Laughing proud of the rivers and lakes when a thief meets a nun

?The moon and stars are scarce, the breeze is blowing, and there are occasional insects singing around.Such a quiet but not lonely night was originally an excellent and pleasant time for drinking and singing, but unfortunately the reality is far from it...

"I am the stick, the stick of Monkey King~~" Lin Yi raised his little hands and cheered, and flipped dishonestly in Tian Boguang's arms. If Tian Boguang hadn't been quick, she would have been able to get out of both arms .

"Little nun, be good, don't move around." A certain prostitute hugged Lin Yi tightly as if he was a father, coaxing and persuading him, and his ears automatically ignored the two laughing guys with no conscience next to him.

"Monkey~~~" Lin Yifeng's cheeks were red, his eyes were misty but glistening, murmured indistinctly, stretched out his little hand to touch Tian Boguang's face, and flattened his mouth to complain, " Hairless, hairless monkeys are not happy~~”

It's not happy to have hair, you bastard~~ Tian Boguang is in a mess, he was actually compared to a monkey, it's so unfair.

"Monkeys don't cry, be good~~" Lin Yi put his arms around Tian Boguang's neck and lifted himself up vigorously, rubbing his little face so tender that it seemed to leak water against Tian Boguang's face, "hairless I like monkeys too," baji...a puddle of saliva was printed on Tian Boguang's face, "I like monkeys the most."

Although it is said that drunk people should not be serious, there is still the famous aphorism of telling the truth after drinking, bastard, Tian Boguang knows whether he should care about these things, but he is still very, very jealous. What kind of monkey is he thinking about... A certain adulterer whose heart has been severely wounded is not reconciled to thinking about it in his head.

It was the first time Lan Fenghuang saw someone so drunk, and he only took a small sip.She seldom traveled to the Central Plains before, and she didn't expect to see such an interesting one when she came here, so she didn't care about her previous offense, and said to Linghu Chong with a trembling smile, "Oh~~ No wonder Brother Linghu said She has already made up her mind, it turns out that the little sister has such a special taste, I really want to see what that monkey she thinks about day and night looks like."

Linghu Chong rubbed his aching stomach from laughing, "Good sister, my junior sister has a very simple mind. The monkey you want to see, I guess, is far away in the sky and right in front of you."

"Oh?" Lan Fenghuang walked around Tian Boguang in a serious manner, "Where did this monkey's tail go?" Then he looked at Tian Boguang's green and blackened face suddenly, his pair of red phoenix eyes released anytime, anywhere The charm of ecstasy, "Oh, this brother monkey is missing something."

Her pun made Linghu Chong blush a little, but he knew that Miao women were cheerful and bold, so he didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

Tian Boguang has no time to pay attention to Lan Fenghuang's ridicule, whether it is intentional or unintentional, he is holding the little nun who has not finished drinking, and he wants to cry but has no tears.

Why did it become like this... This has to start from an hour ago.

Lin Yi is a foodie through and through, coupled with the intentional or unintentional connivance of a certain lewd thief, the two of them played until the dusk covered their days and headed to the agreed meeting place with Linghu Chong.

Originally, Lin Yi was a little guilty, and it seemed unethical to let Linghu Chong wait there alone, but when the two came to the meeting place, they were surprised to find that Linghu Chong was not only not bored, but had a happy atmosphere with a woman dressed as Miao nationality. chat over drinks.

Sensing someone approaching, the Miao woman turned her head first, looked at Lin Yi carefully up and down, and smiled at the corner of her mouth, "Brother Linghu, I didn't know you had another date, and you are still a little beauty."

"My good sister, don't make jokes, Junior Sister Lin Yi already has a sweetheart," Lin Yi once told Linghu Chong his real name, and now that she has returned to vulgarity, Linghu Chong changed his name casually, patted the flagon and said "I, Linghu Chong, only need a jar of good wine."

After finishing speaking, Linghu Chong stood up and introduced to the two people who were confused, "Junior Sister Lin Yi, this is Lan Fenghuang, who is also my good friend of Linghu Chong."

"Hello, Sister Lan." A friend of a friend is a friend, Lin Yi called out sweetly.

Lan Fenghuang raised her eyes, and a charming smile appeared on her pretty face. The Miao woman has a passionate and unrestrained personality, coupled with her natural beauty and seductive style, it is no exaggeration to describe her as a beauty and disaster.

