[Net King] Take away my heart

autumn sound

like a violin crying

The long and unbearable gloom pricks my heart

dull

Misty

bell ringing

Ma'am

Reappear in front of your eyes

i burst into tears

我 走 了

evil wind blows me

drifting east and west zero

Floating, floating, like the dead leaves

—Paul Verlaine

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To good news:

This is the last letter.

I thought for a long time what to write in my last letter.What can help you and what is meaningful to you? After thinking about it for a long time, I still only think of Rimbaud and Verlaine.

In 1866, Verlaine, who was only 22 years old, wrote a poem called "Falling Leaves".This poem is full of vicissitudes of life and sadness. Just one glance, that kind of profound loneliness seems to be immersed in the heart and spleen.

You put the bookmark on the page where this poem is printed, because this poem has special meaning to you just like Verlaine.

In my opinion, Verlaine has no right to feel sad, because the person who made Rimbaud close his pen at the age of 19, made him tortured at a young age and finally died alone was Verlaine himself.

Same-sex love was not accepted by the world at that time, but Verlaine still chose to elope with Rimbaud after abandoning his wife and son.This originally vigorous and taboo love affair was later arrested by the police and imprisoned because Verlaine shot and wounded Rimbaud, and thus came to an incomplete end.

I don't know what kind of pain and madness caused Verlaine to raise his gun to his beloved, but whatever the reason, the end of this love affair meant a complete destruction.

For Rimbaud and Verlaine, love is not hope and redemption, but despair and death.

It's not that I can't understand the feeling of sympathy between geniuses and geniuses. They are people with the same soul, and their meeting must mean that sparks collide.But you know, in this indifferent world, no one would be willing to understand such impermissible feelings.Even if it is fiery, real, sacred, or even pure, no one will believe it and accept it.

Comedies make people laugh, tragedies make people never forget.

Perhaps the reason we are so obsessed with these two men is their tragic lives and their devastating love.

Good news, you like Verlaine because you have unconsciously regarded yourself as Rimbaud.

Worship Verlaine's talent, recognize Verlaine's talent, and regard it as the other half of his soul split... and then sink into it.

But you and I are very aware of Rimbaud's final outcome. After experiencing the miserable love affair full of devastation, he ran to the unaccompanied purgatory alone with his broken and restless soul.

—Don't be Rimbaud.This is the only advice I can give you.

Your life is still very long, you still have many choices, many roads, you are not like me, you don't have to walk into this dead end.

I always want to write to Lian Er, asking him to take care of our poetry club and you.But I know that even if I don't write a letter on purpose, he will.

Lian Er is a good person, and Chi Ye is also a good person.

You know you can trust these two as much as you trust me.Because in that huge campus, only these two people and the girl with a big mouth are on our side.

Akaya's grades have always been poor, he can't write anything decent, but he has always liked you very much.He knows you like Marui, and he knows you won't respond to him, but he still likes you.Sometimes I think he looks like me, and seeing him is like seeing myself.We are all trying to catch up with the footsteps of our sweetheart, sacrifice for that person, dedicate ourselves to that person, but that person is far away after all, and in the end everything is still nothing but a bamboo basket.

I know it's no wonder you guys, you don't like Chiya any more than Jack likes me.This is something that cannot be forced. You think that I am very active, that I am bound to win, but in fact Chi and I are equally aware of the outcome of this matter.

The sad thing is that we know that this unrequited love will end without a problem, but we still can't just let go.

I understand Chiya, and I understand you too.But I can't just say lightly that I know Jack doesn't like me, and forget it.

I can't be that free and easy at all.

Why don't you write me back?Why do you want to cut off contact with me so completely?Why are you unwilling to give me even a little bit of mercy?

No, I don't need pity, that's what I hate most.Just because I don't want to be pitied, and because I can't give up my last self-esteem, I can't beg and say, "I like you so much, please like me a little bit, even if it's just a little bit".

I did a lot of things that I would never do before, I cut my hair, bought new clothes, used cute stationery, I changed myself for him, I didn't even kowtow or flatter me just to see him smile willing.

I'm so stupid, if he doesn't see you from the beginning, then no matter how you change yourself, he still can't see you.But by the time he realized this, it was already too late.

I always thought that my parents didn’t love each other. If they loved each other, they should support each other and comfort each other, instead of just arguing all day long, messing up each other’s self-esteem and personality, and then rushing out the door angrily. Don't care about me and this family.

But will people who truly love each other be happy?You and I will say that Rimbaud and Verlaine are in love, but the ending waiting for them is no different from that of my parents.

So, everything is in vain.Don't try to work hard, don't try to struggle anymore, because no matter how hard you try, struggle, and try your best, what can't be changed still can't be changed.

Good news, I don't hate Jack, and I don't hate my parents either.

My dad seldom comes home now, he either stays at a friend's house or goes to a bar to get drunk all night.I thought that as long as we changed to a new environment, everything would be better, but when we came to the United States, our family was pushed into a desperate situation.

Unable to adapt to the new environment, unable to get along well with new colleagues, unable to work smoothly in the new company, everything became even more difficult than in China.

There will be noise from forgetting to dry clothes, taking the wrong toothbrush, and even closing the door too loudly. It seems that any trivial matter can become a reason for my parents to quarrel.

My father often didn't come home, so my mother simply hired a locksmith to change the locks at home, so that my father, who was drunk in the middle of the night, could not open the door when he came back.

"Asshole! Open the door for me! Whose house do you think this is!"

In the early hours of the morning, my father knocked on the door for more than an hour. His scolding alarmed the neighbors and the nearby police. It was not until the police came to ask what happened that my mother ran out in her pajamas to open the door.

