My undercover organization eats jujube pills
Chapter 56
I don't know how I spent those short few days.My thoughts seem to be immersed in the boundless darkness... I can see that nothing is dyed in color, and the whole world is as clear and distinct as Mingmei's black and white photos.
Everyone looks so hideous.
Even I myself feel like a walking dead. What others say, I seem to be separated by a layer of fog, and I can't hear clearly... It takes a long time for me to react.
It seems that when Akemi Miyano left, she also took away all the bright colors in my world.
Miyano Akemi lived a lonely life.
Because I am a member of the organization, no matter how much I change my identity and live in the sun, I still cannot deeply interact with the society.
And I... When I think of this incident, I feel my heart twitching and aching slightly.Even though I was so close to her, I couldn't even attend the funeral.I can only stand in the corner like an outsider who has nothing to do with me, listening to the eulogy for Mingmei.
it is ridiculous.
I thought this kind of scene was funny and ironic, and I wanted to laugh at myself, but in the end, my palms were filled with tears unknowingly.
***
Miyano Akemi's interpersonal relationship is extremely shallow. Even the Metropolitan Police Department's interpersonal investigation can't find out that she has any acquaintances. The only boyfriend is Ley—I heard from Bourbon that his real name is Akai Shuichi.
Shuichi Akai, that bastard, took advantage of Mingmei and threw her away. Even if Mingmei's death had nothing to do with him, he was also responsible.
Obviously it's her boyfriend, right?It was obviously the closest relationship between lovers, but they died silently in an unknown place - when this bastard left, he didn't say "I'm sorry", not even a "goodbye".
I'm absolutely... going to make him pay.
No matter how sunny, gentle and cheerful Miyano Akemi looks on the surface, like an ordinary daughter living a carefree life, she can't change this blood-stained loneliness.
Once she has a problem, it will inevitably affect her relatives and friends around her.
——Akemi Miyano is probably holding such a mood. She is self-reliant and self-reliant to live under the pressure of the organization, and dare not make friends because she is afraid of getting involved.
So that even after death, no one came to pay homage to her at her tombstone except Bourbon and me.
I put a beautifully packaged bouquet of chrysanthemums in front of Miyano Akemi's tombstone, and a black and white photo of Miyano Akemi was pasted on the blue-gray stone tablet.Even with this kind of monotonous color, it can't cover up the thrilling beauty of that angelic face.
"Goodbye, Minmei."
I said softly.
"I'll see you next time."
"Go back." Osamu Dazai stood beside me holding a black umbrella.
It was raining today, and the sky was sluggish. A heavy mist rose from the other side of the skyline, spreading gracefully to the other side. The rain mixed with the smell of dust fell on the concrete floor, and the silted water splashed mixed with jet black. Stains of muddy water, haloing gray and black stains on the clean white socks.
I stared at the drops of water continuously condensing and falling from the tip of the edge of the black umbrella, and my wooden, doll-like face could be clearly reflected in each drop of rain.
"Yeah." I lowered my eyes to look at the bright yellow chrysanthemums blooming in front of the monument, and whispered, "Go back."
On the drive back to Yokohama, the rain didn't seem to stop. It slid down on the car window, twisting into a grotesque picture, blurring the scenery outside the car window and the pedestrians.
"Mr. Dazai." I propped my chin and looked out the car window, although I couldn't see anything clearly, only the rainwater on the car window, "Do you feel very proud and proud?"
I paused, and let out a mocking laugh.
"—play me in the palm of your hand."
"Hmm." Osamu Dazai responded, and he sat beside me in a relaxed manner, "What about Yayoi, do you think... I am happy?"
I can't guess how Osamu Dazai feels.
This person always looks so happy on the surface, as if his emotions have been pondered over, but in fact, no one knows what is going on with him... I can conclude that as the leader, Mori Ogai can't understand him, and neither can Nakahara Nakahara. Get to know him completely.
Perhaps only a person with a unique personality like Oda Saku can become a "best friend" recognized by Osamu Dazai.