"This is..." "Brother Linghu, I know it even if you don't tell me," Lan Fenghuang interrupted Linghu Chong, stood up and deliberately approached Tian Boguang, whispering charmingly, "Isn't this the famous Tian Boguang who walks alone in thousands of miles? In Miaojiang, I also heard your name mentioned by people from the Central Plains there, I didn’t expect to see you today.”

Tian Boguang narrowed his eyes slightly, opened the distance from Lan Fenghuang without any trace, and said with a chuckle, "The name of the leader of the Five Poison Sect, Mr. Tian, ​​is also like thunder, each other, each other." The Five Poison Sect generally calls itself the Five Immortals Sect, but some Respectable people think that they teach people to serve poisonous things like poisonous snakes and centipedes, and behave differently from ordinary people, so they are called the Five Poisons Sect.

Lan Fenghuang used a charm technique on him when he came up, Tian Boguang didn't know that she had good intentions and malicious intentions, so he deliberately revealed her details.

Known as the Five Immortals or the Five Poisons, Lan Fenghuang himself doesn't mind.She had heard too many stories about this lone traveler, but she didn't expect to see her in person, but it was far from the legend.This idiot with deep roots in love is the rumored notorious flower picker?Lan Fenghuang was extremely curious, so he tried it himself based on the principle that it is better to verify it by himself than to listen to people's rumors.

The result made her very satisfied... After understanding the warning in Tian Boguang's eyes, Lan Fenghuang couldn't help laughing, "Brother Linghu, I never thought that your friends are much more interesting than those who claim to be famous and decent," said The middle-earth man bowed his hands, "I'm offended."

Lin Yi's children's shoes, who couldn't understand the situation in front of them, blinked their big eyes, and could smell the mellow fragrance wafting from the small jug from a distance of two meters, and stared at the jug with star eyes, "Linghu Big Brother, have you gone to steal... the wine first?"

"I agreed to go with you, how could I leave you alone?" Linghu raised the flagon in his hand, "This is a treasure brought by my good sister from Miaojiang, Wubaohua honey wine."

"Five Treasures Honey Wine?" Tian Boguang frowned, why did he have a bad association.

"This is a fine wine that our Miao people would only bring out when entertaining our friends," Lan Fenghuang looked at Lin Yi's salivating appearance, and cleared his throat deliberately, explaining, "These five treasures are spiders, poisonous snakes, centipedes, scorpions and toads. Our Five Immortals teach the Holy Treasure," he poured a glass of water and wine, picked it up and walked in front of Lin Yi, "Brother Linghu's friend is also my Lan Fenghuang's friend, my sister doesn't have any good things here, toast my sister a glass of wine Treat it as a meeting ceremony."

In fact, it’s the brewed tonic... Lin Yiwu guessed, took the wine glass to his mouth and took a sip. It was sweet and spicy, much better than she imagined.

"Please." Lan Fenghuang offered another toast to Tian Boguang.Compared with Lin Yi's shallow and slow drinking, Tian Boguang drank the wine in one gulp. He had heard that the people of the Five Poisons Sect had poisonous fragrance on their bodies because they had been with poisons all the year round. Vomiting and diarrhea are unavoidable.And this five-treasure honey wine can make people immune to their poisonous fragrance.

It seems that Lan Fenghuang does not have any malicious intentions.

Linghu Chong looked at the sky, and now is the right time to steal the wine, "My dear sister, let's go and taste the century-old wine to see if it lives up to its name."

"Okay."

"Wait!" A voice that lacked breath but was loud enough came out, and the pace of the three of them was firmly fixed on the ground.

Lin Yi straightened his waist and stood up "majesticly". One hand was stretched forward to stop him, and the other hand held the glass with a little wine bottom to his mouth, and slipped into the small room with his neck upside down. mouth, and then flung it back extremely chicly, whoosh~~ The wine glass crossed a neurotic parabola and smashed to the ground with a bang.

Seeing a pure and soft little girl make such a masculine gesture, Linghu Chong and Lan Fenghuang turned their heads together, and their eyes fixed on the face of a certain lewd thief who was also struck by lightning.

"Little nun..." Tian Boguang just said three words, but was interrupted by Lin Yi's vigorous wave of his hand, "Hey, I am the monkey king Monkey King Monkey King Monkey King Monkey King of Huaguo Mountain and Water Curtain Cave, hiccup, wait a minute The goblin has not yet revealed its original form quickly~”

Linghu Chong and Lan Fenghuang turned their heads to stare at Tian Boguang again, and their eyes moved down a little involuntarily, the meaning in their eyes was self-evident.

