you are not cannon fodder

There were two more injured patients at home, Xie Peiwei postponed the schedule of going out, and tentatively planned to work at home for three days.

The three teeth that Nian Ze lost looked as small as glutinous rice. After all, there was a wound in his mouth, and it was inconvenient to drink water and milk, let alone eat various small supplementary foods he liked.Children don't know what it means to be injured, and they get used to it after a while when they are uncomfortable, and they feel uncomfortable when they eat, and they will inevitably cry for a while.

Yihe was very regretful and distressed, and had to visit his son every now and then.

However, Nian Ze held grudges very much. When he saw him, he would throw things and run away, not to mention when he was eating. As long as he was in the baby's room, Nian Ze would cry. Can't be appeased.

It's not good for Auntie to ask Yihe to go out, but she hesitates to speak when she sees Yihe.

Yihe could only turn around and leave.

From the surveillance, after he left, the aunt easily calmed Nian Ze down.

This made Yihe's mood worse.

"Xiaohe?" Xie Peiwei went downstairs to fetch some fruit, while Yihe was lying on the sofa in the living room with drooping shoulders, not knowing what to look at.

When he got closer, he found Yihe sitting cross-legged, with two tender little feet nestled together, and a velvet jewelry box on top.Xie Peiwei was curious about what was so precious, and Yihe looked at it so seriously that he was speechless when he really saw it.

——In the box are the three small white teeth that Nian Ze fell out of.

"Didn't I say it, don't regret what has happened? Which piece of flesh and blood in his body was not given to him by you? What's the big deal if you accidentally lose a few teeth?" Xie Peiwei didn't bother to take the fruit Okay, let's sit down and comfort Yihe first.

Yihe covered the box, clasped his hands together, and smiled when facing Xie Peiwei: "Yeah."

It's not okay to whitewash the peace like this.Xie Peiwei asked gently: "Do you want to chat?"

Yihe cherishes every opportunity to talk with Xie Peiwei.

It's not that Xie Peiwei doesn't chat with him, Xie Peiwei has a job, and he has to take care of daily life, so it's easy to lie together and want to do something more intimate.Now that Xie Pewei has suspended work to chat with him, he must have to work overtime at night.

"I think so." Yihe fell into Xie Peiwei's arms habitually, pillowing on his lap, "The baby hates me."

"How many days can his goldfish mind remember?" Xie Peiwei snorted.

"I didn't breastfeed him myself, either. I'm different from a woman. I don't have that kind of intimate relationship with the baby." Yihe regretted it very much, and it was a bit painful to say it, "He cried when he saw me..."

"It's not that serious. Dad won't breastfeed the child, and I haven't heard that the child won't kiss his father, right?" Xie Peiwei gently stroked his scalp, calming him down comfortably. His voice was steady and persuasive, "Little And, remember your parents?"

Yihe was silent for a moment, and his voice was also deep, as if he had fallen into a dream of memories: "I remember."

"When I was walking, my father would hold my hand. His hands were big and soft. Others said they were not hands for doing farm work."

"The land in our hometown is not good, and it is muddy when it rains. There is still a section of muddy land when I come home from the town. I was wearing small rain boots... When my parents were alive, I also had new shoes, the transparent ones. , but it's popular... I was stuck in the mud wearing my little rain boots, and I couldn't pull it out, so my father hugged me...here..."

When he said this, he pointed to his ribs, "The very soft hand...is very big, and it hugged me in one fell swoop..."

"I still remember once he bought sugar, lemon flavor, took it out of his pocket, and put it in his hand..."

"I'm reaching for it."

More, Yihe can't remember.

Xie Peiwei frowned slightly.Why does father leave behind only good memories?Don't you have all kinds of coquettish operations?

"Isn't there a story about letting you sit on the back of the bicycle, with your legs sticking into the wheels, and him pedaling desperately?" Xie Peiwei also did his homework. It was the father who lost the child with him.