Although Osamu Dazai said that everyone is his best friend, but I can feel it—Oda Saku is different to him.
Probably, just like Akemi Miyano is different to me.
"From the perspective of the youngest cadre of the Port Mafia, of course you will be happy, right? Of course it is very beneficial for the Port Mafia to instigate an undercover spy sent by a hostile organization like me." I said in a cheerful tone. As he was talking, he suddenly fell silent, "From Dazai Osamu's point of view..."
"I don't know," I finally said, feeling that it was all rather boring. "What does it matter to me now."
I never saw Osamu Dazai clearly from the beginning.
Maybe sometimes he and I have a tacit understanding and can understand each other's thoughts, but that is just a sense of familiarity accumulated over the years, and it does not mean that I have understood this person.
I never understood Dazai.
And now, in addition to the awe I had before, there is—hatred.
"When did you find out I was undercover?"
Now that my identity was exposed, I didn't bother to pretend to use honorifics to Osamu Dazai any more, and started asking him seriously, so that I could reflect on the flaws I had revealed.
Osamu Dazai, of course, can sense the seriousness in my tone.He has mastered the skill of observing words and emotions almost to the extreme, if measured by the method of adding points in the game - he has already reached full points and full levels.
His shrewdness in dealing with people is to always know where that point is.
It may be annoying and annoying, but it will not touch the bottom line.
"From the very beginning when you appeared in that research institute, I began to doubt you." Osamu Dazai said the answer, "Then the time you traded with Bourbon-your acting skills are not good enough, too clumsy You are a little immature. You can see your flaws casually. It is also from this time that I have confirmed that you are an undercover agent."
After he finished speaking, he commented on me in a serious way: "No matter how you look at it, you are an extremely incompetent third-rate undercover agent. The organization that sent you to the port mafia to do undercover missions treats you as if you were sent to death. Cannon fodder."
Although from my point of view, I was a little angry to be judged as a third-rate undercover by Osamu Dazai's venomous tongue and mercilessly, but what he said in the organization was exactly the same.
Sure enough, they are all criminals, and they know each other best.
"Osamu Dazai," I whispered, "I wanted to kill you."
Osamu Dazai laughed: "I know, I wish for it—but you didn't do it."
He was very interested: "Why?"
That day I violently strangled him by the neck—if I wanted, I could of course torture him and kill him with hypoxia. In that dusty, bloody old warehouse, all objects were I floated up because of my outrage, as long as I thought about it, Osamu Dazai would be crushed into a pulp under tons of weight.
And at that time, my abilities were of course exposed.
I didn't kill Osamu Dazai...why?I also want to know.
At that time, I was angry and sad, like an angry beast.My eyes are full of bone-piercing anger, and when I lose my mind, I even want the whole world to be buried with her—to walk with her.
In this way, Akemi will not be alone on the way to Huangquan Hirazaka.
But in the end I got discouraged.Like a leaking ball after being punctured by a needle, after confronting Osamu Dazai again, I just felt so exhausted that I didn't even want to say a word.
If possible, I don't even want to think, I don't want to breathe, it's better to be alone in a corner.
I let go of Osamu Dazai, and curled up beside Minmei like a child, pretending that she was still warm, and pressed against her forehead to trace her eyebrows and eyes.
"……goodbye."
I smiled and said softly, the taste of tears is salty.
***
I'm so tired, I don't have the energy to deal with a Dazai.I don't even want to lift a finger or bother trying to kill someone who disgusts me.
As for the culprit at the root - I wouldn't be so stupid as to defect from the organization right now.If I break away from the organization, how can I kill them all one by one?
I promised Minmei that I would take good care of her younger sister Miyano Shiho.This is the only thing she asked me to do, and I have to do it no matter what.
How could I not listen to her will?
But...someone has to pay the price, repent for Mingmei's death all his life, and pay the price with his life to bear my anger.
"I want them to die for Minmei."
I watched the raindrops winding down the car window, and said slowly, every word was filled with unforgettable hatred.
