human could be called missing from his expression.

Lianhua, I still can't believe you're dead.

Maybe that's why I can understand Sanada, his change is not out of shock or grief, but just like me, I can't accept this fact anyway.

I left the Dead Poets Society, selfishly leaving Lianji alone.I thought he would give up this empty city sooner or later, but he didn't, never did.

Every day he would go to that corner of the news department, clean up around our desks, and rearrange the poetry books that didn't need to be sorted out.It has become a ritual for him, a ritual of our past, of our youth, of your death.

Lianhua, there are many people who love you.

I love you, Big Mouth Girl loves you, and Lian Er loves you too.There is another person that you may never know, who has always been in love with you.

The author has something to say: Note 1: Mrs. Beecher Stowe (Harriet Beecher Stowe, 1811～1896) American female writer, the masterpiece "Uncle Tom's Cabin".

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

爱とは何だろう

sad しむ

Bitter しむ

涙ばかり

pain kute pain kute

それでも心から爱を望む

Love と は... forever と unsolvable mystery

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

The above is Toru’s negative energy Japanese classroom (laughs)

It doesn't matter if you don't understand it, so please don't worry~

The daily update is still ongoing, see you guys tomorrow!