paranoia

He Yu failed to save him.

Although Song Wanzhou had been prepared in his heart, when he heard the news of He Yu's death from the doctor's mouth, he still couldn't control his heart trembling, and his fingertips felt a little numb.

A familiar coolness came from the soles of my feet.

He was in the same hospital, and once again experienced the death of people around him.

Although He Yu has been studying under his name for less than three months, he can also feel the sunshine and generosity of the other party in the normal process of getting along, occasionally no matter how old or young, he treats him like a peer and wantsonly jokes.Song Wanzhou couldn't connect the person who was gradually losing body temperature on the hospital bed with He Yu who came to his office to discuss the problem at noon yesterday.

Based on Song Wanzhou's impression of He Yu, he could not easily choose such an extreme way to end his life with a bright future.

But now, the cruel truth is in front of him. He Yu, whose heart stopped beating, is lying alone on the blood-stained hospital bed, saying goodbye to this world in the most disgraceful way.

Song Wanzhou, as a teacher who teaches and educates people, not only feels sorry, but also falls into self-blame for not fulfilling his duties.

If he could care a little more about He Yu's life and learn more about He Yu's life, He Yu probably wouldn't have made such a hasty move.

As for Qianjiang Lu who was standing aside, the second he heard the bad news, tears flowed from his red and swollen eye sockets again. He couldn't accept the reality, so he cried and begged the doctor to confirm again, "Doctor...please. ..Can you guys take a look again?...He Yu can't just die like this...Doctor, I beg you..."

The doctor took off the mask, shook his head, and sighed helplessly, "I'm sorry...we really tried our best...let's contact the relatives of the students to claim it."

No matter how many times I asked, I got the same answer.

Qian Jianglu covered his ears, unwilling to believe it, and murmured, calling He Yu a bastard.

He was exhausted, as if his soul had been withdrawn from his body, his legs were weak and slowly slid down the wall, and finally he knelt down on the ground, covered his face with his hands, and wailed in pain, "No, how could He Yu just Dead... We were still discussing the subject while eating, it's fake... all of this is fake, it's not He Yu lying in it, it can't be him." As if grabbing the last straw, He eagerly held Song Wanzhou's hand, with trembling lips, he asked tremblingly, "Mr. Song...you said...didn't you say that He Yu would be fine?"

Song Wanzhou's limbs were cold and he needed to lean against the wall to barely stand still.The hand tightly held by Qianjianglu trembled slightly, his lips turned white, and he couldn't say a word of comfort to relieve Qianjianglu who was out of control.

At this moment, he was even more fragile than Qianjianglu, his sensitive nerves were tense, and painful images kept flashing in his mind.

He desperately needed a pair of hands to pull him out of the nightmare, but everyone present ignored him.

The tingling sensation from the heart spread to the scalp, and Song Wanzhou had a splitting headache. Even if he pinched the tiger's mouth vigorously, he could not guarantee 100% sobriety.

But he can't fall down, everyone needs him to grit his teeth and cheer up.

Not only does he need to control the collapsed Qianjiang Road, but he is also needed to contact He Yu's family to deal with the funeral.

"Qianjianglu, don't cry." Song Wanzhou knelt down/body, held Qianjianglu's hand tightly, and passed the residual warmth of his palm to him, "Let He Yuan leave quietly."

He Yu's mother came earlier than Song Wanzhou expected. In the early morning, he had just settled Qianjiang Road, who had fainted from crying, when he stepped out of the hospital bed and saw a middle-aged woman standing at the door looking around.

He had never met He Yu's mother, so he intuitively told him that the person in front of him who looked somewhat similar to He Yu's eyebrows was He Yu's relative.

Song Wanzhou pursed his lips that hadn't touched the water for a long time, and asked tentatively, "Excuse me, is this He Yu's mother?"

The woman slowly looked back, tightened the cloth bag in her hand, and asked cautiously, "Is it Teacher Song? Where is my child?"