"I want this organization to be buried with her."
***
I don't know if Osamu Dazai took advantage of Akemi's guilt and offered to give me a vacation so that I could repair my psychological trauma before going back to work for the port mafia.
I accepted this unexpected vacation, as for Osamu Dazai's face - I'm sorry, I'm allergic to Osamu Dazai recently, and I feel sick when I see him.
As long as I see Osamu Dazai, I can't help but recall everything that happened in the warehouse that day, Minmei's body slowly walking toward the finish line, and Osamu Dazai's hypocritical face—just thinking about it, I can't help thinking about it. Can't control the hatred for Osamu Dazai's anger.
I know that Osamu Dazai doesn't need to save Miyano Akemi for me, but what Osamu Dazai did is still a stick in my throat.
I don't need him to act like a good guy... just don't get involved, don't use Minmei's death to achieve his goals.That would make me feel that Minmei was stained with dirt even when she left.
It doesn't matter if you are angry or unreasonable, but I really can't bear it.
No one is in my apartment.It was clearly summer, but my body was still cold, wrapped in a blanket and curled up in a ball, the TV news served as the background sound, and I stared blankly at the white wall in a daze.
Two years is neither long nor short.After Yifang Accelerator accepted the high salary offered by the Supernatural Secret Service Section, he would often go out to do some tasks entrusted to him. After all, he might not be ashamed to eat my soft food.
The apartment is full of traces of Accelerator's life, and the whole apartment is filled with the smell of me and him, but he hasn't come back yet.
I don't know when, from Yifangtong waiting for me to get off work, I hugged the pillow, curled up on the sofa and took a nap, while waiting for Fangtong to go home.This person, as always, has no intention of loving the beautiful girl, no matter whether I live or die and wait for him hard, he throws me on the sofa for the night.
As a result, I had a unilateral fight with Accelerator the next morning. He didn't move at all with his reflex on, and I still got a few small bruises from myself.When I went to the port mafia, I was killed again by the wind critic, and this group of gossiping mafia secretly thought that the little boy I raised was majestic and mighty, and the red flag would not fall.
These idiots still think I don't know anything.
Not only did I know, I also carefully put on small shoes for them.I think that I am a kind person. If Accelerator hears about it, they can only hang a black and white photo in the mourning hall.
Accelerator and I live in such a proficient and natural way that in the end even I was almost led astray by the gossip mafia, thinking that we are kind of like an old married couple.
If this kind of thought is said in Academy City, it will probably only make people laugh.
***
Accelerator came back very late, I had already washed up and went to bed.
But when he came back, I still felt something vaguely, and when he made a slight noise, I immediately woke up.
I haven't seen Accelerator for almost a week.
I acted very strong before, and I didn't want to shed weak tears in front of Osamu Dazai, but I had to pretend to be strong.But when I see the people I'm closest to in this world right now, I can't hold back immediately.
Before I could speak, tears fell from my eyes.
I stretched out my hand, boldly took Accelerator's hand, and squeezed my fingers between his fingers even more presumptuously when he was not angry.
The male's palms are long and broad, and his knuckles are well defined because of his thin body.Accelerator's palms were warm, and I was sweating all over under the quilt, but my palms were extremely cold, and it was only after touching his body temperature that I felt a little warm.
He lay on his side slightly on the bed, allowing me to do whatever I wanted with his hands.
"Accelerator," I tried to control the tone of my voice, not wanting to look like a crying bag, "...you won't die, will you?"
Because the tears blurred my vision, I couldn't see Accelerator's expression clearly. I could only see him stretching out his other hand and roughly wiping away the teardrops hanging from my eyelashes, his tone full of impatience.
"What's wrong with your brain? Do you think someone is better than me?"
He is arrogant and arrogant.
"I'm one-way."
The author has something to say: Give one party candy.
It's sweet.
----------
Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated the nutrient solution~
Thanks to the little angels who cast [Landmine]: 8 for Jae Chuya's inner thigh; 3 for Yuki; 1 for a cool nickname;
Thanks to the little angel who irrigated [nutrient solution]:
34 bottles of Bai Bai Bai;
Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!