Yihe was emotionally caught up in memories, but he was taken aback when he heard this, and then almost laughed out loud: "No. We don't have bicycles at home. The place is too small, so we can just walk when we go out. The ground is uneven, and bicycles are not easy to ride?" Yihe Not too sure.

He knew what Xie Peiwei wanted to say.

The two seemed to be in agreement. Xie Peiwei stretched out a hand and put it on his chest. He just held it gently, as if holding the hand that gave him the most courage in memory, and whispered: "Mom beat me!" I."

Some things are hard to talk about.But the person next to her is her husband and lover, and she is particularly concerned about this matter.

When Yihe said this, he was still a little choked up: "Actually, I can't remember many things clearly. There must be many reasons. I got my clothes dirty, didn't wait for the rain to stop at school, came home in the rain, and didn't sweep the floor." , did not take out the trash...she was very busy every day, I was not sensible at the time, I was playful, and it was my fault for being beaten..."

Tears rolled down his eyes when he admitted his mistake.Obviously, he was wronged in his heart, but his mother's reasons were too legitimate, and he had to obey the principles recognized by the whole society.If he says he shouldn't fight, he loses his ground.

"I only remember one thing."

"It seems to be winter, the weather is very cold, and my mother won't let me go out to play."

"She washes clothes by the sink. There is no water heater in the country, and what my mother washes is a red sweater. Her hands are also very red. I don't know if it is the ice water that is red, or the clothes are faded, or... red The red from the sweater..."

"I like my mother very much. Although she always hits me, she also loves me very much."

"She wouldn't let me go out to play, so I squatted next to her and watched her wash clothes. I didn't know what was going on in my mind at that time, I was just bored, squatting and playing with my mouth..." Speaking of this, he suddenly Shut up.

Xie Peiwei knew him well, looked down at him, saw his hidden shyness, and asked, "Is it boring to play with your mouth?"

"It's disgusting." Yihe said in a low voice.

"How disgusting?" Xie Peiwei asked.

Yihe hesitated for a while, and then said: "Spit out the saliva in his mouth, spit out a bubble of saliva, and then beep... shake his lips. After spitting, spit out another bubble of saliva..." He himself Said disgusted, "Actually, I deserve to be beaten, right?"

Others would probably find Yihe disgusting.But Xie Peiwei has to play saliva games with him every day, so close, how can he feel it?

Moreover, thinking of Yi and Xiaoxiao squatting next to their mother, spitting bubbles out of boredom, they felt a kind of funny cuteness.

Yihe was hurt.

Xie Peiwei lowered his head and kissed Yihe's forehead, and then slowly kissed Yihe's nose and lips. The two exchanged a simple kiss, and Xie Peiwei asked softly, "Did Mom hit you?"

Yi and tears fell again, and at this time they were speechless.

This incident is the only thing he can't get past in his memory.He could always find reasons for being beaten up at other times, but this time, the few vicious slaps by the laundry pool made him unforgettable.At that time, he was still very young, able to squat on a square of blue bricks erected by the pool, he would never be more than four years old, maybe less than four years old.

The child who was less than four years old squatted beside his mother cuddly, playing with his lips and saliva bubbles boredly, and was slapped several times in the face by the suddenly furious mother. It's cold water and burning pain.

Xie Peiwei just bowed his head and kissed him, one after another, the kisses were endless, and the eye sockets were sore, and the apex of his heart was also sore.

He never said this to anyone.

What can I say?People from the Zero tribe are also men. They were slapped a few times by your own mother, and it's over when they pass. Do you still hold grudges?

Until now, after being comforted by Xie Peiwei in his arms, he couldn't help expressing the deepest thoughts in his heart: "I always remember that the water on her hand was very cold at that time... I also know She's working hard, she's busy, I'm not sensible, I'm annoying..."

"Hush." ​​Xie Peiwei blocked his mouth, suspending his self-loathing, "Children are not sensible, you are not annoying."

