left hand

Looking at this door, it seems that I have hallucinated the color of persuasion.I lowered my eyes, turned around and walked down the messy stairs.

It's a street I've never been in, and the joyful energy it brings to people is different from mine.I know the gathering place is near here, but I don't know the exact location.Well, if I can't find it, I won't go.

My steps slowed down.I've never been around so many people outside of my school years, and the feeling of crowding made me uncomfortable.Many young people who like nightlife love to come here. Fashionably dressed teenagers and girls walk on this colorful street in pairs or groups, discussing where to go to have fun next time.

The street is finally coming to an end, and I still haven't seen the name of the shop where we gathered.Maybe I saw it and ignored it.I moved back the way I came back, but someone grabbed my arm from behind.

"The meeting place is not easy to find, so I came out to find you, come here." It was him again, and my mood changed from relief to irritability.

"Come here, I'll take you to the meeting place." He pulled me into an alley, but I couldn't bear to shoot down his smiling face.Forget it, when he understands what kind of person I am, he will stay away from me.

I reluctantly followed his footsteps and entered the small door in the alley.There is a lot of noise coming from inside the door, no matter what you see or hear, it is noisy.A crowd of people, flashing lights, the sound of cups clinking, and crazy unknown music.It suddenly broke my quiet atmosphere and brought me to an unknown world.

Sure enough, all my colleagues were here. When the man brought me to that table, most of them just looked up at me and then lowered their heads.Only the supervisor greeted me when he saw me, and he just called me my code name. He might not even know what my full name is.

Carnival is the loneliness of a group of people; and loneliness is the carnival of one person.I am in this dim light and shadow, in a vague environment.The desire to escape was born more than once, as long as they sneak away when they are not paying attention, no one will find that there is one less person here, right?

I made up my mind, but someone wanted to clink a glass with me.I knew who it was without thinking, I put down the wine glass he handed me, and said coldly: "I don't know how to drink."

But he launched an offensive again: "Try it, girls can drink this kind of cocktail." He stuffed the glass on the table into my hand again.

I looked at the colorful liquid in my hand and hesitated.I really don't know how to drink, it's true, no one has ever drank with me, and I have never tried it myself.I remember that my father used to like to drink very much, and he always had a sad smile on his face when he was drunk.I saw him falling down in a daze, yelling angrily, and my mother hugging me tightly, the tears overflowing from her eyes hitting my face.

I think the taste of wine may be similar to tears?I fantasized about the taste of wine and poured it all into my mouth, breaking the salty impression in my mind. A strange sweetness filled my mouth, not like fruit juice or carbonated drinks.After swallowing, there is a strange tingling sensation on the tongue. This may not be considered real wine, but it is still a kind of wine.

The original impression of wine in my mind gradually faded.

After drinking this glass of "wine", I lied that I was going to the toilet and escaped from the noise.The air at the door was so fresh that even though its entrance and exit were only a dark alley, it seemed to me that I had stepped into a stream from a mire.

I was about to go down the third flight of stairs, but a voice came from behind: "Are you going the wrong way? This is not the direction to the bathroom."

bother...

I said to him angrily: "I don't want to stay here anymore, I want to go back!" I felt hot all over my body, maybe this is the feeling of being drunk?That's right, I'm drunk, I'm going to be angry, I'm going to go crazy, I think of the look in my father's eyes in the photo, but I can't help but want to laugh out loud.

"Are you uncomfortable? I'll take you back." The man didn't shrink back because of my attitude, but walked forward. I didn't wait for him to hold my arm, so I opened him: "Leave me alone! "

"Why?" the neglected man asked me.

Why?Why?How can you ask such a question?

The wind passing through the hall took away the temperature of my body, but the heat in my brain was rising little by little.

"What right do you have to control me, I obviously have nothing to do with you, get out!" I took a step back, but forgot the three small stairs behind me.

"Be careful!" He caught me, so that I didn't have a close hug with the earth.But his embrace hurts me more than the earth.I pushed him away mercilessly: "Do you know that you are very annoying, don't come into my life again!"

In the dim alley, the face of the man under the faint neon lights made it difficult to discern. I passed him, trying to walk towards the bustling street.

The man's voice came to my ears: "I like you, can't this be okay?"

I turned around in surprise, the hazy night made my vision mottled.

This man is really a lunatic, I laughed while thinking: "Disgusting!" After leaving this sentence, I left without looking back, completely ignoring everything about the people behind me.

The closer I am to my destination, the more confused my mind is. I can't remember why I walked home in the middle of the night, and I can't remember why my mind has become so confused. Maybe I really Are you drunk?

After correcting the key several times, I opened the door of the house. I lay on the bed without even locking the door. It didn’t matter if a thief came, anyway, there was nothing valuable at home.

I fell asleep in a daze, but I never wanted to enter a fragrant and blurred dream.I can't remember exactly what I saw in the dream, I just felt that my whole body seemed to be immersed in viscous honey, breathing thick air, as if I was on the verge of drowning.

The desire to survive in my subconscious made me open my eyes. It was already daylight, and I couldn’t discern anything in my drowsy mind. I just stared blankly at the ceiling until I felt someone else’s breath appearing beside the bed.

I looked back, and the sweet dream came back to my mind.

One hand caresses my face, the left hand.