Everyone looks so hideous.
Even I myself feel like a walking dead. What others say, I seem to be separated by a layer of fog, and I can't hear clearly... It takes a long time for me to react.
It seems that when Akemi Miyano left, she also took away all the bright colors in my world.
Miyano Akemi lived a lonely life.
Because I am a member of the organization, no matter how much I change my identity and live in the sun, I still cannot deeply interact with the society.
And I... When I think of this incident, I feel my heart twitching and aching slightly.Even though I was so close to her, I couldn't even attend the funeral.I can only stand in the corner like an outsider who has nothing to do with me, listening to the eulogy for Mingmei.
it is ridiculous.
I thought this kind of scene was funny and ironic, and I wanted to laugh at myself, but in the end, my palms were filled with tears unknowingly.
***
Miyano Akemi's interpersonal relationship is extremely shallow. Even the Metropolitan Police Department's interpersonal investigation can't find out that she has any acquaintances. The only boyfriend is Ley—I heard from Bourbon that his real name is Akai Shuichi.
Shuichi Akai, that bastard, took advantage of Mingmei and threw her away. Even if Mingmei's death had nothing to do with him, he was also responsible.
Obviously it's her boyfriend, right?It was obviously the closest relationship between lovers, but they died silently in an unknown place - when this bastard left, he didn't say "I'm sorry", not even a "goodbye".
I'm absolutely... going to make him pay.
No matter how sunny, gentle and cheerful Miyano Akemi looks on the surface, like an ordinary daughter living a carefree life, she can't change this blood-stained loneliness.
Once she has a problem, it will inevitably affect her relatives and friends around her.
——Akemi Miyano is probably holding such a mood. She is self-reliant and self-reliant to live under the pressure of the organization, and dare not make friends because she is afraid of getting involved.
So that even after death, no one came to pay homage to her at her tombstone except Bourbon and me.
I put a beautifully packaged bouquet of chrysanthemums in front of Miyano Akemi's tombstone, and a black and white photo of Miyano Akemi was pasted on the blue-gray stone tablet.Even with this kind of monotonous color, it can't cover up the thrilling beauty of that angelic face.
"Goodbye, Minmei."
I said softly.
"I'll see you next time."
"Go back." Osamu Dazai stood beside me holding a black umbrella.
It was raining today, and the sky was sluggish. A heavy mist rose from the other side of the skyline, spreading gracefully to the other side. The rain mixed with the smell of dust fell on the concrete floor, and the silted water splashed mixed with jet black. Stains of muddy water, haloing gray and black stains on the clean white socks.
I stared at the drops of water continuously condensing and falling from the tip of the edge of the black umbrella, and my wooden, doll-like face could be clearly reflected in each drop of rain.
"Yeah." I lowered my eyes to look at the bright yellow chrysanthemums blooming in front of the monument, and whispered, "Go back."
On the drive back to Yokohama, the rain didn't seem to stop. It slid down on the car window, twisting into a grotesque picture, blurring the scenery outside the car window and the pedestrians.
"Mr. Dazai." I propped my chin and looked out the car window, although I couldn't see anything clearly, only the rainwater on the car window, "Do you feel very proud and proud?"
I paused, and let out a mocking laugh.
"—play me in the palm of your hand."
"Hmm." Osamu Dazai responded, and he sat beside me in a relaxed manner, "What about Yayoi, do you think... I am happy?"
I can't guess how Osamu Dazai feels.
This person always looks so happy on the surface, as if his emotions have been pondered over, but in fact, no one knows what is going on with him... I can conclude that as the leader, Mori Ogai can't understand him, and neither can Nakahara Nakahara. Get to know him completely.
Perhaps only a person with a unique personality like Oda Saku can become a "best friend" recognized by Osamu Dazai.
Although Osamu Dazai said that everyone is his best friend, but I can feel it—Oda Saku is different to him.