Tian Boguang felt that he was not struck by one lightning, but hundreds of lightnings at the same time, especially Linghu Chong and Lan Fenghuang's eyes were shining brightly, "I can't see it~~ You're okay with this", Tian Boguang felt that he jumped into the river I can't wash it off either.

Needless to say, even pigs can tell at this moment that Lin Yi's little children's shoes have played a huge role in her physique. She is gorgeous... drunk.

Looking at Lan Fenghuang with drunken eyes, Lin Yi shook his head regretfully, "You goblin, seeing that your practice is not easy, you should retreat quickly, otherwise you won't be able to escape when the monkey comes."

This time it's Lan Fenghuang's turn to be embarrassing. She has seen a lot of drunk people, but this is the first time she has seen such weird drunk people. It is so funny that she does not retreat but advances, pointing at herself and asking, "Why, I am a goblin ?"

"You look so seductive in your human form. It's not a goblin." Lin Yi children's shoes read Journey to the West. Aren't those goblins all enchanting and enraged, this one in front of him must be the same, Lin Yi squeezed his eyes hard, "huh Hmph, I can't see what kind of fairy you are, monkeys can tell at a glance."

It is natural for women to love beauty, and being praised for being beautiful like this, Lan Fenghuang smiled from ear to ear, "Let me tell you, me~" Her winking eyes almost stuck to Lin Yi's face, and she said delicately, "It's a beautiful woman. What are you, a scorpion spirit?" This little girl was so cute when she was drunk.

Before Tian Boguang could stop him, Lin Yi said loudly, "I am the monkey's stick! A monkey with a stick is invincible!"

This answer was what Lan Fenghuang and Linghu Chong wanted. Linghu Chong spread his hands sadly and sighed to Tian Boguang, who had already turned green, "Oh, brother Tian, ​​it seems that our meeting tonight Don't even think about drinking."

Lan Fenghuang was even more afraid that the world would not be chaotic, and said with a smile, "How powerful is this monkey's stick, I want to see it too."

Meet your sister!If Tian Boguang knew such an advanced vocabulary, he would definitely complain like this, but let's deal with kissing the little nun first.

The so-called accident is when you think everything is settled.When Lan Fenghuang felt that he had had enough fun and laughed, he suddenly felt a chill behind him.

Lin Yi grabbed Lan Fenghuang's skirt with a small hand and raised it high, and said to himself in bewilderment, "There is no tail~~"

Although obscene trousers were worn inside the skirt, to the ancients, this was no different from being naked.Lan Fenghuang was worthy of being a leader-level figure, instead of screaming like ordinary women, she pulled out her whip reflexively and threw it over.It was pure instinct, so when she wanted to stop, it was impossible.

A figure rushed out faster than Lan Fenghuang's whip shadow and took Lin Yi away. The whip that couldn't hold back left a white mark on the ground. If it hit Lin Yi who didn't know martial arts, he would die if he didn't die. life.

Lin Yi felt in a daze that he had fallen into a warm and safe embrace, and happily rubbed his head on the other's chest without looking, "Monkey~~monkey~~"

Who is Lin Yi's children's shoes, and now his identity is... Bangzi, and the golden cudgel can only belong to a monkey.

So two pairs of four eyes stared at a certain prostitute, accompanied by the voice of "Oh~~", look, don't call yourself.

A certain whore who took the blame swears that if he wants to know who taught the little nun such messy things, he will cut that person into pieces.

Extra Story Theater:

There is only one rule in the Tian family: no alcohol!

Every time he brings his little lady to visit, whenever the other party proposes a toast, the head of the Tian family will accept all of them unceremoniously and will not refuse, completely ignoring the sad eyes of his little lady.

He can indulge his wife in everything, but this alone must be resolutely resisted!This is the lesson of blood and tears that the Patriarch of the Tian family exchanged with his own miserable experience.

One day, Lin Yi's shoes finally couldn't take it anymore, and formally protested to the head of the family, "Why don't you let me drink, I will only drink a little less, and drink at home, that's fine." The principle of drinking again wiped away the tears of sympathy.

The head of the family looked at the dissatisfied little face of the little lady, no matter how solid the iron wall was, it turned into a puddle of molten iron, "Okay, the little nun is waiting for me in the room, and sleep obediently after drinking, don't make trouble."

This idea is very good, Lin Yi children's shoes happily sat in the room waiting for the wine to drink.

Until the flowers she was waiting for faded, her hair turned white, and her drowsy little head straightened, the Patriarch finally returned slowly.