"I've been thinking about the sense of security you mentioned these days." Yihe's eyes glistened with tears, "I'm so worried about this matter, probably because... I like her so much that I want to stay in her house." If I don’t love her so much, I squat somewhere else to play with my mouth, spit bubbles, and I won’t be seen or beaten by her.”

Because I like it, I want to get close, and I will be punished.If you don't like it, don't approach it, and you won't be punished.

This idea has always been hidden in Yihe's young mind, it is a kind of subconsciousness.He couldn't see this matter clearly, and of course he couldn't analyze it by himself, but he would always remember it deeply, and it would be painful to think about it.

Then how did he endure the fear of being punished, get close to Xie Peiwei, and like Xie Peiwei?

In other words, when he acquiesced in falling in love with Xie Peiwei and trying to stay by Xie Peiwei's side, he was ready to be punished.

——I don't know what kind of punishment, what name the punishment is given, and it doesn't matter.

On that day, my mother suddenly slapped him in a rage, didn't she have any symptoms?Just because... he spit out a bubble of saliva?

When he prayed for this companionship, he had already acquiesced in the price.

"Now you know that's not the case." Xie Peiwei held his face, giving him a sense of security, "Xiaohe, I have a lot of time and I also have a lot of patience. If you like me, I also gave you a response, then Your liking is safe. I will not let your liking for me turn into a self-destructive blade and hurt you."

Yihe kept nodding: "I know, you are a reasonable person..."

"But the guarantee I gave you is useless." Xie Pewei lifted him up and let him turn over and sit up by himself, and the two looked at each other.

"Any relationship, if it makes you feel painful, it's not a good relationship, and it's not worth cherishing and forcing. Now we are very happy together, you can enjoy it as much as you want. If I make you feel uncomfortable...you have to Learn to let go," Xie Peiwei said.

Yihe's lips trembled slightly, his eyes looking at Xie Peiwei became unbelievably loose, and he almost stopped breathing.

"Exhale." Xie Peiwei ordered him.

Only then did he exhale violently, and then inhaled fresh air into his chest cavity, slowly returning to normal.

"You're just telling me that I have the right to break up with you, you're not... telling me to break up with me, right?"

Xie Peiwei couldn't help hugging him on his lap and stroking his vest, both comforting and pitiful: "Xiaohe. I didn't know what you might have encountered when you were a child until I understood your philosophy on parenting. You know I have some bad habits..."

Children brought up with sticks will have psychological shadows, and some of Xie Peiwei's sexual fetishes are too much for Yihe.

Yihe was taken aback again.

He admitted with some embarrassment: "Maybe it has something to do with his childhood experience, which makes him... have a special feeling."

He held Xie Peiwei's hand and said, "Did I get perverted by my mother?"

Xie Peiwei didn't know what to say.Since he has a hobby in this area, of course he also has an understanding of this area.Many people who enter this circle are born with nature, and they know their own attributes since they were young. However, there are indeed many acquired ones... Basically, it is related to family education.

He could only gently stroke Yihe's neck.

This is a very intimate and controlling gesture, and Xie Peiwei liked to caress Yihe very much in the past.

However, since the parenting conflict broke out and Xie Peiwei speculated about Yihe's previous encounters, all his sexual fetishes have been suspended, and this gesture full of control is no longer used on Yihe.

Now that the two had re-communicated and reached a consensus, Xie Peiwei returned to his previous posture.

"No. Xiaohe, it's all innate. I know who I am when I see others doing things, and I don't know who I am until I do it myself. You and I are the same."

Yihe's mother is dead, and reconciliation between mother and son is no longer possible.Therefore, Xie Peiwei denied the theory of acquired shaping.

Yihe is more saddened by another matter.

"I'm the same as my mother. I'm worse than her." Yi He clenched the velvet jewelry box he threw on the sofa, "She only hit the fleshy parts of my body, which would hurt and swell, and never broke. I Pulled out all Nian Ze's teeth... Nian Ze won't like me anymore."

Xie Peiwei stretched out his hand.

Yihe didn't know, so: "?"

