[Wen Ye] Dazai so you cry too

I haven't been with Aji for a long time.Or should I say, I will no longer be his shadow.

I've seen him soften, though there's still no light in those eyes.This kind of thing alone is the same as belief, which is what is called grasping.

There can only be one belief, but there can be countless lights.People choose to live in this world because they know that today's darkness will pass and tomorrow's light will come.When the primitive people on the earth learned how to make fire by drilling wood, they knew that although there will be dark moments every day, the light will always protect them.

There used to be a fleeting light in Azhi's eyes, but after losing it, he actually chose to give up and let other lights exist in his eyes.Although I can't agree with it, I don't have the qualifications to scold him.after all……

The light disappears because of me.

I once fantasized that I could be the light of others, because how can such a muddy ant like me compare with that kind of superior thing?

I have also read some useless books, and my mother used to pick out some vulgar plots from them to warn me that those illusory worlds are not reality.No one will easily drag you out of the predicament, and no one will resist all wind and rain for you.In this world, you will always be alone.The so-called friendship, love and even kinship, there is none that does not cover the selfishness of human beings.

Thinking about it this way, it's no surprise that Azhi once regarded me as Guang.

Azhi needs someone who can accompany him, so as not to appear too maverick.So in the ghetto, he agreed to be friends with me.But why didn't he go look for it later?If it were me...

if it was me……

My heart ached just now!Just now I assumed that Aji was my light, if I lost him, I would actually feel heartache.Hasn't my heart stopped working?Why did it suddenly hurt just now?This is like a top that has been whipped, and it starts to spin with only one force.

Now I have broken away from the settings I set for myself, wandering aimlessly in Yokohama.Actually I could leave the city, but I love it.

Even if it is considered by others to be a night warbler with cheap makeup on its face and revealing clothing.Even if it is rotten wood soaked in black silt.But I still love this city, and this poor girl who was voluntarily abandoned by the authorities.It's not voluntary badness, it's not voluntary degradation.Even though it has endured so much filth, it still lives on this land in its own way.

I've seen Atsushi Nakajima take that kid named Izumi Kyoka out to buy groceries, I've seen Ichiyo Higuchi's idiotic behavior, I've seen a three-colored cat turn into a living person, and I've seen people who think they use superpowers A true genius who has seen the leader of Hong Kong and black lolicon who approved documents late at night...

Because I've seen them all, I eventually retreated to the place where my diapers lay—the cemetery.I don't have a photo, so I don't have a portrait.But I have my own name—Yui Kurosawa, the only thing that proves that I have lived.

In fact, if I die, I hope that I will be buried under the soil where my mother's body lies.I was hoping that milanum would grow on top of it, but milanum only survives in the subtropics.Yokohama is destined to be an unsuitable place for it.

Recently, there is often a man in a black trench coat in front of my grave. He has the same long light silver hair and green eyes as me.The length of the hair is the length that my mother has always admired.It's just that his face is covered by black politeness and long hair every time.

Every time he came, he would put a large bouquet of white roses on my grave.White, such a delicate color that cannot tolerate any adhesion of other colors, was actually placed in front of my tomb.Then every flower is of the highest quality, and it is money cultivated by watering with money.

When I had nothing to do, I squatted on the ground and counted flowers. 1, 2, 3...

...99, 1000, 1001

There are 1001 flowers in total.Although no one in the slums could afford so many, I remembered it clearly in the book my father gave me. 1001 flowers seem to represent...

Forever.

Did he find the wrong person? !Forever?I can make someone love me until the end of life, even remember me forever.Besides, does innocence match my rot?

Sure enough, for some things, the word "forever" cannot be used.

That day was a night of pouring rain, and I, who only had one soul, squatted in front of my grave without any scruples.The man in the black trench coat came again, and he still brought a bouquet of white roses.

"Xiao Wei, long time no see."

That person talked to my tombstone in a very familiar and friendly tone.But in my memory, there is no such a man with a stern aura all over his body.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have abandoned you back then. If I could have held your hand tightly..."

"Even if you hold hands, so what? You will still let her go and stay away from her world."

A sudden person interrupted the man's one-sided conversation.His hands were wrapped in white bandages, and the white bandages were also exposed on his neck. He was a poor little man with a disabled body and a strong mind.But this kind of pity is just his careless disguise.The bandage was obtained when he was playing games with death, and it was also a deliberate disguise to trick the immature white tiger.

The man gripped the handle of the umbrella tightly, and the other hand was already inside his clothes. "Aren't you the same?"

"No, I'm different from you. She wants me to live, she wants me to run in this sad world forever, without stopping. And you? It's just for my little self."

Azhi smiled when he said this, as if seeing a clown who can only be funny on purpose and then try his best to perform.

"Is there any point in living forever? Since people have the right to live, they should also have the right to die. Facing death frankly is the happiest thing in the world."

"It's really sad that you actually believe in immortality. This kind of false and hateful thing like a god will never appear in this world, and it will never look at the world under its feet. If it really exists, I will kill it myself."

"And you, are you going to do it? Kurosawa array."

Kurosawa Array...

array...

I remember I have an older brother, also called Zhen.But he left suddenly one day, just when my father sent me to the car of the old orange peel.

"No, I won't. I will let you live in this world like this, separated from the only world forever and ever. Death is a gift for you, and I will only curse you."

The man named Kurosawa used an umbrella to cover the roses from the rain, but he was wet by the rain. "Xiao Wei, brother will come to see you next time."

There is no next time, and that man never came to me again.I waited a long time for him, until the roses withered and withered and rotted.His "forever" all nourish the soil around him.

One day, ghosts and gods from hell came to me.He said that a dead person who was extremely disobedient came to hell and made a big noise in Yan Mowang's hall, opening and closing his mouth just to find his sister.

The ghosts and gods said that this man had committed a lot of crimes and needed to be strictly disciplined. He was finally sentenced to Avici Hell and received the most severe punishment.I believe that this long-lost and tough dead must have evoked the S spirit of this ghost.