Probably, just like Akemi Miyano is different to me.
"From the perspective of the youngest cadre of the Port Mafia, of course you will be happy, right? Of course it is very beneficial for the Port Mafia to instigate an undercover spy sent by a hostile organization like me." I said in a cheerful tone. As he was talking, he suddenly fell silent, "From Dazai Osamu's point of view..."
"I don't know," I finally said, feeling that it was all rather boring. "What does it matter to me now."
I never saw Osamu Dazai clearly from the beginning.
Maybe sometimes he and I have a tacit understanding and can understand each other's thoughts, but that is just a sense of familiarity accumulated over the years, and it does not mean that I have understood this person.
I never understood Dazai.
And now, in addition to the awe I had before, there is—hatred.
"When did you find out I was undercover?"
Now that my identity was exposed, I didn't bother to pretend to use honorifics to Osamu Dazai any more, and started asking him seriously, so that I could reflect on the flaws I had revealed.
Osamu Dazai, of course, can sense the seriousness in my tone.He has mastered the skill of observing words and emotions almost to the extreme, if measured by the method of adding points in the game - he has already reached full points and full levels.
His shrewdness in dealing with people is to always know where that point is.
It may be annoying and annoying, but it will not touch the bottom line.
"From the very beginning when you appeared in that research institute, I began to doubt you." Osamu Dazai said the answer, "Then the time you traded with Bourbon-your acting skills are not good enough, too clumsy You are a little immature. You can see your flaws casually. It is also from this time that I have confirmed that you are an undercover agent."
After he finished speaking, he commented on me in a serious way: "No matter how you look at it, you are an extremely incompetent third-rate undercover agent. The organization that sent you to the port mafia to do undercover missions treats you as if you were sent to death. Cannon fodder."
Although from my point of view, I was a little angry to be judged as a third-rate undercover by Osamu Dazai's venomous tongue and mercilessly, but what he said in the organization was exactly the same.
Sure enough, they are all criminals, and they know each other best.
"Osamu Dazai," I whispered, "I wanted to kill you."
Osamu Dazai laughed: "I know, I wish for it—but you didn't do it."
He was very interested: "Why?"
That day I violently strangled him by the neck—if I wanted, I could of course torture him and kill him with hypoxia. In that dusty, bloody old warehouse, all objects were I floated up because of my outrage, as long as I thought about it, Osamu Dazai would be crushed into a pulp under tons of weight.
And at that time, my abilities were of course exposed.
I didn't kill Osamu Dazai...why?I also want to know.
At that time, I was angry and sad, like an angry beast.My eyes are full of bone-piercing anger, and when I lose my mind, I even want the whole world to be buried with her—to walk with her.
In this way, Akemi will not be alone on the way to Huangquan Hirazaka.
But in the end I got discouraged.Like a leaking ball after being punctured by a needle, after confronting Osamu Dazai again, I just felt so exhausted that I didn't even want to say a word.
If possible, I don't even want to think, I don't want to breathe, it's better to be alone in a corner.
I let go of Osamu Dazai, and curled up beside Minmei like a child, pretending that she was still warm, and pressed against her forehead to trace her eyebrows and eyes.
"……goodbye."
I smiled and said softly, the taste of tears is salty.
***
I'm so tired, I don't have the energy to deal with a Dazai.I don't even want to lift a finger or bother trying to kill someone who disgusts me.
As for the culprit at the root - I wouldn't be so stupid as to defect from the organization right now.If I break away from the organization, how can I kill them all one by one?
I promised Minmei that I would take good care of her younger sister Miyano Shiho.This is the only thing she asked me to do, and I have to do it no matter what.
How could I not listen to her will?
But...someone has to pay the price, repent for Mingmei's death all his life, and pay the price with his life to bear my anger.
"I want them to die for Minmei."
I watched the raindrops winding down the car window, and said slowly, every word was filled with unforgettable hatred.
"I want this organization to be buried with her."
***
I don't know if Osamu Dazai took advantage of Akemi's guilt and offered to give me a vacation so that I could repair my psychological trauma before going back to work for the port mafia.
