my samurai lover HE

?I knew for a long time that my lover and his Shinsengumi stood on the sinking ship of the shogunate early, but I didn't expect that this day would come so soon.

The dark sky in Kyoto was burnt into a dazzling dark red by the fire, which was particularly dazzling when the sun was setting.I saw my boy trapped at the town gate.Surrounded by the sound of howling and fighting, the reformers surrounded him, like wolves seeing their prey, one after another pounced on them.Their knives shone sharply, roaring and slashing mercilessly.

Sojiro smiled gently at me from a distance: "Mrs. Okita, close your eyes and don't look."

I couldn't close my eyes, I could only watch his blood overflowing from the corner of his mouth, and the blurred warrior next to him stabbed his body with a bayonet——

"Soujiro!"

I screamed and woke up from my dream, only to find that I was already lying in a small hotel by the port of San Francisco, and there was silence outside the window.There is no Kyoto here, no blazes all over the sky, and no bloody body of Soujiro.

It was just a false alarm dream, but I was sweating and couldn't sleep anymore.

I lifted the quilt and stepped on the cold stone floor with bare feet.Compared with Japanese-style tatami mats, the floor made of stone makes people feel colder on the soles of their feet.

My mother slept in the next room, and the scream when I just woke up probably didn't disturb her.I paced the room slowly, my head full of jumbled thoughts.

Even before leaving Japan, I knew that good luck was gradually moving away from them.Although Soujiro once firmly told me that he would definitely come to the United States to find me after the important matter was settled, but that hope was so slim.

"Killing and being killed is the destiny of a samurai." My boy, he once said such harsh and fearless words to me gently.I know that he will follow his beliefs and fight until he can fight no more.

I put my hand on my lower abdomen again. I have repeated this action countless times in the past few days. Although I can't touch anything, I can actually feel its existence strangely.

I stood by the window, the hazy moonlight came in from the window, and the "Bible" sprinkled on the table happened to be the picture of Jesus suffering on the cross.

This reminded me of that summer night when he looked at the naked Jesus and laughed at me in surprise.Ah, at that time he was still innocent and innocent, for him there was nothing else to worry about except his Bushido.

But by the day I left, he had completely lost his innocence at that time, and it wasn't just me who was hit hard by love.I clearly saw his body getting weaker and weaker, and I clearly saw him fighting like a trapped beast.How could I have chosen to leave him?

"God," I finally couldn't help crying softly, holding the "Bible" and the mahogany chip bracelet in my hand, "please forgive me."

My mother was still next door, so I couldn't vent my grief without any scruples, so I could only clenched my teeth and swallowed the wailing sound in my throat.I couldn't stop crying.Salty tears slid down my cheeks layer by layer, and I could already feel the tingling sensation of being washed away by tears for a long time on my cheeks.However, the more I cried, the more I understood what was in my heart.

I can't leave Soujiro alone, I can't lie to myself and wait here knowing that goodbye is far away.What's more... I held down the part of my lower abdomen.This is Soujiro and my child, this is the child Soujiro has longed for for so long.I can't let it be killed so easily, not anyone!Not even my dear mother!

The next morning, when my mother knocked on my door, I was already dressed and waiting in the house.

"Baby!" Seeing me for the first time, my mother took a deep breath.

I know my eyes must be a little red and swollen. I have applied cold water many times before my mother came in, but now there is still a faint tingling.

"Mary." My mother looked at me worriedly. "Are you okay? I know you're having a hard time..."

"Don't worry, Mom." I whispered, holding my mother's hand, and walked out with her.

From my mother's point of view, this was already a scandal. She couldn't even tell my father. She could only take me to a doctor quietly under the pretext of going to have breakfast with me.

"Mary," my mother looked at me sadly, "this is the best way."

"I know."

My mother had made all the arrangements, and she asked me to give birth to the baby quietly and send it to the local monastery, where it would grow up with the monks.When we got home, no one would know that Mary of the Smiths had ever had a child.

I took my mother by the arm and walked slowly towards the small hotel where I was temporarily staying.

As you can imagine, I pretended to obey my mother and was willing to follow her arrangement.During the few days I stayed in the small hotel, I secretly inquired about many things, such as the time when the ship left the port.

I was like a prisoner, carefully preparing to escape.Until now, I still feel owed to my mother. I know that everything she did was for my own good. She lied to my father for me to cover up the changes in me.But I have to do this. For my mother, I am her beloved daughter, and the child in my womb is irrelevant.But to me your father is my child, my hope.

In the end, I successfully boarded the "Margarita" bound for Japan, and embarked on a journey to Japan again.

Looking back now, it was really incredible, far more difficult than when I went to Kyoto.At that time, I was accompanied by the help of Mr. Kobayashi and Lord Kidderminster, but now I boarded the ship alone and went to the country that was already full of wars.

Mermaids and dragons were mixed together on the boat. For the sake of safety, I had to hide in the room for a long time, relying on the food delivered by the waiter to get three meals a day.

From San Francisco to Yokohama, and then from Yokohama all the way to Edo in secret.I cannot tell you how many difficulties I encountered along the way.I don't have much money left with me, and I, having damaged my father's reputation, can't seek help from my fellow countrymen.

But at any rate, I finally arrived in Edo without any danger.

After knocking on the door of Mr. Matsumoto Yoshinori's house in Shinmecho, I knelt and sat in Dr. Matsumoto's reception room, allowing him to look at me.He looked surprised, probably never seen me in such a state of embarrassment: the clothes on my body were no longer so bright, and the long-distance running made me feel a little exhausted.

I lowered my head and bowed deeply to this loyal and open-minded doctor.He is Soujiro's trusted friend, has studied Western medicine, and is not harsh on Westerners.

"Miss, please don't do this." He looked at me and cried out in embarrassment, scratching his bare head in distress.

I looked him in the eyes and just hoped he could feel my sincerity and plea.

"Please forgive my audacity and interruption. Please, save my child."