Song Wanzhou led her to the temporary shelter of He Yu's body.

He Yu's mother seemed to have been mentally prepared, she didn't mess around, she didn't cry loudly, she just stood quietly by the bed half a step away, motionless, like a puppet off the strings.

She seemed to be coaxing a sleeping child, "Xiaoyu, mom is late."

The cloth bag was crumpled together by her, and the outline of the things inside could be vaguely seen.

Song Wanzhou thought to himself, it was probably a thermos bucket filled with chicken soup.Not wanting to disturb their mother and son, he quietly closed the door and backed out.

As soon as he stepped out the door, he heard He Yu's mother's sad and painful crying from inside.

Song Wanzhou was sitting on the bench in the corridor, exhausted all night, his eyes were getting heavy, and he unconsciously opened the chat dialog with Song Jing.

"Brother?" The call has been going on for more than a minute. Except for shallow breathing and vague crying in the background, Song Jing has never heard Song Wanzhou speak, "Are you listening?"

When he heard Song Jing's familiar voice next to his ear, Song Wanzhou snapped back to his senses, only then did he notice that he had unknowingly made a voice call with the other party.

"elder brother?"

Song Wanzhou lowered his eyes, put his hands on his knees, caressed the fabric gently, took a deep breath, and asked flatly, "Yes, I'm listening. Is Xiaojing busy?"

Song Jing glanced at the ticket that was about to board the plane, and said relaxedly: "I'm not busy. Shouldn't my brother be in a meeting now? Why are you secretly calling me?"

Song Wanzhou pursed his lips and replied softly, "No."

The meeting was only 10 minutes into the meeting, even if Song Wanzhou rushed over now, there was still time. His report was in the second half, so there was no delay.But he couldn't just leave like this, he still had questions hidden in his heart and wanted to ask He Yu's mother after he came out.

"Did you stay in bed?" Song Jing said jokingly, "Who made my brother go to bed so late last night?"

Although Song Wanzhou didn't sleep all night, he still hummed softly, "I slept too late, I won't do it next time."

Song Wanzhou's tired voice from the headset reached Song Jing's ears, and he frowned, his tone unchanged, "Could it be that brother called so early because he missed me?"

Song Wanzhou paused for a moment, his eyes were a little red, and with a nasal voice, he said, "Well, I miss you very much."

Only when facing Song Jing can Song Wanzhou temporarily forget the heavy responsibility on his shoulders, take a breath from the depressed emotions, and chat with Song Jing casually as usual.

I don't know when, in Song Wanzhou's heart, Song Jing is no longer just the little tail who only likes to stick behind him, but another independent individual, someone who can bring a sense of security to those around him. man.

When talking to Song Jing, Song Wanzhou would unconsciously soften his tone and speak to the other party on an equal footing.

He thought, probably tasted the sweetness of relying on others, and began to become greedy.

"Brother, I miss you too." Song Jing began to check in the ticket and board the plane, the corners of his mouth could not help but rippling, and his eyes under the sunglasses narrowed into slits with a smile, "Did brother ask for leave today?"

Song Wanzhou slipped her hand casually along the seam of her trousers, "Not yet."

"This is not my brother's style." Song Jing handed the ticket to the ticket inspector, and made a booing gesture at him, "Is my brother in a bad mood today?"

Song Wanzhou usually would not take the initiative to call him, let alone it is still his normal working hours.From the first sentence Song Wanzhou said, Song Jing felt that Song Wanzhou's mood seemed not right, as if something was hidden in his heart, even if the other party tried his best to control him, he could still hear a trace of depression in his tone .That's why Song Jing deliberately asked some questions that Song Wanzhou was not usually willing to answer to test him.

Song Wanzhou's eyes were half down, and he blinked his slender eyelashes twice, "Well, a little bit."

The door of the ward opened from the inside, and He Yu's mother came out, "Ms. Song..."