"Give me the teeth." Xie Peiwei said.

Yihe didn't know what he wanted to do, but asking or not would not change Xie Peiwei's mind, so he handed over the box.

Unexpectedly, Xie Peiwei got up quickly with the jewelry box, opened the window and threw it out.His long shot is really powerful. Yihe only saw the jewelry box draw an arc in the air, and then it flew into the grass and disappeared—yes, the yard at home is big, and the vegetation is even more abundant in summer. Take a break, and in the distance are the flowers and trees for the scenery, which covers a wide area, and falling into the box is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Yihe stunned and went to the ground barefoot, staring blankly at the window that was blowing in the heat.

Nian Ze's teeth...

"What's the use of keeping it? Every day I regret that I shouldn't have pulled that? I've already pulled it." Xie Peiwei grabbed Yihe by the collar, dragged him back to the sofa, and turned to look for the life assistant who was poking around, "I What fruit plate do you want?"

The life assistant hurriedly brought up the fruit plate and the newly prepared drink.

While arranging fruit on the coffee table, a dog barked outside the door.

After more than ten seconds, Damo and Ermo scrambled into the living room. Ermo had a... velvet jewelry box in his mouth.

The one Xie Peiwei just threw out.

Yihe took it in surprise, and fed Er Mo the sliced ​​apple. Da Mo lay on the ground in frustration, whining.

Yihe, the parent with a flat bowl of water, gave Dalmo a piece of apple.Damo immediately raised his head happily, and started to eat the apple with his mouth.

The jewelry box was still stained with Ermo's saliva, Yihe wanted to wipe it off with a tissue, so he stretched out a hand.

"I want to keep it." Yihe refuted Xie Peiwei's opinion for the first time.

"You can keep it. Can I keep it?" Xie Peiwei's asking hand diverted and grabbed Zhuo Yihe's hair. "When Nian Ze grows up and becomes sensible, we as a family of three can talk about our childhood. The story can also be regarded as a commemoration. Now I always look at these little glutinous rice and regret it, so there is no need to blame myself."

"Many people say that children are the best teachers. Raising children can heal and perfect oneself. Before Nian Ze was born, I didn't quite understand what kind of tricks this was, what crooked scriptures I read."

"Now I understand a little bit."

"Xiaohe, mom and dad are gone, and you are now a dad. What happened in the past cannot be made up for. Our next generation will be good, be a good dad, and have a better family. Even if we make peace with ourselves, I have compensated myself."

He wrapped Yihe in his arms, and lightly took away the jewelry box in Yihe's hand: "If my mother stood in front of you today and told you I'm sorry and shouldn't have hit you when you were young, would you forgive her?"

Yi Heguang couldn't do it after listening to him say this, and kept nodding: "Yes. But she won't say sorry, she's not wrong..."

"When Yihe grows up and becomes sensible, will you say sorry to him?" Xie Peiwei asked.

Yihe was taken aback.

"I will. I told him I'm sorry, I really regret it..."

"He will also forgive you." Xie Peiwei said affirmatively.

Any words that came out of Xie Peiwei's mouth suddenly became very convincing: "He is your little friend, and he loves you."

Yihe had mixed feelings for a moment, and he didn't have time to cry. Damo and Ermo had already finished eating the apple, and they both spun around under their knees, asking for more: Dads, woof!Give Apple!Is there no reward for picking up something?woof!

Yihe had no choice but to bend down first to share the apple with Damo Ermo, with a dog's head in his left hand and a dog's head in his right hand.

Xie Peiwei called Qi Xuanjing: "Think about any stores or institutions that can provide services. I want to preserve the three teeth of Nianze... Yes, at least 30, no, [-] years. At that time Nian Ze should have a wife too."

This kind of epic family anecdote (joke), of course, must be shared with the future daughter-in-law.Xie Peiwei thinks I'm such a good father-in-law.

Yihe immediately regretted: "Why don't we just throw it away?!"

I'm also a father-in-law. My father-in-law doesn't want to lose face? !