I accepted this unexpected vacation, as for Osamu Dazai's face - I'm sorry, I'm allergic to Osamu Dazai recently, and I feel sick when I see him.
As long as I see Osamu Dazai, I can't help but recall everything that happened in the warehouse that day, Minmei's body slowly walking toward the finish line, and Osamu Dazai's hypocritical face—just thinking about it, I can't help thinking about it. Can't control the hatred for Osamu Dazai's anger.
I know that Osamu Dazai doesn't need to save Miyano Akemi for me, but what Osamu Dazai did is still a stick in my throat.
I don't need him to act like a good guy... just don't get involved, don't use Minmei's death to achieve his goals.That would make me feel that Minmei was stained with dirt even when she left.
It doesn't matter if you are angry or unreasonable, but I really can't bear it.
No one is in my apartment.It was clearly summer, but my body was still cold, wrapped in a blanket and curled up in a ball, the TV news served as the background sound, and I stared blankly at the white wall in a daze.
Two years is neither long nor short.After Yifang Accelerator accepted the high salary offered by the Supernatural Secret Service Section, he would often go out to do some tasks entrusted to him. After all, he might not be ashamed to eat my soft food.
The apartment is full of traces of Accelerator's life, and the whole apartment is filled with the smell of me and him, but he hasn't come back yet.
I don't know when, from Yifangtong waiting for me to get off work, I hugged the pillow, curled up on the sofa and took a nap, while waiting for Fangtong to go home.This person, as always, has no intention of loving the beautiful girl, no matter whether I live or die and wait for him hard, he throws me on the sofa for the night.
As a result, I had a unilateral fight with Accelerator the next morning. He didn't move at all with his reflex on, and I still got a few small bruises from myself.When I went to the port mafia, I was killed again by the wind critic, and this group of gossiping mafia secretly thought that the little boy I raised was majestic and mighty, and the red flag would not fall.
These idiots still think I don't know anything.
Not only did I know, I also carefully put on small shoes for them.I think that I am a kind person. If Accelerator hears about it, they can only hang a black and white photo in the mourning hall.
Accelerator and I live in such a proficient and natural way that in the end even I was almost led astray by the gossip mafia, thinking that we are kind of like an old married couple.
If this kind of thought is said in Academy City, it will probably only make people laugh.
***
Accelerator came back very late, I had already washed up and went to bed.
But when he came back, I still felt something vaguely, and when he made a slight noise, I immediately woke up.
I haven't seen Accelerator for almost a week.
I acted very strong before, and I didn't want to shed weak tears in front of Osamu Dazai, but I had to pretend to be strong.But when I see the people I'm closest to in this world right now, I can't hold back immediately.
Before I could speak, tears fell from my eyes.
I stretched out my hand, boldly took Accelerator's hand, and squeezed my fingers between his fingers even more presumptuously when he was not angry.
The male's palms are long and broad, and his knuckles are well defined because of his thin body.Accelerator's palms were warm, and I was sweating all over under the quilt, but my palms were extremely cold, and it was only after touching his body temperature that I felt a little warm.
He lay on his side slightly on the bed, allowing me to do whatever I wanted with his hands.
"Accelerator," I tried to control the tone of my voice, not wanting to look like a crying bag, "...you won't die, will you?"
Because the tears blurred my vision, I couldn't see Accelerator's expression clearly. I could only see him stretching out his other hand and roughly wiping away the teardrops hanging from my eyelashes, his tone full of impatience.
"What's wrong with your brain? Do you think someone is better than me?"
He is arrogant and arrogant.
"I'm one-way."
The author has something to say: Give one party candy.
It's sweet.
----------
Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated the nutrient solution~
Thanks to the little angels who cast [Landmine]: 8 for Jae Chuya's inner thigh; 3 for Yuki; 1 for a cool nickname;
Thanks to the little angel who irrigated [nutrient solution]:
34 bottles of Bai Bai Bai;
Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!
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