Then, turn off the lights and take the little lady to bed.

"Where's my wine?" Lin Yi, who was too sleepy, still couldn't forget it.

"Here, open your mouth." The Patriarch's unique ambiguous breath approached his face, bewitching the little lady's ears.

"Ah... um~~" The taste licked by the tip of the tongue is indeed clear and sweet, but there is no smell of alcohol at all. Lin Yi Children's Shoes felt sad that he had been cheated, and protested dissatisfiedly, "Uh~ wine...wrong, eh~~ A thief is a liar." It took Lin Yi a lot of effort to spill these words between the two lips.

"Little nun is too impatient, if you drink it slowly, it will definitely happen." Isn't it just dizzy?

"Oh~~Why are you taking off my clothes~~" Lin Yi children's shoes protested feebly, dizzy from the hot kisses on his body one by one, the hot touch went all the way down his neck, stopped at the point where it had faded On the chest of the clothes, Lin Yi's children's shoes couldn't help but become weak in protest, "You thief~ you are skinny~~" Why do you feel dizzy, she hasn't drunk yet.

The head of the family no longer bothers to correct the young lady's unrighteous views, what a waste of time, didn't he try so hard to make the little lady feel drunk, it really misunderstood his painstaking efforts.

The current Patriarch is no longer the inexperienced and famous prostitute in the past. Men are many times more independent in this kind of thing than women.Gently licking and kissing the little lady's earlobe, the head of the family was satisfied to see that the little lady's fair skin was as light pink as ever, sweet and delicious, full of temptation, and the meaningless murmur in his mouth made his heart feel crisp | itching unbearably .

This way of drinking is his original creation, let the little lady enjoy it slowly.

Lin Yi's children's shoes have been so fascinated by the strength of this wine that they have lost their minds, so how can they still have the consciousness to entangle with the owner of the wine's variety.

In fact, the taste of booze should not be bad, the owner of the house is a little sweaty, the feeling of not being able to deliver the wine after pouring it is really bad.The problem was that the little lady couldn't bear it, he was a little faster and saw the little lady frowned, and her heart was so distressed that she was almost pulled into a ball, how could she bear it.No wonder one's own happiness is usually based on the pain of others. The head of the family can't bear the pain of the little lady, so he has to suffer by himself.

Fortunately, suffering and joy, finally gave Patriarch a little comfort on the hard march.

The little lady's alcohol capacity is too bad, the head of the family thinks that this first drink is really hard, how can I put it, this is the first time to drink this name, but the number of times this drink is so many, how come it is still the first It's hard to get in a cup, oh~~

When the first cup was finished, the little lady finally let out a gasp, giving great encouragement to the head of the family who was crying while being happy. After the first cup, there would naturally be a second cup and a third cup... The road is always bright. It is not impossible to stay drunk for a thousand cups. You must have firm belief, patience and... perseverance.

As early as the wedding night in the bridal chamber, the head of the family had personally experienced the little lady's drinking capacity, so he was prepared for this thought. The road is long and long, and I need to search up and down.

In fact, the more difficult a fortress is to conquer, the more fulfilling it will be after successfully occupying it, isn't it?Anyway, the Patriarch himself has a sense of accomplishment.

On the second day, Lin Yi's children's shoes remembered the fact that he was deceived, and protested again unwillingly, "You lied to me last night, I want to drink real wine, really!"

"Okay, you wait for me at home."

"No, you're lying."

"Then you wait for me in the study."

Lin Yi's children's shoes turned his head and thought about it carefully. It seemed that there was only one table and chair in the study, which was very safe. Referring to the time of the little lady, dinner is usually eaten at 7:9 pm (6:[-] pm).It seems that Lin Yi children's shoes still thought a lot about getting the wine.

"it is good."

So... Does drinking need to be divided into time and place?For the Patriarch, of course not.In fact, it is already very good to have a table environment, and drinking after a meal helps digestion...

On the third day...

fourth day...

On the fifth day, the little lady ate the watermelon with resentment on her face, without mentioning the word "wine".Alas~~ It hurt him to wait for a long time and say.

Finally, this prohibition on alcohol was completely upheld by the words and deeds of the Patriarch.

Another day, the little lady kissed the head of the house and said with a blushing face shyly, "I want to drink wine~~"

Wishing for what he wanted but being disrespectful, the shrewd and powerful head of the family cheerfully carried the little lady into the house to "drink".

The strategy was successful~ Since then, the only family rule of the Tian family has been cancelled.