"Xiaojing, I have something to do here, let's talk tonight." Song Wanzhou didn't have time to hear Song Jing's reply, so he hung up the call hastily.

Before he had time to say goodbye to Song Wanzhou, the call was cut off, just as the flight attendant came to remind him to turn off the phone, Song Jing looked at the phone screen with Song Wanzhou's secret photo as the background, slightly raised the corners of his mouth, and smiled Laughing, "Then see you tonight."

Noticing Song Wanzhou's gentle voice during the call, He Yu's mother asked shyly, "Mr. Song, did I interrupt your chat with your girlfriend?"

"No." Song Wanzhou didn't want to expose her vulnerable side to the students' parents.He rubbed his reddened eyes hard, put away the tiredness on his face, slowly lifted his face to her and pulled the corner of his mouth lightly, showing a reassuring smile, "I just cared a few words, it doesn't affect."

He Yu's mother brushed back the disheveled hair on her forehead and said apologetically, "Please trouble Mr. Song with He Yu's matter, and his father will come over as soon as possible. The school's formalities are waiting for us to handle He Yu's affairs." Let’s deal with the aftermath.”

Song Wanzhou stood up and asked seriously, "Mother He Yu, can I chat with you?"

The hospital is crowded with people, it is not a place suitable for chatting, Song Wanzhou took He Yu's mother to a small noodle shop nearby.

He pushed the untouched beef noodles on the table in front of her, poured her a glass of warm water, and said softly, "Mother He Yu, eat some."

He Yu's mother called out, "Teacher Song." Her hand holding the water glass trembled slightly, and she took a couple of nervous sips, her eyes flickering, hesitating, not knowing how to speak, "He Yu...you think he is a Good boy?"

He Yu's mother refused to eat, and Song Wanzhou didn't move her chopsticks either.

He glanced at the oily soup, raised his eyes, met the other party's hesitant eyes, and slightly parted his thin lips, "Mother He Yu, He Yu has always been a good boy." Seeing the other party's still embarrassed expression, he continued: "He has good grades and gets along well with friends. Everyone likes him very much. To be honest, no one would have thought that He Yu would choose to commit suicide."

"He Yu's mother, I'm sorry to ask you, how is the relationship between He Yu and you at home?"

He Yu's mother is much stronger than the parents of other students whom Song Wanzhou has received. She always forces herself to maintain a good appearance in front of outsiders, even if she is sad, she doesn't show it on her face.

She thought for a while and said, "Mr. Song, I know what you want to ask."

"He Yu used to be very affectionate with us. Since that incident, he and his father have had a lot of quarrels, and he doesn't usually go home. Two days ago, the school needed to hand in the documents. He came back to get them, but his father was also at home. The two father and son quarreled again."

"Can you tell me specifically what it is?" Song Wanzhou asked.

He Yu's mother showed embarrassment, looked around, and sighed, "He Yu likes men. He is a man in his 30s. He broke up once before and got back together later. When the two of them were dating outside , I happened to be bumped into by his dad's colleague. My dad and I are both teachers, and we passed it on to each other. Many students and teachers in our school knew about it. After calling He Yu home, he immediately lost his temper and locked him into the bedroom, forcing him to confess, and also said that he would be locked up at home until he was cured before going to class."

"At that time, he was still a high school student. After all, he couldn't screw his dad. He wrote a letter of guarantee and let him go. His dad thought the matter would be settled in this way, but the news that He Yu was with that man some time ago reached our ears again. inside."

"Ms. Song, we are just a traditional family. We can't accept that a child likes the same sex, not to mention that the other party is so much older than him. How can you let us feel at ease?" He Yu's mother gradually began to cry, "Who knew..."

When He Yu's mother mentioned the word homosexuality, Song Wanzhou's throat tightened suddenly, the words were stuck in the throat, and he couldn't get up or down.

Looking back at his memory, he seemed to have returned to those embarrassing days.

"He Yu's mother, do you think it's a disease for He Yu to like boys?"