My dad slapped her right on the head, and the two of them wrestled together.The police forcefully tore the two of them apart, took out the handcuffs and warned them that if they disturbed the people, they would take them back to the police station for investigation, and the farce finally came to an end.

Not long after this incident, another quarrel broke out between them.That time I secretly hid on the stairs and listened. They were arguing fiercely downstairs. My mother threatened to go through divorce procedures, but my father actually laughed and said yes, what I wish for.Hearing this, I couldn't help but rushed downstairs and shouted at them: "If you get divorced, I will die!"

You will probably never know what my mother said to me in the next second.

"Then you go to hell!" she screamed.

My mother has collapsed.My dad has also collapsed.This home is no longer a home, but a terrible cage.

At first they were always arguing about whether I would go to modeling school or not, but then they didn't even care about whether I went to class or not.I went back to that missionary school and sat with everyone honestly in class every day. I worked hard to improve my grades and get my parents to notice me. I hope they will feel better when they see me going to school in a safe manner.

But they can't see anything.Fight, fight, always fight.

I tried to help them reconcile, I showed them my childhood photo albums, hoping they would remember the good times we had as a family.

But I failed.No matter what method they use, they can't arouse the soft feelings in their hearts, and the shadow of indifference and alienation hangs over this family every day.

When I was sleeping soundly in the middle of the night, my mother burst into tears and knocked on the door of my room, ran in and asked me who I would live with if they got divorced.I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the bed, staring at my crying mother in a daze.

what can I say?I can't say anything.It is impossible for me to choose between the two, they are equally important to me.

I don't hate my parents, I love them more than anyone else in this world, just because they are the parents who gave birth to me.They educated me, provided me with food and drink, and provided for my schooling. Ten years is not a matter of time. Maybe they are not doing well enough. Maybe there are many problems between them, but I know they love me, they are just too painful up.

I have tried my best and done everything I can, but I still can't save this family.

Whose fault is it all?is it my faultIf I didn't fight to get them to agree to go to modeling school, if I was less self-willed, if they didn't fight every day because of me... If I didn't exist in the first place, would this all be over?

No one can tear my family apart, no one can separate us, not even ourselves.

In the subway station near my school, there is a mirror all year round.

What do you think that pair of mirrors are for?In fact, this problem has troubled me for a long time, until I heard that there were several accidents of lying on the subway in this subway station, so I put a mirror at the entrance, so that everyone passing by here can see See yourself inside, and thus realize: you exist, live well.

Every day when I pass by that mirror, I take a look at myself reflected in it.

Will you ask me what came to my mind?Honestly, nothing.It's just a mirror, and it's not uncommon to see it everywhere.It has no magic power to refresh you, no power to save a miserable soul, it's just a mirror...just a mirror.

The day before I wrote this letter, my parents filed an application for divorce to the court.When I passed the mirror, I stopped, walked up to it, and looked at myself from head to toe.

Then without warning, I stared at the mirror and burst into tears.

Ah, it turns out I still cry, which is so good.While thinking this way, she cried even louder.People around me looked at me strangely, not knowing why I stood here crying in front of a mirror, in fact, even I myself didn't know why I became like this.

After crying that day, I felt as if I had been reborn, and even my steps became lighter.

Good news, like I told you, I don't hate my parents, I don't hate Jack, I don't hate anyone.

My path is my own choice, from beginning to end.I'm not going to watch them divorce, I'm not going to watch my home fall apart in front of me, I'm not going to accept it powerlessly, I still have the power to put it all together before tragedy strikes— This is the last bit of self-esteem I have left.

It began to rain lightly outside the window.There is not much time left until departure.

I like to travel in light rainy weather, and you must know why.

Good news, I probably won't regret it if these letters don't reach you.My death may become a mystery, and more people will be curious or pay attention to it. Why did Miyake die?

Then I'll be famous, and so will the Dead Poets Society you and I started.The young Miyake died earlier than the genius Rimbaud. Her death is not the end of tragedy, but immortality.There is no more solemn and dignified way to die than to be killed by one's own talent.

Interesting idea, right?It seems that just like Chiya often said, I am still a full-fledged second child.

Good news.

Tell Jack, I like him very much, I am very lucky to know him in Lihai... Without him, maybe I would not be able to recognize myself until now.

You too, if one day you receive these letters, you must promise me to be happy and live a good life, no matter what it is for.

I will go to a place right away, a place that is quiet and there is no sound.I'll be gone for a long, long time, maybe never come back, but I won't say goodbye.

We'll meet again someday, maybe in another time, another planet, another better, quieter, happier world.

I found it.

what?

eternal.

That is the sea, merged into the sun...

The author has something to say: Note 1: "The Sound of Autumn..." The author is Paul Verlaine (1844-1896), and the original title is "Falling Leaves".

Note 2: "I found..." The author is Jean Nicolas Arthur Rimbaud (Jean Nicolas Arthur Rimbaud, 1854-1891), the original title is "A Season in Hell Eternity".

This is the end of Lianhua's perspective, let everyone experience a very heavy chapter m--m~

The next point of view will be back to the heroine Jiayin in this article ← Yes, there is a heroine in this article~ Although I know everyone has almost forgotten her (laughs)

"CHAPTER06. Autumn Mountain Good News" will be a perspective that gets closer to the core of the secret and gradually evokes lost memories

The plot will also start from here~ So let’s see you in the next chapter~

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Toru looks forward to your comments and thoughts!

Good girls who write long reviews will give points~XDDD

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